Kingdom Hearts in my Stupid Version
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A/N :(from starlight506) I do not own this story! Pheonixfeather does, and that's a good thing seeing how I only play Kingdom Hearts games and that's not enough for me to write a story! Ah, well here's, Pheonixfeather.
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A/N: I DO NOT OWN ANYTHING EXCEPT FOR A PAIR OF SOCKS!! Wait... Okay I
own one sock because I think I lost the other. Okay, this might be a
total disaster, or a complete masterpiece written by a true genius of
humor! I vote for the latter. And the MV is totally evil, okay? And
Sora is totally stupid, mostly at the end. Hope that's not a problem.
Anyways, read and enjoy.
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Dream
Sora is falling headfirst through water in a dreamlike state
Sora: I've been having these weird thoughts lately... Like, where did
Kairi come from? Oh, while we are talking about Kairi, I always want to
know, why does she giggles in that stupid annoying way? Oh, yeah
flipping through script while upside down Oh, yeah... OK, Like, is any of
this for real or not?
Suddenly Sora appears on the beach of Destiny Islands, his home. Funky
music starts playing while annoying high pitched singing screeches
through the air. Sora sees Riku, his 15 year old best friend far out in the
water
Sora: Riku, get out of the water. Your mom will KIIIILLLL you if she
sees you without your water wingies!!
Riku: Must... kill... WATER, KILL SORA!!
Sora: Riku! I'll-get's wiped out by water gargle, blargle, argle!
Riku: Wait water!!! Don't kill him! Then I won't have an excuse to eat
his mom's meatloaf!!
Sora suddenly washes up on the shore at dusk. Kairi is on the shore
waving at him.
Kairi: Sora!!!! You almost drowned!!! giggles I was going to
CRYYYYY!!
Sora: muttering It would of saved me a looooot of pain... to Kairi
Hiya.
Another Sora comes falling out of the sky.
Sora: Hey, that guy looks familiar. Hey, his eyes are blue, like
mine... and his hair!! It sticks straight up like mine!!! Sora starts
running toward Falling Sora BROTHER!! WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN ?!?
Sora starts doing a slow-motion fall backward
Kairi: NNNNNNOOOOOOOO!!!! COOMMMEEE BBAACCKK!!
Sora: NOOOOOOO!!
Sora appears on the ocean's bottom. When he steps forward, a whole
bunch of doves start flying around.
Sora: Why the heck are there birds underwater?!? Heck, I aM
UNDERWATER!! WHHHHEEE!! starts doing flips in the water
Mysterious Voice (MV): Hello? Testing, 1-2-3. Is this thing on?? Wrong
button!!! growl, roar
Sora: Stops flipping Hi!! I'm new here!! Can you show me around? Can
I-
MV: So you're the new keyblade guy!! Alrighty changes to scary
voice Step forward!! Can you do it?
Sora: Sarcastically Save me. Eeek, reeeeaaall hard.
Walks forward, but then trips on something.
Random Dove: EEEKKK!! squashed (from shrek2, for those of you who live under 5 rocks and buried near the center of the earth!)
Sora: What?!? Oh, I wonder how that happened... evil grin
MV: sigh Whatever... Next platform.
next platform
MV: Choose your path and hurry up with it will ya? I got a gig to do
in an hour with Joan of Arc, okay?
Pedestals pop out of the ground: one with a sword, one with a staff,
and one with a shield
Sora: Hmmm... sees sword OOOOHHHH SHINY!!! I'll take it!! grabs
sword
MV: Which shall you give up?
Sora: hurls shield off platform I don't need this!! With strength I
is INVINCIBLE!!!!
MV: O.o Chosen my... oh, am I back on? NEXT!!
next platform
Sora: sniffle Wheres my sword? I likes shiny!! sob, cry
WWAAAHH!! sees save point OHHHHH!!! Green shiny spot on floor. Cannot
resist!! steps on save point heeheeheeheehee, it TICKLES!!
MV: Stupid keyblade... I said "Choose Riku"! He's strong, not so
goody-goody, smart,- sigh dreamily
Sora: He has to wear water wingies!! giggles
MV: Good point... but back to my point, he is still better than you,
bozo!!
