Dismal Angel 2010 - Episode 25

Chapter 5: What We Do

Kitty Pryde left the Professor's office with the others, feeling very low indeed. Remy LeBeau caught up with her in the hall. Kitty walked slowly, her ankle was still broken, so running was out of the question.

"You okay?" he asked, he looked at her, he could see the misery etched on her face so clearly, especially in her eyes.

"I wish I was," Kitty responded, "I wish I could be happy for Jean and Scott, I really do. They're the worlds best couple, and they're so in love and all that, they really deserve to be happy – and deserve our happiness for them," she sighed, "But…seeing them together, knowing they have a whole committed relationship and wonderful loving future together only reminds me of two things, I'm boyfriend-less, and I'm pregnant…" she said quite candidly.

Remy nodded, "Yeah. Seeing other people's happiness is sometimes more depressing than I think they realise. They might as well be rubbing their faces in the fact that they're happy, and that we're miserable."

Kitty nodded also, in agreement.

"Being boyfriendless isn't too much of a bad thing, you're only twenty-three years old."

"In June I'll be twenty-three," Kitty shrugged, "but what does age matter?"

"It matters," Remy shrugged, "c'mon, Jean and Scott are, what...?"

"Twenty six and twenty seven," Kitty shrugged, "not that it make's much of a difference…" she added.

"It does. You're being twenty-two means you have LOTS of time to find someone who really loves you."

"I thought Piotr did really love me," Kitty sighed, "and think about it, Remy. Most guys see a girl my age with a kid and they run a mile…there aren't many guys who're going to come running into my arms when I have a baby hanging from nipple."

Remy tried not to picture this, he shook his head at her but slightly smirked nonetheless.

"Anyway, I don't want to talk about it anymore, and I definitely don't want to think about it either, I'm sick of thinking about it…Did Rogue talk to you?" Kitty suddenly asked.

"Yeah, but, I don't know where we stand…we were still in the middle of discussing things when were called down for the announcement," Remy shrugged.

"Where is she?" Kitty asked, looking around.

"She stayed back to speak to the Professor…the Professor has a lot of questions…"

"Did the Professor question you yet?" Kitty asked quietly.

"No, but I have a feeling he will. He's probably suspicious that just out of the blue, Rogue woke up."

"So…you really don't know if you and Rogue will reconcile – again?" Kitty asked, they approached the foyer. She and Remy had been walking so slowly that everyone else had walked off far ahead and disappeared presumably back into their own bedrooms, back to their own lives again.

Remy shrugged, "I really don't know. I don't suppose I can blame her for being a little annoyed about my previous sex life..."

Kitty sighed, she rested her arm against the banister at the bottom of the grand staircase, and looked at him, she wondered if he really would just give in so easily.

Remy sighed too, "Sex…is a funny word, isn't it," he looked down to his feet, "sex…it's a small word for such a big thing. Sex…you've barely said it and you're finished saying it, and just that tiny word means so many things…"

"What are you blabbing about?" Kitty asked.

"Just thinking…I've thought of sex as such a small thing, a minor little detail. It's ironic, isn't it…?" he murmured softly.

"What is?" Kitty stared at him curiously. She wasn't sure what this conversation was leading into, yet this conversation was leaving her feel rather jaded, and she felt almost as if she'd heard it before. It was a strange feeling.

"Rogue is still somewhat a virgin…at least…psychologically," he said quietly, hoping no one would overhear, "yet, she seems to understand the meaning of sex and how important it is and how meaningful it is more than I probably ever will."

Kitty shrugged, "I see what you mean but…I don't know, I mean I always figured that guys were the ones who were supposed to be chauvinistic and self-indulgent where sex was concerned where women were more tuned into the emotional and meaningful aspect of it…"

"Do you think I should forgive her?"

"Of course I do, Remy," Kitty said, as much as she wanted to be there for him, she felt exhaustion settling over her and wanted to lie in bed.

Remy looked back down the hallway towards where the Professor's office was located, "but…she can't forgive me still…and I don't think she ever will..."

"Not every woman has the capacity to forgive and forget. But we have the capacity to just deal with it nonetheless. Listen, for every bad thing that happens to us, for every horrible little truth we know, it stays there in our head, it never goes away. Every now and then, it might come back, like an echo – but like an echo, it'll fade…" she sighed, "Despite it's just fading echoes we deal with it nonetheless," Kitty frowned, "Remy, there is no completely happy ending for everyone. Even Jean and Scott fight from time to time."

