Trapped in Loneliness
Chapter 1: The ones I call Friends
Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh.
Yay! I'm finally able to post fics again ^^ (I finally got Microsoft Word!!)
I'm going to try to stick Seto in this fic...But I'm not sure yet (What? A fic just isn't a fic without Seto!)
Fic is in Anzu's POV.
~
I can't believe I actually thought they were my friends. I should have stayed away from them after that 'event' occurred that hurt my feelings greatly. But I didn't. I came crawling back, like a helpless child. Sometimes I disgust myself. I came back to them because I was afraid. I'm afraid to sit by myself at lunch again, to look like a loser...To be alone. I stay with them, even if I don't want to. They treat me badly at times...It makes me feel worthless.
What they did to me awhile back, made me to think twice before trusting someone. After I became friends with Jounouchi, Otogi, Honda and Yuugi again, I began to trust a bit. As days went by, I trusted them more and more...but that was a mistake. Well, it kinda wasn't really, but when your feelings are hurt badly from someone....trusting them seems like a mistake
....Bakura is also my friend, but we don't hang out much.
Chapter 1: The ones I call Friends
The bell rings. I exit the classroom I am currently in.
I'm at school and it is lunch time. I'm so happy to get a break from working, even know I barely put an effort into my work now. I am constantly thinking about my fears and worries during class...But I don't need to worry about that right now, I have other things to worry.
Before I go to lunch, I have to put away my books in my locker. After I open my locker, I turn my head to see if Yuugi or the others are waiting for me behind me. When I look, they aren't there. They must have gone to the lunch room without me. There have been times where Yuugi and Jounouchi would wait for me...but that is only at times. Yuugi is the one that mostly waits for me by my locker...but that doesn't mean he does it a lot, it doesn't happen too often, but he does it...rarely.
I start walking down the halls that will eventually lead to the lunch room.
I don't really mind having to walk to lunch alone....At least I think I do. Its just, when I am walking to lunch, I see my classmates, and other people I don't know, walking to lunch together--obviously the ones who are walking together are friends. When I see them I wonder why my friends don't want to wait for me. It would be nice to walk to lunch everyday with my friends...Or the ones I so-call friends.
Maybe something will happen at lunch today when I sit with the ones I call friends. Some days I don't talk much. We just sit there and say nothing... I don't have much to talk about, well actually I do. Even know I have a lot to talk about, I never bring up a conversation much anymore. I just listen to the other's conversations when they start one. I always have so much to talk about...one could think that I am a very social person, but I am not. To say the truth, I am an anti-social person, I'm very quiet. I don't bring up topics to talk about anymore because am afraid to talk.
Whenever I talk, all of them will listen...I think there are all listening anyway. If I am still talking after ten seconds, Otogi will start to look up at the ceiling, and then look back down then Jounouchi will start facing me and roll his eyes. Honda will then start to move his head back in forth, like he is humming something...Maybe he is trying to block out what I am saying?
After witnessing all of that I would then ask them if they are paying attention to what I am saying, and then Jounouchi will just laugh for a few seconds and reply 'no.'
How I hate them.
So, that is why I don't talk much anymore. No one listens, not even my once- closest friend, Yuugi. He just pretends to look like he cares. I bet he thinks I don't know that he is pretending to care about me...he is wrong. I can tell when I am being ignored...even shunned.
Pretty much I talk to Yuugi and Otogi mostly. Even know Otogi is a bigger jerk to me than Yuugi, I still talk to him...I do that because I still think of him as a friend...I am so foolish to think that. It's like I keep coming back to him to get a 'beating.' I am so stupid. I don't talk to Jounouchi since I don't like him that much anymore. He tends to make fun of me whenever I speak to him.
Then there is Honda. Whenever I am talking, if I mis-pronounce a word, which is on mostly on accident, or if he claims I said an improper sentence, when I didn't, he will correct me....
I talk to all of them rarely. We use to all be such close friends, now I am blocked out of the group. We use to wait at each other's locker when lunch came. We would walk to lunch together and any classes we had together we would go together. It looks like they don't want to be my friend anymore.
I think I suffer from depression. I never thought that it could happen to me, but it did.
When I finish my train of thought, I realize I am standing at the entrance of the lunch room.
