Invenio Veritas

By Penpunk

Disclaimer: Avast, ye should know by now…

Chapter 28: Starting Over

Severus lay still on the bed with Dumbledore sitting at his side. It seems that he took the brunt of the attack by Voldemort. He had been unconscious much longer than Harry and his injuries were much more serious. Albus was sure he'd be fine physically, but wasn't sure what the impact of the blow would do to him mentally. There was one thing he was absolutely sure of, however. The Dark Mark on Severus' arm would never again burn him.

A few hours had passed as Dumbledore sat there. Harry had come in briefly to visit his father but was dragged back to bed by Sirius, who had been watching over Harry like a mother hen since he had been brought to St. Mungos.

As Dumbledore finished a cup of tea, Severus began to stir. Dumbledore set down his empty teacup and watched as Severus struggled to wake up. His heavy eyes slowly started to open.

"It's good to see you awake," said Dumbledore as Severus looked at him. The Potion's Master moved slowly to sit up, but was stopped by Albus' hand. "Harry is fine, if that is what your struggling to find out, which I'm sure you are."

Severus slumped under Dumbledore's ancient hand. He breathed deeply in relief as his question was answered.

"I want to see him," said Severus quietly.

"In time," said Dumbledore, "but first I want to know how you are, Severus."

"How do you think I feel?" asked Severus with a tired sneer, but a sneer nonetheless. Dumbledore laughed briefly. Severus certainly looked worse for wear but the staff at St. Mungo's had done their best to make him look alive.

"You look as surly as ever, Professor," said Dumbledore with a kind smile.

"What happened, Albus?" asked Severus.

Dumbledore went into explaining how he and Harry had managed to live through their deadly ordeal. Severus thought for a while after Dumbledore finished.

"The same thing that saved Harry last time saved both of us."

"Exactly," said Dumbledore with a smile.

"Does that mean… Do I have a scar?" Severus began to search his forehead with his hand. Dumbledore laughed, causing Severus to glare at him.

"You do as a matter of fact, but it's not on your forehead," Dumbledore pointed to his chest. Severus unbuttoned his hospital robe and looked down at his chest. On the left side, right above his heart, was a lightning bolt shaped scar, almost identical to the one on Harry's head. "Harry has one in the same place. It seems Voldemort was trying to hit you where it would hurt the most."

"And now he's gone."

Dumbledore nodded.

Severus breathed deep. It had been a long time since he had felt like this. It had been a long time since he didn't have the weight of Voldemort on his mind. The burning of the mark was gone forever, and he couldn't be happier for it.

Severus ran a finger over the scar. It was still warm, like the electricity and potency of the curse still lingered in the mark. It was strange for Severus to think that that was all that was left of the whole ordeal. A scar marked him on the part of the body that was to lose most if something had happened to Harry. A part of his body that had only gained feeling back, if not for the first time when he found he was a father. It was a feeling he couldn't explain at that moment, but the relief and contentment he felt was something he never thought possible.

"Albus?" said Severus after a few minutes silence.

"Yes?"

"I was wondering if you would do another memory charm test on me."

"May I inquire the reason?"

"In time," said Severus, mirroring Dumbledore's previous words to him. Dumbledore smiled and stood, performing the same charm on Severus that he had previously.

"Interesting," said Dumbledore after completing the charm and sitting back down. "Is there something you'd like to share, Severus?"

"So I'm right then?" asked Severus. "The blow did break my memory charm?"

"It appears that way," said Dumbledore. "It's amazing that your mind is still intact. That was a strong and old charm, and judging by the person who placed it on you, a very well done charm."

"I thought the whole thing was a dream," said Severus. "Everything played back in my mind like I was watching it from the outside, looking in. But now I know that it isn't. I actually lived through it."

"I'm sure you'd like to share this with someone," said Dumbledore, standing. "Would you like me to get Harry for you?"

Severus nodded and gave Dumbledore a slight smile of appreciation. A short while later, Dumbledore returned with Harry and Sirius. Harry rushed in and gave his father a huge embrace, which Severus easily returned.

"I'm so glad you are ok," said Harry as he pulled back.

"Was there any doubt that I would be?" said Severus as he pulled Harry back in. "I'm so happy that you're alive, Harry. I don't know what I would have done."

"Did you just admit that you're happy?" said Harry with a smile.

"Don't speak a word of it to anyone," said Severus with his best sneering voice. Harry laughed. Severus looked past Harry and saw Sirius standing in the doorway. "This wasn't an open invitation, Black. Go away."

"No way," said Sirius. "Lily was my friend and Harry is my Godson. I want to know everything."

"Fine," said Severus. He settled into bed and prepared to share his newly recovered memory. Harry sat at the end of Severus' bed with Sirius sitting behind him. "Lily was about to marry James. The night before the wedding…

Severus paced the back and forth in his study. In his hand he held an invitation. He looked down and read it for the millionth time.

"You are invited to the union of James Potter and Lily Evans…"

Severus had known about the wedding ahead of time. Lily had told him she was marrying Potter. It was just more painful to read on paper.

