Desiderata, a harry potter fanfic

Title: Desiderata (1/1)
Author: kmou
Pairings: Harry/Draco SLASH, Harry/Ginny.
Rating: R
Summary: A songfic of Draco's desiderata.
Type: SongFic, 1, 598 words
Category(s): Angst, Drama, Hetero, M/M, Romance, OOC?.
Warnings: This chapter contains content that may be offensive such as m/m relationship & sex. Also may contain spoilers (for all the Harry Potter books).
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any other character, location, or whatever mentioned in the works of J.K. Rowling.
Author's Note: The song is called "Mr. Brightside" by The Killers. Thank you to Krista and Beulah for beta-ing this for me! :)

Desiderata (1/1):

Desiderata - Something considered necessary or highly desirable; anything desired; that of which the lack is felt; a want generally felt and acknowledged.

Coming out of my cage
And I've been doing just fine
Gotta gotta be down
Because I want it all
It started out with a kiss
How did it end up like this?
It was only a kiss
It was only a kiss

He kissed me on our graduation day. There he stood in his Gryffindor-colored graduation robe a few feet away from me looking as beautiful as the first day I saw him. I watched him smile and laugh at something his friend had said to him. I stood there watching him, wishing I were there right beside him; with him. His eyes caught mine and I couldn't look away. His green eyes were so enchanting, so mesmerizing. I was under a spell and I never wanted it to break. Then he looked away. I felt my heart sink to the ground. He hugged his friend and jealousy began to course through my veins. I looked to the ground, not wanting to see any more. I wanted to look, though. I wanted to remember him this way forever, but I didn't want just an image of him. I wanted him. Needing to look at him again, my eyes darted up, only to find him walking towards me. I felt the world speed up around us but we were stuck on slow. Everyone was blurred as they raced past us, and I just watched him walk slowly, missing the blurs walking past him. Then he was there, right in front of me. His face close to mine. His eyes fluttered shut, whispered "I love you and forever will," and kissed me. He knew I felt the same way. He knew. I wrapped my arms around him, wishing this moment would never stop. But it did. He belonged to someone else, and that person wasn't me. All he could give me was just this moment. Just this moment only for me to remember forever. He kissed me on our graduation day.

Now I'm falling asleep
And she's calling a cab
While he's having a smoke
And she's taking a drag
Now they're going to bed
And my stomach is sick
And it's all in my head
But she's touching his chest now

A year has passed since my graduation. I am alone now, sitting on the ledge of the roof of my block of flats, staring out into the night sky, with the moon shining brightly down on me. I lift the cigarette to my lips and breathe in the smoke, hoping it will kill me soon. After he kissed me, he smiled sadly at me, and left. Left to walk into the arms of Ginevra Weasley, his fiancée. He proposed to her right after his graduation. Now a year since our graduation has passed. He was married to her. He was with her right now.

He takes off her dress now
Letting me go
And I just can't look
It's killing me
And taking control

He was lying right beside her right now, holding her in his strong arms, kissing her with everything he has. He's running his hands up and down her body, cupping her breasts, and pinching her hard nipples. He is marking her with his lips while her fire-colored hair is fanned out on the pillow beneath her. He is taking her over and over again, becoming one with her. Their sweat mingling together, mimicking their bodies. He was with her right now, and I couldn't stand it.

Jealousy
Turning saints into the sea
Swimming through sick lullabies
Choking on your alibis
But it's just the price I pay
Destiny is calling me
Open up my eager eyes
Cause I'm Mr. Brightside

I want him here with me. I want him to hold me. I want him to kiss me. I want him to mark me. I want him to guide our bodies in a dance of love. I want him here, holding me, while we both gaze out into the starry night. I want him beside me in my bed. I want him to be there when I wake up, being the first thing I see in the morning. I want him to shower with me. I want him to eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner with me. I want him to sit on the sofa with me while we watch a movie. I want him to bicker with me and I want him to apologize with make-up sex. I want him here with me. Not there. Not with her. With me.

Coming outta my cage
And I've been doing just fine
Gotta, gotta be down because I want it all
It started off with a kiss
How did it end up like this?
It was only a kiss
It was only a kiss

That day he kissed me. Our graduation day; I knew. I knew that it would never be enough. It would never satisfy me. I wanted more. I wanted him. I wanted everything he had to offer me. I wanted his body and his soul. I had developed an addiction and one taste was all it took. I was hooked and needed more. But I would never get any more. This was not meant to be. Our love was not enough. The world would never accept us. They would cast us away, trying to break us apart, break our souls, and break everything we had. Our love was not enough.

Now I'm falling asleep
And she's calling a cab
While he's having a smoke
And she's taking a drag

I watch the fire turn the cigarette between my fingers into ash. It slowly blows away into the night air, floating to him. The smoke carries my pain, my loneliness to him. But it will never reach him. He was untouchable. He was out of my reach. Dragging what's left of the cigarette to my lips, I take it in 'till there's nothing left. The smoke building in my lungs, trapped with nowhere to go just like my heart. The gray misty air leaves my lungs, through my lips, and swims away into the dark night, the beautiful stars dancing with one another. I watch as everyone passes by, held in the arms of their loved ones. I was alone, in pain.

Now they're going to bed
And my stomach is sick
And it's all in my head
But she's touching his chest now

She's touching him right now. She's feeling his smooth skin under her fingertips. Her lips on his exposed neck, marking him as hers. Her legs entwining with his. Her fingers in his silky raven hair, tugging. She is kissing him with love, holding him in her arms. She is welcoming him in with open legs, letting him take her away from everything. She's touching him right now.

He takes off her dress now
Letting me go
And I just can't look
It's killing me
And taking control

The cigarette falls from my numb fingers, plummeting down onto the streets, unknown to the passersby. I light up another cigarette, bringing it to my cold lips. I try to erase the image of them together, erase the image of them making love, erase the image of him. I can't. He's everything I want, everything I need. He's everything to me, but he's not here with me. He's with her. I breathe in another lungful of smoke, hoping that perhaps, it will kill me faster this time. There's nothing in life for me without him.

I love him. I love him with everything in my body and soul. I would give up everything to be with him. But this was not meant to be. I stare down at the street below me, wanting to jump. I want to forget everything. I want to forget him. But I can't forget him. He's everything I live for. Knowing he's there safe and happy is enough to keep me alive for now. I can't jump. Flicking the half-done cigarette into the air, I push myself off the roof and stumble back to my flat. Slipping the key into the slot and turning, I walk into the dark room. I feel a pair of strong arms slip around my waist. The beautiful face pressed up against my shoulder blade. The keys fall from my hands to the wooden floor with a clunk, echoing throughout the apartment.

I never...
I never...
I never...
I never...

The long awaited words fall from his lips. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I love you, and forever will." I smile, turn around, and take him into my arms. He's not with her right now. He's not touching her. He's not lying next to her. He's not making love to her. He's here with me, not there, not with her, but with me. I steal those lips that are rightfully mine back. I steal back his body and soul from her. He's mine. He's here with me, touching me, kissing me, marking me as his, taking me over and over again. Our bodies welcome each other as if we were never apart, becoming one. My loneliness and pain did reach him, and here he was replying back. He's here to stay forever... with me.

The End.

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