"I think too much." I whisper to myself.
As I arrive at the table I sit with my friends. I greet them--I try my best to be polite, but if I ever get offended, I will 'explode.' I take a seat next to Yuugi, as I usually do. Honda greets me as I relax in my seat. I always greet my friends in the morning and at lunch. There aren't too many times where they greet me or greet me in return so it was pleasant to hear Honda great me.
Yuugi is a pretty good friend...at times.
"Anzu...Hello...Anzu!" Otogi raises his voice to get my attention.
"Huh? What?!" I look both ways and figure out in an instant that I was thinking about my past and current problems again.
"I finally got your attention, dammit!" Otogi takes a bite out of his sandwich. "What was your score on the math quiz?" He asks me.
"I got a C...I barely passed!" I say. My friends could tell that I was proud of my self for barely passing the quiz. They know I never study for quizzes and tests...but they never know why.
"What did you get, Otogi?" I then asked.
"Oh I didn't pass." He laughed. "I don't give a shit either."
"Jeez, you use to not cuss, but now you do." Jounouchi chuckled. "I bet it is because I keep cussing around you and at you."
"Probably." Otogi continued to eat.
"Do you guys remember last week's dance? It was so awesome." Honda faced to his guy friends.
"How could I forget? Mai and I had many mouth to mouth moments!" Jounouchi showed a grin to his friends.
"Yeah well Shizuka and I had our own special moment too." Otogi smiled evilly.
"You didn't!" The blonde grabbed Otogi's shirt and pulled him toward him. Otogi could see anger in his eyes.
"Hey! Hey! I was only kidding!" The dice maniac waved his arms up and down franticly.
"You better be." Jounouchi regained his calm state and took a seat.
"Miho and I were the best couple there!" The brown-haired friend of Jounouchi stood up with his fist in the air.
"My girlfriend Isis and I were so the best!" Yuugi jumped up.
As Yuugi finished that sentence I felt a lump in my throat. My heart began to pound hard. Ah yes, Yuugi's girlfriend. He got one, just like the other boys. I use to have a crush on Yuugi, no, I use to love him. I hear that he use to love me too. If that's the truth then if I told him how I felt months ago, before he got his girlfriend, I would have been his girlfriend and I wouldn't be ignored in the group. I would have been wanted in the group and I wouldn't be depressed anymore. Too bad it didn't end up that way.
I don't think Yuugi likes Isis as a girlfriend. They seem too distant, kinda. I wonder if Yuugi only became Isis' boyfriend just to impress the guys. One can only wonder...
"Mai and I were the best couple." Grinning again, Jounouchi flashed his white teeth.
"Mai doesn't even go to this school, and same with Shizuka. At least I am going out with someone my age." The boyfriend of Miho, Honda spoke out. "...So that means we're the best couple." He laughed.
Last week was the last and best school dance of the year. I didn't attend it because I didn't have a date to go with. No one asked me out. Watching my friends fight about who was the best at the dance really hurt me. It didn't hurt me because they are fighting...It hurt because I wasn't there. I don't think they even care that I didn't show up. They only care about their girlfriends that they got a couple of months ago...which is how the 'event' occurred.
The rest of the day I drew random pictures in my notebook and day dreamed. I barely listened to anything the teachers were talking about.
***
My mother picks me up from school at the end of the day. I am happy that I finally get to go home.
"How was you day?" She asks me.
"It was bad as usual. I don't like school." I replied.
"You are just saying it's bad because you don't want to learn." My mom smiles at me, I show a fake 'how-did-you-know' smile back.
There are times when I go to school it isn't such a bad day. I think those are good days. Good days are like when the day is easy and I feel wanted in my group of friends. I say that I don't like school because I don't want to learn and that it is boring [as a cover-up.] Mother thinks that that's what I mean by a 'bad day'...but I am lying to her. That is not the truth. I do not dare to tell her that I feel, no, am unwanted among my friends, not needed. I don't want her to know I am depressed, that I feel lonely. So I lie. It's best this way. I am too afraid to tell her what pain I am going through anyway.
When we finally arrive home I go to my room and stay in there. I tell my parents I am studying and I can't be disturbed; but I am lying again. For the rest of the day I spend my time crying silently on my bed reminding myself what a loser I have become.
