Don't Chase After Rainbows

Tino slowly trudged home by himself. His usual companions were nowhere in sight. But that was no accident nor was it because of any fight. Tino had snuck away from school to attend to a personal matter before his friends could spot him. The bittersweet result of that matter was fresh in Tino's mind and he wondered if it had been worth leaving his friends to guessing what had happened to him. Tino had one hand in his pocket and the other swayed slowly by his side like a pendulum. A pendulum was an accurate way of describing Tino at that time. He swayed back and forth between emotions feeling content and satisfied then angry and disappointed then back the other way. The more Tino walked the more he thought and the more he thought the more he swayed. So lost in thought, he almost walked right past his house. Looking at his home as he walked towards it Tino felt a little better. Here in the privacy of his house, in his room he could try and sort matters out. Once inside Tino went straight to his room and tossed his schoolbag onto the bed. Looking around with paranoia, Tino went to his closet and reached into the very back and pulled out a shoebox. He laid it on his bed and removed the top still checking around to see if anyone was watching him. Inside the box were a bunch of drawings and various papers Tino had written over the years. He carefully removed those contents and then took out a book that was sitting on the bottom. The book was light green with a cross pattern that ran along the edges. One word was written across the front, "Journal". One of Tino's biggest fears was if anyone ever got a hold of his journal, even if it was friends. The very idea that someone knew he had a journal somewhere made him shudder. Tino had started this book at his mother's suggestion, another part of her plan to keep Tino in touch with his feelings. It worked but Tino was very cautious about the whole thing. Tino threw open the journal and flipped to the next blank page. Then he started to write.

"Well, today was the day. I finally had the courage to really talk to Tasha. None of this babbling nonsense, or making squeaky noises, or trying to impress her with a punk look, I was really going to do it. After all those times I wished that I could have talked with her and hung out together, I was going to fulfill those wishes. I still remember how nervous I was the first time I talked to her. She was so nice and all I could really muster were one word responses. The butterflies in my stomach almost made me vomit. Today was different, though. I had built up my resolve after months of watching and wondering. I knew she was going to be at the comic store today for the new Captain Dreadnought, and I knew that was my opportunity. So there I was in the comic store looking for her. I was ready. I found her at the new releases section picking out the new Captain Dreadnought and a few other comics. I took one last deep breath before I was to make my move. But I never got to make my move.

Just as I took a step forward some guy came up to her and put his arm around her and said, 'Find everything you were looking for, sweetie?'

Tasha gave him a playful push and told him to not call her sweetie. It took that five second display to completely destroy all of my courage and make me question any reason for being there at that moment. The guy gave her a quick kiss on the cheek and told her that he had to get going. They waved and he was off. Meanwhile, I felt my body shaking a little. I felt like a complete fool for being there. Quickly though, my senses came back to me, and I tried to hide fast so Tasha wouldn't even know I was there. I got behind a shelf and brought a comic up to my face. Unfortunately, Tasha came around that shelf and saw me there.

It was with dread I heard her say, 'Hey, Tino! It's good to see you.'

I acted surprised to see her and greeted her as well. I've often said hello to her, but it was usually accompanied with a nervous wave, and every time she was on her way somewhere. But this time, of all times, she had nowhere to go. For some reason I feel the necessity to write down the conversation as it happened. Maybe because I hope I'll get it out of my mind, but I can't say for sure.

'So are you here for the new Captain D comic too? It looks like to be a good issue. I'm super stoked!' she said.

'Heh,... ah... yeah I am. Yeah, I'm excited about it too. I bet this issue will sell out pretty fast.'

'Yeah, I think so too. So what have you been up to?'

'Oh nothin' much. This and that, you know, balancing school work and hanging out with my friends.'

'That's cool. You know, it's too bad we haven't hung out together. We should hang out sometime.'

I could feel my body tensing, 'Yeah,... uh... we should hangout sometime. T-that would probably be pretty cool. Heh heh.'

She laughed a little. 'You're kind of a weird dude, but that's cool. Weird is where it's at, right?'

I laughed nervously. 'Yeah, you're right. Weird all the way, I say.'

I could feel myself shaking, I didn't think it was visible, but Tasha tilted her head a bit and asked, 'You okay?'

It felt like her eyes were piercing through me, and all I could muster was a weak, 'I'm fine.'

She laughed again. 'If you say so. You look a little shaky, though. You should probably lay down or something.'

I smiled weakly. 'Yeah, I probably should lay down.' I paused. 'Thanks for your concern.' I added.

Tasha smiled at me and put a hand on my shoulder. 'Hey no problem, bro.'

I felt like exploding or melting or maybe both at the same time if that's possible. Words were escaping me and so all I managed to do was stare back at her.

With a nod she let go of my shoulder and said, 'Well, I've got to get going. I gotta do some work before I go out to a concert tonight with my boyfriend.'

I felt another shock of disappointment shoot through me. 'Yeah, okay. I'll see you around,' I said using all of my willpower to sound cheerful.

She walked away and waved goodbye. I think I waved back, but I can't really remember. I stood there a bit longer trying to figure out if all of that had actually happened.

Now I'm here trying to make sense of it all. I feel disappointed obviously because she has a boyfriend, but at the same time I feel kind of glad about it. At least now I know, so it's no longer me questioning what if I said this or what if I did this, that maybe I could have a chance. Now I know the answers to those questions and that feels good. It's ironic though, the time I find out she has a boyfriend is the same time I get the chance to talk to her. Someone out there is laughing at this. Someone is laughing at me. I've been pining after her for however long now, and now I sit here writing about this continuously pondering about it, while Tasha doesn't even have a clue about it. I could see it in her eyes. They were devoid of any knowledge that I like her. She looked at me the same way that Tish or Lor looks at me. A part of me is angry at myself. I should have talked with her sooner. I should have made more of an effort. Even today I could have actually made a real effort at participating in the conversation. I could have had a real conversation. Why couldn't I think of things at more opportune times? No use thinking about it now, but it's hard to ignore. Even if I know that I can't be with Tasha, that I have some form of closure, I can't just instantly stop liking her, especially not after today. I was closer to gelatin than human when she put her hand on my shoulder gazing at me with those eyes. It was like a trance. It's no wonder that she has a boyfriend. Really, now when I think about it how could it have been possible that she wasn't already taken? I guess when I really think about it I should be happy. She may have a boyfriend, but it's not like she has something against me. She thinks I'm a cool enough guy. Yeah, I should be happy about that. Over time I think I'll get over the fact that she's taken."

"Tino! Can you hear me?" Tino's mom called.

"Yeah, I hear you. What's up?" Tino answered.

"Carver, Lor, and Tish are here for you."

"Okay, then I'll be right down in a minute or so."

Tino turned back to his journal and wrote fast.

"Yeah, that's right. Things will be okay. Now I know where I stand, and I know I can get by. Everything doesn't always work out, but that's okay. I may still like Tasha, but I'm friends with her so that's a start. Plus, who knows, maybe one day she'll dump her boyfriend for me. Hey, a guy's gotta dream, right? For now it's time to head off to Funville for some pool action. I ride on. Later days!"

THE END

Amazingly, I wrote this in the span of one afternoon. While quite obviously, this isn't long by any means, I haven't written an entire chapter in a single day in over a year (Even one as short as this). Anyway I apologize if you are disappointed by the length or that you were expecting a new story and all you got was this lousy one-shot. There were two purposes in writing this story a) Inspiration struck this afternoon and I knew this would be a one-shot deal, and b) Weekenders needs more fics out there. Next time I'll have something better and longer, I promise. Till next time, see you on down the trail.