Author's Note: Ok, this chapter is a bit random. I kinda changed it a bit to make it sorta AU, in a way that I put our music back into 1996. There's a big passage of music talk, which can be passed if you wish to do so.

This chapter isn't beta'd as my beta isn't at home. I think it's ok, i beta'd it.

---Previous Chapter---

"Is that any of your business, Dean? Why do you people always have to know
everything? And then stare when you do!" she shouted. Hermione eyed the food
around her with distaste, suddenly feeling sicker than before.

She the shook herself, and realised the entire school was staring at her,
again, and she realised she should have kept her mouth shut.

Next time, she would know better. She let her head fall into her arms, which
were folded on the table, and groaned irritated. She just felt... stupid. Like
the whole world was against her, and the need to be sarcastic was
over-ruling her.

She felt somebody rubbing her back, and looked up, took a long heavy breath
and turned to look and smile at Draco.

"I'm going back to the common room, I'll see you guys later." They all
nodded reluctantly, but let her go.

Acceptance

She had realised life was going to be tough, and that it was going to get harder. She didn't know whether she would get through it in full mental health, but nothing and no one could stop her from trying. And, she knew that there would be a lot more of those little breaks in temper.

But, she didn't want any more attention. She had enough. And her yelling at her friend in the Great Hall would only attract more. But the only way to control her anger was to hide from it and all the emotional baggage that followed her wherever she went. And that would mean pushing it all back again.

Could she do that? Could she be that person she once more. Could she fool people into thinking she was that person? That is wasn't all a lie? She had always been happier in her façade. Even if she had been forced to lie, she had always been distracted from the truth, which had allowed her to cope.

She realised, with a jolt, that she was not headed for the common room at all. She wasn't sure where her subconscious was taking her but it obviously didn't want to go back to the Gryffindor common room. Dinner was probably finished anyway, and she certainly didn't want to see anyone after she had shouted at Seamus for annoying Lyssa.

Who was this girl anyway? She seemed to be really nice and friendly, and shy, but the way she dressed screamed that she was the complete opposite. Was she just pretending to be so nice to fool everyone, when she was in fact working for Voldemort? But, if that was doing so, surely she would have changed her sense of style too? Maybe she was just being nice because she was new? Or maybe her style showed how she felt, sometimes, but was really, genuinely, a nice person?

Then again, why was Hermione even thinking about it? She'd find out who Lyssa was soon enough.

Right now, Hermione had the task of rehiding. Of recreating her perfect façade.

When she finally got back to the common room, and found it empty – it was 11.30 – she went straight to bed.

But sleep was not as peaceful as it had been the night before. As soon as her head hit the pillow, she was plagued with the images she faced during the Reliving curse. She found herself jolting awake, hot and sweaty with a Death Eaters face in her mind, several times throughout the night. It then took her what seemed like hours to get back to sleep.

In conclusion, she didn't get much sleep.

When Hermione woke in the morning, she found that she had missed breakfast. She dressed quickly and ran down to her first lesson, – it was Monday – Transfiguration. She arrived just as the rest of the class did, and quickly found a seat with Ron, Harry, Draco and surprisingly – or not so – Lyssa.

After perfecting her transfiguration – chairs to pillows – she helped her friends. She also got to talk to Lyssa, and found out she was actually very nice. She would not explain why she was there now, and since every time someone asked her she would look pained, Hermione forgot about it. She was extremely crazy, and laid back, but Hermione found her spacing out quite a lot. Then again, so were Draco and Harry.

They also had Defence against the Dark Arts that day, which went just as badly as it had done the years before. Dumbledore had been unable to find a suitable teacher, so a Ministry of Magic employee was asked to take the job. This person, though just as annoying as Umbridge, actually had a bit more skill, and wasn't as strict. But, they still weren't doing any practical work.

The day swept by, and before Hermione knew it, it was Dinnertime again. Potions hadn't gone so well as Hermione had missed a lot of lessons, along with the other four, so they were all extremely snippy when people spoke to them.

After Dinner, the six spent the night doing homework and chatting about anything and everything. Hermione found out that as Ron was the only sixth year prefect with a sane mind – as Lyssa so kindly put it – he had been asked to help her find the ropes.

Hermione spent the night, again, repeatedly waking up and finding it hard to get back to sleep again, so the next day, during a free lesson, she went to Madam Pomfrey for some dreamless sleep.

The next day, they had Care of Magical Creatures. Hagrid wasn't back at Hogwarts yet, but Professor Grubbly-Plank wasn't revealing anything. She was acting surprisingly like Hagrid too.

