A/N: This is a very long chapter, in part to make up for such a long wait. I've been working 60ish hour weeks for the past month, and didn't really have much time to write. Anyway, this is only the first part of this chapter. The entire chapter is written, but I'm out of town right now, and I couldn't give my betas time to do their business. Dowland suggested that I break up the chapter 1) because it is so long; 2) to give the betas time to at least beta the second half; and 3) to alleviate your wait, faithful readers, because I'm going to be away from writing for about a month. This way you get another update in the meanwhile.
But Thanks especially to CS Whitewolf who somehow did manage to make time to beta even though I gave her no time, and then didn't complain when I originally forgot to thank her.
And thanks also to Dowland for betaing, and telling me when I suck and when I rock.
X
XIX
XIXIX "And So It Begins, Part One" XIXIX
"Don't ask," said Ron. "Just make the call."
Hermione pursed her lips disapprovingly and repeated once again, "We have to tell him beforehand."
"We told him last week," Ron reasoned. "He already knows."
"We didn't say when. We just said today, and he said we needed to discuss it with him again when we chose a time."
"I'm telling you," Ginny said, not really taking sides, "He's not going to allow it."
"Which is why we shouldn't ask," whispered Ron pointedly. "If we don't ask we're not disobeying."
Hermione was exasperated. "That's the worst logic, Ron."
"Alright, stop," Harry commanded, tired of listening to their bickering. He took a deep breath and reviewed, "Okay, we need to train the DA for war, which, if these attacks are any indication—"
"And they are," added Ginny.
"Agreed," said Hermione.
Harry nodded. "Then war is upon us. But we've had four Death Eaters polyjuiced to look like students and three more Death Eater students attack in the last week, and there is no way in hell that Dumbledore is going to let us have a galleon call today because it offers too many opportunities for an actual attack."
"He might," said Hermione, but Harry could tell not even she believed it.
"Alright," said Harry. "So… I'm going to ask anyway, because miracles do happen."
Ron rolled his eyes, but Hermione nodded her approval.
"In the meantime," continued Harry, "Can you guys organize some platoon scrimmages? See if you can come up with some obstacles for the Room of Requirement. We still need to train, even if we can't have a large-scale war game."
"On it," said Ginny. She shoved away her breakfast plate and looked at Ron and Hermione expectantly. Hermione pushed away her finished plate away as well. Ron looked down sadly at his unfinished second helpings.
"Oh, all right…" he said, getting up.
Harry glanced up at the head table and noted that Dumbledore had not come down to breakfast. His gaze lingered on Severus momentarily, and though Harry knew he could feel him watching through their link, Severus did not indicate having noticed.
Sighing, Harry followed his friends out of the Great Hall. They turned toward the Room of Requirement, and he turned toward the Headmaster's office, broadening his consciousness to feel everyone in his proximity. After a minute of walking, he smiled. Malfoy was rushing up behind him, and moving rather silently, Harry noticed.
Except for Malfoy, he was alone in the hall. He paused his step and cocked his head as though he heard something, giving Malfoy a chance to catch up with him. Two strong arms wrapped around him and pulled him back against an inviting chest. Malfoy had his wand in his hand and laid it flat against Harry's neck.
"Come with me if you know what's good for you," he whispered urgently, pulling Harry backward.
Harry let himself be led into a darkened classroom with no exterior windows. With a wave of his wand, Malfoy closed and locked the door, and lit one of the torches. Another flick of his wrist and he cast a silencing spell. He pushed Harry away and pointed his wand at his heart. Harry raised his hands in surrender.
Malfoy smiled maliciously.
"Silencing spell?" whispered Harry. "You put one on your shoes too?"
"And my robes," said Malfoy, training his wand on Harry. "They rustle when I run. It's very loud. Take your clothes off." Malfoy glared at him expectantly.
Harry smirked. "Definitely good for me…"
Half an hour later, two very happy sixteen-year-olds made their way down the halls toward Dumbledore's office. Malfoy was looking at Harry doubtfully, but said nothing. Harry responded anyway.
"I just have to ask him if we can have a galleon call today. It's nothing official, and he's not going to kick you out of his office."
"I could meet you afterward."
"You could also come with me…"
"Why are you even bothering to ask? You know he'll say no. Just go ahead and do it."
Harry laughed. "That's what Ron said."
Malfoy groaned. "You did not just compare me to the Weasel."
"Watch it, Ferret Face."
"Sod off, Scar Head."
The gargoyle leapt aside as they reached it. "Funny," said Harry. "I guess he was expecting me." The two climbed the stairs and knocked on the door.
"Come in, Harry," called Dumbledore from within.
Harry pushed the door open and saw Dumbledore and Lupin sitting inside drinking tea. They had apparently just finished a rather large breakfast.
"Ah, Mr. Malfoy," said Dumbledore. "I suppose I should have been expecting you as well. As it was, I figured that Mr. Potter would have rushed to my office this morning before breakfast with his Gryffindor friends to inquire about a 'galleon call' for the DA."
