Invenio Veritas
By penpunk
Disclaimer: If I owned Harry Potter, would it make much sense for me to write fan fiction about my own characters? Nope, because then I could make money, but unfortunately I don't own Harry Potter. I DO own a 1989 Buick Lesabre if that counts for anything.
(a/n): I'd like to thank you all for being very patient with me. Finally, Severus and Harry talk!
Chapter 19: Thanks Enough
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"Come in."
Remus poked his head around the corner of Dumbledore's office door.
"Ah, Remus," said Dumbledore, standing up from his chair. "What can I do for you?"
"Sorry to bother you, Albus," said Remus as he took a seat in front of Dumbledore's desk.
"Oh, not at all Remus," said Dumbledore. He usual warm smile fell slightly as he watched Remus shift nervously in his seat. "Is something wrong?"
Remus looked up suddenly. He started to answer but stopped. He tried again, but still the words weren't going to come out right.
"I, uh. . . well. . ."
"Yes?"
Remus took a deep breath before he started again
"It's about Harry."
"Really?"
"Uh," said Remus as he scratched the back of his neck. "Merlin, this is harder than I thought."
"It's alright Remus," said Dumbledore with a smile. "I have all night."
"Albus, you know Sirius' feelings for Harry," said Remus, finally finding his words.
"Yes, I do."
"Well, I have those same feelings for Harry as well. If anything ever happened to him, I would probably react the same way Sirius would."
"Yes, I agree. You probably would."
"Well, I was talking with Severus a few days ago and something came up in conversation that I though you should know about."
"Severus?"
"Yes," said Remus as he straightened in his chair. "He admitted to me that he wished Harry had never found out who his real father was."
"I see," said Dumbledore, his facial expression turning grave.
"Now, naturally I was angered by this statement, but it's what he said after that that made me the most angry. He said I wasn't to tell anyone about this. He wasn't going to tell Harry that he has no fatherly feelings for him at all. I swear to Merlin if this has a drastic effect on Harry, Snape will pay."
"Now, now," said Dumbledore as he raised an ancient hand at Remus, "there must be a reason for a statement like that. Severus is not one to take situations like this lightly, nor does he make himself vulnerable to his own feelings. I will talk with him as soon as possible. Does anyone else know about this?"
"Not that I know of," said Remus as he shook his head. "Severus is still alive so obviously Sirius doesn't know."
"True," said Dumbledore as he rested his chin on his folded hands. "Is there anything else you wished to speak to me about?"
"No, that's all," Remus took a deep breath as if a heavy weight had been taken off his shoulders.
"That you for sharing this with me. It will be taken care of right away."
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Severus looked up suddenly from his research as he heard a knock on his door. He jumped up anxiously, hoping that maybe his son would be on the other side. He opened the door to find the headmaster instead.
"Albus, what do I owe this pleasure to?" asked Severus as he allowed Dumbledore to walk into his private chambers.
"I just finished talking to Remus," said Albus as he turned to face his Potions' master. Severus grew apprehensive, knowing exactly what they had talked about. "He told me quite an interesting story."
"Did he?" asked Severus dryly.
"What on earth possessed you to say that Severus?" asked Dumbledore with a saddened look on his face.
"So many reasons, so little time," said Severus as he waved his hand dismissively.
"I hardly think this is a joking matter," said Dumbledore. He sat down in one of the armchairs and began to massage his ancient face. "Why? Were you angry for some reason? Did you say it out of anger?"
"No."
"Then why? Is it even true?"
"Well, I guess I could claim that it isn't, but unfortunately, Harry already knows."
"What? Did you tell him?"
"No," said Severus as he stood in front of the fireplace, resting his arms on the ornate mantle piece. "He overheard the conversation I had with Lupin."
Severus could hear Dumbledore mumble "Merlin" as he massaged his face again.
"I don't see the problem, Albus," said Severus as he turned sharply around and crossed his arms. "As a matter of fact, I see absolutely nothing wrong with this situation."
Dumbledore's head shot out of his hands suddenly at this comment. His face was hard to read but the dominant expression was most definitely disappointment.
"Severus, please explain," said Dumbledore in a perturbed tone.
Severus sighed deeply and walked away from Dumbledore, stopping at the far wall of his chambers. He hung his head slightly before turning and facing the headmaster.
"At first, I thought everything would work out. I was uncharacteristically optimistic, you could say. But now I realize that I am the worse possible thing that could have happened to the boy. It's not that I don't care for him," said Severus as he started to pace. "In fact, he's one of the few people in my life that I do care about. It's my feelings for him that drove me to that wish. If our situation was different, I would have never said such a thing, but our situation is far from safe. He is not safe."
"What on earth do you mean?" asked Dumbledore with a look of confusion.
"Open your eyes Albus. I'm not meant to be anyone's father. I feel immense guilt because of it."
"Why?"
"Dammit Albus! I'm not the one he should be looking up to! I feel guilt for taking away the shining image Harry had of his father. I'm not the brave, popular Gryffindor quidditch captain. I'm not the perfect brilliant head boy with the perfect life. And the minute he found out the truth, that image was ripped away and replaced. . . with. . .with. . ." Severus stopped pacing and sat down on his overstuffed leather couch. He dropped his head into his hands and sighed heavily. "What sort of father am I? I'm a spy. I was a deatheater. I still am. I may work for the light, the mark on my arm says otherwise."
