A/N: Woot, I got seven reviews for chapter six! does happy dance and awkwardly curtsies as everyone laughs.
Pyro: Don't be too concerned about Corwin, it will all work out. :-D
KodachiSoul: :-D You think my story is so different from the others? I'M EXCITED! That's what I was going for in the first place.
SilverTrinity: I wasn't trying to offend anyone, or stereotype anyone from Kentucky. I am merely trying to establish this guy as living a carefree life, and choosing the particular fashions of flannel. If I lived somewhere out in the boonies like him, I would SO run around barefooted ALL the time. Thanks for reading my story!!! :-D
Maurader-Magick33: Hmmm…. Maybe… Tyhler might get to punch Malfoy… I might just have fun with him though… oh wait, I can do both! laughs evilly Oh how I LOVE being an author!
Angelchic4ver: Your brother thinks you're insane? Congratulations! If I had a brother, he would most likely think I'm insane as well. How old is your brother? Can I have him? I've always wanted a brother.
Oasis: I like my weird and interesting characters. I would prefer it if no one on earth was normal… normal people worry me…
Freak and Proud: How are hammocks tricky in England? Is the gravity just better on this side of the earth, making the English's hammocks swing a bit off kilter? HA HA, I've got better gravity than you!!! :-P falls down
Lizai: Your name is fun to shout like you're jumping out with a karate pose. Quite a good substitute for Bonzai, I would say. I have always thought the name Dakota was cool, and it's pretty scarce. I am hyper too! HAHAHA!
Filch marched down the hallway, still dripping with gravy, with Corwin by the arm.
"What exactly did I do?" Corwin asked, nonchalantly.
"You know darn well what you did, your attitude says it all."
"Where are we going?"
"You'll soon find out."
They rounded a corner, and Filch, glaring at Corwin, rapped on the door to the left, that had a handsome silver plated sign on the door that said Brianna Blashak in deep blue.
The door swung open after a brief pause, and Ms. Blashak nodded at Filch as she leaned on the doorframe.
"What can I do for you, sir?" Ms. Blashak said cheerfully.
"A detention is in order for this boy."
After looking at Filch's gravy covered head and shoulders, "Alright, if he has no classes, he can complete it now. Go ahead and hold it in your office, I'm extremely busy. If you'll excuse me." She smiled, nodded, and shut the door before Filch could say anything more.
"Alright young man, right this way." Filch sneered, excited over the prospect of holding a detention for the first time since last year.
Filch nudged open the door to his office, and herded Corwin into the dismal, small room, inadequately lit with a single oil lamp.
"Sit!" Filch ordered to Corwin, motioning for him to sit in a very uncomfortable looking straight backed chair across the room from a wall of filing cabinets.
Filch opened up one of the drawers in his ancient looking desk, and rummaged around, looking for something.
"Did you know the world's termites outweigh the world's humans 10 to one?" Corwin asked Filch, his head cocked to the side.
Filch eyed him before he went back to his grumbling and rummaging.
"Did you know that eagles can see better than humans on clear days, but humans can see better than eagles on foggy days?"
Ignoring Corwin's questions, Filch slammed the drawer, and yanked another one open as Corwin voiced a new question.
"Did you know that 'Tug of war' was an Olympic event between 1900 and 1920?" Corwin quipped, shifting in his chair.
Filch let out a "humph" of impatience, and kept rummaging as Corwin started a new line of questions.
"Pound for pound, hamburgers cost more than new cars, did you know that? In 1993, did you know that the US government spent $277,000 on 'pickle research?' Did you know that when Heinz ketchup leaves the bottle, it travels at a rate of 25 miles per year? Were you aware that Liechtenstein, the world's smallest country, is the world's largest manufacturer of false teeth, and the richest country on the planet? It's estimated that you'll spend a year of your life looking for misplaced objects. What are you looking for?
Filch stared at him exasperatedly, and informed him, "I'm looking for my pen, I have to write something down."
"Just be careful. About 100 people a year choke to death on ballpoint pens" Corwin said glumly.
Filch gave up his search for his pen, and grabbed the thing nearest to him, a book on animals that he confiscated from a student that was using it as a missile, and flipped through the pages nonchalantly, avoiding eye contact with Corwin.
"Did you know that U.S. hens lay enough eggs in a single year to circle the equator 100 times?" Corwin piped. "Were you aware that full grown grizzly bears have jaws strong enough that they can bite through ½ inch steel? Did you know that shrimp can only swim backwards? Well, did you know that if a frog keeps it's mouth open for too long, it will suffocate? Do you know the gorilla's scientific name? …'Gorilla, gorilla, gorilla.'"
"You are not allowed to talk about animals while in detention!" Filch said, punctuating the announcement with a curt nod that sent gravy running down his forehead, and around his chin, and he grabbed his handkerchief and wiped it off.
"In the last ten years, you have shaved off about a pound of beard growth"
Filch's eyes narrowed, and he shook his head at Corwin.
"Did you know that seven percent of Americans think Elvis is still alive?"
"I hate Elvis. I much preferred reading, or even writing to rock and roll" Filch spat out the last few words with distaste.
"Charles Dickens always slept facing north. He thought it improved his writing"
"I care nothing about Charles Dickens. Even baking myself to death in the summer sun gave me more pleasure than The Christmas Carol"
"Did you know that only 48 of the sun's energy actually reaches the earth?"
