I would like to express my appreciation to those who have so kindly reviewed this trifle. It is extremely nice of you to put up with these rambling and more than a little unfocused lines. Since I have received no requests that I ratchet up the rating, I am going to assume that I offended no one and that you are sufficiently broad-minded (or perhaps jaded) not to mind the suggestiveness I mentioned. I promise you that you will not find vulgarisms in this piece – I consider such to be the product of a lack of either imagination or vocabulary. But, I also promise, you will find adults acting adult. Fair enough?
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After - Chapter IVPaine strolled carefully over to the ball that was the wretched Shuyin and squatted down beside him. "Shuyin, listen to me. I'm not going to hurt you or blame you for anything. Just listen to me."
She was rewarded by the sight of a single eye peering from behind a protective arm. With infinite caution, she stroked the part of his head that was still accessible. "See, nothing happens when I touch you. It's all right. See." She continued to stroke and speak in a slow, soothing voice as though to a frightened animal.
"Shuyin, are you listening? It's not like you think. You can touch other people here. Nothing will happen to you if you touch. See, I'm touching you and nothing's happening. Here, take my hand."
She stretched her fingers toward him and waited. And waited. After a while, she stood up and walked over to Nooj, who had been watching, his face disciplined into an expressionless mask.
"Your turn."
He raised an eyebrow, "Giving up so soon? I thought this was your long-term project."
"I've got him to open an eye and you said you'd help." She didn't try to keep a demanding note out of her voice.
"Only after you threatened me. ... Oh, all right, I was getting bored watching you grovel." He pushed himself away from the ledge and hobbled over to the pathetic figure on the ground. "But you can't expect me to hunker down like you; my left leg doesn't bend that way – thanks to your god." The last four words were muttered under his breath.
"Just do what you can," she hissed, rubbing her cramped back.
Nooj planted himself firmly above the somewhat less tightly coiled creature. "Shuyin, stop acting like a fool. Be a man. You lived in my body for almost three years; didn't you learn anything about courage while you were there? Stop being a little boy. Stand up for yourself!"
At his feet, the crumpled shape started gradually to unfold. Shuyin tuned over and rose to his hands and knees, his head with its shaggy mop of yellow hair lowered toward the surface and slowly swinging back and forth like a metronome.
"I remember you. You were the one who was so scared of living that you went out hunting death. So you finally found it, huh. Is it what you thought it would be? Are you satisfied yet?" He had climbed to his feet and was facing Nooj, his fists clenched at his sides, his voice dropping in register from the childish tenor to a more adult timbre.
Quickly throwing a triumphant glance at Paine, Nooj responded, "It's not about me; it's about you."
"What about me? I am the wretched Shuyin ..." He was falling back again into the querulous nasal drone.
Paine sprang forward, "Stop that! You're a grown man; act like one. Why are you so wretched? ... Lenne's not here with you, that's why. We're going to show you how to get her back."
Nooj murmured from behind her, "Don't make rash promises. We can't be sure and I don't want to be stuck with him for what may well be an eternity."
"You always were a pessimist. Look for a positive outcome for a change."
"It's hard to change the habits of a lifetime. So, now you have his attention, what next?"
Standing between the two men and regarding first one then the other, Paine reflected for a while. "Now, I think it's time to tell some truths."
"To Shuyin, of course, I'm not in denial – au contraire." Nooj assumed a self-satisfied air.
"Of course to Shuyin, you egotistic oaf!" She stamped her foot, forgetting she was not wearing boots. "Ow! That hurt! ... Stop grinning!"
"I'm simply attempting to look pleasant and harmless so as not to unsettle your experiment." Innocence colored his words.
With a totally disgusted countenance, Paine turned back to the wretched figure of Shuyin. "Tell me what happened here after the battle with Vegnagun when Yuna sent you and Lenne. Please. If I understand, maybe I can help."
Shuyin seemed to be trying to decide whether to trust her or not. He looked down and shuffled his (booted) feet in the small stones and dust that littered the ground. At length he appeared to have made up his mind and began, "After the fight, Lenne showed up instead of that woman who looked kind of like her, and we had that short, too short, time together. Then we were here."
"Right here or in the meadow down below?" she asked.
"Oh, in the meadow. And I felt so exposed; anybody could come at me from any direction. So I found the stairs and we came up here. It was safer, you see. Then one of those invisible men came to visit and told us about the ... you know ... the ..."
"The wrongs you had to right?" Paine was gentle.