"Severus, you are not the person you were fifteen, sixteen years ago."
"Does it matter? I still live with my memories. I will always live with my memories."
"It is in the past, Severus. THE PAST! It has no holding on the person you are now and it should not affect how you conduct yourself. It should not affect your son."
"It will affect me as long as I still answer the summons."
"It should still not affect your relationship with your son."
"But it does. In more ways than one. This relationship is dangerous. I'm putting him in danger."
"He was in danger already Severus. The name Snape gives him some degree of protection. More than Potter ever gave him."
"Yes, protection for now. What if I'm discovered? Voldemort does not just kill one person, he kills whole families."
"And this is why you wished he never found out?"
"Yes, there are more reason, but they all have to do with what I said already. Albus, don't you see? Harry shouldn't be left in my care. If fact, he should be kept away from people like me."
"And what brought about this idea Severus. What made you change your mind."
"Voldemort has an interest in 'Alex.' I don't tell him anything unless he asks, by Malfoy keeps getting information from his son. I'm scared Albus. For the first time in years, I'm scared out of my mind."
"Which is why you need someone. You've kept to yourself for far too long Severus. Harry wants you to accept him. He wants it more than anything."
"I have tried to be a father to him," said Severus pleadingly. "I have really tried, but I cannot put him in danger any longer."
"It's a little late for that. Whether he is Harry or Alex, he is in danger. We all are in fact. It's just your job to protect him."
"Its too late," said Severus as he stood up to resume his pacing. "I've ruined our relationship and I see no way of fixing it."
"Have you tried talking to him?"
Severus nodded.
"He won't talk to me. I asked Weasley to ask him. I try to catch him after class, but he won't acknowledge me. I even gave him the silver ring I gave Lily. He won't even look me in the eye. I've lost him Albus."
Dumbledore stood and walked over to Severus, placing a hand on his shoulder.
"You haven't lost him Severus," said Albus with a slight smile. "You've merely misplaced him. All you need to do is to work to find him again."
Severus looked at Dumbledore for a moment before dropping his head and nodding.
"The quidditch match between Gryffindor and Ravenclaw is tomorrow. Perhaps you can speak to him afterwards."
"I'll try Albus," said Severus with a sigh. "Merlin knows what I'll tell him."
"The truth is a great jumping off point," said Dumbledore. He took his hand off of Severus' shoulder and walked past him, towards the door. As he passed the table Severus had been working at, he turned around.
"And for goodness sake Severus," said Dumbledore with a slight grin. "It's a Friday night. Quit working and have a little fun!"
Severus shot Dumbledore a dark look before the old man walked out the door.
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"Good afternoon everyone and welcome to the first quidditch match of the season: Gryffindor versus Ravenclaw!"
Equally loud cheers followed Lee Jordan's voice from each side of the pitch. The October afternoon was filled with sunshine and the crisp smell of turning leaves.
"Today is bound to be an exciting match between these two teams. Even more exciting is the Gryffindor's new and slightly odd line up. This year we have record breaking three Weasleys on the team as fifth year Ron Weasley joins the squad as chaser, playing along with Alicia Spinnet and Angelina Johnson. As always, Fred and George Weasley will be taking care of the beating and both are captains for this year's squad. In the biggest surprise of this season, the keeper position has been taken over by Harry Potter, the reason for this unknown. Finally, making his debut as seeker, Alex Snape. We'll just have to wait and see how this mix up affects the team. This year for the Ravenclaws. . ."
Severus sat in one of the teacher bleacher sections and watched the two teams warm up. In the mixture of red and blue streaks, he could make out Harry's figure. His flying skills were unmatched by anyone on the pitch. Severus just hoped that Black was as good a flyer as Harry.
"Ah, I though I'd find you here Severus."
The Potions Master looked to his left and saw the headmaster sitting down next to him.
"I wouldn't want to miss Alex's first quidditch match would I?" said Severus genuinely.
"Does it bother you to cheer for Gryffindor?" asked Dumbledore with a smile.
"I never said I was cheering for Gryffindor. I'm cheering for my son."
"Your son."
Severus looked at the headmaster bemusedly. His attention was then drawn to the sound of the match starting.
"Madam Hooch has released the Snitch and bludgers. And the quaffle is up! Let the match begin!"
Harry tried to follow the snitch with his eyes, but it was out of site by the time the quaffle had been released. He decided to circle the pitch a few times before coming to a stop near the Gryffindor goal posts. He looked over at Sirius, who had a wide grin on his face.
"How's it going Harry?" shouted the real Harry. Sirius turned at the sound of his voice and gave Harry a thumbs up. Harry laughed and continued to circle the pitch to keep a look out for the snitch.
