Author's Note: Hey guys! I'm so sorry for the lack of updates. My first beta has been real busy, but I thought I'd upload the un-first-beta read chappie. It has been beta read by beta 2, and my great friend, anyways! I don't want to put an AN at the end of this chappie, so it all goes here.

Thanks to DragonStarGirl (or whatever) for beta-ing this for me, and being a great friend! Love ya loads! Also, thank you to all reviewers. Every single review that appears in my inbox, I read. They ALWAYS make me smile. Special thanks to "The Criticizer" for having nothing to criticize! :D Please don't forget to review!

I already have ch14 done and second-beta read, so it should be up tomorrow or the day after. Enjoy this, and remember my lil saying ;) Also, I am redoing the first few chapters… getting rid of the Harry stuff cause it is totally not HPF and I also changed Harry's summer grins sheepishly. Therefore, once I delete the earlier chapters, I'm not sure what will go on with Author Alerts so if you want me to email you when I update, leave your email address in a review.

..Previous Chapter…

The fact that he was coming to her defence angered her even more and she clenched her fist tightly. "Sit down," she said coldly, still glaring at Snape, "I can handle this."

Before she could react, a hand had come down hard across her face.

She stared up at Snape in shock. "Don't talk of what you do not know!" he shouted, his face merely inches from hers.

"I hope you had fun." Her voice neat and deadly. She picked up her school bag and stormed from the room, tears still rolling.

…

Mya

All thoughts incoherent. Nothing went through her mind. Anger coursing through her veins. She had never been so pissed in her life.

Yes, she was aware that her friends had run after her. Yes, she was aware that she saw Dumbledore walking towards the dungeons. Yes, she was aware that she was acting totally un-Hermione. And yes, she knew it wasn't just Snape she was pissed at.

Everything. Everything had gone wrong. Everything she had worked for, was crumbling around her. It all seemed so pointless. Why bother, when they all found out anyway? Why bother, when she got hurt anyway?

All her life she had worked hard to make her life somewhat substantial. She had never had that as a muggle, and she was determined to get it as a witch. She made great friends, had a… family, she was good in school, she studied hard. Her life was what she had always wanted it to be…

Except the abuse. But having everything else, made her able to forget about that. You had to have some bad to go with the good, right?

Now, she had lost everything. Her pride, her dignity, her courage. Her friends. The thing that had always meant most to her was trust, but it was as if someone just deleted it from the universe. Why was it, that when you allowed yourself to love, you always got hurt? Why did you always have to sacrifice something, to get something else back?

For that was what she had done. She had sacrificed everything to get what she wanted. She had lied to her friends so they would accept her. She had changed so people would accept her. She had become someone else, so that she would finally be accepted for who she was. But they weren't accepting her for who she was. Everything was a lie. She didn't even know who she was.

She lost.

She had lost her battle to be someone else. To forget her past, to forget her father, to forget her childhood. To forget that she didn't have one.

It was all coming back to her now. The childhood abuse. The rape. The murders. The kidnap. The torture. Voldemort. Draco. Harry and Ron. Snape.

It was too much to take.

She had broken.

-----

"Catch me as I fall, say you're here and it's all over now, speaking to the atmosphere, no one's here and I fall into myself. This truth drives me into madness; I know I can stop the pain, if I will it all away.

I'm frightened by what I see, but somehow I know that there's much more to come. Immobilized by my fear, and soon to be blinded by tears, I can stop the pain, if I will it all away.

Fallen angels at my feet, whispered voices at my ear, death before my eyes, lying next to me I fear. She beckons me shall I give in?

Upon my end shall I begin forsaking all I've fallen for? I rise to meet the end."

-----

Before she knew it, she found herself in the Astronomy tower. Completely alone.

She couldn't think. She was too blinded by emotions. Fear, rage, confusion, grief. She took a quill out of her bag, waved her wand at it, muttering a spell she didn't recognise, and picked up the knife that had appeared.

She pulled herself up onto one of the window ledges, one leg on each side so one was hanging out the window, and pulled up her skirt slightly. Enough so that it wouldn't be visible.