Harry smiled shyly. "No, we went on to breakfast so that we could argue about whether or not you would permit it, after recent events."
"And what was the verdict?"
Harry shrugged. "That miracles do happen, so I should go ahead and ask."
Dumbledore laughed, "Yes, miracles do indeed happen."
"So we can have the galleon call?"
"Not a chance," said Lupin, unable to hide his amusement at Harry's fallen expression. "But maybe we can do something just as good."
XIXIX
The DA was going to practice every weekend against a variety of dark creatures in the Room of Requirement with Professor Lupin in lieu of large-scale war games. Harry loved the idea, remembering the warning that Luna had given him about the migration of dark creatures. When he mentioned it, neither Dumbledore nor Lupin seemed surprised.
But when Harry told his friends later, Hermione scoffed. "Did she say what creatures?"
"Well, no," said Harry. "We were kind of interrupted when Crabbe stormed out… shit, probably because I was talking with her alone."
Hermione gave him a sympathetic smile. "I'm not saying it's a bad idea. I think it's a very good one actually. But Luna, Harry…"
"I thought you were friends with her now," shot Harry defensively.
"I am, but you have to admit that she does have a tendency to…"
"To what?" he snapped, quite peeved at Hermione's insinuations.
Hermione sighed. "To believe in things that don't exist," she said finally.
"Like unicorns?" he countered. "Or vampires?"
Malfoy gave him a weird look. "Uh… Potter?"
Exasperated, Harry turned to him and said, "Malfoy, I know that unicorns and vampires exist. My point is that Hermione and I were both raised in a world that doesn't believe in them."
Malfoy laughed. "Muggles don't believe in vampires! Ha! I guess that's how vampires get away with killing so many of them!"
Harry and Hermione both turned unimpressed gazes to Malfoy before looking back to each other.
"Do you at least accept my point?" asked Harry with a forced calm.
"Yes. Do you accept mine?" asked Hermione pointedly.
"You know she's right, mate," said Ron.
"It's not just Luna's word anyway," said Harry. "Lupin and Dumbledore obviously think there is reason for us to be training against dark creatures."
"And I said I think it's a good idea," said Hermione.
Harry held her eye and then nodded. "I'll ask Luna what creatures are involved in this migration…"
"Okay," said Ginny loudly, interrupting before things could escalate again. "Is everything settled? Can we get to work now?"
XIXIX
The Room of Requirement had changed quite a bit that afternoon when the DA responded to the galleon call. The main room looked like one of the classroom hallways of Hogwarts, complete with both locked and unlocked doors that led into a variety of classrooms. Harry and Ginny led the DA in platoon scrimmages in the "hallway" and in and out of the "classrooms."
At the end of the hallway was one special classroom, marked by a red door. This room was off limits to the scrimmages as that was where Lupin was supervising the training against dark creatures. Today the Room of Requirement was providing a fully-grown mountain troll. The older platoons were taking turns with Lupin, learning and practicing techniques to topple, and then entering the room to do battle with the troll. After each group left and the door was closed, the Room of Requirement replenished the fearsome creature.
"You've got a good thing going here, Harry," Lupin said, as the DA was leaving.
"I've got a good group," said Harry. "Good leaders, too."
"You inspire them," said Lupin, but Harry shrugged him off.
"Are you going to be around for awhile?" he asked.
Lupin nodded. "Albus has asked me to stay on and supervise the DA. Do you mind?"
"I think it's great that you're staying. I'm sick of visiting you at St. Mungo's!"
Lupin laughed. "And I'm sick of being there. But no—I meant about supervising the DA."
Harry shrugged. "I don't suppose it would hurt to have back-up."
"Not that you're hurting for it. Your circle of friends is quite formidable. And Albus told me that the DA has united the school in a way he hasn't seen in many decades."
"Really?" asked Harry, somewhere between embarrassed and proud. "Wow."
"So how are other things? How's your… erm…" Lupin cast about for the right words, but awkwardly settled on, "How's your head?"
Harry looked away. "Still sorting that out. I'm going to work with Ginny some more this week."
"What does Professor Snape say?"
"To work with Ginny. And when I'm ready he'll have Dumbledore continue my Legilimency training."
Lupin narrowed his eyes slightly. "Why isn't he still training you?"
Harry's eyes were dark, and he still did not meet Lupin's gaze. "He said our bond is getting in the way of my training."
Lupin was silent for a moment, and then asked quietly, "Do you want me to talk to him?"
"No," said Harry immediately. "You'd probably just make it worse." He gave Lupin a small smile, and Lupin let it drop.
XIXIX
By breakfast Monday morning, rumors were spreading around school that Harry and Malfoy were not only friends, but were seeing each other, and had been for quite some time. Half the school didn't believe it. Among the other half, strong opinions abounded.
Most of the school claimed not to like Malfoy, but most of the school had at some point or other had a crush on him, so there was some obvious overlap there. Most of the school had a crush on Harry, but most of the school had at some point or other rather openly hated him but would no longer admit to ever having felt that way. What resulted were some very heated arguments dealing with who was too good for whom, who was using whom, and who did not deserve whom. These arguments were always preceded or followed by someone else stating the blatantly obvious fact that, by Merlin, there was no way Draco Malfoy and Harry Potter were together. At least, not 'together' together.