Severus sat down and pulled a large book from his library onto his lap. He rarely left his study these days, the only occasion coming when he was summoned. The study of his giant house provided him with a perfect distraction. Since cutting his relations with Lily, keeping his mind away from that painful ordeal was all he could do to keep himself sane. Never ending work and scholarly dealings gave his mind enough to do. Recently, he had broken it off with his "girlfriend" Jaydolyn. She had only been useful in keeping Lily from coming back to him.

Jaydolyn had given him a nice distraction. She was fun, as fun as Severus could bring himself to admit. She fulfilled some of his physical desires but she wasn't Lily. She didn't have the flowing red hair, brushing against soft ivory skin. And those eyes. He could swim in the green depths for hours.

Severus opened the book on his lap to quickly remedy the thoughts in his head.

"The properties of belladonna consist of…"

"Why are you saying these things Severus?"

"Lily, you just have to understand…"

"…is used for many potions, in particular…"

"But I don't. You said you loved me. You gave me this ring."

"It's just a trinket, Lily. Nothing more."

"…potions. Healing potions in particular use a more rare form of…"

"It's not just a trinket, Severus. It's a token of our love. That's what you told me when you gave it to me. You said you would love me forever."

"I lied."

Severus cringed as he ran over the memory. The look on Lily's face as he spoke those words made his heart stop and his blood run cold. He looked as though he crushed her heart.

Severus was brought out of his thoughts by the ringing of his front door. For a few moments, he debated whether he should answer it at all. For all he knew, it could be a Deatheater sent to kill him. But after thinking about it, that didn't sound so bad to Severus.

He left his study and hurried downstairs to open the front door.

"Severus."

Severus was shocked to see that it was not a Deatheater. He was shocked to see that it was no one he'd expect.

"What are you doing here, Lily?" asked Severus.

"I need to talk to you, Severus," said Lily as she crossed her arms over her chest. It was raining very hard outside and Lily was soaked to the bone. Her red hair was sticking to her cheeks and her clothes were dripping with the cold rain that was falling. She looked distressed and was apparently too distressed to use any sort of charm to keep herself dry.

"Well come in before you freeze to death," said Severus as he stepped aside. Lily walked in the door, which Severus closed behind her. He took out his wand and muttered a drying spell.

"Thanks," said Lily. Severus nodded. "I'm not bothering you, am I?"

"No, of course not," said Severus. "Can I get you anything? Something to drink?"

"No, I can't stay long," said Lily. "I just need to talk to you."

"Alright," said Severus. "Talk."

Lily nodded and opened her mouth to speak but stopped. She tried again but looked as though she was having a hard time figuring out what to say. Severus had a feeling it was not something he would want to hear. Typical Lily – trying to make it sound as nice as possible, so not to hurt him in any way.

"Come on, Lily," said Severus as he started to walk upstairs. "Let's talk in my study. I can give you something to prevent you from getting sick."

Lily nodded and followed Severus up the stairs. They entered the study and Severus offered Lily a seat. He went to a large cabinet and started to search through the many bottles and vials of potions. He selected a bottle of light blue liquid and walked back over to Lily. He handed the bottle to Lily as he took a seat next to her on the large black leather couch.

"Thank you," said Lily as she uncorked the bottle and took a swig. She made a face of disgust as she swallowed.

"Sorry it doesn't taste better," said Severus.

"That's ok Sev," said Lily as she set the bottle down. Severus became a little uncomfortable at the sound of that name. Lily was the only one who could get away with calling him that and it was only something she would say during their more intimate moments. She never called him Sev in front of anyone. It had been such a long time since he'd heard it.

"What did you need to talk about Lily?" said Severus. "I'm sure Potter doesn't want you to be here."

"He doesn't know," said Lily. "It wouldn't matter if he did anyway. I had to come see you before the wedding."

"Why him?" said Severus abruptly. "Why Potter?"

"I've always been close to James," said Lily. "He loves me."

"But do you love him?" asked Severus as he crossed his arms.

"Why does it matter to you?" Lily suddenly became angry.

"I'm just asking."

"This isn't what I came to talk about Severus," said Lily.

"You didn't answer my question, Lily."

"I'm pregnant."

"I…" Severus froze at Lily's words. "What?"

"I'm pregnant Severus," said Lily. "It's your baby."

Severus stood up suddenly, half angry half shocked.

"Impossible," said Severus. "That's impossible Lily. There's no way that could have happened. I never…we never…you know that."

"Yes we did," said Lily, her face growing slightly red. "You just didn't know it."

"What? Lily, I don't understand."

"Your girlfriend, Severus. Jaydolyn. Did you with her?"

Now it was Severus' face that was growing red.

"I don't know what that has to do with this, Lily."

"Answer my question, Severus."

"Yes, Lily. Yes we did. What does that have to do with anything."

"When we broke up, I knew there was more behind it. I knew that you weren't telling me the truth," said Lily. "I knew… I know you love me."

"Lily… I…," Severus reached for Lily and brought her into an embrace. She fell into his arms easily. As they parted, Lily's eyes began to fill with tears.

"I knew you still loved me," said Lily, throwing herself back into his arms. "I knew it. Why did you leave me Sev?"