And she sliced. Harder than before. All her emotion flowing into the power of the thrusts.

She didn't feel the pain.

Anger slowly ebbing away, she looked down at her leg, covered in blood. It didn't ring clear. She stared at it, marvelling in its beauty. The rich crimson colour that shone only slightly lighter in the light.

It wasn't enough. It didn't get rid of the pain, the grief, and it only managed to lessen the anger.

She rolled up her sleeve, and dragged the knife across the top of her wrist. She watched as the blood trickled down her arm. The gash was deep, deeper than ever before, yet she was still in pain.

So, she turned her arm over, and dragged the blade from her wrist, running it parallel to the sides of her arms.

She laughed. This could kill her. Yet, she didn't regret it. She stared at the wound, watching the blood trickle. The contrast against her skin was amazing. She never knew blood could look this way. She wasn't scared.

She could hear footsteps outside. Someone was coming.

They opened the door. In ran Draco.

He stared at her in shock. His eyes watering, his body shaking. He knew what she'd done. "Hermione…"

A cold laugh escaped her lips. She could feel her life ebbing away as the dizziness overtook her, and she passed out.

-----

I tried to kill the pain, but only brought more. I lay dying and I'm pouring crimson regret and betrayal. I'm dying, praying, bleeding and screaming. Am I too lost to be saved? Am I too lost?

My wounds cry for the grave, my soul cries for deliverance. Will I be denied Christ, tourniquet, my suicide?

-----

She awoke in the hospital wing. Unfortunately. She knew she was there, even though she hadn't opened her eyes.

She could vaguely hear muffled footsteps from around her. Muffled cries to her left. Somebody was crying. Crying for her.

What had she done? She had tried to kill herself! She had committed suicide! Almost. She was alive. Alive, but weak.

"I can't believe she'd do this."

"You saw how pissed she was!"

"No. It wasn't just that. She wouldn't try to kill herself from that. It takes a lot of guts to do something like that. You need to be in a lot of pain. I guess everything hit her when she left, and she couldn't handle it. She's been though so much. It's not fair."

Silence…

"Don't look at me like that."

"How do you know that? Why is it you know her better than we do?"

"I've been there."

Silence…

"Will you stop looking at me like that!?"

"Is she going to be ok, Professor?"

"Yes. She's going to be fine. But she lost a hell of a lot of blood. The first two cuts were enough to send her unconscious, the third…"

"I can't believe Hermione would do this. It seems so unreal."

"There's a lot about her you don't know."

"Yes, thank you. I know that. We all do. I just don't see why. I mean, it's so stupid! If she was in so much pain, why add to it?"

"It helps get rid of the emotional pain."

Silence…

"He's right. It might seem stupid to you, but it does help. Trust me. When things get too much to handle, it's nice to be able to feel some other kind of pain. That pain becomes the source of pain, and the other sort of dies away, almost."

"I guess it wasn't enough"

Silence…

"Don't tell me you two are suicidal too!"

"This isn't a joke, Ron!"

"I'm not laughing! You do realise what you just told me?!"

"I'm not thinking about myself at the moment."

"I can't take this. First Hermione, then you, then you, then Ginny, then Hermione again! When is it going to stop!?"

"It doesn't."

Silence…

Guilt. That's what she felt. How could she be so stupid? So selfish?

Tears were running down her cheeks. She was surprised nobody had noticed she was awake.

She plucked up the courage –

"I'm sorry" she whispered, her voice loud enough for the others to hear.

Silence…

The tears became more. What if they never forgave her? What if they thought she was a freak for what she did?

"Me too."

What?

"What? Why?"

"I'm sorry you had to see your parents die. I'm sorry you had to see Voldemort. I'm sorry I let those Death Eaters inside the castle that night."

"Harry! That wasn't your fault. None of it was!" yelled… Ron?

"Yes it was! If she wasn't my friend, none of this would've happened, Ron." His voice was flat, dead almost. "This is my fight, not hers!"

She sat up, still weak, and turned to him. Fear spread through her as she looked at Harry, and Ron. She ignored it.