Per usual, all of this was going on behind Harry's back, so of course, he was very much aware of all of it, and thoroughly mortified. Ginny was glaring at their friends to get them to stop teasing him, but it wasn't helping because Harry could feel her own amusement through their twin bond.
"I think it's romantic," said Dean in a sweet falsetto to a table-full of snickers.
"Shut it, Dean!" snapped Ginny, only barely choking back her own laughter.
"That's it," grumbled Harry. He grabbed his book bag and stalked from the Great Hall. But not five feet into the hallway, Malfoy caught up with him, having rushed to exit breakfast with Harry.
"Where are you going in such a hurry?" he asked, but was met with a glare.
"Away from that mess. Doesn't it bother you?" Harry asked when Malfoy just smiled at him.
"Potter, you really gotta learn how to deal with notoriety." Harry rolled his eyes and kept walking. "I mean," continued Malfoy, "You're Harry fucking Potter. Of course it's a big deal when people start wondering if you're shagging Draco Malfoy. That's big news, you know?"
"It's nobody's fucking business," said Harry.
"That has nothing to do with it. Look," he grabbed Harry's arm and pulled him to a stop. His eyes bored into Harry's for a moment before he asked, "Do you want the rumors to stop?"
"Yes."
"Then stop hiding. If we're seen together, then people will know we're together. Presto… nothing more to talk about."
Harry cut him a look. "Malfoy, I'm Harry fucking Potter. There's always something to talk about."
Malfoy nodded. "Okay, point made."
"And anyway, what brought on this change? A few days ago you were pissed beyond reason that I told three people. Now you want the whole world to know?"
Malfoy stepped back and leaned casually against the wall. "Things change."
"Apparently," muttered Harry mockingly.
"I'm serious. You were right about how I couldn't hide our relationship from Voldemort. I was going to choose you discreetly, but then when I heard what Crabbe and Goyle were supposed to do… well, that idea was banished. I had to act, and now people know."
Malfoy sighed deeply and caught Harry up in a penetrating stare. "Before, I wanted to keep it a secret for my own safety. But now Voldemort knows. My father knows. I've turned on them. I'm shagging their enemy." Malfoy put a hand over his heart and said with overacted seriousness, "My life is at a fixed rate of danger, regardless of how I go about squashing rumors at school in order to keep The Boy Who Lived from getting too embarrassed to shag me."
Harry grinned and looked away. Malfoy looked really alluring and Harry was beginning to wonder if there was a hiding place nearby that they could use.
"So, what will it be, Potter?" asked Malfoy, his voice as smooth as silk. "Drawn out embarrassment as rumors make their way through the school, or a moment of humiliation after which time there is no denying to anyone what is going on between us?"
Harry looked up, taking in the sight before him. Malfoy was leaning cool against the wall like he didn't have a care in the world. His eyes were fixed on Harry. He licked his lips and Harry stepped forward without realizing he had done so.
"What do you have in mind?" asked Harry.
They heard the muffled noise of crowds leaving the Great Hall, growing louder and heading their way.
"Come here," whispered Malfoy.
Harry took another step forward and dropped his bag to the floor as Malfoy reached up and snaked his fingers around Harry's neck, pulling him in, tasting him gently. Lost again, Harry hardly noticed when the crowd finally reached their hallway. And as he pulled away he found that he didn't much care what their reactions were.
He slipped his hand into Malfoy's and said, "Come on, walk me to class."
Harry and Malfoy were together in between classes as much as possible. It was a bit of a rush to Harry, getting to stand next to Malfoy in public and not having to feel jealous or slighted because someone else was draped on the blond. Harry knew that people were still watching them and talking a lot about them. So he took time to reason out that talk about their relationship was serving, for a lot of the students, as a distraction from the war. It was a lighter topic of conversation when so many conversations dealt with such horrible things. So Harry tried not to focus on it too much. He just hoped that, like every other time, the focus on him would pass.
The only time he found himself in a hopelessly awkward situation was when Malfoy slid into the seat next to Harry and gave him a peck on the cheek before Potions. Severus was as aloof as ever, and Harry did not dare try to speak to him through the link. But he could not help but feeling that Severus' recent coldness to him had something to do with Harry's relationship with Malfoy. He wished there was some way he could distance himself from Malfoy just during that class, but Malfoy was already sitting next to him, already smirking suggestively, and then class had already begun.
During dinner, Ron and Ginny composed a letter to Percy to tell him that Hogsmeade had been cancelled and that he would have to contact Dumbledore if he wanted permission to come on campus to meet them this weekend.
While they worked on that, Harry sidled over to the Ravenclaw table and crouched down next to Luna. Word had it that she had gone to her classes today, but this was the first meal she had eaten in the Great Hall since Saturday morning.
"Luna, how are you?" he asked gently.