"Yes, and I had so many. You see, it had been so long and I had done so much." Shuyin pointed to Nooj. "I was supposed to wait for you to show up and tell you how sorry I was I made you do those things when I lived in your body. And you," pointing to Paine, "I need to tell you that I'm sorry I made him shoot you. And there were so many more – it was going to take another thousand years to get it finished."
"What about Lenne?"
"Oh, she was a saint. She hadn't done anything wrong in all that time and she was cleared to go straight on to the FarPlane while I was stuck here."
Nooj, who - in spite of his distaste for the entire situation - had been paying close attention, limped over. "Shuyin, just where do you think you are? And how did Lenne leave you?"
The yellow-haired man snarled, "I'm in the place of atonement where you have to stay until you finish atoning. And what business is it of yours how she left me?"
"Both of you, back off," Paine intervened. "Shuyin, this is the FarPlane, the only FarPlane for Spirans. It's the same place as the one for atoning. Now where was Lenne when you last saw her?"
"This can't be the FarPlane – it's not a nice place and I'm not happy. I'm supposed to be happy on the FarPlane." He pounded his fists on his forehead.
"Stop that! Now, tell me when you last saw Lenne." Paine grasped his wrists and held them.
"We were up at the keyboard and she said she wanted to check on something and went down the stairs. I followed as far as I could and couldn't find her so I knew she had gone on without me. You see, she didn't have any apologies to make and after a year or a century or however long it was, she got bored and made that excuse and went on." He pulled away from her grip.
"I thought you two were so much in love." Paine stood to one side in her usual position with her arms folded and a slight scowl on her brow.
"We were ... are ... but there wasn't anything we could do except look at each other." Shuyin's head had resumed its rhythmic sway.
She suddenly saw it all and burst into gales of laughter. "You poor chump, did you even try to touch her, to kiss her?"
"Oh, no. That invisible person said ... We just thought that in, well, here ... being dead and all ... well, you just don't ..."
Nooj interjected, "Did someone tell you that or did you assume it?"
"The invisible person ... It seemed the right thing to think, so we ..."
Paine lifted her lip in a sneer. "You spent eternity in close proximity to your love and never even tried ...?"
Shuyin looked from the contemptuous woman to the impassive man in confused fury. He watched as Paine laid her hand possessively on Nooj's right shoulder and comprehension slowly began to surface in his eyes.
"You mean ... you two ... Lenne and I ... we could?" He let out a prolonged howl of purely animal rage and began bashing his head against the dusty surface of the arena. Nooj caught him by the hair and pulled him upright.
"This does no good. You can't change what's already happened. You can only progress. Go look for her and settle your debts on the way."
Shuyin shrieked at him, "It's gonna take another five hundred years for me to get it all done and I don't know where she's gone."
"I think I know what happened," Paine interjected. "When she realized that you were going to hide out up here on top of the world in the gloom and never going to make an effort to change things by paying off what you owed, she probably decided to go hunting some answers herself. I'll bet she was trying to find out just what you could do on this plane and either learned what she needed to know and can't find her way back up here again or is still looking for somebody to ask. Since she's almost certainly smarter than you – I bet she has her answers and has been looking for you all this time while you've been holed up being 'wretched'."
Shuyin frowned in thought. "You think so?" He turned to Nooj, "What do you think?"
"Paine's idea sounds as right as anything else. What have you got to lose by believing that? You're not getting anywhere pouting on a bench and pounding on a silent keyboard."
"The keyboard's not silent; you just can't hear it."
"Can you?"
"Well ... no. But that's because I'm not worthy. I'll hear it when I am ready to rejoin Lenne."
Paine let out a scream of fury. "Haven't you heard a word we've said? Lenne is still here on this Plane. You haven't looked for her, being too much of a wimp to try. Do you want Nooj and me to do your job for you and lead your love back to your side?"
"I don't know what to do. Nobody ever told me how to do things in this world." Shuyin was near tears again.
"Another heathen!" Nooj expostulated. "And this one's not worth the keeping. Listen, you miserable worm, nobody except a priest knows how to maneuver in this place. You have to try things and see if they work. If they don't then you have to try something else. How do you think it will look to Lenne if Paine and I have to fetch her back for you? If you truly love and want her – go get her and take her!" He loomed over the tremulous man/boy with a threatening air, apparently ready to lift his cane and thrash the wretched Shuyin.
"Don't scare him again." Paine put her arms around the trembling creature and patted his back. "Now, now, he won't hurt you. Just think about what we've said and let's see if you can go look for Lenne. Now, think. You can't make your atonement by staying here where none of your victims are and you won't find Lenne up here, so you might as well go down and see who you run into. The meadow seems to be the place for most encounters. Start by making your amends to Nooj and me. I'll forgive you and so will he." She ignored the snort from behind her. "Then go down the stairs and start walking."