"Harry, it wasn't your fault. You know it wasn't. You had nothing to do with my… parents. Harry, I know the risk of being your friend. I know I'm a target on Voldemort's hit list. But, I would never drop you as a friend, just because the risk of dying is higher. You mean more to me than you will ever know. You too, Ron. Nothing that has happened was your fault Harry. Don't think like that. It wasn't you who did it to me." (

"But –"

"No buts! Can't you just listen for once? This isn't just your battle any more! The whole of the light side are fighting against him. I'm a Muggleborn, remember? That makes me even higher on his hit list!"

"But –"

"HARRY JAMES POTTER! If you do not shut the fuck up I will hex you all the way to Hogsmeade!"

Well, that definitely shut him up.

"Thank you." She smiled at her two best friends. "I love you two so much, you mean so much to me. Thank you for always being there, even if you didn't realise it."

They both smiled at her and pulled her into a hug.

Then it hit home.

"Wait! What did you mean, when you said 'Ginny'?!?!"

"Miss Granger! You're awake!" Madam Pomfrey called as she came from her office and spotted Hermione.

"Apparently…"

"Everybody, OUT! Now! Go on, Miss Granger needs rest!"

They both looked at her to say bye, then walked out of the hospital wing. Draco followed.

Hermione groaned.

"Why do I ALWAYS end up here?!? Alone!"

"Well, It was you who put yourself here this time, Miss Granger…"

Silence…

Ouch.

"Take this," she said, passing Hermione a dreamless sleep potion. She gratefully accepted and chugged it down.

Her already weak body reacted quickly to the potion and she fell into a dreamless sleep.

…

Apparently, self-inflicted injuries were un-healable. How ironic! Wizards and witches just happen to be the most… powerful humans in the universe and they can't even heal cuts?

Not that she wanted them healed; she just didn't want to walk around with a bandage on her wrist. It was almost as if she was shouting 'Hey, look at me, look at me! I tried to kill myself, but didn't succeed!' just for attention.

They'd always serve as a reminder. A reminder that no matter what, there was always someone who loved her. Well, hopefully. They'd serve as a reminder about what she did that night.

That didn't mean the pain was gone. She may have lessened it, but it was so great that it was still eating her from the inside. Nobody realised. She was back to putting the "I'm perfectly ok!" act back on.

There was only one person who could see through her still evident façade. Hmm, not so perfect anymore, eh?

When she had woken, two days later, she was again surrounded by her friends. They were so happy to see her awake that no one ever mentioned anything about what she had done to herself that night. Or the pain she had been in and why she had done it. They seemed to think she was perfectly fine.

Draco, who seemed to be sticking around an awful lot, seemed to be able to see right through this not-so-perfect façade. His thoughts were confirmed when he walked into the hospital wing the same night she had woken up, to speak to her.

She was on her bed, hugging her knees close to her chest, her head bowed so she was crying mercilessly into her covers.

"Hermione, stop acting like everything is ok, you're obviously not and that is more than understandable!" he said as he sat behind her on her bed, holding her tightly.

"It is; I'm fine."

Well, that was a stupid, pointless thing to say, was it not? She could almost hear him rolling his eyes.

"I can see through you, Hermione. It's eating you up from the inside. You've got to stop putting extra strain on yourself by acting like everything is fine around your friends and professors!"

She cried even more, and turned her head so it was almost buried in his chest… again.

"It's not just me! Nobody has said anything about what happened that night. I'm not the sort of person to bring up my feelings!"

"Why not?"

Silence… she couldn't quite bring herself to tell him why. Even though her reasons were quite… well... reasonable, they sounded rather lame and pathetic when voiced.

"Hermione, why don't you like to speak about how you feel?"

"Because… because if I speak about it, it makes it real. It means I'm accepting it, and I don't want to accept it. I can't." she cried. "And because it makes me feel as if I'm begging for attention," she said in a hoarse whisper. He heard every word.

"I know. That's how I felt. But I had no one to share my pain with. Hermione, you do! You have three of the best friends anyone could ever ask for! You need to talk to them, before it destroys you completely. I couldn't bare it if you tried to kill yourself again."