"Oh hi, Harry," she said absently as she and the girls surrounding her all turned to look down at him. "Do you want a roll?" she offered.
"No thank you," he said. "I was just wondering how you were doing."
She shrugged. "Better than some, I suppose."
Harry nodded. "Well, hey, we were going to meet in the library after dinner, do you want to join us?"
Luna gave him a small smile and scratched her head. Harry wondered briefly if she had understood what he just said. But then she asked, "Is Draco going to be there?"
"Yeah."
"Hmm…" Luna fingered one of her braids. "I have some things to do, you know?"
"That's fine," said Harry understandingly. "What about tomorrow afternoon? Just you and me."
"Yeah, okay," said Luna, looking around.
Harry smiled, glad she would talk to him at all. He wondered if she blamed him for coming between her and Crabbe, and for Crabbe's subsequent acceptance of the Dark Mark. He wanted to talk to her about all of that. He wanted to know how she was really doing.
He didn't know how he could possibly ask her about the migration. In the grand scheme of things, it was certainly more important, but standing next to his friend, Harry found himself more worried about her personal difficulties. And he didn't want to upset her any more.
That night in the library, four Gryffindors and one Slytherin sat in the Restricted Section of the library for just over an hour looking for Dark Magic that might sever Voldemort's unknown link to the world. It was frustrating to look for counter-magic when they didn't know what the original magic had been.
Tempers were beginning to run short when Hermione mentioned the leitmotiv of fear in the prophecies. She had a feeling it was important. Malfoy pointed out a bit snidely that Voldemort's greatest weapon was fear, so of course it was important. Then Ron said that Malfoy should not take that tone with his girlfriend and it degenerated from there until Harry walked Malfoy back to the dungeons.
They had a good snog in the hallway outside the Slytherin common room, and then Harry headed back to Gryffindor Tower alone. But along the way, he stopped by the Potions classroom to see if Severus was in his office. He was.
Harry knocked on the office door, feeling hurt and annoyed that he couldn't just use his link to alert Severus to his presence. But as it was, he had been trying to keep it as closed off as possible since he had spoken with Severus the other night.
Harry had had a million ideas about ransacking his professor's brain to find out why exactly Severus was doing this, but he couldn't bring himself to do anything so childish and desperate. So he grudgingly complied with the unspoken request to leave their link be.
"Come."
Harry opened the door slightly and peered in as tentatively as he would have, were he any other student in the school. "Professor?" he asked.
Severus did not look up. "What do you want, Mr. Potter?"
"Um…" Harry opened the door a bit further and stepped just inside the office. "Well, actually I came for… That is, I wanted…"
Severus looked up at him with his most disdainful glare. Harry hadn't seen that one in awhile. He cleared his throat and began anew, dropping the 'tentative student' act.
"I need to practice Legilimency and figure out how to separate my target's memories from my own."
Severus looked back down. "I thought I had made it clear that—"
"I need the pensieve," interrupted Harry. "I'm going to practice with Ginny, but I need the pensieve."
Severus did not look up, but he had stopped writing.
Harry continued, "I know you don't really want me down here, but I doubt you'll want me to take your memories up to Gryffindor Tower, so… what do we do?"
Severus sat back in his seat and fixed his eyes on a point about four feet to the left of Harry's shoulder. He was silent for a long time and Harry knew he was weighing the pros and cons of different actions. Harry had already weighed them. He knew what Severus was going to decide.
He would only feel his memories were safe if they were in his own keeping, and definitely not in a dorm room. Plus, Harry's problem had to remain a secret or else the Dark Lord might find himself with the unexpected knowledge of an extreme advantage.
"Wednesday night. Seven o'clock. You and Ms. Weasley are to be concealed under the invisibility cloak. You may practice in my quarters until curfew. Is that acceptable?"
Harry looked at him in silence, waiting for Severus to turn from his focal point on the wall. As soon as he met Harry's eyes, Harry nodded and said, "It is."
XIXIX
Harry was angry when he went to sleep that night, and he shortly found himself in Voldemort's head. But it wasn't anything like Voldemort's head. It was oceans of near-nothingness. It was a confusing vacuum of dark emotions, dark magic, and dark intentions. It was as far from human as Harry had ever experienced while in Voldemort's head. He was careful not to 'touch' anything while he was there. He did not dig. He did not look around. He disentangled himself and who he knew he was from the shadows that wrapped around him. He hastily surrounded himself with as many walls as he could manage to make, and woke himself up.
He was on the floor, shaking and sweating. Neville and Ron were standing over him, and Seamus and Dean were looking on from their beds. Neville crouched down.
"Harry, what is it?" he asked.
Ron handed him his glasses, and Harry looked around at his dorm mates. He had never in his life felt as scared as he was at that moment. He ran his hands through his hair and looked around absently.
"He is the essence of Dark Magic now," whispered Harry. "I don't know what he's playing at. I don't understand what he's done. There is nothing human left in him. It's only power… it's… it's only a shell."
Harry looked up to Ron, who understood strategy better than anyone he knew. "Why would he separate his consciousness from his control? How could that possibly be good for him?"
