Why Me

Chapter 3: Unexpected

As Lily's sixth year came to an end she was forced to wipe away her tears as she walked to the Hogwarts express. She had finally stopped crying due to the fact that she did not want to start the summer with her mother asking why her eyes were red and swollen.

As she began to board the Hogwarts express, with one final glance at the castle, she sighed, this had been a long year and was for the first time in her life, happy it was over. The summer would give her an opportunity to think about all the mixed emotions she was dealing with. When she had finally found an empty compartment she entered and sat down. Then she took out her favorite charms book which she had bought her second year and had read it more than five times. After the fifth time she had gotten tired of reading it so she instead put her diary entries in it for safe keeping. She loved reading her old diary entries and looking back on the events in them.

As she began reading through them she found one in which she had described all the faults of James Potter and how he was so horrible. The entry described him an obnoxious, quidditch playing, prat, with too much of an ego and overly deflated head. She was rethinking that now, this year he had honestly tried to change and as Sirius had told her, James had changed because of... her. She wouldn't deny it, his speech made her feel special and he didn't seem like such a prat at that moment. But she still wasn't sure what to say to him, she hadn't even looked in his direction these past days. She wasn't sure if she could put everything she had thought about him, all the things he had done, behind her. What if she was just a conquest to him, what with his reputation and all. He had gotten every girl he had gone for. What if he in fact had changed for her, but how did she know that if she gave in, he wouldn't change back? What if this was all a lie? She had never been good at trusting people.

But the way he was acting these days, the day's right after his speech, were not a lie. He looked terrible. James eyes had dark circles, he was ghostly pale, and it was affecting his friends also. From what Lily's friends had informed her, he hardly ever smiled or laughed, his face lacked its usual enthusiasm. He hadn't even pulled a single prank or gotten a detention in a week, which was unhealthy for James Potter. She was beginning to feel an alien emotion for James Potter, worry. What had she done to him?

The rest of the train ride was spent reading her past diary entries and one visit from Susan, her brunette medium height friend.

"Hey Lily how are you doing? Are you okay?", Susan said with a smile.

"I'm ok", she said lifting her head up from the diary.

"Can I talk to you?"

"Sure"

"Is it about James?"

"Yeah..."

"I mean I just can't believe he cares so much about me. I mean I never knew...and why did he pick me to like...and now I'm just so confused, I don't know if I like him or I don't...Or if all the things he 

said were actually true. I mean can you really trust James Potter? I just don't know what to do. Except bawl my eyes out because I don't want to hurt him either…I'm so confused… I can't carry a boy's emotions on my shoulders"

"Well Lily you have to decide if you are willing to give him a chance or not"

"I don't know...I know he said he loves me…but I'm scared…I don't want him to hurt me. And I…I don't want to hurt him. I'm only used to being mean to him. I can't really imagine not."

"You should give him a chance..I know he hasn't been the greatest guy. But you can't ignore all the changes he's made this year."

" I know…I've noticed the change…but after all those years...I mean we hated each other"

"But he's changed and he's changed for ...you."

"How can I be sure of that?"

"I don't know Lilly. I guess you'll only know if you try to get to know him better. You owe him that you know, he's been trying to get your attention and get to know you for who knows how long"

"How would I do that?"

"Well you could start by saying hello and maybe calling him something other than potter or prick" Susan said laughing.

"I guess I could try to talk to him…that would make him feel a little better right? After all I don't want him committing suicide because of me"

"Of course not"

"I'll think about it..."

"Listen I've got to get back to Marry and Caroline I promised them I'd tell them how you're doing"

"Okay. Bye"

After Susan had left Lily was nearing to the end of the diary, when she found an envelope from her mother and father. She had tucked the envelope in the book not wanting to get it tearstained. She had gotten it the day James had told her he loved her. When she had run away, she went to the owlery to visit her owl which had the letter.

As she carefully opened the envelope she took out the letter and began to read. It said that Petunia was getting married to her boyfriend Vernon Dursley and the wedding was to be two weeks from now. And that Lily was invited to the wedding but not to the reception due to Petunia's wishes. Lily was not surprised she knew her sister hated her and thought she was a freak. It must have been hard for her mother to convince Petunia to invite her even to the wedding. It still stunned her at how Petunia turned so cold toward her so quick ever since she had gotten her acceptance letter from Hogwarts. Petunia's wedding was one more thing to not look forward to this summer, but none the less she was happy summer had come.

As the train began to slow she saw the train station and platform nine and three quarters through the window. When the train finally stopped allowing Lily to grab her things and make her way out of the compartment and off the train and catch up with Susan, Mary, and Caroline.



"Goodbye you guys", Lily said as she hugged them one by one.

"Goodbye Lily have a great summer", Mary the short, black haired, girl said.

"Yeah Lily have a good summer and owl me okay", said Susan with a smile.

"I'll owl all of you", Lily said returning the smile.

"Just make sure my owl doesn't fight with yours again ok. Have a good summer", said Caroline, the tall blonde said.

"I'll miss all of you" Lily said followed by another group hug.

Just then she saw James walking toward them his friends close behind.

"Look Lily its James", Susan said.

"He's going to say goodbye to you", said Caroline

"Don't cry and Lily... are you going to say something to him?" Susan asked

"I don't know, what if I go off like a waterfall again"

"You don't have to... just do what ever you want"

"I-I-I...fine I'll say goodbye."

As James approached her giving her a half hearted smile she quickly said awkwardly,

"Have a good su-summer."

"You too Lily", he said, completely surprised she had spoken to him.

"I'll write you okay"

"umm…are you sure? You don't have to…I… uh...um okay"

"Well goodbye then…James"

And with that Lily waved to her friends, spotted her parents, and then began to walk to them leaving James happier then he had been in days.