An icy cloud formed in front of his mouth as he slowly let out his breath into the chilly night's air.
The atmosphere seemed celestial: above his head, the stars were glowing brightly, casting their light onto the shimmering white snow which had freshly come down.
Yet whereas other spectators would have watched that scenery in deep and silent awe, the young man seemed unimpressed by his surroundings.
For hours he had now been sitting there, on a tree stump close to a frozen lake on the outskirts of the small village.
And for exactly the same time his gaze had remained locked on the starry sky. Yet there was a reason for this: she had always loved the stars.
She, Tifa Lockheart.
"Tifa…" he whispered. For the first time after the burial her name crossed his lips. In the same instance, a new step of realization and coping with the loss set in.
Fresh, unshed tears were glistening in his eyes. But unlike before, when he had suppressed and hidden his emotions deep within, he set them free, finally.
Rivers of tears started to stream down his face, and low sobs escaped his mouth as he lowered his head and ran a hand through his spiky hair.
"Why?…" he asked to no one in particular, his words interrupted by sobs. "Why…"
Right in that moment, common saying made its way into his mind: You don't know what you've got until it's gone.
Now these words had become dreadful reality. She was gone. She had been taken from him so cruelly, and without the slightest reason.
From one second to the other she had been gone. Killed by a soulless madman.
She had been dead immediately. There had been nothing he could have done, so he had simply embraced and caressed her fragile frame.
There were so many things left unsaid, undone.
Oh how much he wished to have used all the time spent together, all those moments shared to tell what was in his heart.
Certainly, back then he had been afraid to his deepest core of the tiny chance that she might reject him. Now, however, that all seemed so childish, and over-cautious. Always had he waited for something to happen in his favor, for a sign to reassure his mind, not giving the slightest bit of trust in himself and his judgments.
Now, it seemed, he had waited for too long, somewhat robbed himself of the chance to ever tell her.
In addition to the hatred he felt against Tifa's murderer, he started to feel an even more intense hatred against himself.
Why hadn't he ever told her?
He should have saved her, he should easily be able to after all he had done.
He could not, and did not want to accept the fact that she was gone now, that she would never come back.
Never again would he be able to see her smile, hear her laugh, look into her dazzlingly beautiful ruby eyes.
No.
It simply couldn't be true.
If there only were a way to get her back…
Cloud let out a deep sigh. In the very back of his mind, he had the strong feeling that he should not give up on her, that she was not gone forever, but would be back some day, as if nothing had ever happened.
Yes, this was most likely just a usual feeling in this sort of situation, something that happened to everybody who lost a beloved one. However, Cloud had always been somebody to trust his instincts, and this time they were demanding him not to push away this feeling, but to keep it in mind.
And in this moment he swore to himself to do anything to get her back, and even if that was not possible – at least so it seemed – he would make sure that she would never be forgotten.
Tifa deserved it.
He possibly never would have told her face to face, but he had always looked up to her. She had been a much better leader then he could ever be. When times were hard, situations difficult and dangerous, she had been there to lighten up the hope inside of each one of them. Just one simple, honest smile had often been enough to make him forget about the tension he had been feeling.
But he had never told her…
She would have deserved so much more than what she'd had.
The last few lights were extinguished in the small village, deepening the dark around the young warrior.
Even though he was trying hard not to give in to his inner demons, his hopes and dreams slowly vanished, just like the lights in the seemingly far off village.
He knew he had to be strong for Tifa, he knew she wouldn't have wanted to see him cry over her. And he was trying, he honestly was.
Maybe he wasn't as strong as the others thought he was.
"Please, Tifa… I need you… Please…" he whispered into the night, his low voice trailing off.
And while his words still rang in his head, a soft, gentle breeze blew around him, playing with his hair, caressing his cheeks. And for a short moment, he was almost sure that she was with him, laughing off his worries, pulling him back into his dreams.
But when he turned around there was nobody there.
Only darkness.
a/n: I'm so so sorry for the long wait, but somehow I can't seem to get myself out of this stupid writer's block. And even though this chapter is kinda not what I wanted it to be, I think it might still have helped me a tiny bit on my long way to getting back into writing^^
Well, back to the story: If any of you have requests of scenes you'd like to 'see' in this one, then just let me know (either in reviews or in e-mail, whichever). I'm always happy about good ideas or requests even (just remember that I'm a major Cloti fanatic, so I won't turn this one into a Cleris. However other couplings are welcome, as long as they are somehow logical and not completely insane (the pairing, not the 2 making the couple^^)
Anywayz, I hope you like this. And sorry again! Please review, ok?