Ron crossed his arms and leaned back against the post at the foot of his bed. He narrowed his eyes and asked slowly, "Did he move it to someone else?"
"I don't know," said Harry. "Maybe."
"Well we know it's a power ploy of some kind, because it is Voldemort." Neville, Seamus, and Dean all winced. "But to what end, I don't know. Maybe a way to achieve immortality—moving himself into another body? Or maybe… maybe he's trying to break your link. His words did seem to suggest that last time."
"What's going on?" asked Seamus, clearly not following the conversation.
"I don't know," said Harry honestly.
Neville looked at him intently. "It's coming," he said.
Harry nodded. "I just wish I knew what."
XIXIX
He never did get back to sleep that night, and as soon as McGonagall opened the wards that locked Gryffindor Tower, Harry was on his way to Dumbledore's office. Dumbledore served him some tea, and Harry explained to the best of his abilities the feeling of hollow power, of Dark Magic without intent, of the gulf of evil that seemed to be all that was left of Voldemort.
Dumbledore could not offer Harry any other theory on what the Dark Lord was up to, or perhaps, thought Harry cynically, he would not. He was frustrated as he made his way through his classes, and it didn't help any when Malfoy threw a subtle fit at not being allowed to go with Harry to the library to meet with Luna.
"I am only saying," he said coldly, "That it is odd that Lovegood would want to meet with you alone so soon after her break with Crabbe."
Harry sighed deeply. He knew that Malfoy was not about to make a scene in the middle of the hallway, but he was making his jealous possessiveness clear, and Harry rather thought he could do without that at the moment. Even with the addition of Severus' collected control, Harry was still too much himself to be any match for a Malfoy in a public argument filled with so many subtleties.
"Look," he said, dropping his voice, "Luna and I are just friends, so if you could drop the insinuations, I would appreciate it."
"Of course, love," responded Malfoy without emotion. "Whatever you say. I'll just go work on my Potions homework. I hear Snape will give private tutoring in his quarters to certain students."
Harry tightened his mouth. "Right. This again. Tell you what. You go do that, Malfoy. And tell the Professor I said hi, will you? I'll see you at dinner."
Harry didn't wait for a response. He turned abruptly and headed to the library, and only as he sat down did it occur to him that Malfoy would be fuming, because 'nobody turns their back on a Malfoy,' no matter how much of a prick he's being. He groaned and put his head on the table. Why did he get the feeling he was going to have to apologize for Malfoy being a jealous prat?
"Hi, Harry," said Luna's voice above him.
Harry looked up and tried to smile.
"Rough day, huh?" she said. Harry nodded and she sat down across from him. "I've had a few of those recently myself."
"How are you doing?" he asked.
Luna shrugged. "I'm having a bit of a bad week, actually. I wrote my dad and he's going to come up and get me for the weekend. Well, just for Saturday night, really. But it will be nice to have a bit of a break, you know?"
"What are you going to do?"
"Spend some time at the Scribbler. Go to this little muggle restaurant in London that Mum used to love. Maybe go visit her grave. I dunno."
"Sounds nice."
"Yeah…"
They talked for two hours before Luna excused herself to go get caught up on homework. Harry hadn't been able to bring himself to ask her about the dark creature migration. He decided that whether or not it was true, it was best that they be prepared for it, which was exactly what Lupin was helping them to do.
XIXIX
Malfoy made his way to the Slytherin table in the Great Hall without glancing to see if Harry was already at dinner. But Harry had expected this and excused himself from his friends. He walked across the Hall and slid into the seat next to Malfoy. Malfoy ignored him.
Harry didn't bother to say hello, because he knew Malfoy would not respond to something so inane while he was angry. Instead, he began with, "I'll blow off my friends tonight if you have some time to spare."
But Malfoy didn't respond. He began to load his plate, acting casually as though Harry simply were not there.
"They're kind of pissed about it," said Harry, "But I figured I've already ignored you too much today."
Malfoy poured himself some pumpkin juice.
"I didn't bother eating at the Gryffindor table," said Harry, trying again. "I figured that you would either take pity on me and invite me to eat over here, or else you would punish me by making me starve."
No response.
"And if the latter were the case," he continued conversationally, "Then I would accept my fate of a hungry evening. But you should know that I fully intend to follow you around tonight, making one-sided conversation until you respond to me."
Malfoy sliced into his roasted chicken and began to eat. The other Slytherins seated around him were smirking surreptitiously, pretending for Malfoy's sake that they couldn't see the young Gryffindor who was doing his best to do the impossible—charm a Malfoy.
"So…" said Harry. "Did I ever tell you everything that I learned in my muggle elementary school?" A few of the Slytherins slipped for a moment and looked at him in blatant surprise that he would say such a thing at their table. Harry continued. "See, when I was five years old, I went to kindergarten. The first thing I remember learning is how to color inside the lines. Muggles, you know, have these things called crayons, which are little sticks of colored wax that you rub on paper in order to make pictures. I remember this one time we were coloring pictures of a rabbit in the forest, and mine was the best picture. The teacher even put it up on the board in front of the whole classroom. But then my cousin Dudley—real arsehole, mind you, even at that age—well, he was pissed off because I had done so much better than him, so—"
"Potter, shut up. Eat some dinner."
