Disclaimer:

My brain may be little, but I know very much,

Of The Lord of the Rings and such and such,

But it matters little what I find,

Since Rowling and Colfer are certainly not mine.

Of Magic and Mayhem

Part One of the Of Magic and Mayhem sequence.

By Nallasariel the Weeper

Beta-read by Hunter-of Fairies (Fairy-Hunter at Criminalty)

Two things before this begins:

I've decided to change this to the HP fandom, instead of AF. My beta and reviewers tell me that AF is not a requisite, so you can probably all understand it without having read the books. This'll also be changing between HP, AF and 'Crossovers' categories as I update chapters. Be forewarned.

All chapters up to 'Librarian's Nightmare' are now safe, although I have not gone through and posted the beta-ed versions yet (Fairy-Hunter is being a bit lethargic.) Please do not remark on A/N's and stupid mistakes from Ch. 5 to 23 or so—they have all been noted and shall be (eventually) fixed. I'm just re-ally slow at updating.

Introduction amended as of Novemeber October 10, 2004

Introduction

Artemis Fowl: A Psychological Assessment from "The Teenage Years"

By Prof. J. Argon, Brotherhood of Psychologists

Commissioned by the Lower Elements Police

Artemis Fowl may be one of the more peculiar individuals to walk upon the face of the Earth, and his infamy may very well one day rival that of Nero or Attila the Hun. His criminal enterprises have led many post-stamp countries to the brink of civil war, and more than a few men to unwise leaps off of rather tall buildings.

For this reason, amongst others, Artemis has made many enemies. Enough for even his great intellect to lose count. Most hated him for the rest of their lives. Some tried to assassinate him. A few went through with their plans. All were never heard from again.

Thus it was that Artemis Fowl developed a rather keen instinct for survival. His home, quite literally a castle, was transformed into an impenetrable fortress, building over the existing foundations made by his presumed-deceased father. His bodyguard Butler, reputed to be the best in his profession and rumored to have a covert past, eventually submitted to his overwhelming sense of caution and let his sister Juliet aid with his duties. They both grew sick of Artemis' tireless endeavors, and looked for a respite. Little did they know they would find it very soon in a very unexpected form. One that even Artemis' widowed mother would approve of, had she ever been told.

Magic.

You see, not so long ago Artemis had discovered the secret race of Fairies, the 'People', living beneath the surface and only coming above for missions to keep their race secret from the 'Mud-Men'. Artemis, being the ingenious Irish twelve-year-old he was, took advantage of this and managed to swindle gold from the LEPrecons. Quite a lot of gold. Thus it was not so inconceivable that he had made yet another powerful enemy.

But there was something he hadn't noticed whilst reading their own little book of secrets, aptly named 'The Book'. Something three heated enemies had tried to forget—and, as Artemis would later discover, were trying to erase it entirely.

The past.

Important! Please Read All of the Below.

If you are one of those chapterly reviewers, please refrain from sending reviews every single time. It makes it annoying and harder to respond, which leads me to:

All (relevant) reviews shall be answered personally via email. Due to some flamers that responded in a most immature fashion to my habit of critiquing The Lord of the Rings stories, I have been forced to institute a Signed Reviews Only policy. If you don't have an account, feel free to email me or search me out at the Criminality forum.

Critiques are welcome. No, they are begged for. If you expect this story to get any better or for me to become an improved writer, please send your full and unadulterated opinion in. If you hate it or love it, don't just say that you do. Tell me why, since it is otherwise useless.

Please do not remark upon slight OOC anomalies. Ones like Juliet with a girlie bent (Ch. 1-5) were all done on purpose. You'll find out why I did it the way I did as you go along, and most shall be amended and/or explained as the plot continues for legitimate reasons that all, no matter how seemingly unlikely, have a basis in canon. Yes, I shall quote the books. Yes, I shall be leaving insanely long A/Ns when I do so.

Saturday is the update-day for a single chapter at a time. That is also the day I try to get my (rare) editations up, for the sake of my poor, aching head.

Also, I am aware of the time gap in-between Artemis Fowl and Harry Potter. That is my bit of major AU for the story, Artemis actually going to Hogwarts aside. This may or may not be a plot point.

Namárië,

Nallasariel the Weeper