"And Weasley has the quaffle. He passes to Spinnet. Spinnet to Johnson. And back to Weasley. Wow, this Chaser trio has certainly been practicing. Weasley is heading straight for the Ravenclaw goal and, he passes back to Johnson, Score! Gryffindor's draw first blood, now leading 10 points to zero. Quaffle is passed to Hartshaw who starts his way down to the Gryffindor goal, ready to challenge the new keeper, Harry Potter."
"Mr. Weasley sure knows how to fly," said Dumbledore as he clapped for the Gryffindor goal.
"Yes, well pity that's the only thing he's good at," said Severus dismissively.
"I don't see why you are so hard on the Gryffindors Severus. They are your son's friends."
"And your point is?"
Dumbledore sighed heavily before turning his attention back to the game.
"Gotham passes the quaffle back to Hartshaw who goes up for the goal."
Hartshaw, a fourth year chaser for the Ravenclaws, sped towards Sirius with quaffle in hand. "Harry" set himself for the shot, which Hartshaw readily took. Sirius dove for the ball, almost falling off his broom in the process, but came up with the quaffle.
"And Potter comes up with the sni- I mean quaffle. I need to get used to saying that."
Harry cheered for Sirius as his godfather passed the quaffle off to Ron. Ron took and sped off toward the other goal. Fred and George flew to Ron's side and the three began to weave up and down in and out. The Ravenclaws tried to get the quaffle but swerved out of the way of Fred and George's bludgers. The three made it to the end of the pitch untouched. The Ravenclaw keeper, Keira Moon, tried to keep track of the three red heads but in the end, Ron scored on her easily.
"And that, ladies and gentlemen, is the Weasley Weave at it's finest. Gryffindor now leads 20 to 0."
Harry clapped for his best friend but was almost taken out by a bludger sent his way by one of the Ravenclaw beaters. He decided to start circulating the pitch again. He turned to look for Cho Chang, the Ravenclaw seeker. She was also circulating the pitch. She seemed to be watching "Alex" as well. Suddenly, a glint of gold caught Harry's eye. He shot forward and went into a dive.
"Wait, I think Snape has seen the snitch. He's diving. . . he's going to hit the ground!"
"He's going to hit the ground!" shouted Ron and Sirius simultaneously.
"He's going to hit," said Severus as he stood up.
"I'm going to hit!" thought Harry. He took his eye off the snitch and pulled up from the dive, his toes just barely dragging in the grass. The crowd, who had been holding their breath, exploded with relieved cheers.
Severus let out a deep breath and sat back down.
"He is one heck of a flyer Severus," said Dumbledore with a relieved smile. "He must get that from you."
"I wasn't that great a flyer Albus," said Severus as he watched Harry take a position overlooking the entire pitch.
"I have to disagree. When you were seeker, Slytherin won three quidditch cups in a row!"
"Yeah, until Jen Court became Gryffindor seeker."
"Jen Court? Oh, I remember her. She was Remus' long time girlfriend, I believe."
Severus nodded.
"We didn't win after that. I was too slow."
"You were not Severus. You were an amazing flyer."
"Gotham scores. Gryffindors still lead 20 to 10."
Harry took his eyes from the Gryffindor end of the pitch and glanced over to the stands. He could see his father talking with Dumbledore. He knew he couldn't avoid talking with his father forever, and he obviously wanted to talk, since he was following Harry everywhere.
'You're just imagining things Harry,' the little annoying voice popped in again. 'He doesn't want you. He said it himself.'
Harry shook off the thought and tried to gain back his game focus. And he gained it back just in time. He saw the familiar glint of gold hovering around the bottom of the pitch at the Gryffindor end of the field. He shot forward with a burst of speed. He flew lower and lower until he was a few feet off the ground. He reached out a hand and sped up to get closer to the snitch. The crowd went silent.
"Snape reaches for the Snitch and. . . he's got it! Alex Snape has the snitch. Gryffindor wins One hundred and seventy to ten!"
Harry grasped the gold ball in his hand and raised it for everyone to see. As he started to land, a bludger hurtled towards him and hit him square in the chest. He was knocked backwards off his broom and thrown to the ground. He didn't get up. He didn't move at all.
"Oh no," muttered Severus as he scrambled out of his seat and out of the booth.
Ron, Sirius, and the rest of the Gryffindor team and along with the entire Ravenclaw team, flew down to where Harry had landed. Sirius jumped off his broom and ran to Harry's side.
"Alex?" said Sirius as he shook Harry's shoulder gently. Harry didn't respond.
"Out of my way!" the two teams turned at the sound of Snape's voice. Severus ran down to Harry's side. "Alex? Alex, can you hear me?"
No response.
Severus took out his wand and muttered "enervate." Harry's long, dark lashes fluttered open slowly. Severus breathed a sigh of relief as his son started to move. Harry started to sit up, but gasped in pain, a hand shot to his chest. Severus took Harry's hand off his chest and felt the bones underneath. Harry squirmed under the pain.
"Broken ribs," said Severus. He summoned a stretcher and placed Harry's body on it. "It's alright Alex. I'm here."
Severus levitated the stretcher and started to walk back up to the castle, the Gryffindor team following behind him.
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"How is he Poppy?" asked Dumbledore as he looked towards the back of the hospital wing.