Harry grinned broadly into Malfoy's hard, disapproving eyes. "What? Don't want to know about my life?"
"Not about stupid shit like that. So eat something or go away."
Harry gave him a small salute and began to load his plate. The moment he looked away, Malfoy's expression softened slightly. Several of the Slytherins dropped their jaws.
XIXIX
After dinner, Malfoy took Harry to the Slytherin common room where they curled up on a very expensive-looking couch. They talked absently about minor worries—classes and Quidditch and next year's NEWTS and the like—intent on ignoring for at least a short time that they both had far more important concerns pressing down on them.
After awhile, the chairs and couches around them filled up with DA members who wanted to talk about their upcoming meetings, and which dark creature Lupin would bring next. When Harry had the gall to converse with them, Malfoy took it upon himself to glare until the other Slytherins began thinking of things they needed to be doing. Then he pulled Harry into his dorm room and locked the door.
Malfoy opened the trunk at the foot of his four-poster. Harry sat on the bed. As he looked around, he had the unsettling feeling that he was not actually in a dorm room, but in a museum. The place was elegantly decorated, and had a cold, pristine air that made Harry imagine little "Do not touch" signs on everything. He even felt guilty about sitting on the immaculately embroidered Slytherin green comforter on Malfoy's bed. He realized he had folded his hands in his lap like a small child about to be in trouble. He grinned and leaned back in a purposefully comfortable position.
"You said tonight was for me," complained Malfoy as he searched through his trunk, but Harry could tell he wasn't really angry.
"Hazard of dating Harry Potter. I'm either everybody's best friend, or everybody's worst enemy. There's no in-between, really. Few people are ambivalent."
"Yeah, well, part of being a Malfoy is that people leave you and your boyfriend the hell alone when you want them to."
"And you managed that quite well," said Harry with a smile.
Malfoy looked up with a smirk, but then narrowed his eyes and looked at Harry critically.
"What?"
"You, um," Malfoy cocked his head. "You don't fit in here."
Harry laughed. "Oh. I'll just be going then." He didn't move.
"No, I mean… you look out of place."
"I feel out of place."
Malfoy nodded sagely. "When we first made that truce in December, Persephone Hadens—you know her?"
Harry shrugged. "A bit. Seventh year, right? She came on Sunday to the DA, but she didn't really seem to care much whether she was there or not."
"Oh yeah," said Malfoy, and then he laughed. "Yeah, that's her. Just so you know, she's not with you or against you. She doesn't care about Voldemort or the war. She doesn't want power or prestige. Just wealth. All of her cunning goes to the end result of making her life as comfortable as possible. Plans on marrying rich, and living happily ever after."
"Ah," said Harry.
"She'll probably come to a few DA meetings, because that's what people are doing now, but she has no loyalties, or opinions really, for either side of the war. Anyway, my point is that in December, she came to me and said that a truce may be all well and good, but that I oughtn't have an actual friendship with you because you would never fit in here."
Harry considered this as he looked around. "Maybe she's right." But then he thought about the Sorting Hat and corrected himself. "Then again, maybe not."
Malfoy grinned and turned back to his trunk. "Not that I'm putting a whole lot of stock in her opinion, mind you. She also told me Sunday morning that I shouldn't have turned against my family by saving your life like that—because without the Malfoy name, what good am I?"
Harry heard a couple of sharp snaps, and Malfoy pulled two letters out of the trunk. He looked back up, meeting Harry's eye, and said reasonably, "The thing she doesn't understand, though, is that being a Malfoy really isn't about having the name—at least, not if you do it well, which I do. Being a Malfoy is about attitude.
"You see, power is all an illusion. Nobody has power over other people. I have no power over the other Slytherins. My father has no power over politics. Voldemort has no power over the world. But we make people think we have power over them, and then we do."
Harry sat up and looked at Malfoy seriously. "I never really thought about it like that. But like, the teachers here have power over the students."
Malfoy laughed. "What power? 'Do your homework.' Well, what if I don't want to? What can they do to me?"
"Bad grades. Detention. Expulsion."
"Yes! But that's really my own choice, isn't it? I know that I can do my homework or I can get bad grades. But what if I don't care if I get bad grades—how is that then punishment to me? Detention? So what. Expulsion? The same—life doesn't end when bad things happen, but a lot of people can't see that. People fear discomfort. That's where power comes in."
"But you're just changing your perception," reasoned Harry. "You're not actually changing anything."
"Potter, perception is everything. I choose to do my schoolwork because I want to learn. I want to be a powerful wizard. The professors don't make me do anything. I choose to do it. And if I choose not to, they can't hurt me. Maybe my life will change as a result of my choices, but it wasn't because of them. It was because of me."
Malfoy sat cross-legged on the floor, looking up at Harry. The letters were in his lap.