"Now, the creature we will be studying today is one of great legend and myth. A lot of people assume it to be bad luck, but they are in fact good luck.

"Now, I know you did these with Hagrid, but if I was told correctly, you did not cover them fully."

There were murmurs around the crowd, but Hermione couldn't think of what they were studying. She looked around at Harry, who was looking very nervous, and kept throwing sorrowful looks at Draco and Hermione.

Completely confused, she followed, when asked, the teacher into the forest. Suddenly, Draco took hold of her hand, squeezed it and let go, but wouldn't meet her eye. Now even more confused, she walked on next to Draco and Ron.

They walked into a small enclosure. In it were four or five winged black skeletal looking horses. She was shocked, and confused as to whether they were beautiful or extremely ugly. But, there was something deadly about them, yet they seemed extremely mythical in a way.

"Now, who can see them?" And then it hit her. Thestrals. She reluctantly raised her hand, and then looked around the class. Draco, Harry, Lyssa, Neville and some Slytherins had their hands raised.

"It's not those Thestral thingies again is it?" said Ron.

"Yeah, it is." She replied. She realised that when she had told Harry she wished she could see them, she really hadn't meant it. She was glad she could see it, but their meaning was just too powerful. She felt tears prickling at her eyes, but tried not to break down in front of the whole class.

"Right. Can anybody tell me what these things are...?"

The next day, and the next two weeks, went by without any hitches or reliving and Hermione felt as though she was starting to heal. She still ached everyday. She still felt sick. But she felt as though, with the help of her best friends, she could get through the day a little easier.

But she still wasn't eating much as it made her feel even sicker.

And Hagrid still wasn't at Hogwarts.

A week before Halloween, Dumbledore announced that there would be a Halloween ball, and that everyone attending would have to attend in fancy dress, else they would be hexed. There would also be a visit to Hogsmeade the day before so that everyone could get his or her costumes ready.

Hermione, Draco, Ron, Harry, Ginny and Lyssa spent the walk to Hogsmeade discussing the outfits they would don, all trying very hard not to bring up Voldemort. In truth, they were all curious as to why Dumbledore was letting them out of the protection of Hogwarts, when the threat from outside was at it's highest.

"I want to be something a bit... un-me." Said Mya.

"You could always dress up like a cat." Said Harry, with a grin on his face. The first she had seen in a while. In fact, he had seemed a lot happier now he was out of school.

She hit him playfully on the arm. "Shuddup, you evil cucumber." They all laughed. "That wasn't my fault!"

"What was your fault?" asked Draco. Lyssa was also looking interestedly.

"Wasn't!"

Hermione, Ron and Harry shared knowing looks that said, quite clearly, 'oops'.

"Er... you probably don't want to-"started Mya

"Yes, I do."

"No, you don't."

"Yes, I do"

"Fine. You remember in second year, when the Chamber of Secrets was opened?" He nodded. "Well, Ron, Harry and I were trying to figure out who was responsible for all the attacks. And, well, naturally, we thought it was... you. So, to find out properly we brewed some Polyjuice potion... Harry and Ron turned into Crabbe and Goyle, but the hair I thought was Millicent Bulstrode's, turned out to be her cats..."

He started laughing, uncontrollably. But, then he realised what she had said.

"Wait, you two were Crabbe and Goyle in disguise?"

They both nodded.

"When was this?"

"Um... the night we both went running out of the Slytherin common room with my scar returning as well as Ron's red hair."

He moved his head in understanding.

"Anywho, back to what we are going to dress up as." Said Lyssa. "Hey, maybe we could be the Fixation?"

"That new wizard punk band?" asked Ginny. Lyssa nodded.

"That's not a bad idea, actually. Seeing how we have the right amount of people. And you wont have to buy many clothes, Lyssa." Said Draco.

She smirked at him. "I know." There was a pause - "I'll be Charlie. I'm not into all that pink spiked hair." She added.

"Where are we going to buy the clothing from?" asked Ginny, who was now holding Harry's hand.

"There's this cute little gothic shop on the outskirts of Hogsmeade. It's quite new, so I doubt you will have seen it before. They also sell these cool portable music players, which I have wanted for ages now. I'm music deprived."

"Me too." Replied Mya. Hermione, or course, was a very big fan of music. Rock music to be exact as she felt that, in some weird way, her anger was being let out through the emotions portrayed by the singers.

"You a big music fan then?"

"Oh yeah. I got this portable CD player for my birthday one year. Each summer I'd go out and spend hours in the record shops, choosing the best CDs. They came in quite handy when trying to ignore my parents arguing." She had looked pointedly ahead throughout her whole three sentences.

"I hear ya." Said Lyssa. Hermione giggled.