"Alex? He's fine. A few broken ribs and a pretty nasty concussion, but he'll be fine by Monday. He's back there with his father if you'd like to see him," said the nurse as she took a seat by a sick first year Hufflepuff.
Dumbledore craned his neck to see Severus' silhouette next to Harry's bed. He smiled and looked back at the nurse.
"No, thank you Poppy. I'm sure he'll be fine," Dumbledore glanced back briefly before turning and walking out of the hospital wing.
Severus sat by Harry's bed, watching his son's sleeping figure. He fell asleep shortly after arriving to the hospital wing. Madam Pomfrey explained that it was because of his concussion and gave Harry a potion that would allow him to remain asleep without it causing any damage to his head. Severus smoothed a few loose locks of Harry's hair out of his face as the boy began to stir. His green eyes fluttered open and struggled to focus. He started to get up, but the pain his ribs caused him stopped him from doing so.
"Madam Pomfrey fixed your broken ribs but she said they'd be sore for a while," said Severus. Harry turned his head to Severus and a look of abhor grew on his face.
"What are you doing here?" hissed Harry as he rolled over to his other side, away from Severus. Severus winced at the sound of Harry's cold voice and sighed with frustration.
"I brought you up here after you fell from your broom. You were amazing today, by the way."
"Yeah, and what do you care? Don't you have some potions to play with?"
"No, I've been up here with you for the last four hours," said Severus as he looked down at his watch. The statement came out colder than Severus was intending.
"Funny, I though people only did that for someone they actually cared about."
The last statement did the trick. Severus had sat for the last four hours contemplating what he would say to Harry. What ever he was going to say went out the window and Severus started pouring himself out to Harry.
"I do care about you! Don't ever think that I don't."
Harry rolled back over onto his back and looked up at Severus.
"You sure have a funny way of showing it. Why did you tell Professor Lupin all those things?"
"Well, I won't deny the truth in what I said, but I said it for a reason."
Harry's hopeful face fell at this and he started to roll back over. Severus stopped him.
"I felt guilty. I still do. I feel guilty for taking away the image you had of your father. I know how much you looked up to James. I'm sorry you can't do the same to me. And with everything else that has happened, I just thought I was doing you more harm than good. You're closer to Voldemort than you'd like to be, and that's my fault. I just thought that your life would be much better if you had never found out," Severus looked away, to scared to see the look on Harry's face.
"So you want to be my father? You only wished I'd never found out because you thought I was unhappy?"
Severus nodded.
Harry thought about what he had just heard. Now he felt bad. He didn't even give his father a chance to explain himself. Now he was the cause of someone else's unhappiness. He looked over at his father, who was looking away from him. Harry thought for a moment, then cautiously placed his hand on top of Severus', which was resting on his knee. Severus was brought out of his thoughts as thin fingers embraced his own hand. He looked back at Harry, who had a series of unreadable emotions in his eyes. He looked down at his hand, which was being squeezed by his son's hand. His son.
"I'm sorry I didn't let you explain," said Harry as he looked away. "I'm sorry-."
"Don't," said Severus as he took Harry's hand and embraced it between his two hands. "You shouldn't have to be sorry for anything. Your reaction to everything was completely natural and I don't blame you for behaving the way you did. I'd think something was wrong if you reacted any other way."
Harry looked away and nodded. In his mind, he was doing a little victory dance around the annoying voice in his head, which slowly faded away by the truth.
Severus let go of Harry's hand and stood up. He turned to walk away, but was stopped by a hand that reached up and grabbed the back of his robes. Severus turned around.
"Wait, uh, do you have to go? Can't you stay for a little while?" asked Harry nervously. He had somehow managed to sit up in bed.
"I wish I could, but Madam Pomfrey keeps threatening me," said Severus with a smile.
"Oh," said Harry. "Alright then. Good night."
Severus looked to the front of the hospital wing and saw the nurse rocking back and forth in an old rocking chair, trying to keep herself awake.
"But I don't think a few minutes will hurt anything," said Severus as he sat next to Harry on the hospital bed. Harry smiled. He looked away and then down at his hands.
"Thank you," muttered Harry.
"For what?" asked Severus as he looked down at Harry. Harry looked up at him.
"For wanting to be my dad."
Severus didn't know what to say. How do you respond to a statement like that? He did the only thing he thought would be appropriate. He turned and wrapped an arm around Harry's shoulder.
"No thanks is needed," said Severus. "Having you is thanks enough."
Severus was shocked by his own words. He had never muttered anything remotely similar to anyone ever. His heart had never allowed him to. He was even more shocked when he felt two arms wrap around his chest and a head rest on his shoulder. He looked down at Harry and brought his other arm around the boy, embracing him with all he was capable without hurting him. Harry hugged his father with all his injured body would let him, but it was enough for Severus. Dumbledore said all he had to do was work to find his son again.
He had.
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TBC. . .
Was is worth the wait? I hope so! All the reviews saying that I needed to hurry up and fix things between the two made me write a little faster. See what you all are doing to me? I really do listen to your reviews. If you don't like something, or you want to see something, let me know!
Hmm. . . what's going to happen next? You'll all have to wait and see!
Thanks for reviewing!