Sora: What do you mean, Bozo?!? Tell that to my-
MV: Hey kid, we gotta keep this game in a "Everyone" rating!! No foul
language!! Andangry how dare you speak to me like that?! I can, and
shall, proceed to hurt you with my heartless!
Sora: looks up with a puzzled look on his face Foot? Foot is foul
language?
Heartless(evil monsters who must die) pop out of ground.
Sora: screams BUGS!!!
MV: hahaha!! no sword!! hahaha!! cell phone rings Hello? Yeah, this
is... aaaawwwww, do I hafta? geez..FINE!! YOU DON'T NEED TO BE SO
HARSH!!growl, roar
Sword falls down to sora.
Sora: shiny!! pounces on it and swings it around HIIIYYYAAAA!!
show-off pose DONE!!
MV: WHY DOES LIGHT VANQUISH DARKNESS???!!!!??? WHY???!!!??
sighnext. . . platform. . .
next platform
MV: flipping pages The closer you get to the light, the greater your
shadow becomes!!
Sora: steps toward light Shiny? Me likes shiny... sound like Golem
from LOTR Shiny precious... does the coughing up a fish sound while
keeps on walking toward the light
MV: yawn Look at your shadow, doofus. Now you're going to get
eaten by the darkness and I can leave. yay.
Sora: sees shadow Hey, you have a hole in you! You look like a
drool DOUGHNUT!!
Shadow: More like doom, but okay! Anywho, I need to suck you up.
Sorry!
Sora: gets sucked up by darkness EEEKKKK!!
The 1st Day Destiny Islands
Sora wakes up on the beach of Destiny Islands, his home.
Kairi: pokes at Sora with Tidus pole WAKEY-WAKEY!!!
Sora: Kairi!! What do you want?!? I was having a nice peaceful dream
about darkness and shiny thingies!!
Kairi: Get-stuff-for-raft!!
Sora:Jumps up to his feet Yes, MAAM!!
Sora walks over to Selphie. Stupid.
Sora: Could you please inform me about where I could find a piece of
woven material that is suitable for the makings of a raft?
Selphie: Jumps up and down like the idiot that she is Oh!! Oh!! I
know!! Its... Its... stops jumping and starts to drool and then
snaps out of that Hi Sora!! What were we talking about?
Sora: okay. . . runs away as fast as his scrawny legs can carry him
Sora is in the hidden room where the cloth is hidden and grabs it off
the wall.
Sora: Cloth, check!! Now for.. looks at list given to him from Kairi
Roo-pee?!? What the heck is that?!?
Link From LOZ: has glasses on and is reading out of a dictionary
Ahem,
rupee noun the basic monetary unit of India, Pakistan, Sri Lanka,
Nepal, Mauritius, and the Seychelles.
-ORIGIN Sanskrit, 'wrought silver'. Is also the currency of all of the
LegendOfZelda games which I wink, smile am featured in!
disappears
Author: Rope, you idiot. R-O-P-E
Sora: Are-oh-peas? And what the heck is Sanskrit ?!? starts crying
I-I-I IS SOOOO CON-sob-FUSED!! crying
Few hours later
Sora: running up to Kairi Two logs, cloth, R-you-P, and a fish!!
Kairi: giggles Silly Sora!! The fish is for tomorrow!! giggles
again making everybody deaf
Sora: SORRY, KAIRI!! I CANT HEAR YOU!!!
Kairi: WHAT?!? SORRY, SORA, NOW I CANT HEAR YOU!!
This continues for a few hours until
Riku: walks to the area Hey guys!! Wassup?
I guess he wasnt on the island when Kairi giggled?
Sora: Hey, I can hear again!! YAAAYYY!!
DONT ASK ME HOW
Riku: mumbling Whatever, idiots..
Kairi: Hey, lets go over to the little island that is connected to this
island and talk on the paupou tree about mysterious other worlds.
Sora & Riku: O.o
Sora (being the idiot he is):Whatja ya say?
Riku: We are going to the island over there to talk about how I
wouldve never thought of the idea to go and try to see other worlds if
Kairi bats eyelashes hadnt come.
Sora: Everything is about you isnt it? Its no fair!
Riku: Thats because I am liked more and am more favored by everyone.
Crazy Sora Fan-girl: No way! Sora is much cuter and purer and hes
the main character!! and hes...
