Dismal Angel 2010 - Episode 25

Chapter 2: Cheap

Rogue parked her truck in the mansions garage, the garage was in darkness save the headlights and a very dim light that indicated where the door into the mansion was. She turned the engine off, slipped her keys out and dropped them into her bag. The Garage plunged back into darkness again, the light near the door not even reaching her truck. Rogue was silent, unsure if she should speak or not.

Remy put out the cigarette he'd been smoking in the passenger door ashtray, and he turned and looked at her, his intense eyes glowed slightly red in the darkness. She remembered once having been chilled to the bone seeing his eyes this way, but now, she didn't mind at all.

"Thanks…for a lovely evening," Rogue finally said, she chewed her lip, "I…would have paid for half the bill, but…I don't know, my purse was gone," she added curiously, she gave her bag another quick search, but no, it was definitely gone. She pondered if Carol might have taken it, she began to worry about this quite a bit.

Remy shrugged, "I don't mind. I got enough money for both of us," he said, he placed his hand on her leg, the thin fabric of the dress between their skin.

Rogue felt apprehension growing, why was he coming on so strong all of a sudden? Was this another one of those games he liked to play? Get her interested and then decide to back out when it got too hot for him? It always seemed that when she felt slightly lustful towards him, he seemed to back away, that had been the way it had been the last time, he'd been somewhat unsure. Now, he seemed pretty damn sure, and that made Rogue very uneasy.

In fact, there was something else that made Rogue uneasy, but she just couldn't place it, it almost felt unsafe when he touched her. She'd noticed it earlier tonight, but it hadn't been so strong. Now there was a horrible nagging feeling within her – like the warning of a red flashing light.

Rogue gently brushed his hand away from her leg, "I still haven't been to see the professor yet. I was getting ready and Jean came to the door asking me to see him…I should probably do that now."

He leaned in a little, murmured near her ear, she felt his hair – which was down to his chin – brush slightly against her bare shoulder and it made her shiver both in slight anticipation, and delight, "he can wait," he said, his breath hot on her ear.

"Please don't lean so close," Rogue flinched away.

"You never minded gettin' so close before…" Remy confessed, "in fact, before Carol took over your body, you had your hand around me," he reminded. "You seemed to be gettin' pretty into it too…"

Rogue had forgotten, but the memory came flooding back suddenly, how passionate it had all seemed, now she felt rather foolish, "Look, I was just…I don't know, trying to make you feel better about blowing the mission," she said, although she wasn't particularly sure if that were true.

Remy blinked, and sat back in his seat again, "huh," he said, not a question but more of a general comment.

"What…?" she asked, turning to look at him. The look on his face was a cross between devastated and dubious.

"Nothing," Remy uttered, he reached over and opened the door to leave the truck, he seemed rather intent to drop the subject, but Rogue would rather not let it drop, something was wrong with what she'd said, and she couldn't understand what.

"No, what…?" Rogue asked, she reached out and grabbed onto the sleeve of his brown leather jacket to stop him.

Remy took a deep breath, he stopped, sitting halfway inside the car with his legs dangling out, "I just…I don't know, that makes me feel kind of…cheap," he added, the word 'cheap' made his mouth feel strange. It wasn't a word he would associate with himself – no matter how lecherous he'd been in his sordid past.

"C'mon, Remy, how can you say I make you feel cheap? With the amount of whores you've screwed and the things you've done in the sack, I'd think you'd be used to that by now."

The words had come out of Rogue's mouth before she'd even realised what she'd been saying, but she immediately felt horrified. She'd said it so horribly coldly that it made her clamp her hand to her mouth in complete dismay at herself. She had no idea where the words had come from either. It was something she was almost sure she had meant to think to herself, and not say out loud to hurt him. This wasn't the kind of thing you should say to someone you loved, and she was quite aware she'd crossed the line.

Remy gaped at her, "Well…if that's how you feel…" he got out of the car, slamming the door behind himself.

Rogue climbed out quickly, tumbling out, she tried to pull the bust of her dress up as she ran after him, "wait! I didn't mean that!"

"Then what did you mean…?" He demanded turning to her, "one night was all I wanted, one night, without us fighting, without us worrying, without…I don't know…anything happening that was going to hurt either of us…"

"I don't know why I said it, it just…came out…I thought you'd think it was a joke," she lied, her eyes wide.