By penpunk
Disclaimer: If I owned Harry Potter, would it make much sense for me to write fan fiction about my own characters? Nope, because then I could make money, but unfortunately I don't own Harry Potter. I DO own a 1989 Buick Lesabre if that counts for anything.
(a/n): I'd like to thank you all for being very patient with me. Finally, Severus and Harry talk!
Chapter 19: Thanks Enough
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"Come in."
Remus poked his head around the corner of Dumbledore's office door.
"Ah, Remus," said Dumbledore, standing up from his chair. "What can I do for you?"
"Sorry to bother you, Albus," said Remus as he took a seat in front of Dumbledore's desk.
"Oh, not at all Remus," said Dumbledore. He usual warm smile fell slightly as he watched Remus shift nervously in his seat. "Is something wrong?"
Remus looked up suddenly. He started to answer but stopped. He tried again, but still the words weren't going to come out right.
"I, uh. . . well. . ."
"Yes?"
Remus took a deep breath before he started again
"It's about Harry."
"Really?"
"Uh," said Remus as he scratched the back of his neck. "Merlin, this is harder than I thought."
"It's alright Remus," said Dumbledore with a smile. "I have all night."
"Albus, you know Sirius' feelings for Harry," said Remus, finally finding his words.
"Yes, I do."
"Well, I have those same feelings for Harry as well. If anything ever happened to him, I would probably react the same way Sirius would."
"Yes, I agree. You probably would."
"Well, I was talking with Severus a few days ago and something came up in conversation that I though you should know about."
"Severus?"
"Yes," said Remus as he straightened in his chair. "He admitted to me that he wished Harry had never found out who his real father was."
"I see," said Dumbledore, his facial expression turning grave.
"Now, naturally I was angered by this statement, but it's what he said after that that made me the most angry. He said I wasn't to tell anyone about this. He wasn't going to tell Harry that he has no fatherly feelings for him at all. I swear to Merlin if this has a drastic effect on Harry, Snape will pay."
"Now, now," said Dumbledore as he raised an ancient hand at Remus, "there must be a reason for a statement like that. Severus is not one to take situations like this lightly, nor does he make himself vulnerable to his own feelings. I will talk with him as soon as possible. Does anyone else know about this?"
"Not that I know of," said Remus as he shook his head. "Severus is still alive so obviously Sirius doesn't know."
"True," said Dumbledore as he rested his chin on his folded hands. "Is there anything else you wished to speak to me about?"
"No, that's all," Remus took a deep breath as if a heavy weight had been taken off his shoulders.
"That you for sharing this with me. It will be taken care of right away."
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Severus looked up suddenly from his research as he heard a knock on his door. He jumped up anxiously, hoping that maybe his son would be on the other side. He opened the door to find the headmaster instead.
"Albus, what do I owe this pleasure to?" asked Severus as he allowed Dumbledore to walk into his private chambers.
"I just finished talking to Remus," said Albus as he turned to face his Potions' master. Severus grew apprehensive, knowing exactly what they had talked about. "He told me quite an interesting story."
"Did he?" asked Severus dryly.
"What on earth possessed you to say that Severus?" asked Dumbledore with a saddened look on his face.
"So many reasons, so little time," said Severus as he waved his hand dismissively.
"I hardly think this is a joking matter," said Dumbledore. He sat down in one of the armchairs and began to massage his ancient face. "Why? Were you angry for some reason? Did you say it out of anger?"
"No."
"Then why? Is it even true?"
"Well, I guess I could claim that it isn't, but unfortunately, Harry already knows."
"What? Did you tell him?"
"No," said Severus as he stood in front of the fireplace, resting his arms on the ornate mantle piece. "He overheard the conversation I had with Lupin."
Severus could hear Dumbledore mumble "Merlin" as he massaged his face again.
"I don't see the problem, Albus," said Severus as he turned sharply around and crossed his arms. "As a matter of fact, I see absolutely nothing wrong with this situation."
Dumbledore's head shot out of his hands suddenly at this comment. His face was hard to read but the dominant expression was most definitely disappointment.
"Severus, please explain," said Dumbledore in a perturbed tone.
Severus sighed deeply and walked away from Dumbledore, stopping at the far wall of his chambers. He hung his head slightly before turning and facing the headmaster.
"At first, I thought everything would work out. I was uncharacteristically optimistic, you could say. But now I realize that I am the worse possible thing that could have happened to the boy. It's not that I don't care for him," said Severus as he started to pace. "In fact, he's one of the few people in my life that I do care about. It's my feelings for him that drove me to that wish. If our situation was different, I would have never said such a thing, but our situation is far from safe. He is not safe."
"What on earth do you mean?" asked Dumbledore with a look of confusion.
"Open your eyes Albus. I'm not meant to be anyone's father. I feel immense guilt because of it."
"Why?"
"Dammit Albus! I'm not the one he should be looking up to! I feel guilt for taking away the shining image Harry had of his father. I'm not the brave, popular Gryffindor quidditch captain. I'm not the perfect brilliant head boy with the perfect life. And the minute he found out the truth, that image was ripped away and replaced. . . with. . .with. . ." Severus stopped pacing and sat down on his overstuffed leather couch. He dropped his head into his hands and sighed heavily. "What sort of father am I? I'm a spy. I was a deatheater. I still am. I may work for the light, the mark on my arm says otherwise."
