Chapter Five

-Buffy-

I'm sitting in my rental car; yeah I finally sucked it up and learned how to drive. I'm parked in front of Dawn's house and I know I have to go inside. It's hard though, harder in some ways than it was to walk in and see Angel. I knew walking into his place that he wasn't mine anymore. Dawn is mine, she'll always be mine and somehow that makes it more difficult.

I finally get out of the car and walk up to the spacious ranch house. Willow told me Xander is doing really well with his construction business and Dawn works for the Watcher's Council.

The door opens before I knock. It's Dawnie, but she looks older, prettier. She was always pretty; she just-she's come into her own.

"Hi, Dawnie."

Dawn's eyes fill with tears. She chokes them back and pulls me into a hug. She pulls me into the house and we both stand there, arms around each other, being snifflely for a few minutes. Finally we step back. I brush her long, brown hair off her shoulder.

"Dawnie, you're so-"

My comment is halted by a tiny voice. "Mommy?"

We both turn and look at a three-year-old angel. She's got Xander's hair, dark with a little bit of a wave, but her eyes are completely Dawn's, wide eyed and brilliant blue.

"Beautiful," I whisper, finishing my sentence.

A smile like I've never seen spreads over Dawn's face. She crouches and the little girl flies into her arms. She stands again, holding the little girl on her hip. "This is Calie," she says. The little girl ducks her head toward Dawn's neck, blushing. She looks up at me from beneath her lashes.

"Hi, Calie," I say with a little wave at her.

"Calie, this is your Aunt Buffy."

The little girl gives that some thought. She leans in and whispers something to Dawn that makes her laugh and nod. "Yes, she's the lady in the picture on the mantle."

Dawn pauses and looks at me a moment. "She thinks you're an angel. We-we didn't know and I thought you were dead."

There's my old friend guilt.

I smile softly at Calie and reach out to touch her chubby leg. Her skin is so soft. "I'm not an angel, sweetie." I shake my head at her.

I clasp my hands in front of me and pace the entry way. "I'm sorry, Dawn. I-I tried to call, to write letters. I couldn't. I didn't plan on staying gone that long. I just-I was trying to find out who I was. I never intended for it to take five years and I never intended for anyone to think I was dead. I-I changed my name and I bought my own lie about being a normal girl."

Dawn nodded and set Calie on her feet. "And if you'd come back here, you wouldn't have been able to lie to yourself anymore."

I smile slightly at her. She's exactly right. That's the reason I never came back. I didn't want to pick up Buffy's life with its pain and its sorrow. "When did you get so smart?"

Dawn shrugs. "I think maybe when I became a mom."

"She's beautiful," I say honestly.

That smile is back on Dawn's face. "Yeah, I know. Come on in, let's sit down and catch up. Xander will be home in a couple of hours."

-Angel-

"Hey, you gonna stay up all night?"

Her voice pulls me out of my brooding and I look up at Liv. She's standing in front of me clad in a tiny piece of purple silk. Her blond hair tumbles around her shoulders, but it's a little too light. Her eyes are too blue. I scrub my hand across my face, rubbing at tired eyes.

"Well, I am a vampire."

"Not for long, you've only got a little over a week," she says.

I shrug. "I'll come to bed later."

She smiles at me, bends over and kisses me on the cheek. "Alright, but you know how I hate to sleep without you."

I nod and watch as she drifts back into our bedroom reluctantly. I lay back on the couch, hands steepled on my stomach. I'm not in bed with my soon to be wife because I'm thinking about my ex-lover. I can't get the image of Buffy out of my mind, the look of acceptance and pain she wore. It almost hurt me physically to see her like that and at the same time it was nice to finally see Buffy accept who she was. Since the moment I met her, she's been fighting herself as fiercely as she ever fought a demon.

I watch the sun come up through necro tempered windows. I get up and make coffee for Liv. I know she'll be upset because I didn't come to bed. I had things to think about (Buffy), things to work out inside myself.

"Morning," I say when she walks into the kitchen.

She glares at me. Apparently upset isn't a strong enough word.

"Liv, the brooding is part of who I am. You know that. It's not going to change because we get married, or even because I become human. You're going to have to learn to deal with this."

"If I weren't dealing, I'd be packing right now. I love you, Angel but it's not always easy," she says and walks out of the kitchen to take a shower.

"Love, just another way to bleed," I whisper to the empty kitchen.

-Buffy-

I'm sitting in my hotel room staring at a cardboard box Dawn gave me. It's everything that's left of my life as Buffy Summers, the vampire slayer. Pieces of things we saved from Sunnydale, scraps of the year we spent together in Rome. I can't put it off any longer. I crouch down next to the box and open it. Nostalgia washes over me and I'm afraid to touch the things inside. If I look in this box, if I pick up these things, I'm going to have to pick up my life as Buffy Summers again. Anne Williams will be a figment of my imagination, a girl who died at a café in Siena, Italy.

My fingers move of their own accord. I pull out the buttery-soft, ancient leather jacket on top and bury my nose in it. Tears rush to my eyes. It smells like him. After thirteen years, somehow it still smells like him, the Bronze and life before I knew who Angelus was. Now, I'm breaking down.