"I guess you're right," Remy sighed, "I just…I've been trying to force myself to not fight with her for some time, I just thought maybe we were past it already, I didn't expect it to start the same night she got control of her mind again, y'know?"

Kitty nodded, "I know."

Rogue was sitting in the chair in front of Professor Xavier's desk, she felt rather apprehensive, he was asking questions of which, half she didn't even know the answers to. Such as how she had suddenly regained control of her own mind when neither he nor Jean had been able to help her do this.

"I don't know what else to say, Professor," Rogue sighed, she looked over at him, she felt rather insecure sitting there with what she was wearing, and after all, the Professor was a man of flesh and blood, she hoped that the dress which was particularly low cut, wasn't making him uncomfortable.

"Neither do I," the Professor sighed, "Remy had announced you were back to yourself again, but he did not give any insight as to how you had recovered so quickly."

"Believe me, Professor, You're not the only one Remy isn't giving straight answers to," Rogue replied, she folded her arms over her chest and tried to make this seem as casual as possible without drawing too much attention to herself. "As much as I love him, sometimes I don't trust him completely, he has too many secrets and he's as professional a liar as he is a Thief," she sighed.

"There seemed to be a little bit of tension between you and Remy during the celebration."

"I know, I'm sorry to have brought it upon everyone," Rogue admitted, "it's my fault, really."

"I don't think anyone else noticed, but as empathic as I am, it seemed very obvious to me," the Professor confessed, "why is it your fault there is some mild tension?"

"I said something to Remy that I probably shouldn't have. My mouth ran ahead of my brain and I guess I hurt his feelings," Rogue looked down to her bare knees, absently examining them. "I didn't realise what I was going to say until after it had all come out of my mouth, and there was no going back on it," Rogue sighed.

"I'm sure you will work it out. If you love each other, you'll somehow find a way to reconcile…and I'm sure he will forgive you in time."

Rogue chewed her lip for a moment, "professor, why do you think it is that me and Remy fight so much?" she asked softly. "I mean, I scour my head for some sort of answer as to why it keeps happening – so that maybe I can somehow prevent the pattern from repeating itself, but I come up blank."

The Professor paused, briefly, he then smiled, "the reason may not be as hard to find as you think it might be," he replied.

"Hmm?" Rogue asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Let me pose a question to you, why do we do what we do, Rogue."

"I don't understand what you mean by 'why we do what we do'," Rogue confessed.

The Professor twined his fingers together, and placed both hands on the desk in front of him almost as if he would start praying. "Why do we constantly risk our lives to save the lives of humans who fear us? Why do we constantly intervene when mutant terrorists try to harm the innocent? Why are you and Jean, and Scott, and all the others part of the X-Men, Rogue?"

Rogue hesitated, unsure, then looked at him, "Because we care."

"Exactly," The Professor nodded.

"So..." Rogue tucked her hair behind her ear, "you're saying…me and Remy fight…because we care?"

Professor Xavier merely smiled, "it would seem so…" he answered, "I remember, distinctly when I was nineteen, I was courting a lovely young lady who shared several of my classes at the University I attended. A professor noted me and her arguing on the lawn, and when she walked away from me, he approached to console me – as I was quite upset as you might imagine."

"What'd he say?" Rogue queried curiously.

Professor Xavier looked up towards the ceiling as if he were imagining the scene being projected onto the pristine white plaster, "he said 'never mind, Xavier, never mind. Brawls between lovers are somewhat expected and only natural. If you do not argue occasionally, you will never realise your passion for each other, if you never fight, how will you know her emotions? If you cannot yell, how will you ever see the fire in her eyes? Fights can only mean you care…it's when you aren't fighting with the girl you love that you should start to worry'. Wise words."

Rogue tilted her head, looking at him, listening, "I guess you're right. If I forgave Remy for so many of the stupid things he's done, and he just forgave me for every time I nitpicked at him for it, then maybe our relationship would seem a little…bland and I'd start to wonder…what the point of being with him was."

"Besides," The Professor grinned, and for a moment, Rogue could almost see a nineteen year old boy behind those eyes, the one he'd just told her he'd once been. "Sometimes making up makes the fight worth it."

Rogue stood slowly, "Thanks, Professor, I think I see now."