"You were right, you know. About what you said that night."

"What did I say?"

"When you said that it wasn't just Snape. Everything sort of hit me; it was like the final straw. I couldn't take any more. But the pain wouldn't go, no matter how I hard I tried to make it. I needed it to end."

He said nothing, he just held her tighter, rocking her slightly as she cried. He did, of course, know exactly what she meant when she had said that.

.

They stayed like that until Hermione fell asleep. Madam Pomfrey came out of her office a few times, saw Hermione crying and walked away again. This time, when she came out, she saw Hermione was asleep.

"I hope you're not planning on leaving." She said to him and managed to shock the hell out a certain blonde-haired Slytherin.

"Well, I'm not exactly going to sit like this all night!"

"No, you can sleep with her. She needs you, Draco. You may not realise, but you are the only person she has let in. The night you brought her here, she needed you. You were there for her like you are now. And she seems to be able to sleep with you around, too." She said looking at Hermione curiously.

"So, what do you suppose I should do?"

"I told you, sleep with her."

"In her bed!?"

"Yes!" she said exasperated.

"Isn't that going to look extremely… dodgy if anyone comes in?"

"Probably," she said calmly.

"Oh for Merlin's sake!" And he pushed the covers from under them, laid Hermione down so she was lying next to him with her head on his chest, and his arm around her waist, and pulled the covers back over them. "Happy?"

"Yes, thank you." And she walked off.

He groaned, but fell into a pleasant sleep.

…

"We should leave them."

"I agree. Mr Malfoy hasn't been sleeping much lately. I keep catching him walking around the school after curfew, and he's been very unfocused in classes."

A laugh.

"I don't doubt that, after what happened to him. Or her, for that matter. She seems very happy there."

"She sure does." That had to be Dumbledore, amusement evident in his voice. "I should be off, Poppy. I'm late for breakfast as it is."

"Very well, Professor."

Confusion. What the heck was going on? And where was she? And why was she so comfortable? She hadn't been comfortable since… probably last night when Draco…

Firstly, where was she? She thought hard and realised she had been in the hospital wing the last time she was awake. Which meant she was there now.

She moved to sit up, but her body was still too weak. It was then she realised there was somebody next to her. Turning her head slightly, she saw it was Draco.

She noticed that he wore a completely different expression when he was sleeping. There was none of the Draco Malfoy that she knew and hated. He looked content, and without the oh-so-familiar scowl he usually bore, he looked somewhat harmless. She smiled, realising he had stayed with her last night.

"Go back to sleep, Miss Granger." Hermione didn't even realise that the nurse had been standing in the room. She was watching Hermione, with a knowing smile on her face.

Hermione returned a curious look, which made her laugh.

"I'm sure you heard the conversation. Neither of you have been able to sleep without the aid of a potion. Last night you both slept straight for eight hours."

Really. So?

"So?"

"So, take advantage of the fact! At least stay there for him, anyways. I guarantee he will wake up if you try to move. And you really need your rest, Miss Granger. You have no idea how much of a critical condition you were in, how close you were to dying. You need to get your energy back up, too, so the headmaster expects to see you for supper in the great hall. That gives you a good twelve hours to rest."

"… ok."

And she lay back down in the position she woke up in, and fell back into a peaceful sleep almost instantly.

…

"Hermione?" Hermione found herself being shaken awake. When she looked at who was waking her, she saw it was Draco.

"Miss Granger, it's time for you to get dressed and go down to supper." That was Pomfrey.

"Who are you and what did you do with Madam Pomfrey?" she said, slightly shocked at her nurse.

"Excuse me?"

"You usually make your patients stay in here until they are fully healed."

"Yes, well, as weak as you still are, the headmaster insisted you eat. He seems to think your absence is causing a lot of rumours about Professor Snape killing you because of your little explosion in class a couple of weeks ago. And coupled with the knowledge that you have spent more time than even Mr Potter in here, well… I guess you are seeing my soft side. It is now 8.30pm, please be back by 10pm." She smiled.