"You have the most strange accent I have ever known. It's like a cross between all the English ones and an American one."

Lyssa shrugged. "I watched a lot of American TV,"

Hermione sensed the need to change the subject. "So, what is your favourite music?"

"Rock, mainly. Though, I'm not too fussy. I'll listen to pop and hip-hop. Stuff like that too. I have too many favourite bands. Linkin Park, Evanescence, Blink 182, Slipknot, Avenged Sevenfold, Hoobastank, The Rasmus, Lost Prophets... Avril Lavigne... Busted... yeah the list goes on." Ron and Ginny were looking at Lyssa as though she had grown six extra heads, each displaying a different colour of the rainbow.

But Harry and Hermione were both grinning at Lyssa.

"I love Linkin Park, and Slipknot, and Blink 182 are just fun." Replied Hermione.

"Yeah, and Sum 41 are cool."

"Oh ya! Wow, this is so cool, I never knew you guys liked music!"

Hermione grinned and giggled, whilst Harry just grinned.

"I think we need to hear some of this music, Ginny." Said Ron.

"Oh, you will." Said Lyssa.

"No need to be so mysterious."

Lyssa just grinned.

They were arriving at Hogsmeade. The village was rather lonely, compared to normal weekends. They walked in, past a few straggling shops on the outskirts, and towards the Three Broomsticks.

They all followed Lyssa, down some curvy alleyways and along a windy road until they found the shop she spoke of. The surrounding area was very empty, apart from the few stragglers here and there, making B-lines for the shop.

Once they were close enough, Hermione could see the name above the door. 'Underground: Clothing, Accessories, Wizard-Muggle appliances, Piercing and Tattoos.'

They walked into the store. There was a man around 20 behind the counter, donning the gothic clothing Lyssa wore. He wore a black shirt with combat trousers that had chains hanging from them. His hair was spiked and he wore a lip and eyebrow stud. She could also see he had a tattoo on his back as it came up his neck.

Lyssa headed straight for the clothing isles, and started ooo-ing at almost everything she looked at. It wasn't long until she was pointing out clothing that would look good on Hermione and Ginny. Then she started on the boys. About five minutes later, the shopkeeper came over and joined Lyssa in dressing them.

By the time they had finished, Hermione had bought her costume and a few other clothing bits. She had also picked up a few accessories that had caught her eye, and that Lyssa had practically forced on her. Hermione, Harry and Lyssa all helped to pay for Ginny and Ron's costumes, after much convincing.

They left the shop, each clad with at least one bag. In Lyssa's case, it looked as though she had bought the whole shop, including the music player she had wanted, with all her favourite bands on. She was surprisingly happy and when Hermione asked why, she squealed "Wasn't that guy HOT!" Hermione could only giggle.

Hermione couldn't help but think that she had never bought so much on a Hogsmeade visit.

Their next stop was at the Three Broomsticks, where they all ordered Butterbeers and headed straight towards the lonely back in hopes of avoiding, well, everyone.

They sat there talking until it was time to leave. Dumbledore had requested that all students be back by two PM because of the threat from outside Hogwarts wards. At one they slowly made their way back to Hogwarts, Lyssa listening to her music whilst the others chatted.

Suddenly, Hermione felt a stone hit her in the back of the head. She spun round instantly, letting a faint 'ow' escape her lips, and saw a bunch of Slytherins walking up the path behind them. Pansy Parkinson, and a boy she knew as Blaze Zabini, as well as Crabbe and Goyle, were in the gang.

"Well looky here. It's the Mudblood Whore and the Traitor with Potty and his sidekicks. How sweet. I'm surprised you even had the nerve to leave Hogwarts, considering you are the most wanted. Everywhere." Smirked Pansy.

Hermione wasn't going to take any more shit from the Slytherins, but something caught her off guard. The fact Pansy had called her a Mudblood and a Whore had put her in a faint state of shock.

She watched as Ron, Draco and Harry all lunged forward, wands in their hands, and started firing curses. Soon the other Slytherins joined in and it turned into a full-blown duel. Lyssa, Harry and Ginny were fighting about eight Slytherins back to back, whilst Draco took on Blasé and Hermione stood watching. In complete shock.

Suddenly, Pansy stepped out of the fray and shouted, "What's wrong, Whore, don't want to play? That's weird, cause I though you liked it? At least you did –"Hermione didn't allow her to finish her sentence. She lunged forward and smacked Pansy around the face with such force that Pansy went flying backwards and was knocked unconscious.

Something had snapped in Hermione then. Some emotion she had been holding back. It had been released inside of her, and it needed to be earthed before she blew. At least, that was how it felt. Everything around her seemed false as she strode towards the other Slytherins.

