Chapter 30
I took the same way back to Mr. Wagner's class, not looking over to see what looks they were giving me this time. I was a few feet away from the door when someone grabbed me from behind.
"Don't be mad at me anymore." Bobby said hugging me from behind. I spun around in his arms and nodded. "Are you okay?" I shook my head. I couldn't decide if I had made things better or worse. "Do you want to go somewhere and talk?"
"Can't right now. Have t' make up time." I said and continued walking to the class. I pulled open the door and realized that it was empty. Sean was sitting in one of the chairs, when he saw me he jumped up and pulled me into a hug.
"I'm supposed to tell you that you don't have any time to make up." He said as he practically suffocated me.
"Merci." I said into his shoulder.
"Well...one down, one to go right?" Sean said with a smile, which faltered when I looked at him like he was nuts. "You are going to talk to your mother right?"
I just stood there.
"It would be the smart thing to do." He approached carefully, apparently not trying to upset me. "You could prove that you can act your age."
I nodded. He was right after all. I formulated a plan in my head while Sean stood there nervously waiting for my reaction.
"See you at supper?" I asked. He just nodded and watched as I left the room. I walked down to where the adults were meeting and knocked on the door. They all turned to look at me. "May ah speak t' Rogue sil vous plais?"
out of the corner of my eye I saw Papa smile, and that was enough reassurance that I was doing the right thing. Rogue excused herself from the meeting and walked to the door.
"Like t' talk t'you if dats okay." I said. She just nodded. I walked outside to the meditation clearing, I figured no one would be there. I sat downa dns he sat down across from me and waited for me to say something. "Talked t' Papa, an' Ah know what he feels."
"That was very big of you." She said. I looked at her. I wans't expecting her to say anything, let alone make any comments about my childish nature.
"An' Ah wan t' know how you feel." I continued.
"Ah'm not sure how ah feel shugah." She said with a shrug. "Ah'm jus' tryin' t' stay outta this mess."
"You caused this mess!" I said before I could stop myself. I bit my tongue and waited for some sort of reaction, I didn't mean to lose my cool. And I wasn't trying to blame her, my apparently my subconscious reactions were know in control.
"No." she said and I looked up at her. "Ah didn't do antyhin' of the sort."
I don't know what made me angrier, the fact that she said it in a calm tone of voice or the fact that she was wrong.
"Why'd you have to come back?" I mumbled more to myself then anyone else.
"Ah missed you." She stated as if it was obvious.
"Stop lying!" I yelled at her, despite our distance apart. "You never wanted me! You blamed me for everything! You t'ink ah don' remember befo' you lef'? You t'ink dat de memories just dis'ppear? How many times did you an' Papa argue ovah me? An' how many times were you on my side heih? None! I can' remember one time dat you even reffered t' me as yo' daughter!" I stopped to take a breath and tried to think about where that outburst came from. "Ah was everyt'in dat was wrong wit' yo' life."
"Your right." She said. I looked at her like she was crazy. She should've argued, I needed her to argue with me. I needed to be wrong. For once in my life I needed to be wrong. "Ah nevah wanted you. But you made Remy happy in a way that I never could."
"So why did you leave?" I asked.
"Because he loved you." She said with a shrug. "He loved you so much he had no room for me in his life."
"So why did you come back?" I asked, suddenly extremely angry. "You t'ought dat he would've gotten sick of me?"
"No, ah came back b'cause ah missed him." She said. "Things just worked out better than I thought they would."
I didn't know what I wanted more. To hit her and cause her as much pain as she had caused me, run and tell the professor and get him to make her leave, or run and cry in a corner. Discarding all of the scenarios I sat in shock, not knowing what to say, what to do. I wanted to beg for her to tell me she was joking. I wanted Papa to be here so he could stand behind me and understand why I couldn't trust her. I wanted to cry. But I couldn't. I couldn't do any of it, and for the first time in my life I understood what it felt like to be unwanted. And I never wanted to.
"Leave." A voice stated from behind me. I just sat there and stared at my shoes. "Get up and walk away, you've done her enough damage for one lifetime."
I saw Rogue leave the clearing, but didn't move. She never wanted me. And she said it out loud.