"Right. So, how long have I been in here?" Hermione asked curiously.

"Erm… thirteen days now, I think. Yes, nearly two weeks."

"Wow." That was unexpected. "Ok, I should get dressed." She looked pointedly at Draco, who seemed to get the hint and left the wing. She quickly got dressed, thanked Pomfrey, and walked out of the wing.

Draco had been waiting outside for her, which she appreciated.

"How long was I asleep for, before I woke up the first time?"

"Erm, about a week and a half. Madam Pomfrey refused point blank to let anyone apart from myself and the professors into the hospital wing. They also refused to tell your friends what had happened, so it came as a bit of a shock to them when they walked in and saw the bandages on your arms. That's actually when you woke up."

She nodded. "And Ginny?"

His face hardened incredibly, and he refused to look at Hermione.

"Draco? What is it? Is she ok?"

"She's fine… now. Look, Mya, it's not my story to tell, ok? She'll be coming tomorrow for your birthday so you can ask her then. She's staying until Wednesday, so you will have a chance to catch up."

"What do you mean she's 'coming for my birthday'. Where is she now?"

"St Mungo's." She froze in her paces, and saw he did too, almost as if he'd expected it.

"What?" her voice shaky.

"You heard. I'm not telling you anymore, ok? Come on, you need to eat."

"Ok… wait! What did you call me?"

"Erm… I don't remember. Hermione?"

"No, you called me Mya."

"If you knew, why did you ask?" She shrugged. "Well I must say I have a habit of shortening names." He chuckled.

"Hmm… but why Mya?"

"Her-mya-knee. Makes sense really."

"Yes… I quite like that."

"Enough with the name talk," he said, amusement in his voice. "We are about to walk into a great hall, half-full of students who think you are either dead, or missing." She frowned.

"Missing?"

"Yes, you haven't been around for just under two weeks, and none of the professors would comment on where you were. Some students started sending rumours around that you had been attacked by Professor Snape and then run away."

"Why all this about Professor Snape?"

"Your little yelling contest shocked the heck out of everyone in our class. It spread around like wild fire because of a few Slytherins and their big mouths." She decided to let the second comment go.

"Right, well… ok."

"Brace yourself."

"Ugh, can we just go back to the hospital wing?"

"No, you need to stop the rumours."

"Great."

"Come on, Mya," and he pushed open the doors to the great hall. It wasn't completely full, thank Merlin, but everyone turned to stare at them. Hermione walked over to the Gryffindor table. She sat down, when Draco sat down next to her and started piling food on her plate.

"Draco? Why are you sitting here?"

"I was re-sorted" he replied, bitterness evident.

"What!? That's not possible! Houses are permanent!"

He smiled sadly at her. "I guess I was a special case."

She frowned, but decided to drop it, and ask him later.

Supper was an interesting affair. She had trouble eating, however. One spoonful of mashed potatoes and she felt sick, so she just stopped eating and drank from her goblet. Probably because she hadn't eaten in two weeks, and even then she had only had a sandwich, in which she hadn't eaten for weeks before that. She'd started to lose count.

A lot of people asked her where she had been for all this time, but she refused to comment. She kept her sleeves over her bandages as to not attract suspicion. She talked to everyone, when they weren't asking her questions she didn't want to answer. The annoying thing was that she kept receiving suspicious and curious stares. She had told herself she would not look at Snape, or any of the teachers.

"Hermione?" She looked up to see Neville. "What happened that day in potions?"

"Nothing. It was just something… well. Just nothing ok?"

"That wasn't nothing, Herms," said Dean, who was currently listening into the conversation.

"Look, Dumbledore told me something that pissed me off. I realised Snape was connected, and I just … got mad, ok?"

"What did Dumbledore tell you?" That was Seamus.

"What's that to you? It's none of your business, is it?" She was starting to get angry.

"Sorry," he replied.

"Since when have you been called 'Herms'?" She turned around to see Draco eyeing her, amusement in his eyes.

She scowled. "You're not the only one who likes to shorten names. They've been calling me that for a year now. Only Harry and Ron know not to call me it."

