Chapter two: Close distance

Some nights, Andrew dreamt about not feeling anything ever again.

It would be pure heaven for him. All that he felt and sensed, all that would be gone, leaving him with a monumental ease. If he could just... just discard the things he felt, he could live a normal life, not having to worry about making a fool out of himself in front of him, not having to worry about revealing what he thought about him... it would be wonderful. Splendid.
That was why he was thinking of asking Jonathan to help him out with removing all emotions. Not only would be free from the burden his love was – if it, indeed, was love – he would also become the greatest villain ever. No emotion? Well, great! He could do whatever he wanted, without ever regretting anything... without feeling remorse. And he would be the given leader of the Trio. Warren would obey him for a change.
And Jonathan, of course, if he wasn't already out of the picture.
Of course, the mere idea of having the ability to remove emotions was ridiculous. Even he knew that. To be able to do that, he'd have to turn vampire or something. Emotions were part of being human, and he was most definitely human. He'd checked. Nope, no super powers. No cool outfit, and certainly no fangs.
He was human. As human as a human can be.
He was giving up. Giving in to the big darkness that was depression. This wasn't going to work out. Ever since the Incident between Warren and himself, he'd been pretty down in it. Nothing seemed to click anymore, and nothing made him happy. Watching Star Trek and hanging with the gang didn't quite suffice anymore, because now, for him, everything was so tense that had to do with Warren.

This is hopeless, he thought, helping himself to another Coke. It was tepid. Quite disgusting, really, but there was nothing else to drink for the moment, because no one had gone shopping in a while. I'd better just kill myself, or something. I'm of no use to anyone.

If only I could have him to myself, just once. Just once. And then I could forget about him, or at least try to forget. It's hard to forget about someone who's around you all the time. But metaphorically speaking... yeah. Try to forget about my feelings, whatever they stand for.

Suddenly, he could hear someone coming down the stairs. He's parked himself on the sofa, where he spent a lot of time lately trying to avoid facing Warren.

Please, don't be Warren, he prayed. Don't... be... Warren.

Of course, it was Warren. One hand in his jeans and wearing a plain, ordinary shirt, he gave a very casual impression.
He advanced forth to the sofa. Andrew could feel his pulse heightening, and hoped that his heartbeats couldn't be heard. If he had been able to without revealing anything about how he felt and what he was thinking about, he'd have run away as far as he could.
"Hi, Andy," said Warren, sitting himself down right beside Andrew. "What's up?"
Here's for being nonchalant, thought Andrew to himself. Well, two can play that game... fortunately.
"Not much," he said, as calmly as he could without risking his voice shaking. "Just watching..." He gave the television a quick look, and then, he blushed violently. "The Teletubbies."
But Warren just nodded. "They have their certain qualities. To bad they lack formidable villains. Look, I just needed to talk to you for a sec. Is it okay, or... would you rather watch 'til the show's over? I could get back to you."
Andrew blushed even more than he would have thought was humanly possible. "No, I... I wasn't really watching, you know, so much as... err... looking in that direction."
"I get you. So it's okay to talk, then?"
"'Course." I don't think it's possible for me to make a bigger fool out of myself than I already have, so do go ahead, he thought angrily to himself.
"I... I need to ask you something," said Warren, his eyes desperately seeking Andrew's in a way that surprised the latter part greatly. What was it he wanted, really? He seemed different, somehow. Maybe it was the attitude... no; it was the whole appearance of him. He was... softer, somehow. More forthcoming, more approaching and... eager, to talk to him? No, that couldn't be right. Warren had never been eager to talk to him, not in this way. He'd never sought Andrew up just to talk before. What was going on?
"Ask away," he answered, as securely as he could muster. Better to go for it when the opportunity came than to ever regret it afterwards. This might be interesting.
"I just... I wonder, do you sometimes... well, you know... think about me?"

Andrew felt like everything was spinning. 'I revolve around you!' he wanted to cry out, 'I do nothing in this life without thinking of you!'

Why was Warren asking these strange questions? And was it safe for him to play along, or was Warren just teasing him? He was so insecure, he didn't know how to act and what to say or do.

"Sure," he said coolly, "sometimes, I guess. Why?"
Warren looked at him in a strange way, sort of like he was trying to really figure him out, feel his pulse. Reaching out to see how far the ground was, if he were to fall.
"Well, I just thought..." He broke himself off, and Andrew could feel his knee against his, that's how close they were now. Warren had moved himself a great bit closer in the last second, and Andrew didn't think he could take any more of this close distance, or whatever you could call it. So close, and yet so far away, he thought, unknowingly wetting his lips with his tongue. This is bound to drive me crazy one day.
And then, Warren leaned forward and kissed him. It was a soft, slow kiss, almost like he was afraid Andrew would break away if he pushed to hard. Andrew could feel his own heart beat like a drum inside him, rhythmical, rapid and wild.

This isn't real, thought Andrew, this can't possibly be real. It's a dream, I'm dreaming again.

But he didn't wake up, like he usually did at this point when he dreamt. And he found himself kissing Warren back, like he'd never done anything else in his entire life. Like it was natural, normal.
It wasn't. He knew it wasn't. But even so, there they were, and Andrew was enjoying it to its full extent.

If this is a dream, it's the best one yet by far, he thought, carefully placing his hand around Warren's neck.