Disclaimer: Gundam Wing belongs to Sunrise and Bandai. I don't own it and make no claim to.
For the One You Love
A Gundam Wing Fanfiction
By: Memory Dragon
Chapter One
The things you do for the one you love.
That's what I told him, that Christmas eve. He may not have shown it to other people, but I know where to look for traces of worry in his eyes. I know where to look when searching for love in his heart.
The God of Death only knows how long I've been searching for it.
Of course, he doesn't know that. No, he doesn't know that at all. I've never told him how I feel. Or anyone else for that matter. Well, Quatre knows, but hell. Have you ever tried keeping your emotions from him? It's damned hard.
But other than Quatre, no one else knows. Not even Hilde, who I've been living with her for the past several years. It's not that I don't trust her, but these feelings aren't something that should be said aloud. Quatre understood that, the one time he tried to confront me about it.
Heero will never love me back. A fact is a fact. I know that, always have. So I'll keep my feeling hidden, only to come out in the shadows. For one who lives in the shadows, it's not that hard to do. And I've been living in the shadows for a very long time.
I don't know when I started to fall in love with Heero. It certainly wasn't love at first sight. I did shoot him in the arm, for crying out loud. Then, after I'd graciously tried to save him, he repays me by nearly killing himself and stealing the parts from my Gundam. More like animosity at first sight, if you ask me.
But that time he tricked me. Making me think we were gonna duke it out then ant there, but he was actually aiming at the Taurus behind me. He did something after that I never expected him to do. He laughed.
His laugh had to have been one of the single most beautifully wild things I've ever heard.
To this day, I've never heard him laugh besides for that moment. No matter how many times I tried. Oh, how I tried to hear that lovely sound again. But I never got anything more that a small smile for my pains or a smirk if he's gotten the better of me.
The things you do for the one you love.
Yes, I've done many things for Heero. I've sacrificed my dignity countless times in order to amuse him. Just so I can cherish that rare smile of his that makes my heart leap. The rare smile that is occasionally meant just for me. I treasure those few moments higher than anything.
I've even given up any chance of happiness I might have had for him. It would have been so easy to convince him that she didn't love him in return. After she had gotten over her infatuation with him, she never showed any sign of affection to him. Sure, I knew differently. But I could have done it. Maybe he would have turned to me for comfort.
But if I had, he wouldn't be happy now. No matter how much I wish I could fool myself, he'd never love me in return. No point in making both of us miserable.
And he is happy now. He doesn't show it, granted, but I've had years of experience to know where to look. He's very happy. He was even content when he was just watching over his princess. She understands him too, almost as well I do. They more than deserve each other. They compliment each other perfectly.
In fact, as long as it is her that Heero loves, I don't mind as much. If Heero had fallen for another guy, I could see being upset. But as it is, there's no point. He is what he is, and I am what I am. Nothing can change those facts. Nor do I want Heero to change anything about him. If he did, he might not be the Heero I fell in love with anymore.
Besides, Heero is already perfect in every way. Beautiful build. Pale skin that comes from his living on the colonies all of his life. Unruly brown hair that he had to continuously push back. A pair of Persian blue eyes that I could stare into for hours on end.
He's always right too. Always says the right thing at the right time. He has this untameable passion in him - that's probably what draws everyone to him, myself included. That and he's completely selfless. He gave everything for the colonies during the war. His identity, his innocence, even his life, countless times. And he has no regrets about those things.
Heero said once that his life was cheap. That his life was expendable. For all I know, he still believes that too. If only he knew how much of the exact opposite that statement is. If he were to die... So many people would feel it.
He's touched so many lives, not just my own. Heero has that quiet passion that's impossible to forget. Whether a person has known him for as long as I have, or they just stop to ask him for the time, that person will always remember him. That's just the way he is.
When did I realize that my love was a lost cause? Probably whenever I realized I was in love with him. No, there was no sweet daydreams for Duo. I watched him too carefully for that. Even before I had realized how I felt, I was trying to figure him out. I could never figure out just what Heero's next move was. It was almost frustrating, studying him like I did.
That was why, when it came to me slowly that I was in love with the perfect soldier, that I knew I didn't have a chance.
I've known from the start that Relena also had some thing for him. What was first a major infatuation slowly grew into a quiet love. She's like Heero, with that passion. But unlike Heero, you could always tell what she was feeling.
And soon it was apparent to me that Heero was beginning to return her feelings. Not that he knew just what those feelings were, but they were there, all the same. The chemistry between them was remarkable. There attracted to each other as the much as the colonies attracted the hopes and dreams of so many people.
Heero was scared of those feelings at first. For someone who's whole childhood was probably devoid of love, that's not surprising. It's natural for humans to fear the unknown. But eventually he embraced the feelings, and Relena. It made him stronger for that too.
I don't fit into the equation at all. I never have and never will. She captivated him long before I saw the two of them at the docks. I know that now. Even if I had let him shoot her that day, nothing would have changed. Except for maybe Heero being more of a hollow shell, a weapon made by those damn doctors.
No, I can't even regret that day.
It's only proper after all. Who ever heard of the God of Death with a lover? The only lover he could take would be that of his victims. And anyone who tried to get close to Death would share the same fate.
So it's better this way. The two of them can be happy now, and I can walk in the shadows, protecting them. I'll protect his happiness, even if he never knows it. I'm used to working in the shadows. Living in the shadows...
I've been living in the shadows as long as I can remember.
When he came to me, telling me he had finally proposed to her, I smiled. Congratulated him. Said it took him long enough. It was then I knew it was time to put my plan into action.
The fact that he wanted me to be the best man at the small wedding they were planning warmed me. Though it meant giving up on him for good... It was hard to say yes, but I did. That he considers me his best friend is better than nothing, after all.
But this will be the last time he'll see me. There's no turning back, now that I've decided. After the wedding, I'll become Heero's shadow. It will be hard, making sure he doesn't know I'm there, but I can do it. I've been shadowing him this past week to be certain that I could.
This way, I can protect him and Relena. I'll be there so Heero never has to pick up a gun again. I'll carry his burdens so that he doesn't have to. That was why I stole Deathscythe. So the colonies wouldn't have to fight. Now I'll do the same for him. So that he can be happy.
He's slightly nervous, standing next to me now. It hurt, seeing how his eyes lit up when she came into the small church. Seeing how happy they both are together. Giving him up, even though I never truly had him in the first place, was the hardest thing I had ever done. No matter how much I had steeled myself before hand, it still hurt like hell.
He kissed her and I was the first to start clapping, letting out a shout. The sound drained all thoughts of those lips ever kissing mine away. And if any tears escaped my eyes, it would be easy to put it down as happiness.
The things I do for the one I love.
Memory Dragon: Well, I did say it was depressing. It was originally intended to be a one-shot, but as you can see, the possible angst was just too good to pass up. So I continued it. The rest of the chapters are part first person Duo, part Heero/Quatre third person p.o.v. Confusing, I know, but I ended up rather liking it. Hopefully, I'll get the next chapter typed up soon. But I have two lit classes this semester, so who knows how many essay's I'll end up writing. Course, some of my best work gets done in fits of procrastination... Anyway, I hoped you liked it. Reviewing tends to make me very happy, so drop a line and I might get back to you if you have a question (or if a review made me very happy, I tend to thank people). l8r.
Quote of the Fic:
"Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love."
-Charles M. Schulz