She kicked the one nearest to her in the back of the legs so he fell to the floor. One turned around and she punched him as hard as she had punched Pansy. A few more turned around, which gave Harry, Ginny and Lyssa a chance to stun them. A Slytherin stood behind Ginny shot a stunning spell at her, which made Harry and Lyssa shoot round and Stupefy the two remainders.

Draco and Blasé stood off to the side, watching Hermione in a state of complete and utter awe. She turned and saw that Harry, Lyssa and a revived Ginny were also ogling her.

"What?"

"That .... That was..."

"BRILLIANT!" cried Draco.

She shrugged, noticing Blasé slip away into the group of Slytherins on the floor. She turned and started walking back towards the castle.

"What the hell happened back there?" asked Ginny.

"Yeah, what happened to the old Hermione who would just tell us to ignore them?" asked Ron.

"I guess the real Hermione took over for a second."

"What does that mean?" asked Ginny.

"Nothing" she replied

"Do you think we are stupid?" She thought about it, but in all honesty, they weren't.

"Listen. Before I started Hogwarts, I was nothing. I decided to change. I built a life around myself that consisted of everything I wanted. I changed myself to live up to other people's expectations. You lot don't know the real Hermione. I don't even know her. I've grown up acting as something I'm not. I let myself slip during the summer, but the pain was too intense, I couldn't handle it. I had to push it all back and I hid behind the lie my life had always been before."

"Hermione, we're your friends. You don't need to be someone else around us. You should have been you from the start! Why didn't you ever tell us?"

"I couldn't! Don't you understand? Telling you made everything real, and I still can't accept that. I don't want to accept that. You don't want me to if you want me to be sane during Christmas. The books, the extra work. It was all so I could distract myself from the truth!!! I don't want to think about it. I'd tire myself so much that I could sleep at night. I'd keep myself busy the whole day, no matter what, so that I didn't have to relive anything in my mind." Tears were now spilling down her cheeks.

"But surely ignoring everything made it worse?"

"In the end? Yes. But, I just can't will myself to accept the truth. I can't even think about it. I can't talk about it. It's too hard. Too hard to accept that my father never loved me, and that my mother lied to me my whole life. Your family are your support. They give you unconditional love. I NEVER HAD THAT. I wanted it so bad, but I could never have it. He always loved her, but he didn't love me! WHY DIDN'T HE LOVE ME? He's supposed to love me! He was supposed to care for me. Tell me I was beautiful. Take me to the park and play with me! He was supposed to PROTECT me! But instead I was SCARED of him! I'd run and hide whenever he came near me when I was alone! I couldn't be near him without allowing myself to shake. My own father HIT me and abused me my whole life! HOW DO I ACCEPT THAT? HOW DO I ACCEPT THAT MY OWN FATHER DIDN'T LOVE ME LIKE HE WAS SUPPOSED TO? HOW DO I ACCEPT THAT MY OWN FATHER RAPED ME?" she was now crying hysterically, and shaking so much she couldn't stand. As she fell to the gravel floor, the other five all crouched down around her, hugging her from all angles.

They sat there, whispering words of comfort in her ear until she had calmed down. Draco was crying, along with Lyssa and Ginny. Harry and Ron seemed pissed.

"Hermione, you are beautiful." Said Draco. Hermione smiled.

"Yeah, and WE love you. And THAT is unconditional." Said Ginny

"Yeah. And we know how you feel. Remember? My father never loved me." Said Draco.

"And my family were supposed to love me unconditionally, but they abused me too."

"Sometimes, life brings you down. Some people can be bastards. But as long as you have people who love you, there are things worth fighting for. You're a fighter. You're strong. You can get through this. But you have to accept everything first." Said Ginny.

"I think I just did. I never told you he raped me did I?" said Hermione.

"Nope. You're making progress already." Said Harry, with a slight grin across his face.

"Guys?"

"Yeah?" was chorused all round.

"Will you help me? Help me find myself, and help me move on?"

"That's what friends are for." Said Ginny over the chant of 'of course'.

"Thank you. You're the best. And, guys?"

"Yeah?"

"Can I have a hug?" They all slammed into her at once, making her laugh and fall over. They all landed in one big laughing heap on the stones, each grumbling about bruised bones in the morning.

They all walked slowly back to Hogwarts. It was way past two now, and they were sure Dumbledore would be worried.

Hermione spent the whole time thinking of just one thing.

Why 'Mudblood Whore'?

Did I make you cry? I nearly did when I was writing it. When I re-read it, the end made me smile :)

Please review!