I
SEE TALKING SNAKES
Chapter 6: Voldie's Plan
Yo Potter,
You're probably wondering who's doing this to your school. Well muahahaha!! Voldie of course. People think I'm insane! HA!!! I couldn't have thunked up a better idea than to make others more insane than I. My plan's working divinely! I'm cackling---I could put a spell on the letter so you could here me cackle---but that'd be no fun---I mean---you'll hear me cackle when I come to the school this Friday to try and kill you. To put a cackling spell would ruin the whole mood when I come at 12:30 pm to the North Tower, after luring Dumbledore away of course. So HA!! You'll never find out my master plan of ridding of you! I'm cackling again---it's such a wonderful sound. Anyway, I will see you Friday muahahahaha!!!
Hate you,
Voldie---Voldie sounds much more professional than Voldemort, don't you think?
Harry looked at the letter---his mouth gaped open. Why in the hell would Voldemort tell him exactly how he was going to attack him? Harry decided to take the letter to Dumbledore and ask him about Voldemort's sanity.
"Well Harry, all I can tell you is that he's off his rocker. I will not leave the school on Friday, I will have Fawkes watch the North Tower, and I'll put everyone on guard. I don't know if Voldemort purposely told you that or not---I'm told he's lost his touch as well as his mind. Well Harry-- -you need not worry." Dumbledore assured him. Harry was unsure what to think about all of this insanity. He decided just to listen to Dumbledore---as he always had good advice.
Meanwhile...
The large black dog entered the Hogwarts grounds undetected. It slunk past Hagrid's hut, and then sat by the big front doors. Finally a student came out, allowing the dog to run through the doors and toward the Gryffindor Common room---he didn't know the password, so he waited---waited until a Gryffindor came along. Finally a round-faced boy came out, allowing the dog to jump through just in time. Then the dog ran up to the boys rooms, found Harry Potter's bed, and sat there wagging its tail patiently waiting.
Ron was still angry with Harry---however he had asked him to borrow some ink in Transfiguration. Harry gladly handed it over, and from there they discussed how things were going between Hermione and Ron (in writing of course, as neither of them could talk, mainly because of Professor McGonagall singing a spell in soprano). Finally the question came when Ron wrote—-::Harry, do you really like my sister?:: Harry nodded his head assuring Ron then wrote, ::It's not her appearance Ron, I'd never treat your sister like that. It's because she told me she really liked me---and I realized I liked her a lot too.:: Ron actually smiled making Harry feel much better. Meanwhile.."Ah yes, you bring me another happy meal. Although the Beanie Babies are gone, I can still collect these cool little Hotwheels. Aren't they so small and cute?" Voldie said pleasantly as he rolled one of the mini cars across the floor, adding engine and tire sound affects. "Vroooom!! Eeeeeere!"
"Yes master," the man sighed exasperatedly, "but what about that letter? It tells our whole plan for Friday---what shall we do now?" Lucius asked the creature curiously as he twirled a piece of his white hair. Voldie stopped playing with his cars (that he was currently smashing together making crashing noises) and looked up at his servant.
"Well---it's obvious. Lure Dumbledore away and go to the North Tower at 12:30 pm. Have you not learned anything from me?"
"But master---they'll know---" the incredulous reply was.
"SILENCE! It's my plan and we are going to do it. Oh! I see what's going on---you think you are smarter than I am---you think if I turn around you can kill me and be the new Voldie well guess what!? I DON'T THINK SO." The creature, Voldie, hissed as he clutched his Hotwheels as if they were dear to him.
"I'm sorry master we'll do your plan." Lucius said through gritted teeth.
"That's what I thought. Mr. Big-Bad-Lucius thinking he can step in my territory, well nuh-uh girlfriend. I don't think so." Voldie snapped his fingers Dr. Evil-ish at Lucius. "Talk to the hand cause the face don't wanna listen." Voldie said as he spun his hand around to hold it up to Lucius, then he took a Beanie Baby that he had in a pile and chucked it at Lucius knocking him square in the head. "Now who's big and bad? Oh yeah---uh huh." Voldie started to Moon Walk. His servant stared at him knowing the powerful being was now completely insane. He just shrugged and knew he had to do as Voldemort told him---Voldie still had more power than Lucius could even dream of.