~
r&r
Chapter 1: The ones I call Friends
Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh.
Yay! I'm finally able to post fics again ^^ (I finally got Microsoft Word!!)
I'm going to try to stick Seto in this fic...But I'm not sure yet (What? A fic just isn't a fic without Seto!)
Fic is in Anzu's POV.
~
I can't believe I actually thought they were my friends. I should have stayed away from them after that 'event' occurred that hurt my feelings greatly. But I didn't. I came crawling back, like a helpless child. Sometimes I disgust myself. I came back to them because I was afraid. I'm afraid to sit by myself at lunch again, to look like a loser...To be alone. I stay with them, even if I don't want to. They treat me badly at times...It makes me feel worthless.
What they did to me awhile back, made me to think twice before trusting someone. After I became friends with Jounouchi, Otogi, Honda and Yuugi again, I began to trust a bit. As days went by, I trusted them more and more...but that was a mistake. Well, it kinda wasn't really, but when your feelings are hurt badly from someone....trusting them seems like a mistake
....Bakura is also my friend, but we don't hang out much.
Chapter 1: The ones I call Friends
The bell rings. I exit the classroom I am currently in.
I'm at school and it is lunch time. I'm so happy to get a break from working, even know I barely put an effort into my work now. I am constantly thinking about my fears and worries during class...But I don't need to worry about that right now, I have other things to worry.
Before I go to lunch, I have to put away my books in my locker. After I open my locker, I turn my head to see if Yuugi or the others are waiting for me behind me. When I look, they aren't there. They must have gone to the lunch room without me. There have been times where Yuugi and Jounouchi would wait for me...but that is only at times. Yuugi is the one that mostly waits for me by my locker...but that doesn't mean he does it a lot, it doesn't happen too often, but he does it...rarely.
I start walking down the halls that will eventually lead to the lunch room.
I don't really mind having to walk to lunch alone....At least I think I do. Its just, when I am walking to lunch, I see my classmates, and other people I don't know, walking to lunch together--obviously the ones who are walking together are friends. When I see them I wonder why my friends don't want to wait for me. It would be nice to walk to lunch everyday with my friends...Or the ones I so-call friends.
Maybe something will happen at lunch today when I sit with the ones I call friends. Some days I don't talk much. We just sit there and say nothing... I don't have much to talk about, well actually I do. Even know I have a lot to talk about, I never bring up a conversation much anymore. I just listen to the other's conversations when they start one. I always have so much to talk about...one could think that I am a very social person, but I am not. To say the truth, I am an anti-social person, I'm very quiet. I don't bring up topics to talk about anymore because am afraid to talk.
Whenever I talk, all of them will listen...I think there are all listening anyway. If I am still talking after ten seconds, Otogi will start to look up at the ceiling, and then look back down then Jounouchi will start facing me and roll his eyes. Honda will then start to move his head back in forth, like he is humming something...Maybe he is trying to block out what I am saying?
After witnessing all of that I would then ask them if they are paying attention to what I am saying, and then Jounouchi will just laugh for a few seconds and reply 'no.'
How I hate them.
So, that is why I don't talk much anymore. No one listens, not even my once- closest friend, Yuugi. He just pretends to look like he cares. I bet he thinks I don't know that he is pretending to care about me...he is wrong. I can tell when I am being ignored...even shunned.
Pretty much I talk to Yuugi and Otogi mostly. Even know Otogi is a bigger jerk to me than Yuugi, I still talk to him...I do that because I still think of him as a friend...I am so foolish to think that. It's like I keep coming back to him to get a 'beating.' I am so stupid. I don't talk to Jounouchi since I don't like him that much anymore. He tends to make fun of me whenever I speak to him.
Then there is Honda. Whenever I am talking, if I mis-pronounce a word, which is on mostly on accident, or if he claims I said an improper sentence, when I didn't, he will correct me....
I talk to all of them rarely. We use to all be such close friends, now I am blocked out of the group. We use to wait at each other's locker when lunch came. We would walk to lunch together and any classes we had together we would go together. It looks like they don't want to be my friend anymore.
I think I suffer from depression. I never thought that it could happen to me, but it did.
When I finish my train of thought, I realize I am standing at the entrance of the lunch room.
"I think too much." I whisper to myself.
