The weekend seemed to slip right through my fingers. My parents found out I ditched on Friday, but they weren't angry with me. They just made me promise that I'd talk to them about it first if I felt the need to go home again. Dad understood. He saw the looks that people gave me. He was there everyday with me fighting that uphill battle. Mom just seemed to be worried. She wanted me to be "Emma Nelson: The Perfect Daughter" once again. Newsflash, I don't think I could ever go back to that.

I was a robot. Baby sit, clean this, get better grades, have more friends, get more involved with school. Those were the things I was supposed to do. And where did it all get me? Standing in a hallway with a gun pointed at my head. Being on that stupid quiz show, befriending Rick, and standing up for him when no one else did. Then, cutting him down when everyone else had, it was a series of huge mistakes that led to my internal combustion. Maybe it's what set me free.

Monday Morning. I slipped into homeroom and closed my eyes. I'd started to trick myself into believing as long as I couldn't see people, they couldn't see me.

"Em...you okay?"

It was Toby Isaacs, and he was more broken than I was. Rick was his friend. They stuck together because they had no one else. JT ditched him for the popular kids once. Now he had done it again, only this time with Liberty's younger brother. And they said I changed this year. JT had gone through even more friends than I had. The difference was he still kept a few of them.

"As okay as I am going to be."

I hated that question. It's practically the phrase of the week with anything involving me. Everyone thought that would question would change everything. It's hard to determine their mindset. Was it, "Maybe if I ask if she's okay she will realize that people care about her?" Or maybe, "She looks fucked up; I better see if she's fine?" The former made me nauseous. I knew I had people that cared about me, I wasn't dense. My parents, Toby, even Manny showed me she was worried, but it didn't make a difference because they couldn't understand. No, that role was left to be filled by Sean Cameron. The Sean Cameron who left Degrassi and now was residing in Wasaga Beach. Didn't he realize that if he really wanted to save me, he should have stayed here? He had Ellie to look out for too. She was an emotional wreck. Everyone was too afraid to ask if she was okay. Maybe I should have put on the same game face, and screamed at everyone who tried to talk to me, but I didn't have the energy. I didn't have the energy to argue or to go against the grain. I just absorbed what everyone told me, and answered their never-ending questions.

The bell rang, and I headed out toward my locker. I leaned back against it and slid down to the ground. When I was on the floor, I felt invisible. Everyone walks right through you; not realizing they'd stepped on your new skirt, or had just passed by the most downhearted girl on the planet.

That's when I saw him again. He was talking with, or maybe pleading with Spinner. He had the same desperation in his eyes that I'd seen the other day behind the Dot.

"You won't confess if you know what's good for you, man."

Finally a familiar sound, Jay was threatening someone. That's when it really all clicked into place in my head. Jimmy told me he thought Spinner was behind the whole yellow paint and feathers deal. It sickened me, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized what I'd done to Rick was worse. I'd called him pathetic. I told him I never really liked him, I just felt bad for him. I guess Jimmy was only half-right, Jay was involved too. Where there is one idiot, there's a pack following.

Emma Nelson, do not get involved. It will only make things worse. Do not get involved. I couldn't take my eyes off of them. Spinner was visibly upset, while Jay was trying to hide his guilt. That's when it happened; Jay looked over to where I was. I tried to divert my eyes to something else, but I wasn't fast enough. The bell rang. Spinner said something about finishing their "conversation" later, and went off to class.

I closed my eyes again. Please don't let Jay come over here. Please don't see me. Please don't let him think I was spying on him.

"You enjoy the show?"

Fuck.

"It wasn't like that, I swear."

"I don't know why I'm surprised. You never did know how to keep your nose out of other people's business. Let me put it this way, whatever you think you heard, you didn't. And for your sake, I hope you aren't planning a career in detective work, you are awful at it."

I just nodded; I couldn't find the words to say anything. He started to walk away, but not without punching a locker as he passed by it. He had so much guilt on his face. It was like nothing I'd ever seen before. And I felt like it was my fault. I knew he thought I was going to tell. And he had every right to think that. The old me would have ran straight down to Raditch's office and spilled everything I knew. I'd done it to him before, why not again? But this time, I was the guilty party, well maybe the guiltier.

"Jay..."

He turned back around.

"It wasn't your fault," I whispered.