Chapter Nine

-Angel-

I glance down at Buffy. "I've got to-stay here."

I run out of the apartment into the hallway. I pause and listen. I can hear Liv clattering down the stairwell. I hit the door and start down the stairs after her. "Liv!"

She doesn't stop, not that it poses much of a problem to me. I put on an extra burst of vampire speed and stop in front of her. I grab her by the shoulders. Her blue eyes are red rimmed and puffy. She sniffles and swipes at her nose. "Liv, listen to me. That is an old friend-we got caught out in the rain." It sounds lame, even to my ears.

"Is that the old friend you were out until midnight with the other night?"

I nod. "She's-I-I was in a mood over the human thing. She understands it. She was there when a lot of things in my life weren't going right. I needed to talk to someone about it."

"What you were doing didn't look much like talking. In fact it looked a lot more like mating, and a lot more intimate then anything we've ever done," her voice ends up a mere whisper.

I nod and pull my mouth into a thin line. I know exactly what she means and I can't help how Buffy and I look together. It's as natural as breathing is to a human. It's just the way Buffy and I are, have always been and always will be.

"I'm sorry."

"Who is she, Angel? Don't give me the old friend crap. I don't look like that with any of my old friends," Liv's voice goes hard and cold with pain.

I take a deep breath. I've been putting this off. "She's-"God, how to describe Buffy to my fiancée? I have a hard enough time trying to describe to my friends what Buffy is. Buffy's my girl from yesterday and sometimes I think she's still my girl. "Buffy and I were lovers a long time ago."

"Buffy? The slayer, Dawn's sister, Buffy?" Liv asks.

I nod. Of course she would have heard about Buffy from Giles, Willow, Xander and Dawn. Sometimes I forget how much time she spends with them.

Liv shakes her head. "A slayer, wow—I didn't know I was going to have to fight for you, Angel, especially not a slayer."

"You don't have to fight for me. I'm yours."

"That's not what it looked like," she says, tears lacing the edges of her voice.

"I'm sorry." It's the only thing I can say and it's true. I am sorry Liv saw us. Am I sorry about the rainstorm, bringing Buffy back to my apartment? I'm going to refrain from answering that until I know the answer myself, because honestly, I don't know.

"Do you love me, Angel?"

"Yes," I say. I don't even have to think about it. I do love Liv without a doubt. Do I love her like I love Buffy? Don't ask me that. I can't compare them. I can't even tell you what trying to compare the two would be like because there is no comparison. Something Wes told me before I started seeing Nina rings in my ears.

"99.999 ad infinitum percent of the best relationships in recorded history of the world have had to make do with acceptable happiness."

Acceptable happiness, nothing wrong with that and besides the track record for sustained perfect happiness in that .001 relationship, not so good.

Liv looks at me; hurt and pain swim in her eyes. I pull her into my arms and hold her tight. "I'm sorry." I'm standing there in the hallway holding my fiancée and my thoughts keep wandering to the other blonde still in my apartment.

-Buffy-

I'm standing in Angel's apartment at a complete loss. I snoop around. There's a silver framed photo on the night stand of a pretty lady with blond hair and blue eyes. I'm gonna venture a guess and say it's Liv. She looks like a nice person. She's got a good smile. I can tell she lives here. There are signs, things Angel would never have, like teddy bear collection on the bench in the bedroom. Oh, and the tampons in the bathroom. This is stupid. I'm not waiting around for Angel to come back. He's gone after the woman he loves. He's made his choice.

I gather up my wet clothes in a towel and shove my damp hair out of my face. I'm on my way out of the apartment when Angel walks in with the pretty woman in the picture. I stop stock still. This is great, really. The first time I meet the fiancée I look like something out of the Creature From The Black Lagoon. Hello, were the Powers that Be not listening to my Gwyneth request? I tug self-consciously at the waist of Angel's sweats, which hang dangerously low on my hips. I finally settle for a small smile and a wave.

"Buffy, this is Liv. Liv, Buffy."

Thanks Angel, 'preciate this really. Could this get anymore awkward? Don't answer that. I guess we could have been naked. I paste on my best, brightest smile and stick out my hand. "Hi, I'm Buffy. Nice to meet you." God, I sound like a Stepford wife.

Liv manages a very weak smile. "Hi."

Not talkative, not that I can blame her. Honestly if I'd walked in on what she had to have seen, I would have been less with the talking, more with the hitting myself, but then I'm insanely jealous like that.

"Listen, I'm just gonna grab a cab back to my hotel. I'll wash these things and have the hotel send them back over to your office," I say, edging toward the door.

"Buffy," Angel starts. God, he even says my name –that- way when she's there.

I shake my head and hold up my palm, fingers curling inward. "No, really." If he says one more word I'm going to break down in front of the fiancée and the only thing worse than black lagoon creature is sobbing, hysterical black lagoon creature.

Unfortunately for the cabbie, I don't have the same sort of reserve in front of him. I'm a sobbing, snotty mess in the back seat. I barely get out my hotel name. To his credit, he doesn't blink twice. Maybe sobbing, hysterical women aren't that uncommon a thing in LA. The cab stops at the hotel and I shove some wet bills from my wet pants at the driver. I get out and take the stairwell up my room, hoping I can avoid everyone for the rest of my life.