"Severus, you are not the person you were fifteen, sixteen years ago."
"Does it matter? I still live with my memories. I will always live with my memories."
"It is in the past, Severus. THE PAST! It has no holding on the person you are now and it should not affect how you conduct yourself. It should not affect your son."
"It will affect me as long as I still answer the summons."
"It should still not affect your relationship with your son."
"But it does. In more ways than one. This relationship is dangerous. I'm putting him in danger."
"He was in danger already Severus. The name Snape gives him some degree of protection. More than Potter ever gave him."
"Yes, protection for now. What if I'm discovered? Voldemort does not just kill one person, he kills whole families."
"And this is why you wished he never found out?"
"Yes, there are more reason, but they all have to do with what I said already. Albus, don't you see? Harry shouldn't be left in my care. If fact, he should be kept away from people like me."
"And what brought about this idea Severus. What made you change your mind."
"Voldemort has an interest in 'Alex.' I don't tell him anything unless he asks, by Malfoy keeps getting information from his son. I'm scared Albus. For the first time in years, I'm scared out of my mind."
"Which is why you need someone. You've kept to yourself for far too long Severus. Harry wants you to accept him. He wants it more than anything."
"I have tried to be a father to him," said Severus pleadingly. "I have really tried, but I cannot put him in danger any longer."
"It's a little late for that. Whether he is Harry or Alex, he is in danger. We all are in fact. It's just your job to protect him."
"Its too late," said Severus as he stood up to resume his pacing. "I've ruined our relationship and I see no way of fixing it."
"Have you tried talking to him?"
Severus nodded.
"He won't talk to me. I asked Weasley to ask him. I try to catch him after class, but he won't acknowledge me. I even gave him the silver ring I gave Lily. He won't even look me in the eye. I've lost him Albus."
Dumbledore stood and walked over to Severus, placing a hand on his shoulder.
"You haven't lost him Severus," said Albus with a slight smile. "You've merely misplaced him. All you need to do is to work to find him again."
Severus looked at Dumbledore for a moment before dropping his head and nodding.
"The quidditch match between Gryffindor and Ravenclaw is tomorrow. Perhaps you can speak to him afterwards."
"I'll try Albus," said Severus with a sigh. "Merlin knows what I'll tell him."
"The truth is a great jumping off point," said Dumbledore. He took his hand off of Severus' shoulder and walked past him, towards the door. As he passed the table Severus had been working at, he turned around.
"And for goodness sake Severus," said Dumbledore with a slight grin. "It's a Friday night. Quit working and have a little fun!"
Severus shot Dumbledore a dark look before the old man walked out the door.
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"Good afternoon everyone and welcome to the first quidditch match of the season: Gryffindor versus Ravenclaw!"
Equally loud cheers followed Lee Jordan's voice from each side of the pitch. The October afternoon was filled with sunshine and the crisp smell of turning leaves.
"Today is bound to be an exciting match between these two teams. Even more exciting is the Gryffindor's new and slightly odd line up. This year we have record breaking three Weasleys on the team as fifth year Ron Weasley joins the squad as chaser, playing along with Alicia Spinnet and Angelina Johnson. As always, Fred and George Weasley will be taking care of the beating and both are captains for this year's squad. In the biggest surprise of this season, the keeper position has been taken over by Harry Potter, the reason for this unknown. Finally, making his debut as seeker, Alex Snape. We'll just have to wait and see how this mix up affects the team. This year for the Ravenclaws. . ."
Severus sat in one of the teacher bleacher sections and watched the two teams warm up. In the mixture of red and blue streaks, he could make out Harry's figure. His flying skills were unmatched by anyone on the pitch. Severus just hoped that Black was as good a flyer as Harry.
"Ah, I though I'd find you here Severus."
The Potions Master looked to his left and saw the headmaster sitting down next to him.
"I wouldn't want to miss Alex's first quidditch match would I?" said Severus genuinely.
"Does it bother you to cheer for Gryffindor?" asked Dumbledore with a smile.
"I never said I was cheering for Gryffindor. I'm cheering for my son."
"Your son."
Severus looked at the headmaster bemusedly. His attention was then drawn to the sound of the match starting.
"Madam Hooch has released the Snitch and bludgers. And the quaffle is up! Let the match begin!"
Harry tried to follow the snitch with his eyes, but it was out of site by the time the quaffle had been released. He decided to circle the pitch a few times before coming to a stop near the Gryffindor goal posts. He looked over at Sirius, who had a wide grin on his face.
"How's it going Harry?" shouted the real Harry. Sirius turned at the sound of his voice and gave Harry a thumbs up. Harry laughed and continued to circle the pitch to keep a look out for the snitch.
