I don't own Harry Potter. ;-)

Chapter 3

It was Lord Voldemort. But this wasn't just any Lord Voldemort. It was a Lord Voldemort in just a pair of underwear. Very thin, ugly, stained underwear. The kind of underwear that was so cheap that it had "Brad Pittwear" written on the elastic on it. His eyes were slanted, and if you looked closely enough, steam was literally blowing out of his ears.

Wormtail turned around, knocking over the whiskey mugs in his clumsiness. He saw his master and stared in awe. Ten seconds of silence passed. Suddenly, Wormtail burst out into laughter. "Hahahahaha. You're so....white, Ma-ma-master."

Through clenched teeth, Voldemort replied, "Why thank you, Wormtail. You imbecile of a servant. Thank you, first of all, for not ironing my robes. I wanted the new black ones for tonight, but now, I'm going to have to wear my old one."

Wormtail was in Lloyd's arms now, barely breathing from laughing so hard. "N-no problem Voldie. Haha, I called you Voldie. Ha ha ha. You can iron your own bloody robes, ya big albino prat!" Even Lloyd chuckled at that one.

Only more steam came out of Voldemort's ears. "Your insolence and defiance are only understandable, Wormtail. You're completely drunk. But I will not forgive you. Have you forgotten what tonight was?"

At this point, Wormtail only tut-tutted Voldie, like a truly gay man would. That is, a suicidal gay man – the type that laughs at the most evil wizard in the world because he's yelling at you in his knickers. "Now look here, Voldie. I'm on a date. Whatever plans you and I had, they are over. We are over! I've found my true calling as Lloy - ".

"You were supposed to be at the Ministry of Magic tonight Wormtail!" Voldemort cut his too-annoyingly-stupid-and-drunk servant off. He was yelling at the top of his lungs, and his red eyes were popping out. "You were supposed to iron my robes. There was never a 'we' because you were MY servant! So, now I hope you're truly happy with Lloyd, because neither of you are working for me anymore. In fact, I want nothing to do with either of you. You're so weird, just like the Author says, and I banish you! You're not worth killing!"

And with that, Lord Voldemort apparated out of the pub, in which everyone else was gone. They had all fled at the sight of Voldie in his tightie-whities. A/N: Its not only pretty scary to see the world's most feared Wizard at his angriest, standing in his underwear. It's also pretty appalling. Case-closed.

Wormtail and Lloyd were left there, laughing so hard that they had fallen on top of each other. ....

Chapter 4

Leaving the readers at that cliffhanger, the Author realized that she had succeeded in scaring the readers half to death by implying that the story may have been continued with the raunchiest and most disgusting sex scene that could possibly be imagined in all of fan fiction. Instead, the Author spared the reader (and herself) from any such finale to this tale, by simply leaving the story like this:

Wormtail, dizzy and tired, looked into the black holes that were supposed to be Lloyd's eyes and said, "I love you Lloyd"

And the Lloyd rasped back, "I love you too, Peter".

With that, Wormtail (aka Peter Pettigrew) truly made the dumbest choice in magical history by kissing his dementor boyfriend, Lloyd.

Obviously, his soul was sucked out and there was nothing left of him except the dead body of a rat. Lloyd just sat there clinging to the lifeless body of the rat, crying like a big stupid baby.

The Author lived happily ever after because this weird fan fic was done, and Wormtail was dead. She laughed out loud at how sad her ending was, because she could never feel pity for Wormtail. It gave her great satisfaction that he would meet such a tragic end

The END

If this story was terrible, then the Author sincerely apologizes that you put effort and time into reading this. But look on the bright side – you'll never read another fiction like this ever again. This was truly....shall we say, unique?

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Peter Pettigrew, aka Wormtail, has a very important job coming up, at at the Ministry of Magic. However, romance between Peter and a dementor named Lloyd interrupts Lord Voldemort's evil plans. Warning - this is not your average fan fiction.