"You okay?" the gruff voice asked. I shook my head slowly. How could I possibly be okay after that? I was going to talk but my mouth was dry and I don't think I could've formed words if I tried. "C'mon, I'll take ya inside." He said offering a hand. That was when I realized that he'd moved in front of me. I took his hand and let him help me up.
We walked down the hallways. I would've said something but it seemed that I had to concentrate on breathing. He walked me to my dorm room and watched from the doorway as I went to my bed and curled into a ball. I heard the door shut.
I felt like I needed to cry. But I didn't. I didn't have it in me. I remembered reading somewhere that you shouldn't cry for someone who wouldn't cry over you. She'd made it clear that she'd never cry over me, let alone give me a second thought. It had never been clearer to me that I never had a mother.
The door opened a while later, I wasn't sure when, time didn't seem to matter much.
"You asleep?" Sean half-whispered from his bed. I shook my head. "You want to talk about it?"
I shook my head. After all, talking was what got me into this mess. Sean walked around my bed so he was standing in front of me and put his hand on my forehead, at the same time I was coated with a strange calm. I looked up at him .
"Better?" he asked. I nodded; he shoved his hands in his pockets and bit his lip. "I'll bring supper to you okay?" I nodded again. He went and pressed play on his c.d. player, letting Simon and Garfunkle flood the room before he left.
I stayed curled in a ball on my bed, trying not to think until the door opened and the scent of dinner filled the room. I felt the bed sag and assumed that Sean had brought dinner, opening my eyes when I felt the bed sag a second time. I sat up and saw my team rearranging the dorm room so we could sit and eat together.
"You don't come to dinner, dinner comes to you." Austin said with a smile. Sean put the plate of food in my lap and handed me some cutlery. Montaro and Noah pushed Sean's bed right next to mine and climbed on. Alexandria sat next to me and smiled as Sean sat across from me with Austin and Kat.
"Sean told us what happened. We figured we should come see how you were doing." Alexandria said. I just nodded and went to my food.
"You want to talk about it?" Montaro asked. I shook my head but gave him a small smile. "Professor Wagner says we should always talk about our problems."
"Don't push her, she'll talk when she's ready." Noah said not looking up from his plate.
"Will we get in trouble for eating in the dorms?" Austin asked, we all shrugged. I looked around at the team. They all seemed content to just sit there and wait for me to say something.
"She never wanted me." I said. I felt everyone's stares, some were sympathetic, others full of anger. "She tol' me so."
They were all silent as I recounted the tale of the conversation with Rogue. When I finished Kat reached over and took one of my hands. "Just because she gave you birth, doesn't make her your mom."
I smiled as best I could and nodded.
"I wish I could say something to make everything better for ya. But truth be told I can't. No one can. We can all say things like 'her loss' and 'too little, too late', but it's not gonna make the hurt go away. But I can sit here until you feel better. And I will." Austin said taking the cowboy hat from his head and placing it on my bedpost.
"We can all camp out here if you want." Alexandria said. I looked at Sean who was just smiling.
"She's pretty stubborn, I wouldn't argue with her." He said. I just ate my food.
When I was finished Noah took everyone's plates back downstairs with Alexandria. They stopped to get extra comforters and pillows. Apparently they weren't kidding. I didn't know how to tell them that even if they stayed over it wouldn't make me feel any better. But thought better of it, deciding it was probably more for them, and that was okay. Kat turned into her panther alternative and put her head on my lap. I smiled, maybe a bit of company wouldn't be so bad. We were all getting comfortable as best we could when Bobby knocked on the door.
He walked in, quite amused to see the operation my team had going.
"Slumber party?" he asked with a grin. Everyone kind of smiled and nodded. "Just for the hell of it? Or is this some sort of invite only slumber party?"
"We're just hunkerin' down until Kale feels better." Austin said. Bobby walked over to me and kissed my forehead.
"I know it was hard for you kiddo. But you grew up a lot today." He said before he walked out.
"Think he'll tell on us?" Alexandria asked. I shook my head.
"Non, Bobby is a friend." I said. They all just nodded and accepted it as truth. I couldn't remember the last time anyone trusted me that much. The lights in the hallway turned off before we knew it, the international symbol for bedtime at the mansion. Sean left the bathroom light on and closed the door most of the way. We all knew that Jean did checks to make sure no one snuck out, it was just a matter of time before someone came and told us that the slumber party was over.