"My House mates found other things to do than talk with you because I wanted them to. A well-placed glare and a perceived threat to comfort go a long way. A sturdy reputation goes further. But these things are not real power. They're just perception. But they work."
"What about Voldemort?" asked Harry. "He does have real power. He tortures and kills anyone who goes against him."
"Yes. Yes, he does. Two things about that. First," said Malfoy, holding up one finger, "The only true powers are creation and destruction. Creating something that isn't, or destroying something that is. That means that the only real power over another witch or wizard is the power of death. Voldemort knows this, and Voldemort uses this. Death is the only thing he fears. And that is why he fears you, a sixteen-year-old boy."
Harry nodded. "That's why he feared a one-year-old baby."
"Exactly," said Malfoy. "Although at the time, it was just a perception that you would one day be able to kill him, because you certainly weren't able to then. Well, at least not fully."
Harry was silent, thinking over the conundrum of real power versus the perception of power. Voldemort feared death, so he feared Harry. So Harry necessarily had power over Voldemort whether he tried or not.
"The second thing," said Malfoy, holding up another finger, "Is that Voldemort tortures and kills anyone who goes against him. But he couldn't possibly torture and kill everyone. There are too many witches and wizards against him. If they all rose up as one, he wouldn't stand a chance. But because he has tortured and killed in the past, people know he will continue to do so. People fear pain. They fear death. They will not rise up and risk themselves until they see there is no other way, and maybe not even then. Like I said: a perceived threat and a sturdy reputation. That is where Voldemort's power is."
"But people are beginning to rise up," said Harry slowly. "They're banding together, risking their lives. That means that his 'power' is faltering."
"We know this," said Malfoy. "And Voldemort knows this. He is not going to let this continue. A Voldemort who is desperate to maintain power is a scary Voldemort. Something terrible is going to happen soon."
"I know," said Harry quietly. "It all points to that."
They sat in silence for several minutes, lost in thoughts of coming terror and what might possibly be done about it. Then Malfoy grabbed the letters out of his lap and stood up.
"On a lighter note," he said cheerfully as he sat on the bed next to Harry, "I have chosen to live."
"Good choice," said Harry. "What are you talking about?"
"The perception of power," said Malfoy. He dropped the letters into Harry's lap. "From my parents. Very lovingly and subtly informing me that if I don't leave Hogwarts I will be disowned."
Harry looked at him in surprise, although later he wouldn't have been able to explain why he was surprised. Malfoy held a carefully disinterested smirk on his face.
"I'll be killed if I go home," he said pleasantly, "And I'll be poor if I don't. And although I am sure it will be very uncomfortable to be poor, I have taken the power away from my parents in this situation by deciding that I don't care if I am poor, so long as I am still alive."
"Merlin's beard, Malfoy," whispered Harry. "I'm sorry."
"Yeah, so am I. But they must not realize that I know that being a Malfoy is more than having a name and a lot of money. Because that's really all they can take from me."
Malfoy took the letters back from Harry unread, and locked them back somewhere in the depths of his trunk.
"But enough about that, Potter. Fancy a shag?"
Harry snorted and pulled Malfoy into his arms. Wrapped up in each other, they lay very still for a long time, content to be with each other. An hour before curfew, Harry checked his watch and said as though there had been no pause, "You know? I think I do."
XIXIX
XIX
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A/N: To Be Continued…
Ryanaven: Why thank you. I'm glad you enjoy it. I hope this long wait for the update didn't hurt too badly. The next wait won't be quite so long, though. Promise.
The Shadow Bandit: Thanks. And well said about Lucius, but really, what else could be expect from him? Must keep up appearances, and all.
Draco Spanks Harry: Yeah, I guess now that you mention it, this story HAS had a lot of shit hitting the fan. So um, more to come, then.
Lady Liza Lupin: Hey, thank you. I do appreciate that.
Emeline: Hope that helped a bit with your H/D jonesing. There is always more to come.
Isis-mystic: Thank you. You'll know about Severus soon enough.
Elebereth: You, too, will know about Severus soon enough.
Hayley: Thank you.
SeppukuKoishii: Thank you. And we'll see what happens, yo.
Raven Deathstar: Thank you, and of course I will continue!
BlueXstar: Thank you! And wow, your bum must have been sore after that.
Jetta-monkey: Thank you. And hope you did well on your exam.
Tsyuno: Thank you.
Marcus-Au: Thank you very much. And all of the answers to these questions you will find, or just make them up for yourself. Either works for me. But please keep reading.
Soft Willow: Thank you.
Wintermoon2: Oh, you know I can't give away anything. But I'm really itching to. I wanna scream it all at the top of my lungs, but then people would look at me funny and wonder what the hell I was talking about. Ah well. Love ya, and see you soon!
Tarivi: (Chapter 13): Thank you very much. I'm glad you like it. And your English is fine. Thanks for reviewing!
Liber Creperum-Liber Diabolus: Mmm… popcorn…
Lady Kacey: Hey, thank you very much. I'm glad that you have enjoyed the story. There is still more to come, and a sequel in the works in my head (we'll see about that when the time comes). Peace out.
