Title - Into The Strait of Insanity
By - PheonixFireBlack
Summary - "People think they know what it is, what it does, and how it feels. They have no idea. You can only understand when you've done it, when you've actually tried it." ....... "I don't remember when or why I started or how I got to the point that I'm at now..." Charlie on his cocaine addiction and the one night he nearly lost it all.
Category - Lost
Genre - General
Rating - PG-13
Feedback - Please?
Criticism - Sure, why not? Flame me for all I care. stares at flames Ooohhhh...preeettty colors!
Disclaimer - I do not own anything. Too bad...I'd LOVE to own Charlie/Dominic Monaghan, but...life sucks and then you die, right? Dedication - To Nuwanda: I based the hallucination bits described here off of your stuff in "Breaking The Habit", but only slightly and I tweaked it all to my own sights...I think...I hope...Don't kill me! I love what you've done with that fic so far and can't WAIT to see what you've got planned for the next chapter wonders what you've got up your sleeveNevertheless, THANKS and much glompage!
Notes - Well, when I was watching the whole big flashback ordeal with Charlie on the plane, I got an idea. Yes. La di da. I hope it's good. I'll let you determine that, though. LATER!

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Into The Strait of Insanity - Ch 1
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The Lady. Girl. White. Uptown. Coke. It all means the same thing no matter what you call it. When you get down to it, it's all cocaine. It's a messed up drug that happens to be something I have learned brings happiness to people. Most importantly, it makes me forget. Makes me forget about all the things that are going on in my life that I'd really rather not have happening. There are a few different ways to use the drug, but I typically inhale it. In every meaning of the word.

People think they know what it is, what it does, and how it feels. They have no idea. You can only understand when you've done it, when you've actually tried it. You only know how it feels when you've spent night after night staring up at a ceiling that has allowed a multi-colored, revolving disk made up of hundreds of little squares that constantly change in color slowly drop down only an inch from your face, spinning all the while, which suddenly explodes and the debris turn to rain, which changes into a river of fire. You know you've dropped it when that river of fire engulfs you and while it's doing so, you manage to note that its turned into a fiery dragon. You know you've truly felt the effects of the drug when you've laid in the same place for hours on end and watched shadows that shouldn't be there dance across the room; when it feels like someone is beating a heavy tune on your head with drumsticks made of an impossibly bright light. That's when you know you've hit rock bottom. And if you're anything like me, you enjoy every second of it.

A lot of people don't know how cocaine really works, mostly because they won't touch the stuff with a ten foot pole. The effects work in different times depending on how you use it. Injection, which I've only done once or twice, takes about eight seconds. I've never liked waiting; that's why I inhale. It works immediately. Honestly, it really is an immediate high. Cocaine is both a central nervous system stimulant and an anesthetic. The effects can vary slightly from person to person, but things that are most common include: Increases in heart rate, blood pressure, pulse rate, and body temperature. There are several other effects, but the ones that I've experienced are: Insomnia, which was extremely horrible because of the restlessness that it was accompanied by; increased alertness, fear and paranoia have been known to come from me when I take larger doses, but the worst came that night. I almost died that night because of it. We'll get more into that later.

To be truthful, I don't remember when or why I started or how I got to the point that I'm at now. Anyone that knew me well enough to know what my life was really like would probably tell you that I only started because my home life was real shitty. Well, even if that was part of it, that was far from the true reason. What that reason really was, I don't know. My mind doesn't work as well as it used to, I suppose. How, I guess, is a bit of an easier question. The people I hung out with. They were doing it, why shouldn't I, right? Well, all I can say is people are right. Cocaine is highly addictive, but I liked it. I liked the feeling and I loved the forgetfulness. Increases in my doses came and I learned to like it even more. And to me, that's all that matters.

Where am I going with this? I don't know. What do I know? Why are you asking me? I'm the one killing my brain more and more every day with constantly increasing doses of cocaine, right?. I'm losing my grip on reality, and I know it, but somehow I don't really care. Amazing isn't it? This is the point that most people decide to stop. A lot of people I've seen, anyway. Well, I'm not that easy. It'll take a lot more than losing my mind to stop me.

Losing my mind. Funny that came up. You remember "that night" I mentioned earlier? I figure we could go into that soon. Yeah. But not at this moment. Right now, I'm going to leave you to your safe, non-drug induced life. I'm going to go make this habit of mine just a little worse. Tomorrow, I might tell you what you want to know. But today, you get left behind while I get to watch an interesting show of non-existent lights, shadows, fire, and whatever else my mind might come up with. Hey, at least I don't have to pay for a ticket to see the show, just the drugs...right?

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END Ch 1

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Notes - I hope this caught your attention. I hope this didn't sound TOO off-base and whatnot. I am a deprived little girl. My mother would DIE if she saw me looking at sites for information on cocaine, so, I only had one site's information saved to disk to go off of. I figured it was all right. (shug) I dunno. Nevertheless, it exists and all, and I hope that if you took the time to read this, you'll review it. THANKS AGAIN Christina!!!!! You rock. You rule. DORKVILLE FOREVER!!!!

By the way, this was written before ANYTHING was known, and before I knew it was heroine instead of cocaine, but don't kill me over that, guys. Honestly. I wrote this during the aftermath of the first or second episdoe. or something. I don't remember. lol

Drop me a line!

Later days,
-PFB-