As I arrive at the table I sit with my friends. I greet them--I try my best to be polite, but if I ever get offended, I will 'explode.' I take a seat next to Yuugi, as I usually do. Honda greets me as I relax in my seat. I always greet my friends in the morning and at lunch. There aren't too many times where they greet me or greet me in return so it was pleasant to hear Honda great me.
Yuugi is a pretty good friend...at times.
"Anzu...Hello...Anzu!" Otogi raises his voice to get my attention.
"Huh? What?!" I look both ways and figure out in an instant that I was thinking about my past and current problems again.
"I finally got your attention, dammit!" Otogi takes a bite out of his sandwich. "What was your score on the math quiz?" He asks me.
"I got a C...I barely passed!" I say. My friends could tell that I was proud of my self for barely passing the quiz. They know I never study for quizzes and tests...but they never know why.
"What did you get, Otogi?" I then asked.
"Oh I didn't pass." He laughed. "I don't give a shit either."
"Jeez, you use to not cuss, but now you do." Jounouchi chuckled. "I bet it is because I keep cussing around you and at you."
"Probably." Otogi continued to eat.
"Do you guys remember last week's dance? It was so awesome." Honda faced to his guy friends.
"How could I forget? Mai and I had many mouth to mouth moments!" Jounouchi showed a grin to his friends.
"Yeah well Shizuka and I had our own special moment too." Otogi smiled evilly.
"You didn't!" The blonde grabbed Otogi's shirt and pulled him toward him. Otogi could see anger in his eyes.
"Hey! Hey! I was only kidding!" The dice maniac waved his arms up and down franticly.
"You better be." Jounouchi regained his calm state and took a seat.
"Miho and I were the best couple there!" The brown-haired friend of Jounouchi stood up with his fist in the air.
"My girlfriend Isis and I were so the best!" Yuugi jumped up.
As Yuugi finished that sentence I felt a lump in my throat. My heart began to pound hard. Ah yes, Yuugi's girlfriend. He got one, just like the other boys. I use to have a crush on Yuugi, no, I use to love him. I hear that he use to love me too. If that's the truth then if I told him how I felt months ago, before he got his girlfriend, I would have been his girlfriend and I wouldn't be ignored in the group. I would have been wanted in the group and I wouldn't be depressed anymore. Too bad it didn't end up that way.
I don't think Yuugi likes Isis as a girlfriend. They seem too distant, kinda. I wonder if Yuugi only became Isis' boyfriend just to impress the guys. One can only wonder...
"Mai and I were the best couple." Grinning again, Jounouchi flashed his white teeth.
"Mai doesn't even go to this school, and same with Shizuka. At least I am going out with someone my age." The boyfriend of Miho, Honda spoke out. "...So that means we're the best couple." He laughed.
Last week was the last and best school dance of the year. I didn't attend it because I didn't have a date to go with. No one asked me out. Watching my friends fight about who was the best at the dance really hurt me. It didn't hurt me because they are fighting...It hurt because I wasn't there. I don't think they even care that I didn't show up. They only care about their girlfriends that they got a couple of months ago...which is how the 'event' occurred.
The rest of the day I drew random pictures in my notebook and day dreamed. I barely listened to anything the teachers were talking about.
***
My mother picks me up from school at the end of the day. I am happy that I finally get to go home.
"How was you day?" She asks me.
"It was bad as usual. I don't like school." I replied.
"You are just saying it's bad because you don't want to learn." My mom smiles at me, I show a fake 'how-did-you-know' smile back.
There are times when I go to school it isn't such a bad day. I think those are good days. Good days are like when the day is easy and I feel wanted in my group of friends. I say that I don't like school because I don't want to learn and that it is boring [as a cover-up.] Mother thinks that that's what I mean by a 'bad day'...but I am lying to her. That is not the truth. I do not dare to tell her that I feel, no, am unwanted among my friends, not needed. I don't want her to know I am depressed, that I feel lonely. So I lie. It's best this way. I am too afraid to tell her what pain I am going through anyway.
When we finally arrive home I go to my room and stay in there. I tell my parents I am studying and I can't be disturbed; but I am lying again. For the rest of the day I spend my time crying silently on my bed reminding myself what a loser I have become.
~
r&r