Slice LIVES: First off, I'm sorry 'bout your account, and second off, I hope you made it to Hawaii. Thanks for the long review. It's good to hear from my readers what works and what does not. Personally, I really think that Jealous!Draco works (people who are the most jealous tend to be people who cheat, and he DID kind of cheat on what's-her-face with Harry…). It just makes sense to me that he would act that way. Yeppers, have a good one.
Dracos-hot: Thanks for all the chapter-by chapter reviews. I couldn't believe that you not only liked it enough to read and review the first time, but then went back to read it again with more indepth reviews. Love it! You rock! And totally made my day, several times. So Hurray for Dracos-hot! Yay!
LadyLuck13: (Chapter 1) Indeed.
Nelia: I think I'm in love with you. Or maybe it's just that you stroked my ego so well with that review… I don't know. But really, um, wow. When I set out to write this story, those are all the things I had in mind that I wanted to accomplish, and I can't even tell you how I felt to have someone else tell me that I accomplished those things. I nearly cried. So really, if you ever need anything… a kidney or something… just let me know, okay? Peace.
Tigerlily0688: (Chapter 17): Thank you. I really enjoyed writing that one.
LadyLuck13: (Chapter 5): Evil gothic organ music played in the background as the characters strode boldly forth.
Marcus-au: Eep! Thank you. You agreed. I'm… oh…. Thank you.
Tigerlily0688: (Chapter 21): You know, I think that too, sometimes, that Ginny would be better for Harry. But being young and in love is so rarely about going out with the person who's best for you, you know? It's all about who can make life really interesting. And who's hot. ;)
Firestar: Hey thank you. I'm glad to know I've had an original idea or two when there really are so many stories out there with the same basic premise as mine.
Dracos-hot: (Chapter 14) lmao! The part where you say you've read a shitload of fics and your favorites tend to have more sex than mine, but I somehow still managed to make in on the list… really… rofl!
Shania Maxwell: Thank you, and she is, and I will.
Dracos-hot: (Chapter 17): No really, you are way-cool. Really.
Moonlit chaos: Thank you, I'm glad you like it. And your questions will have answer soon enough, chica.
Althalui: Thank you muchly.
Chaos-Chick3: I hear you. I'm also too lazy to leave a long resp…
Danizzle: Thank you. So much.
Dragenphly: Yeah, you know it really was like they were breaking up. Hmm. I guess it's the bond. That ups the ante, you know?
Verily: (Chapter 19): Malfoy thinks, 'Merlin he's so hot up there. What time is this meeting gonna end? Is he ever gonna quit blabbing I can drag him off and shag him silly?'
(Chapter 20): Is Malfoy's abrupt change making more sense now? It had nothing to do with Ginny's telling Harry to run after him—it was all about Malfoy realizing that if he wanted to survive, he really did have to follow his heart. And no, the 'You've changed' thing was in reference to him becoming more Snape-like… people realizing that's he's grown up a bit, and gotten a bit colder.
(Chapter 21): I hadn't noticed picking up the pace, but I'll keep an eye on that. And as for the cheese, what I cut out (not really) was, "Then Malfoy looked into Harry's eyes and sighed, saying, "Potter, talk dirty to me, sweet-cakes."
(Chapter 21): You know she saw that coming, right?
Inu400: thanks
Arisony: heehee. Let the smut live.
Jewelkitten: Thank you. I'm glad you've enjoyed it thus far.
Victoria Myer: Thank you. Okay!
Dahlias: I love you too, whoever you are. And yeah, they had it coming, and um, well, I don't deal with happily-ever-after, at least not in this fic. Happily ever after just isn't realistic. But as for how things are when the story ends… well, you'll just have to wait and see. (evil grin)
Dancing Wolf: Thank you!
Infinite 13: Thanks, but um, damn I wish you had suggested that many chapters ago, because now it's a little late to start adding in more characters. :(
Jellycatty: no probs, babe.
Dakota Reynolds: Thank you.
Jellycatty: No, really. I really am. Promise.
DC: Thanks
Charmed 88: Wow, thank you. You know, I love all of my characters equally, and I'm still not gonna give away what happens in the future. That's all I'm saying about that.
Distraught Soul: you'll know soon. Really.
Tygressatheart: Thanks. And you'll know soon too. Really.
Lanallel B.: (Chapter 16): If you got this far, then, well, I wanted this story to have realistic relationships, and that means that the guy you're with isn't the only one to have feelings for you, and sometimes is not the only one you have feelings for. Especially when you're talking 16-year-olds. And there's nothing wrong with that, that's just life. Hope it doesn't bother you TOO badly. Peace.
Butterflypersona: Thank you, and yeah… Lupin is a bit strong. That's kind of how I see him. Total sweetheart, unless you get him angry. Grrr.
Jade Beauty: Thanks.
Sen-Tay: No, no! You rock!
Alarivana Ciaernu: Erm… um… it'll all stop in just a few chapters… when the story ends.. um… sweats… it's okay… there, there…?