He laughed. "I prefer Mya."

"Lucky for you, so do I."

"I'm finished here, are you ready to head back to the hospital wing?"

"Yes. Why, are you coming with me?"

"Madam Pomfrey wants me to take you back."

"Oh, ok. Let's go. Bye guys," she said, looking pointedly at Ron and Harry, and scowling humorously at Dean and Seamus.

…

They walked back to the hospital wing in a comfortable silence. Supper had lasted until just past 10. They arrived at the hospital wing late…

"Thank Merlin you two are ok! When I said 'be back by 10pm' I did mean it you know! Hermione, you shouldn't be out of bed!"

"Sorry professor," she replied in a soft whisper, her arms crossed over her chest.

"Ok, now get back to bed."

Hermione walked over to her bed, took off her robes and shoes so she was comfortable and sat under the covers.

Draco was sat on the bed next to hers. He looked as if he was dreading something, but she didn't know what.

"Draco?" He looked up. "Thank you," she smiled.

"For what?"

She shrugged. "For being there. Even when I threw it all back in your face," she replied guiltily.

"That's ok. I guess I should thank you too."

"What for?"

"For trusting me, after everything I've done, I did, to you through the years. And for being there for me too".

She had to ignore that comment. Trust wasn't too high on her list of favourites right now.

"Draco… why were you re-sorted?"

His face hardened and she immediately felt guilty.

"After I admitted my betrayal to both my father and the dark lord… I became the traitor of Slytherin. I kind of got beat up the first day back and so Dumbledore had to re-sort me to keep me safe." He snarled.

She sat in shock at what he had admitted.

"Come and sit over here." She patted the bed beside in front of where she sat. He looked over, got up and came and sat next to her.

"Why did you betray your father?"

He looked away…

"Draco? Draco, you can tell me… you must have told Dumbledore otherwise he wouldn't trust you. Draco, why did you betray your father? What did you mean when you said you had tried to commit suicide? Why the sudden change?"

"It's not sudden," he hissed. "And when did I say I tried to commit suicide?"

Slightly taken back by his tone – "You didn't… you said 'you'd been there'."

There was a long pause…

"I was never good enough for him. It started off small. Like when he tutored me before Hogwarts, and I couldn't get things right. He'd say I was stupid, and that I wasn't going to be good enough to be a Malfoy if I couldn't even do this. Then, when I was 8, my mother bought me a puppy for my birthday.

"I loved that puppy… he was my best friend. The only person who I could talk to. The only person who loved me. My father never showed me any love. Malfoy's aren't allowed to feel.

"One day, things got so bad, that I had to be punished. My father wouldn't hit me, it was too easy. He'd done it countless times before and I – and I quote – 'failed to learn the lesson'. He had to do something to really hurt me, something that would get my attention. I think it's obvious what he did…

"I loved that puppy so much, and he killed it. He killed it to punish me. He killed my best friend because of me." Tears were running down his cheeks, but Hermione knew he hadn't finished.

"After that, I swore to never love anything ever again. That was hard. I wasn't my father; I had feelings. After that, punishment would be abusive. He'd hit me for dropping a potion. He'd cast the Cruciatus on me for stepping out of line.

"When I started at Hogwarts, my father wanted the best from me. He didn't expect it, but he wanted it. Malfoy's were the best known pure-blooded family in England. I had to be at the top of my classes… the most popular… teachers pet. I wasn't. He'd punish me.

"After the dark lord's return, things got really bad. He could barely look at me, most times. I disgusted him that much. It was normally after meetings, for most were at Malfoy Manor. Father and the Death Eaters would be drunk. I'd be highly punished for the smallest of things, but the things my father did to me weren't enough. He didn't think that what he was doing was enough to make me realise that I was useless.

"It's stupid really. Making me feel useless wouldn't make me any smarter. But, I think father hated me so much that he though of me as a piece of Muggle born crap. By this time, it was the end of fifth year.