"And Weasley has the quaffle. He passes to Spinnet. Spinnet to Johnson. And back to Weasley. Wow, this Chaser trio has certainly been practicing. Weasley is heading straight for the Ravenclaw goal and, he passes back to Johnson, Score! Gryffindor's draw first blood, now leading 10 points to zero. Quaffle is passed to Hartshaw who starts his way down to the Gryffindor goal, ready to challenge the new keeper, Harry Potter."
"Mr. Weasley sure knows how to fly," said Dumbledore as he clapped for the Gryffindor goal.
"Yes, well pity that's the only thing he's good at," said Severus dismissively.
"I don't see why you are so hard on the Gryffindors Severus. They are your son's friends."
"And your point is?"
Dumbledore sighed heavily before turning his attention back to the game.
"Gotham passes the quaffle back to Hartshaw who goes up for the goal."
Hartshaw, a fourth year chaser for the Ravenclaws, sped towards Sirius with quaffle in hand. "Harry" set himself for the shot, which Hartshaw readily took. Sirius dove for the ball, almost falling off his broom in the process, but came up with the quaffle.
"And Potter comes up with the sni- I mean quaffle. I need to get used to saying that."
Harry cheered for Sirius as his godfather passed the quaffle off to Ron. Ron took and sped off toward the other goal. Fred and George flew to Ron's side and the three began to weave up and down in and out. The Ravenclaws tried to get the quaffle but swerved out of the way of Fred and George's bludgers. The three made it to the end of the pitch untouched. The Ravenclaw keeper, Keira Moon, tried to keep track of the three red heads but in the end, Ron scored on her easily.
"And that, ladies and gentlemen, is the Weasley Weave at it's finest. Gryffindor now leads 20 to 0."
Harry clapped for his best friend but was almost taken out by a bludger sent his way by one of the Ravenclaw beaters. He decided to start circulating the pitch again. He turned to look for Cho Chang, the Ravenclaw seeker. She was also circulating the pitch. She seemed to be watching "Alex" as well. Suddenly, a glint of gold caught Harry's eye. He shot forward and went into a dive.
"Wait, I think Snape has seen the snitch. He's diving. . . he's going to hit the ground!"
"He's going to hit the ground!" shouted Ron and Sirius simultaneously.
"He's going to hit," said Severus as he stood up.
"I'm going to hit!" thought Harry. He took his eye off the snitch and pulled up from the dive, his toes just barely dragging in the grass. The crowd, who had been holding their breath, exploded with relieved cheers.
Severus let out a deep breath and sat back down.
"He is one heck of a flyer Severus," said Dumbledore with a relieved smile. "He must get that from you."
"I wasn't that great a flyer Albus," said Severus as he watched Harry take a position overlooking the entire pitch.
"I have to disagree. When you were seeker, Slytherin won three quidditch cups in a row!"
"Yeah, until Jen Court became Gryffindor seeker."
"Jen Court? Oh, I remember her. She was Remus' long time girlfriend, I believe."
Severus nodded.
"We didn't win after that. I was too slow."
"You were not Severus. You were an amazing flyer."
"Gotham scores. Gryffindors still lead 20 to 10."
Harry took his eyes from the Gryffindor end of the pitch and glanced over to the stands. He could see his father talking with Dumbledore. He knew he couldn't avoid talking with his father forever, and he obviously wanted to talk, since he was following Harry everywhere.
'You're just imagining things Harry,' the little annoying voice popped in again. 'He doesn't want you. He said it himself.'
Harry shook off the thought and tried to gain back his game focus. And he gained it back just in time. He saw the familiar glint of gold hovering around the bottom of the pitch at the Gryffindor end of the field. He shot forward with a burst of speed. He flew lower and lower until he was a few feet off the ground. He reached out a hand and sped up to get closer to the snitch. The crowd went silent.
"Snape reaches for the Snitch and. . . he's got it! Alex Snape has the snitch. Gryffindor wins One hundred and seventy to ten!"
Harry grasped the gold ball in his hand and raised it for everyone to see. As he started to land, a bludger hurtled towards him and hit him square in the chest. He was knocked backwards off his broom and thrown to the ground. He didn't get up. He didn't move at all.
"Oh no," muttered Severus as he scrambled out of his seat and out of the booth.
Ron, Sirius, and the rest of the Gryffindor team and along with the entire Ravenclaw team, flew down to where Harry had landed. Sirius jumped off his broom and ran to Harry's side.
"Alex?" said Sirius as he shook Harry's shoulder gently. Harry didn't respond.
"Out of my way!" the two teams turned at the sound of Snape's voice. Severus ran down to Harry's side. "Alex? Alex, can you hear me?"
No response.
Severus took out his wand and muttered "enervate." Harry's long, dark lashes fluttered open slowly. Severus breathed a sigh of relief as his son started to move. Harry started to sit up, but gasped in pain, a hand shot to his chest. Severus took Harry's hand off his chest and felt the bones underneath. Harry squirmed under the pain.
"Broken ribs," said Severus. He summoned a stretcher and placed Harry's body on it. "It's alright Alex. I'm here."
Severus levitated the stretcher and started to walk back up to the castle, the Gryffindor team following behind him.
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"How is he Poppy?" asked Dumbledore as he looked towards the back of the hospital wing.