"I had to," said Severus as he tightened his arms around her. "I couldn't put you in danger. I'm spying for Dumbledore. I'm a double agent. I was a Deatheater but now I'm spying against Voldemort."

"Why didn't you tell me this before?"

"I thought it would be easier for both of us," said Severus. "I knew you wouldn't leave me if I told you the truth so I acted as though I didn't want you anymore. I was the hardest thing I've ever had to do."

"Severus, I have to tell you something," said Lily as she pulled back from him slightly. "I haven't been honest with you either."

"What do you mean?"

"I couldn't leave you. So I cast a charm on myself to change my appearance. I have an American friend named Jaydolyn. I charmed myself to look like her so I could be with you."

"That was you?" said Severus, completely shocked. "That's how… Lily, what were you thinking?"

"I couldn't be away from you Severus. No matter how hard I tried, I knew you loved me. And I knew I loved you. Even if I had to hide my identity, I wanted to be with you."

"So that's how you're pregnant."

Lily nodded.

"Is that why you're marrying Potter?"

"Yes. I wanted to tell you before but I didn't know how. I hoped that we could work things out. I hoped that we could…"

"No Lily," said Severus. "I couldn't put you in that kind of danger. And now that we… you have a child, it's even more dangerous. You are doing the right thing by marrying Potter. You'll be safe."

"I could hide with the baby," said Lily, pulling back into Severus' arms. "We could hide until everything is over."

"No Lily."

"Why?"

"Because I don't think I'm going to get out of this alive, to be honest. Besides, I'm a spy with too much blood on my hands. You're life would be so much better with Potter."

"No Severus. Please, don't do this."

"I love you, Lily," said Severus. "And I always will. The only thing I can let myself do is to make you safe. Marry Potter and live happily ever after."

"No Severus. I won't be happy with James. I won't be happy knowing that my son is growing up without his father."

"And I won't be happy knowing that my son's father is nothing more than a double crossing spy. Lily, I won't change my mind on this."

"No Severus."

"You should go back to your home. Your mother might worry."

"Severus, please don't do this."

"Goodbye Lily," said Severus as he stood, pulling Lily to her feet. "I hope your life with Potter is a good one."

By now, Lily was in tears. Her ears couldn't believe what they were hearing. Severus led her to the door of his home and opened it. He gave her a small kiss on the cheek before closing the door behind him. He could still hear her sobbing as she stood outside his door. He slid down the door and brought his knees into his chest as he listened to Lily outside. She eventually left, disapparating with a cracking sound.

He sat there for a long time without moving. He had a hard time wrapping Lily's words around his mind. He couldn't believe he had been with her this whole time and didn't even know it.

Even worse, he didn't know how he was going to go through life knowing that he turned away the one woman he truly loved and the child they should have raised together.

Severus reached into his pocket and pulled out his wand. He wouldn't have to live with that knowledge. He could remedy the situation right there and then. Turning the wand on himself, Severus muttered a memory charm, wiping the night's events from his memory.

As Severus finished his story, he looked at all the faces in the room. Dumbledore looked somber and deep in thought. Harry looked overwhelmed and Sirius looked very puzzled.

"I would have never guessed you'd put that charm on yourself, Severus," said Dumbledore. "For charms never being one of your strong subjects, it was a powerful spell."

"My mum really loved you," said Harry abruptly. "She really wanted us to be a family."

"And so did I," said Severus. "I wanted it more then anything. But instead, I sent your mother to her death."

"You didn't know," said Sirius quietly. "You thought you were keeping her safe. I would have never been able to turn her away like that. It takes a strong person to do that. You can be a decent human being at times, Snape."

"Same to you Black," said Severus with a nod.

"Well, it seems that this mystery has been solved," said Dumbledore. "I do believe this ordeal is over. All that's left to do is inform the rest of the school of the events of last few months."

"You're going to announce everything?" asked Harry.

"I do believe it is for the best, Harry," answered Dumbledore. "The teachers and students have a lot of unanswered questions. But I will wait until you are comfortable in letting them know. Come Sirius, let's go let the nurses know that Severus is awake."

Sirius nodded and walked out the door with Dumbledore. Harry and Severus watched both men leave and sat in silence with each other for a while.

"It's good to know everything," said Harry finally after a long pause.

"Harry, I'm so sorry. If I had of known…"

"It's ok," said Harry, cutting his father off. "You did what you thought was best. There's nothing wrong with that."

"I suppose."

"So everything's over?" said Harry. "We can get on with our lives?"

"No," said Severus. "We can actually start to have one. For the first time ever, we can both just live."

Harry smiled as Severus put an arm around his shoulder.

"Sounds good to me."

(A/N):

Again, sorry for the wait. I'm really bad about updating. The good news is is that I'm about half way done with the epilogue so it won't be long before there is another update.

I've been having trouble with my characterizations lately, which is why it took so long to update. I'm not very happy with the way I portrayed Lily. She seems very clingy so that may change when I do my revisions.

Anyway, one more chapter left to this fic and then I'll start on the short sequel that's to follow. Hope you all like this one.