Remy shook his head, "No…the way you said it, you meant it, I heard the tone of your voice, I saw the look in your eyes…even after all this time you still don't trust me, you still resent everything I've done in my life…"

"No, I don't resent anything. Look, what's in the past is in the past, we've both done things we regret…" she tried to console.

"Yeah, then what are yours!?" he asked coldly, the hurt still evident in his dark eyes as he stood half lit by the light by the door. "The things that I don't know about you that you regret!?!"

Rogue faltered, "I-I-I…don't know! I'm just trying to make you feel better…" she tried, she looked at him pleadingly.

"I don't need sympathy sex and I don't need sympathetic comments, okay?!" he frowned.

"Then what do you need?" she asked.

"I don't know…" he lowered his voice, their yelling had been echoing over the garage. He had to stop and ask himself why they were yelling at each other.

"Is this sexual frustration or something?" Rogue asked, raising an eyebrow, "because…I don't know, you look pissed."

"I don't know what it is, Rogue," he said coldly, "maybe it's the fact that you still bring up all my mistakes every time we're together that I'll never forget anything, and spend the rest of forever regretting the things I've done in this life instead of LIVING it."

"Remy, I'm sorry, okay, I'm sorry…" she said softly. "Look, I'm on edge, we both are…things have happened," she explained. "I'm raw, my emotions are a little…I don't know, sensitive…" she moved closer, "I think yours are too…"

Remy tried to calm himself down, he wasn't sure why her comment had touched a nerve the way it had done, it had left him feeling very shameful, and far dirtier than what she'd told him about the night he'd kissed her.

"Why is this hurting you so much?" Rogue asked, she saw it in his eyes again, emotion, stronger than she'd noticed before.

"Maybe it's that when you touched me, I was so in love with you I was already willing to risk my life just to taste one kiss…and wow, what'd you tell me? Oh, It was a pity handjob."

"It wasn't a pity handjob," Rogue lowered her voice in case someone in the mansion might hear. The last thing she needed was for students and colleagues alike to know intimate details of her sexlife, half-sexlife, or lack thereof. "It was just…you were upset, I thought I could take your mind off of it. We were already going to fool around that night, you know that."

"You seem to be having no problem remembering now," Remy uttered coldly.

"It's coming back to me," Rogue admitted, she sighed.

There was a moment's silence after this, they stood looking at each other, Rogue couldn't find the words anymore to say she was sorry, because what she'd said had been so horrible that she was sure there weren't enough words in the world to apologise to him.

Remy looked away from her, he was staring at the floor, his hair hung in his face. He was half silhouetted in the soft lighting, one half of him looking somewhat vulnerable, almost childlike, the other half, mysterious.

She faltered again, unsure of how to begin to try and amend this, "I…"

"I don't want to hear it, Rogue," Remy stated firmly, interrupting, he did not look to at her anymore, he hid behind his hair, in much the same way she used to herself.

Rogue understood then just how angry he was, because he always seemed to favour calling her Chere at any other time. "But I just—" she tried to say.

"You explained yourself already, I don't want to hear more," Remy reached out and opened the door into the mansion, he was about to leave then stopped, his back was turned to her, his shoulders sank, as if in defeat. "I love you, y'know," he said, his voice full of emotion, "I've loved you non the less throughout these years…" he sighed, his shoulders sunk even more, "but I'd rather know now if I'm just wasting my time loving you when there are still things you can't come to terms with about me…" he glanced over his shoulder at her finally, his eyes glittering in the soft light.

Rogue opened her mouth to speak but felt like the words would not follow.

"Why spend all the time you did lookin' for me, when you know nothin' has changed…" he gripped the door hard, his knuckles turning white, "if you can't accept that…then there's no point in bein' together, is there?"

Rogue stood, dumbfounded, was he breaking up with her again? She wasn't sure, and she couldn't get any other words out now, she just felt too mortified with the whole situation.

Remy took another deep breath and sighed, the sigh felt as if it came deep from the heart, as if his heart was trying to exhale the ache out like too much air. Without another word, he left her standing alone in the Garage.