Ignoring the question, Filch decided to try to stare down Corwin with a distinct frown that would make most first years wet themselves
Corwin just grinned, and started swinging his legs, "Did you know that the statue of liberty's mouth is three feet wide?"
With an irritated sigh, Filch decided to ask Corwin a question, "Do you ever have anything good to say?"
"Well. I have good news, and bad news. The good news is that the Bible has been translated into Klingon, and the bad news is, the Neanderthal's brain was bigger than yours is." Corwin stated with no expression, just blinking his eyes.
Shaking with rage, Filch clenched the air in front of him as if he was strangling a very small neck. After he was done, he pointed to the door. "Go, I have important business to deal with." He yelled through clenched teeth.
Jumping up out of his seat, Corwin walked towards the door, and asked just as he slipped out, "Did you know that every 2.7 seconds, a Tupperware party begins somewhere in the world?"
"I LOATHE TUPPERWARE!!!!" Filch howled, picking up the nearest object, the animal book, and hurled it at the door that Corwin had closed.
Right as soon as the book hit the floor, Corwin opened the door again, and peeked in with a grin, "Thank you Mr. Filch!" he said happily before closing the door and skipping down the hallway.
Rounding the corner towards the Gryffindor commons room, Hermione, Ron and Harry were silent as they walked through the hallways of chattering students. They waved as Dean Thomas walked by with his soccer ball.
Hermione's eyes casually skimmed the hall as thoughts of the day tumbled around in her brain. She smiled at a group of first years as they walked by, thinking to herself that there was no possible way that they were that little when they first started.
Then something about the first years caught her attention. She knew from the sorting ceremony that they were Slytherins. Well, except for one girl she remembered seeing at the Kookumboo table this morning seeing just how high she could throw her raisins before the anti-food fighting spell would catch them and throw them back at her, where she would catch them in her mouth.
"Slytherins hate muggles." Hermione whispered to herself with a puzzled look.
"You just realized that? Gee, I thought you were quicker than that…" Ron joked.
Hermione glared at him before continuing, "I have known that, I was just wondering why there was a muggle all chummy with that group of Slytherins."
"Hogwallow." Harry said to the portrait of the fat lady, and she nodded as she swung herself forward, letting them into the commons room.
"Ginny, I'm appalled." Draco sneered as he came around the corner of a bookshelf in the library.
"What's wrong with me now, are my shoes too scuffed for your approval?" Ginny retorted, looking down from where she was sitting, at her favorite sneakers, dirty, and worn, but still had some life left in them.
"Yes, but that was not what I was speaking of." Draco started, leaning on the table Ginny was sitting at.
"Spit it out then, dung for brains, and get it over with, so you can get bloody well away from me." Ginny said coldly.
"You really should stop hanging out with that mud-girl. It's not good for anyone if we mix."
Walking around the corner with an armful of books, just in time to hear that statement, came Tyhler, and she was fuming. Before Draco could pull his wand out from his pocket, Tyhler chucked the top book off of the stack straight at Draco's head.
It fluttered as if in slow motion, and connected with his shoulder with a light smack. Luckily for Draco, it was one from the top of the stack, and therefore a light, paperback one. Unluckily for Draco, his mouth started running again.
"See, Ginny, worthless blood, they always turn on us pure bloods." He said, menacingly as he stated to turn and walk away.
This time, Tyhler hurled one of the heavy, leather bound hardback reference books, and didn't miss his head. It connected with a force that made him stumble, and he cracked his head against the table, knocking him unconscious.
Looking at each other with surprise, both girls shrugged, and walked around the tale to where Draco was laying, crumpled facedown on the floor.
"Madam Pince!" Ginny called out to the librarian, who was pushing a battered old library cart towards them.
"What do you need?" Madam Pince asked, oblivious to Draco's fallen form.
"I think he's bleeding on the carpet." Tyhler commented, motioning to Draco.
"Good heavens, he is." She exclaimed, turning him over so they could see the nasty cut from the sharp edge of the table where he hit his head. "He should know that's against the rules!"
"I think he stumbled and hit his head on the table." Ginny said, straight faced, to Tyhler.
"Serves him right then, for messing around." She said, picking up the two fallen books" Can you two take him to the hospital wing? I've just got a new shipment of books in." Madam Pince asked, with a tone that left them with no option other than yes as she started walking away.
So off they went, Tyhler holding Draco's arms, and Ginny with his feet, towards the hospital wing.
On their way to the hospital wing, they met a large number of students that all felt the need to know what had happened to Draco.
Tyhler and Ginny, also feeling that they all needed to know, informed everyone of his stunt. For Ginny, it was almost like a parade on the way to the hospital wing, with everyone standing around.
And when he started to stir, he tried to pull his arms out of Thyler's grip, and Tyhler accidentally dropped him on the stairs, and he was once again, down for the count.
A/N: All of Corwin's useless facts came from one of my favorite books, since it is completely useless facts. The Best of Uncle John's Bathroom Reader. No joke on the title. You can get the most amazing stuff from that book! I know the general history of Astroturf because of that book, and you can get really good quotes from famous people, and all that good crap. PLUS, on every page, the page number is in a little picture of a roll of toilet paper, and that's just darn tootin cute!
Anywhoos, that was a fun chapter to write. I should do this again sometime soon. Not now though, I'm tired. Plus, I've got writers block. Review, it always helps my symptoms of writers block, especially the whole motivation thing, and the little bit about the deflation of the ego, yeah, it helps with that.