Author's Notes: Well... Here is that re-vamp I left you with. That is all I gotta say other than, this fic is almost finished. Which means, you review and I can post the next chapter.

"And how did that make you feel?"

"Listen up you cruel bastard, you ask that question one more time and I'm gonna shove this fucking EMR so far up your fucking ass that it will electrocute your pea sized brain!" Reno growled, brandishing the weapon in question with deadly intention.

"Now Mister Fletcher, why do you want to do that?" the man said gently, his voice calm. Apparently he was undisturbed by the threat.

Reno growled and lunged forward, causing Rude to step in, "Reno stop!"

The red-head froze mid-lunge and looked at his lover, who had an iron grip on his arm. A juvenile pout reached Reno's face and he whined to Rude, "He deserves it."

"Reno," Rude said, very calm, "He's not a priest. He is my shrink. And I'd much appreciate it if you didn't kill shrinky, love."

The term got more of rise out of the physiatrist than Reno's threats had. Damien looked over the top of his quarter sized lenses at the bald Turk, a look of utter hatred on his face. The term was one Rude had given him when the then younger Turk had been forced to see him everyday. Back then Rude had wept daily and had almost gone and blown up Sector 3. Since the time that Rude had officially been put back on-call he'd met with the shrink one a week. Damien Lemure had spent much time with Rude like this, so he could instantly tell something was wrong. The brunette knew that Rude had not just brought Reno here as a friend, but as a crutch.

"Mister Fletcher, maybe you should step out and let me speak with Mister Urnar alone for a minute..." Damien said, much to Rude's hidden relief.

When Rude nodded to his lover, Reno left the comfortable office. At a nod from Damien, Rude stretched out on the long leather couch and stared at the ceiling. The Turk slowly collected his thoughts, trying not to feel uncomfortable.

"Was it the dream?" Damien asked cautiously.

"Yes... and no," Rude sighed and looked toward the man.

"Tell me."

"It starts with the fire, it always does. They are there, so horribly charred, and burned nearly beyond recognition. Then it started... The house was whole again, untouched. My family whole and happy. Then a flame appears, and I see myself in it, killing a child. Then another, this one with me poisoning a small mountain village. More come, showing all I've done as a Turk until all there is is the fire."

"... They said it, didn't they?"

"They blamed me for their deaths, blamed Shin-Ra. But I'm a fucking Turk, you know? I'm trained to react... So I shoot them! I murder them in cold blood... And when the fire is gone I spit on the ashes... I fuckin' LAUGH! Honestly, were you anyone else I'd say you were mental, but you're not. You just need to stop bottling it all up. You're not a monster, because you have emotions, like fear, sorrow, love..."

"Shut-up!" Rude growled.

"Rude, I've been here for you for over twenty-five years, don't go putting up that wall of yours!"

"I have to go... I have to get back to work..." With that Rude stood and headed toward the door. "Don't expect another appointment."

"Reno loves you, very much," Damien said softly, causing the Turk to freeze, "He told me as much at his recent psyche evaluation."

"Don't talk about him!"

"You keep him together. Ever since you started seeing him he's seemed more stable."

"SHUT-UP!" Rude roared, but Damien didn't listen, probably a big mistake.

"You are to him what he is to you, and more. He said he wanted you to tell him more things, that he couldn't stand you bottling everything up. Of course, he said that alcohol and a good fuck was a great way to handle the pain..."

The bald Turk smiled when Damien froze. The gun in his hand was aimed to be a fatal shot, if he chose to shoot. Damien took the hint and grew silent, but not for long. The shrink moved to his desk and opened a drawer. After sorting through the contents he moved to the furious Turk. Rude knew what the man held, having given it to him to hide. Damien forced Rude's paralyzed gun hand down and forced the velvet box into Rude's other hand.

"I checked; President Shin-Ra has just legalized it. I expect you back next week so we can deal with the added stress."

Rude nodded, feeling suddenly numb. He left the office, gun still out, and returned to the Turk Lounge. Reno was sitting there with Tseng, discussing some mission or another. Ignoring the PHS that rang in pocket he moved toward the two. It was probably Damien's secretary calling to let him know when he was scheduled, but he didn't care. Both of his superior Turks looked up when he stopped before them. Rude was so focused on keeping his cool as he kneeled before Reno that he didn't notice Elena escort Rufus into the office.

Everyone was looking at Rude oddly; Tseng was intrigued; Elena was over-joyed; Rufus was shocked; and Reno, he was embarrassed. Normally Rude kept his word to keep their relationship private. For once in his life it actually took so much effort for Rude to keep quiet, so he merely held the velvet box out to Reno. The red-head, to shocked to do anything else, opened the box and stared dumbly at the ring.

"Rude... I..." Reno said in shock.

"Don't speak Reno. I understand," Rude replied, looking away, pain etched in his features.

"Yes Rude, I would love to marry you," the answer was barely a whisper, but Rude heard it, "But why Rude? Do I really mean this much to you?"

"Yes, and so much more," the older man replied before standing and pulling Reno to his feet with him. Only a few things registered to the dark-skinned man now: the placing of the ring on Reno's left-middle finger; the pressing together of their bodies while they kissed; and the cheers, applause, and cat-calls of their celebrating friends.

"Reno," Rude whispered to his lover.

"Yeah?"

"You're the only thing that makes me want to live. You give me reason. You're how I survive at night, through the pain and guilt. I love you so much Reno... I love you..."