Harry, Ron and Hermione started walking out of the janitor's closet.

"So what's this that you wanted to talk about, Dirty Sewage Toilet?" Harry asked Hermione.

"Dirty Sewage Toilet?"

"Oh, I'm sorry. I just think of you as Dirty Sewage Toilet in my mind," Harry apologized.

"Dirty Sewage Toilet?" Ron started breaking out into hysteric fits of laughter. "Oh dawg!"

"Doooooooooooogggggg!!!!!" Harry scrambled up a hanging lamp to the top of the ceiling and trembled.

"No, Harry dude! Dawg, not dog!" Ron called up.

"What? Two dogs? Oh no! I'll never get down!" Harry squeaked.

"There is no dog, Harry! Come down!" Hermione called.

"What? Did you say it was just a hot dog?" Harry asked, down in a flash.

"I want a hot dog!" he said, looking around frantically for the meaty lunch.

"Listen you two. I have something urgent to tell you," Hermione said gravely.

"Let's discuss this over some fried chipmunk sundae," Ron suggested.

Soon the three friends found themselves at the Great Hall digging into a sundae with spoons.

"Tasty!" Harry said, chewing on chipmunk tail soaked in vanilla ice cream and caramel sauce.

"Listen guys...this is important," Hermione said.

"What is it already?" Ron asked angrily.

"OK: So I was in the library, researching hippogriffs, only because I need to emphasize my nerdiness for the sake of this story..." Hermione began.

"Wait a minute, Dirty Sewage Toilet! What story are you talking about?" Harry inquired.

Ron cracked up again at the mention of Dirty Sewage Toilet.

"Shut up you Weasel!" Hermione cried.

"Yeah, well you're a...a...a book reader!" Ron screamed, pointing an accusing finger to Hermione.

"Why, Ronnie poo, another insult! I love it!" Hermione squealed, squeezing Ron.

"Thank you, Chunky Butt!"

"OK, OK, enough insults, just tell us whatever you have to tell us, Hermione! And what story?" Harry asked, slurping up more of the chipmunk sundae.

"That's what I'm telling you! So anyways, I was in the library..."

"Chewing on the cud of information!"

"Yes, Ron, I was reading. So then I saw Parvati and Lavender enthralled in this fat book, with badly-drawn illustrations on the cover. It was called "HARRY POTTER." So I asked what the girls were reading, and they said they were reading the Harry Potter book, which was like the best story in the world, and so I decided to look at it, you see."

"Wait a minute, somebody is sneaking around, spying on me, making a documentary of my life! I bet it's that Colin Creevey! He told me when he grows up, he's going to join the paparazzi..." Harry started ranting and raving, but was cut short by Hermione's logic.

"Hush Harry! That's exactly what I thought, it was a non-fiction textbook, but it wasn't! I looked at the beginning pages, before the real text started, and I looked down at the category, and it said Fiction! I knew it was some sort of mistake, so then I called the phone number on the back cover for this Scholastic book company, and the guy on the phone said there was no mistake and all of the Harry Potter books are fictional!"

"Wait a minute, ALL of the Harry Potter books?" Ron asked.

"Yeah, there's a series!" Hermione cried.

"So...I'm fictional?" Harry asked.

Hermione nodded slowly. "All of us are, Harry."

Harry's face suddenly grew white and cold. He fell over, lifeless.

"Harry's fainted!" Ron cried.