Author's Note: Thanks for all the reviews. Once again, this is from Emma's POV.
"You know what Jay, I'm not even all that hungry. Can we just drive?"
It was more like I was sick to my stomach. I hadn't been able to eat much ever since the shooting. The images just kept replaying in my mind.
"Come on, Emma, think of all the pollution. All those trees and shit, by driving around like this, we're killing them."
He always had a sly comment, usually one that filled me with anger. This time he hadn't said it in a way that was hurtful. For once, instead of laughing at me, he was laughing with me.
"Am I really as neurotic as you make me out to be?"
"Completely. But everyone has come to expect it by now."
The one thing that Jay Hogart was good for was complete and utter honesty. The tone of his voice was gentler than I'd ever heard it, and instead of his usual grimace, he spoke with a smile.
"Well, what about you? You can't tell me that you aren't a compulsive candy bar kleptomaniac. I mean, think of the poor defenseless vending machines. S.I.T.E. was even considering a protection program."
He laughed. He never laughed at anything I'd said before, unless of course it was to mock me. It felt satisfying to prove that I wasn't as lame as he expected me to be. I wasn't as one-dimensional.
That was one thing we were both wrong about. He was the criminal, I was the crusader. Outside of the people that really knew us, no one thought any differently. They wrapped us up in our little personality boxes, just waiting to be shocked the second we stepped out. It's funny how people can think one word describes every aspect of you. I did have a little bit of a crusader in me, but that label tarnished all of my other parts. I knew it was true for myself, I just didn't know that it could be true for him too. Maybe I was off base, but for some reason today, he seemed human.
He pulled over and parked behind the Dot. I watched as he grabbed the pack of cigarettes and lighter out of the cup holder. He got out of the car without saying a word. Pacing back and forth he lit his cigarette, and I watched as his nerves seemingly calmed themselves. The old Emma would have tried to stop him, or talked about how he was ruining his lungs for the rest of his life, but let's face it. The old Emma wouldn't have set foot in his car. He stopped pacing and eventually found comfort in standing still. His mind seemed to be focused on nothing but the cigarette. It was the most peaceful I had ever seen him. He walked back towards the car and sat back on the hood. I so badly wanted to get out and do exactly what he was doing. Calm my nerves, just for a minute. The last week had been nothing but a blend of worries and tears. People wouldn't quit asking questions, I couldn't stop reliving everything over and over again in my mind.
That's when I realized it. Everyone else had escaped in one way or another. Sean left this entire place behind by staying in Wasaga. He left his girlfriend, his best friend, and me, whatever I was to him. He had saved me, but he didn't finish the job. I guess he had to put himself first for once. I couldn't blame him. He should have been with his parents a long time ago. It wasn't just him who had escaped. Hazel and Paige had their yoga classes. Jay ditched school. Ellie wouldn't talk to anyone. Toby sat in front of his XBOX. JT and Danny made jokes. Everyone was pushing it away, except me. I was living in it. I couldn't close my eyes without seeing Rick with that gun. If it was so easy for all of them to forget, why couldn't I. Everyone saw how much I hurt. I was the only one who couldn't forget.
I felt the tears welling up in my eyes and my heart was pounding from just thinking about it all. I opened the car door and walked over until I was next to him. He was just as desperate as I was, I could see it in his eyes. He looked the same way Sean did when he left that day, angry at the world because he didn't know what else to feel.
"I could probably answer the question myself, but do you want one?"
I just shook my head and watched as he put the lighter back in his pocket.
"I figured I'd ask. Everything else seems to have gotten really fucked up. Backwards, even."
He brought me home because we had run out of things to say. Neither one of us felt much like talking anyway. I thanked him for the ride and he made a joke about owing him.
"Well, now you know where to find me if you ever see a tree in peril."
"And you know how to get to me if you are ever in desperate need of a candy bar."
It wasn't just to make fun of ourselves. It was about the people misunderstood us in that way, thought we were one-dimensional. If only they knew how wrong they were.