"Alex? He's fine. A few broken ribs and a pretty nasty concussion, but he'll be fine by Monday. He's back there with his father if you'd like to see him," said the nurse as she took a seat by a sick first year Hufflepuff.
Dumbledore craned his neck to see Severus' silhouette next to Harry's bed. He smiled and looked back at the nurse.
"No, thank you Poppy. I'm sure he'll be fine," Dumbledore glanced back briefly before turning and walking out of the hospital wing.
Severus sat by Harry's bed, watching his son's sleeping figure. He fell asleep shortly after arriving to the hospital wing. Madam Pomfrey explained that it was because of his concussion and gave Harry a potion that would allow him to remain asleep without it causing any damage to his head. Severus smoothed a few loose locks of Harry's hair out of his face as the boy began to stir. His green eyes fluttered open and struggled to focus. He started to get up, but the pain his ribs caused him stopped him from doing so.
"Madam Pomfrey fixed your broken ribs but she said they'd be sore for a while," said Severus. Harry turned his head to Severus and a look of abhor grew on his face.
"What are you doing here?" hissed Harry as he rolled over to his other side, away from Severus. Severus winced at the sound of Harry's cold voice and sighed with frustration.
"I brought you up here after you fell from your broom. You were amazing today, by the way."
"Yeah, and what do you care? Don't you have some potions to play with?"
"No, I've been up here with you for the last four hours," said Severus as he looked down at his watch. The statement came out colder than Severus was intending.
"Funny, I though people only did that for someone they actually cared about."
The last statement did the trick. Severus had sat for the last four hours contemplating what he would say to Harry. What ever he was going to say went out the window and Severus started pouring himself out to Harry.
"I do care about you! Don't ever think that I don't."
Harry rolled back over onto his back and looked up at Severus.
"You sure have a funny way of showing it. Why did you tell Professor Lupin all those things?"
"Well, I won't deny the truth in what I said, but I said it for a reason."
Harry's hopeful face fell at this and he started to roll back over. Severus stopped him.
"I felt guilty. I still do. I feel guilty for taking away the image you had of your father. I know how much you looked up to James. I'm sorry you can't do the same to me. And with everything else that has happened, I just thought I was doing you more harm than good. You're closer to Voldemort than you'd like to be, and that's my fault. I just thought that your life would be much better if you had never found out," Severus looked away, to scared to see the look on Harry's face.
"So you want to be my father? You only wished I'd never found out because you thought I was unhappy?"
Severus nodded.
Harry thought about what he had just heard. Now he felt bad. He didn't even give his father a chance to explain himself. Now he was the cause of someone else's unhappiness. He looked over at his father, who was looking away from him. Harry thought for a moment, then cautiously placed his hand on top of Severus', which was resting on his knee. Severus was brought out of his thoughts as thin fingers embraced his own hand. He looked back at Harry, who had a series of unreadable emotions in his eyes. He looked down at his hand, which was being squeezed by his son's hand. His son.
"I'm sorry I didn't let you explain," said Harry as he looked away. "I'm sorry-."
"Don't," said Severus as he took Harry's hand and embraced it between his two hands. "You shouldn't have to be sorry for anything. Your reaction to everything was completely natural and I don't blame you for behaving the way you did. I'd think something was wrong if you reacted any other way."
Harry looked away and nodded. In his mind, he was doing a little victory dance around the annoying voice in his head, which slowly faded away by the truth.
Severus let go of Harry's hand and stood up. He turned to walk away, but was stopped by a hand that reached up and grabbed the back of his robes. Severus turned around.
"Wait, uh, do you have to go? Can't you stay for a little while?" asked Harry nervously. He had somehow managed to sit up in bed.
"I wish I could, but Madam Pomfrey keeps threatening me," said Severus with a smile.
"Oh," said Harry. "Alright then. Good night."
Severus looked to the front of the hospital wing and saw the nurse rocking back and forth in an old rocking chair, trying to keep herself awake.
"But I don't think a few minutes will hurt anything," said Severus as he sat next to Harry on the hospital bed. Harry smiled. He looked away and then down at his hands.
"Thank you," muttered Harry.
"For what?" asked Severus as he looked down at Harry. Harry looked up at him.
"For wanting to be my dad."
Severus didn't know what to say. How do you respond to a statement like that? He did the only thing he thought would be appropriate. He turned and wrapped an arm around Harry's shoulder.
"No thanks is needed," said Severus. "Having you is thanks enough."
Severus was shocked by his own words. He had never muttered anything remotely similar to anyone ever. His heart had never allowed him to. He was even more shocked when he felt two arms wrap around his chest and a head rest on his shoulder. He looked down at Harry and brought his other arm around the boy, embracing him with all he was capable without hurting him. Harry hugged his father with all his injured body would let him, but it was enough for Severus. Dumbledore said all he had to do was work to find his son again.
He had.
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TBC. . .
Was is worth the wait? I hope so! All the reviews saying that I needed to hurry up and fix things between the two made me write a little faster. See what you all are doing to me? I really do listen to your reviews. If you don't like something, or you want to see something, let me know!
Hmm. . . what's going to happen next? You'll all have to wait and see!
Thanks for reviewing!