"As I said, Death eater meetings were the worst. Father wouldn't deal with me after, 'cause he was too busy fucking the Dark Lord. He'd let the other Death Eaters deal with me." He was crying harder than before. She put a hand on his shoulder, but he flinched and moved away as the memories tore at his mind. Then it hit her… what the other Death Eaters had done to him. The tears she didn't know she had started coming harder as she thought about how hard his life must have been.

"I wanted to prove to him that I could be a Malfoy. That I was worthy. He set me the task to kidnap you. That went wrong immediately. I never expected to walk in on what I did. My Malfoy act fell immediately, and I was me. I had to get you safe. Get you healed.

"By the time you had been healed as best as possible, I had already told my father some bullshit that I don't even remember now. He replied telling me that the floo network was covered. I could floo you. I did.

"I was rewarded for that, you know. I got to be the one who took you to Voldemort." Sarcasm. "Everything was ok, until you escaped. I had to be punished. Father thought that hitting me, torturing and raping me wasn't enough. He had to really hurt me, to make up for what I had done.

"I told you that Malfoy's weren't allowed to feel… well, my father was heartless. He wasn't entirely sure how to punish me, so he just cast a few Cruciatus' here and there… threw a few punches. By the time he had finished I could hardy move. My mother healed me, took care of me.

"But he caught her. And that was when it became her fight too. He tortured her like he had me… and made me watch. After that, he killed her with Avada.

"That one action changed me forever. I couldn't be that person he wanted me to be, I never could. Me whole life had been an act, an act I put on to fool my father and everyone else. No one, not even my 'close' friends new who I really was. What I really felt."

A cold laugh escaped his lips. "It gets worse. Father had been working on a spell. One that would cause pain. One that would weaken by making one relive their worst memories.

"He cast it on me.

"At that point, I broke. I had to get out." He had moved so he sat in a ball on the bed, rocking back and forth, crying painfully, silently, and staring at the nothingness ahead of him.

She moved to hug him, tears cascading down her cheeks. He seemed to realise that she was crying, because he uncurled himself and looked at Hermione.

They made eye contact immediately. He saw the tears and tried in a futile attempt to dry the tears. His legs were now crossed. He pulled her onto his lap and she rapped her legs tightly around his torso as she cried heavily onto his shoulder. He did the same to her, burying his head in her hair. Clinging to her to gather strength.

They sat that way fir a while, until Hermione had stopped crying angrily. He then spoke again.

"Cutting had always been a way to escape everything. It helped me push my emotions back. Things got really bad during summer, and I'd cut myself more, and the cuts would be deeper.

"After my father killed my mother, I tried to kill myself, but I was too cowardly. I just ended up making a big mess on my cream carpet." He said with a bitter laugh.

"You are so much stronger than I am, Hermione. I respect you for that. I understand why you do it, honestly I do. But you need to stop. Because… when it gets too much, and the pain doesn't leave, you end up doing stupid things like slitting your wrists. I couldn't bear it if I lost you, Hermione. I don't know why… but I feel like you are the only one who understands me. You are the only person I trust, other than Dumbledore.

"Please, don't do anything stupid again. Promise me. I never told anyone some of that. About the spell. Not even Dumbledore."

His body was shaking with suppressed sobs. She tried to comfort him, but the effort was made futile by that comment. She couldn't promise him that.

"Please, Mya," he said, begging her, looking deeply into her eyes.

"I don't make promises I might not be able to keep, but I can sure as hell try, Draco. I'll try, honestly I will, but you need to stop too. You need to stop cutting. We can do this together."

He laughed at her. "We sound like a soppy romance novel."

She smiled, but something still wasn't right. "I still don't understand… why did you get re-sorted? Why did the Slytherins turn their backs on you? Why do they hate you so much?"

He was saved the trouble of answering. It seemed that as soon as she had asked that, her body went rigid.

"Mya?!!?" A blinding white light hit her eyes, before she fell into complete darkness.

……

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And finally, a quote from Emma: "... It made me think about the fact that Hermione uses her books and her schoolwork as a comfort blanket. It's like a mask, so she doesn't have to deal with any emotions or get homesick or anything. She can just cover it all up by being clever." How correct she is ;)