Kairi: No way girly! Hes my guy! Jumps in front of Sora
Sora: See! I am loved by all! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I am better than you
at being cute!
Riku fan-girls start to erupt from ground
Riku fan-girls: Riku is stronger, not to mention more cool, and
hotter-giggle,giggle,giggle very annoyingly and its kinda getting me mad,
WILL YOU PLEASE STOP THAT?!?
Riku: Shall we go somewhere private, ladies?
Kairi has finally gotten that CSFG away from Sora
Kairi: RIKU, YOU ARE GOING NOWHERE! WE ARE GOING TO THE ISLAND TO GET
AWAY FROM THESE FREAKS AND TALK BOUT OTHER WORLDS NOW! OR ELSE!!
Riku & Sora: blinks stupidly
Riku: Just back away slowly...
Sora: tries to run away Heeeelllpp mmmeeeeee! Shes crazy I tell
you, CRAZY! Ahhhhhh!
Kairi:grabs them both and proceeds to drag them to the island
Idiots...
At the paupou tree
Riku: Kairi, thanks.
Kairi: Um, for what? Did I do you a favor?
Riku: You came to this island, remember?
Kairi: WHAT?!? You mean-sniffle I dont belong here? puppy dog
eyes
Riku: rather agitated I mean, just read the stinkin script!
Kairi: salutes Yes, MAAM! Youare welcome.
Sora: Hey, I am at this stupid paupou tree too! Can I do more than
roll my eyes?!? Please I mean, man, even though I am the main
character-falls off tree and falls flat on his face sounding like Bugs
Bunny THIS MEANS WAR!!
Kairi: giggles
Riku: Yes, you can also fall off the tree, land face down in water, and
get to be embarrassed!!
Kairi: giggles loudly
Sora: And I get to yell THIS MEANS WAR!!
Kairi: giggles the loudest anyone could
Riku & Sora: COULD YOU PLEASE STOP GIGGLING?!?!
Kairi: Well, sooorrry!!
Riku & Sora & Kairi: sigh
Sora: thinking /Why does Kairi like Riku? Why not me? Am I just
jealous and I roll my eyes a lot?!?/
Kairi: looking at Riku /geez, hes cute/
Riku: looking at his reflection in the water /boy, Iâm cute/
Random Place Which Shall Not Be Revealed At This Time
We see a little white object... AAHHH!! ITS A UFO!! AAAHHH!
ALIENS!!! Oh, wait, its a duck! Aw, wook at the widdle duckie
wuckie... Its so cwute!!
Donald Duck: opens big purple door Yo, yo! Yo majesty, man,
hows it hangin? Man, why you aint answerin me, homedawg? sees
empty throne scream and runs down corridors
Later in Royal Gardens, or the Royal Knights Sleeping Chambers
Donald Duck: GGGOOOOFFFYYYY!!! WWWAAAKKKKEEE UUUUPPP!!!
Goofy: keeps snoring Come... back... butterfly... snort
Donald: THUNDER!!! zaps Goofy
Goofy: sits up and sees Donald Oohh!!! Butterfly! starts chasing
Donald
Donald: uses Graviga
Goofy: regains normal thoughts NOT about butterfliesmornin™,
Donald!
Donald: sigh then whispers The king is-
Goofy: CHEATING ON QUEEN MINNIE?!? HOWD YOU FIND OUT?!?
Donald: panic HE IS?!?!?
Goofy: HE IS?!?!?
Donald: sigh Hes gone, you imbecile!!
Goofy: cheers YAY!
Donald: O.O YOURE HAPPY?!?
Goofy: blushes and starts whistling
Donald: But we cant let anyone know, okay?? Its a secret.
Minnie: What cant we know, Donald?
Donald: gulps
2nd Day at D.I.
Kairi: So we need 3 fish, 2 coconuts, and-
Sora: But Im allergic to coconuts!
Kairi: You are?!?
Sora: sarcastically No, I just said that...
Kairi: Oh, okay! So we need 3 fish, 2 coconuts-
Sora: Let me repeat this for you. I AM ALLERGIC TO COCONUTS!
Kairi: You cant fool me this time! We need 3 fish, 2 coconuts,
fresh water and a seagull egg! Oh, and mushrooms!
Sora: just gives up Fine, but I am not eating the coconut!