Chasing the Darkness Chapter 12: Carousel, a trigun fanfic

I don't own the song or anything.

Carousel

"Talking"

'Thinking'

Stressed Words

Flashbacks and Lyrics

She can't hide no matter how hard she tries

her secret disguised behind the lies

and at night she cries away her pride

with eyes shut tight staring at her inside

all her friends know why she can't sleep at night

all her family asking is she alright

all she wants to do is get rid of this hell

well all she's got to do is stop kiddin herself

She can only fool herself for so long

I'm too weak to face me

(she can only fool herself)

Meryl had been sitting on the dessert dune for a day now. She had found that Hotaru was Jesse's younger brother. She didn't know if they were related, but she really didn't care. She would gaze at Vash's back and began to notice that he wouldn't meet her gaze. She was beginning to feel very isolated. Hotaru had explained that Akujin was one of the elder's servants. Meryl listened to Hotaru explain the customs and the way things worked around the area.

"When you meet the elders you'll find that Hatcher will be challenging you in implied ways," Hotaru explained. Meryl nodded and continued to stare off into the sand. She then continued to just listen to Hotaru explain the ways of the werecat.

"Hotaru, I'm not up for lessons," Meryl said as she stood and walked back to where the rock was.

She sat underneath the rock and let that night haunt her. She closed her eyes and buried her face in between her knees.

'No wonder he's not meeting my gaze,' Meryl thought as she remembered grabbing Akujin's body in mid air. She sighed and thought about what she could do, but then realized that there was nothing.

'If I knew things would change this much, I wouldn't have changed anything,' Meryl thought as she fiddled with her. She then lay on her side and sniffed the air and found that Vash was farther then he looked. She could see Miki walking towards her, that left Knives wandering wherever he chose to go.

"It isn't your fault," Miki softly said as she sat next Meryl.

Meryl sat up and gave and short dry laugh. Miki just shook her head and decided to try talking some more.

"You did what you had to do," Miki carefully said.

"I know that, but it was ether her or Vash. And I choose Vash to live," Meryl said as she fixed her shirt.

"Does he know that?" Miki asked.

"How could he not? It's not like I kill people everyday," Meryl said with a bit of anger.

"If Vash doesn't know you did all this for him, then he's a fool," Miki said as she looked out towards Vash.

"It's just not the problem with Vash, it's that I'm now damned," Meryl sorrowfully said.

"What do you mean?" Miki asked.

"When I die, I won't be able to enter heaven, and if I don't enter hell I'll be forced to wander the earth," Meryl explained.

"It's not something you can help now, but you can try and live life while you're alive," Miki said before she got up and walked away. Meryl growled before she looked over at Vash to see Knives punch him across the face. She watched as Knives said something and walked away from him.

I never know just why you run so far away, far away from me

Knives was sitting out away from his brother and the crying girl. He eventually got tired at night of hearing Meryl's sobs of sorrow. He could practically feel her dejection radiating off in waves. So, during the night he moved away from the campsite. He even was nice and buried Akujin's body so Meryl wouldn't be triggered to cry again. Knives may have not been fond of humans, but Meryl wasn't a normal human. Knives had tried to even talk to Meryl. She had just whispered 'Vash' and turned away when she realized it wasn't him.

Knives was now going to talk Vash about this silent treatment and demand that this situation be fixed. He ironically laughed when he realized that he was trying to fix his brother's relationship with a human. He realized that he had to get through to Vash to set things right.

'Vash,' Knives thought as he walked headed for his twin.

Knives growled when Vash made no move to respond to him. Knives pulled Vash by his shoulder and turned him around so he could face him. Vash's face was stoic and Knives almost twitched ... almost.

"Damn it Vash! Answer me," Knives demanded as he glared at his twin.

"What do you want?" Vash coldly asked.

"I want to know why you're sitting your sorry ass out here in pity," Knives calmly said as he stood with his hands at his side.

"Since when have you cared?" Vash madly asked.

"I have always cared about you! I may have showed it in the wrong ways," Knives yelled.

"All you've ever cared about is killing every damn spider!" Vash yelled.

Knives growled and balled his fist so he could swing at Vash. Vash turned his head and felt the fist connect with his jaw. Vash fell to the ground and looked up at Knives. Knives towered over Vash and pointed a finger at him.

"Stop being so damn angry like a coward and do something about it!" Knives yelled.

"What am I supposed to do?" Vash asked.

"Be a man and go over and tell Meryl that you're not disgusted by her. Assure her or you're going to end up losing her," Knives growled as he turned away and left Vash stunned.

'What's wrong with Meryl?' Vash thought to Knives.

'Can't you feel her sorrow?' Knives asked as he shut their link off.

When it comes to how to live his life he can't be told

says he got it all under control

thinks he knows it's not a problem he's stuck with

but in reality it would be a problem to just quit

an addict and he can't hold the reins

the pain is worse cause his friends have it the same

tries to slow down the problem he's got

but can't get off the carousel until he makes it stop

He can only fool himself for so long

I'm too weak to face me

(He can only fool himself)

Vash began to walk towards Meryl and he noticed that her eyes were close and that her face had tear streaks. He then smiled when he noticed that her tail was twitching. He sat down in front of her and noticed that her eyes were now open. He nervously smiled when he saw her face look shocked. She sat up and met his aqua gaze.

"What do you want?" Meryl asked and winced when she realized how harsh she sounded.

"I just wanted to know how you're doing," Vash said as he rubbed his arm nervously.

'Just tell her how you feel, she deserves the truth,' Knives said as he opened the link again.

"I don't feel as guilty. I know that I couldn't let you die, so I made the choice," Meryl said as she let the sand slide through her hands.

"You did what you did and I owe you my life because of it," Vash said as he pulled Meryl into his arms.

"I feel like such a murderer," Meryl said as she sobbed.

"You did it to save Miki, Knives, and me," Vash said.

"It just doesn't seem like things will be the same."

I never know just why you run so far away, far away from me

Meryl pushed out of Vash's arms and started to crawl away from him. Vash looked confused and hurt as he moved after Meryl. Meryl held her hand out and made Vash stop.

"I have to go," Meryl frantically said as she started running again.

"Why? Where are you going?" Vash asked as he stood and began to run after her.

"Please, you can't follow me," Meryl begged as she began to run.

"Damn it, stop!" Vash yelled as he ran faster.

He caught up to her and tackled her to the ground. She growled and pushed tried to push him away. He held onto to her and she pulled at his hair.

"If you stay with me you'll die," Meryl cried.

"I refuse to be away from you, again," Vash said as she froze and stopped struggling.

Fly with me under the wings I gave you

Try to be closer to me and I'll save you

Try to be close to me and I'll save you

I never know just why you run so far away, far away from me

I have an idea of where I want to take the chapter.

How many people want a Vash and Meryl fight. Please review.