The professor pushed the door open and tried to hide the small smile that I saw cross his features.
"Unfortunately, school rules prohibit slumber parties in dorm rooms." He said and held up his hand as everyone began to protest. "I'm sorry, but they clearly state that all sleepovers and team slumber parties are to be held in the library." He winked and then left the room.
"You heard the man." Austin said with a grin. "We're movin' to the library."
Everyone grabbed their pillows and blankets and we waltzed down the hall to the library, which was somehow conveniently filled with mats. We re-situated ourselves and fell asleep, and for the first time in what seemed like a long time, I was too tired for nightmares.
We woke up with the sun, having forgotten to close the blinds. Of course none of us moved until we heard the teachers gathering for an impromptu meeting in the next room. Thinking we were sneaky we all moved to the door separating the room and listened.
"Ya'll should've heard all the horrible things she said tah me!" a unmistakable drawl said before there was a melodramatic whimper. She went on to recount a conversation that had never taken place, making me seem like some kind of villain and I felt the energy sucked right out of me. The team turned to look at me while I just sat back. I was tired of fighting; they could think what they wanted.
When they realized I had no intentions of speaking up for myself Austin stood and opened the doors.
"Sorry t'interupt your story ma'am, I just thought that ya'll would like t' know that she's spinnin' you a tale taller than Texas." Austin said. I would've laughed out loud if I had the energy.
"This is ah prahvate conversation." Rogue said, turning an odd shade of red.
"We understand that, and while we do respect it, we also realize the value of truth." Montaro said stepping forward to join Austin. "And that is not the truth."
"Perhaps you were mistaken and would like to try again from the top?" Noah said, offering her a way out. He was a bigger person than I'd ever be.
"Ah refused to be bullied by a bunch of students!" Rogue said and I noticed Papa's hold on her loosened slightly.
"What d'you mean child?" Ororo asked Montaro.
"What I mean Ms. Monroe is that the story you have just been told is false." He said calmly, ignoring the daggers that Rogue was shooting him with her eyes.
"Kale told us the real version last night after it happened." Sean said putting his arm around my shoulders.
"Well of course she's gonna say somethin' different!" Rogue said. I just shook my head.
"And what would she gain by lying to us?" Alexandria asked stretching. I looked to my team and smiled. But I couldn't let them fight my battles, I had to start fighting my own.
"Why don' you tell 'em de truth?" I asked walking up between Austin and Montaro. "Go on...tell Papa dat you neva wanted me."
Papa dropped his arms and walked a few steps away from her.
"Remy course she's gonna try an' turn it all 'round!" Rogue said in a sugary sweet voice. "She's been doin' it the whole time! The only difference is now she's got back up."
I watched Papa look from me to her and back again.
"Alright that's enough." A voice from the corner said. I swear, I've never been so happy to see Logan. "You tell 'em what I heard yesterday or I do."
"Logan?" Rogue said looking to him.
"Don't try that innocent act on me." He growled. "I've known you way too long for that to work. I've watched you manipulate that man for years and t' be honest I never minded. But now yer manipulatin' him against his own daughter. So I'm drawin' the line for yah. Now talk."
Rogue just looked at him like she was about to bust into tears. Her gaze lingered before she turned to Papa.
"Ah nevah wanted her." She said. She swallowed before continuing. "Ah still don' want her. Ah only ever wanted you. An' ah still do. It was suppose t' be you an' me Remy. Jus' you an me. Ah came back t' see if ah could take ya away 'gain. But it worked out better 'cause she lef'. Ah nevah wanted her Remy, you knew that."
The confession hurt a whole lot more than I thought it would. But Austin put his hand on my shoulder and Montaro took my hand in his. I looked at Papa whose fists were clenched and waited with the rest of the audience for a reaction. But he just stopped and walked over to me. He knelt down so he was at my level and took my face in his hands.
"Papa's sorry p'tit." He said. I nodded. He kissed my head as he stood again and wrapped me in a hug.
"Remy..." Rogue started.
"Gon' ask you one thing chere." Papa spit the word 'chere' like it tasted like broccoli. "An' dats t' leave. Don' matter how, don' matter where. Jus' leave, an' do it t'day."
A/N: Next up the epilogue...or more chapters...i haven't really decided....