"Wh – where?"
Paine drew back like a snake readying to strike, "It doesn't matter, you incompetent ninny. In our experience, if you keep walking long enough you'll meet whoever you need to meet. And when you find Lenne, grab her and do this..." She flung her arms around him and kissed him hard and long. "All right, that's enough. Shuyin, stop that!" She slapped his hand away from her breast. "I think you've got the idea; now go find Lenne."
"Can I go along with you, just for a while?" He had begun whimpering and tugging at her dress.
Nooj, who had been observing the actions with a certain sardonic humor, answered for Paine, "No. You can't depend on others to meet your responsibilities for you. You must go by yourself. Paine and I have already reached an equilibrium and don't need your problems unsettling us. When you locate Lenne, if you act the man, you and she will find your own balance. And don't forget – there is no ban on love in this place. It's not a crime to seek happiness. Don't pay any attention to those fanatics who would try to convince you that pleasure is wrong – they're in deep denial about the realities of existence and are bigger fools than you."
When he turned toward the exit from the arena of the pipes, he saw Paine watching him with a look of awe on her face. "I've never heard you talk like that in all the years we've known one another. You've always been either despondent or cynical depending on whether you were alive or dead. When did you become a philosopher?"
He took her by the arm and steered her away from the forlorn figure of Shuyin. "I've not changed. You've learned to listen. That's what I've been saying all along. Shuyin, start down those stairs!" This last was tossed carelessly over his shoulder as they began their trek from the old battleground.
"Should be easier going down," Paine said. "Do you think Shuyin will come behind us?"
"Better behind us than beside us. I don't know if he'll come but I wasn't going to waste any more time trying to give him a spine transplant." Nooj was finding it more difficult to descend than to climb, at least on this steeply sloping narrow path. His cane kept trying to skitter off the rounded stones that littered the way and, without sensation in his left foot, it was not easy to maintain balance. He stopped and sat down on a convenient flat rock alongside the path. "Poor little idiot. That's religion for you. Always messing things up."
Paine perched at his side. "What are you talking about?"
"That pair of stupid credulous cretins thinking anything that gave them pleasure was wrong and forbidden on the FarPlane. They've wasted too much time and suffered too much and all for nothing."
"You should talk – you've spent your entire adult life trying to die."
"That's true enough but I didn't avoid the few good things life offered while I was still mortal. You, of all women, should be aware of that."
She sat with a faint smile on her face and a far away look in her eyes remembering the pleasures they had shared. "Well, you have me there."
"Not to put too fine a point on it, I've had you just about everywhere." He said with a reminiscent curl to his lip.
"Nooj, you can squeeze more meanings out of a phrase than any other person I've ever known." She laughed somewhat tentatively.
"That's because I know a lot of words and enjoy them." He draped his arm over her shoulder and patted her fondly. "And you were never much of a talker before you died. Don't fret about it. What really infuriates me is the actions of all these religious fanatics rushing around trying to suck the joy out of existence on both sides of the grave. They won't be content until they've turned everyone alive or dead into exactly the sort of dismal, self-hating, dictatorial monsters they are. They want to churn all the disparate colors of the universe into the same shade of dirty grey, their preferred hue."
"I've never heard you talk so passionately about anything as you do about this."
"That's because I feel strongly about it. I was reared a heathen, found my purpose in the pursuit of death and now am discovering something else," he drew her closer. "And I'm disgusted when I see other people barred from that adventure by the iron gates of a religion of fear. There's no freedom for believers in that faith. Paine, be grateful for the fact you seemed to have escaped their traps."
She burrowed her head against his neck. "There still feels something wrong about your reasoning."
"Then argue with me; we have all eternity to settle the matter." He looked down into her eyes with great seriousness, then suddenly blinked. "Oh god! I've just remembered! The Elite Guard! Do you suppose there's an alternate path down this thing?"
Paine hooted with glee, the meditative mood broken, "You, the great Undying Deathseeker, scared of a bunch of affectionate women. Good thing none of your enemies knew your one weakness while you were still alive. Want me to protect you again?"
"Don't be dense, Paine. 'Affectionate?' They love me so much they could eat me up – literally! Maybe we should wait above their camp until they're asleep or out hunting and sneak by."
"You forget there's no sleep here. And no hunting that I know of. And, with that machina leg, you're worse at sneaking than running, so forget that. It's straight through the center of the lines, captain. Or should I say Meyvn?'
"You're not funny." They had reached the first of the lily-pad stair treads. "It's not much further. Do you suppose they have sentries posted?"
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