"If you know who did it," said Bart, "why don't you tell the police?"

"I need evidence," Lisa answered. "Besides, the readers will lose interest if we don't place ourselves in a pointless danger situation."

Bart had left his skateboard and helmet at home, and walked the eight blocks to the Kwik-E-Mart with Lisa.

"You know what to do when we get inside," she told him.

"Yeah," he responded, "but I still can't believe we're doing this."

"Welcome, Bart and Lisa," said Apu with a broad grin. "How are my favorite Simpsons this evening?"

"A-OK, Mr. Nahasaquepasapettingzoo," joked Bart.

Lisa stopped in front of the hot dog cooker and peered inside. "Oh, Apu," she called, "I see mold on one of these hot dogs."

"Ganesha help us!" exclaimed the Indian, who rushed over to inspect.

After he had examined the hot dogs for a few seconds, he said, "I do not see any mold, Lisa."

"Look harder," the girl urged him. "It's the one in the middle."

While Apu was distracted, Bart slipped behind the counter and grabbed a wooden pole to which the convenience store keys were fastened at one end. Clutching the keys to prevent them from making nose, he crept through the automatic door and out of the shop.

"I still cannot see any mold," Apu insisted.

"It's right there before your eyes," Lisa complained. "If you want to ignore it, then I'll take my business elsewhere."

She stormed out of the convenience store in a huff. "Thank you, come again," Apu called after her.

Lisa found Bart behind the back wall of the shop, pole in hand. "It worked," she said with relief. "Let's hurry. He'll notice any minute now that his keys are gone."

There were three keys on the end of the pole; the second key unlocked the door to the rear storage closet.

As the door slid open, Bart and Lisa gasped in terror.

A seven-foot-tall mechanical creature was standing on its trunk-like legs inside the closet.

"The robot," Lisa uttered in amazement. "So it was him."

A hand grasped the pole and yanked it from Bart's hand. "You dirty little thieves!" Apu bellowed.

"At least we're not murderers," Lisa retorted.

Bart swallowed. Had his sister just called Apu a murderer?

"How did you know to find the robot here?" Apu demanded.

"It was simple, once I put the pieces together," said Lisa maturely. "You came to the United States to study under Professor Frink. You spent six years performing research and writing your dissertation, but when you were finally done, he declared your results meaningless. You were denied graduation, and since then you've been stuck in a dead-end convenience store job, getting robbed every time you turn around. So you had a motive for trying to frame the professor. What gave it away was the difference between the three robot attacks. The robot killed Fat Tony in his hideout. It tried to kill Sideshow Bob at his house. But it killed Snake while he was robbing the Kwik-E-Mart. If Professor Frink had sent the robot to commit the murders, how could he have known the exact moment at which Snake would commit the robbery? Snake had a fast getaway car, so the robot had to be waiting very close to the store when he struck." She pointed an accusing finger at the indignant Apu. "You studied with the professor. You have the knowledge to program his robots. You ordered the robot to kill Fat Tony and try to kill Sideshow Bob. You also ordered it to kill Snake, not only to get him out of your hair, but to make it look like the professor was using the robot to kill criminals."

Apu grinned menacingly. "You are very smart, Lisa. However, there is another murder which you have failed to mention."

"Which one?"

"Yours." Apu turned to the metal monster in the closet. "Robot, I command you to kill Lisa and Bart Simpson!"

"Run, Bart!" shrieked Lisa as the machine creature raised its arms and lurched forward.

They could hear the robot's pounding footsteps and its obsessive chanting--"Kill...kill...kill..."--as they fled in fear from the Kwik-E-Mart.

"You can run, but you cannot hide," Apu mocked them. "The robot can follow you anywhere."

Bart and Lisa ran three blocks before stopping for a breather. The robot was more than a block behind them, but it was steadily closing the gap.

"I don't think robots get tired," said Bart. "Sooner or later we'll run out of juice, and then we're robot chow."

"We'd better call the police," Lisa recommended.

"What can the police do? Bullets just bounce off that thing."

"Wait." Lisa's eyes lit up. "I have an idea. Follow me."

Running furiously, she led Bart through innumerable city blocks before arriving at Springfield Harbor. Looking behind her shoulder, she saw the robot relentlessly pursuing. The sky was black as death above them.

"There," said Lisa, pointing. "Captain McAllister's ship."

"What are we gonna do, leave the country?" Bart wondered.

Grabbing his hand, Lisa pulled the boy across the sturdy wooden ramp and onto the deck of the Spanish galleon known as the Santa Ana. Mere seconds later the robot trudged over the ramp, cutting them off from escape by land. "Kill...kill..." it droned.

"Oh, man, now we're trapped!" Bart moaned.

"Trust me," said Lisa. "Quickly, up to the poop deck!"

"But the captain said only one at a time," Bart reminded her.

"We're kids," Lisa pointed out. "We don't weigh much."

They clambered up the ancient wooden stairway to the poop deck, the robot at their heels. An instant later they were standing at the ship's bow, the deep blue sea on one side, the deadly robot on the other. The moment of fate had arrived.

CRUNCH!

The centuries-old wood split under the robot's considerable mass, and the killer machine plunged through the lower decks without stopping. It landed in the waters of Springfield Bay with a mighty splash.

Lisa wiped her brow. "We're safe now, Bart. The salt water will destroy its circuits."

"Good plan, Lis," Bart commended her.

"Did your life flash before your eyes?" Lisa asked.

"Yeah," replied Bart. "Hey, there it goes again."

----

The police immediately arrested Apu Nahasapeemapetilon for a number of crimes, including the attempted murder of Bart and Lisa Simpson.

The two kids watched Eddie and Lou drag the cuffed, angry Indian to their squad car. "I would have gotten away with it, if it were not for you meddling kids," he grumbled.

"Good work, you two," said Chief Wiggum to Bart and Lisa. "If you were of age, I'd deputize you."

"It's hard to believe Apu would stoop to murder," Lisa mused.

"I guess he snapped after all those years of being robbed and shot at," Bart reflected.

As they strolled in the direction of their waiting parents, Nelson happened to pass by. "Ha ha!" he mocked, pointing at them. "Someone tried to kill you!"

Resisting the anger that swelled within him, Bart climbed into the back seat with Lisa, and the Simpsons drove away in search of new adventures.

Nelson, meanwhile, stood and watched with a stupid grin as the police officers left the scene with Apu in their custody.

Suddenly a time portal materialized before him, and an eight-foot-tall, sleek, metallic, humanoid figure appeared from nowhere. "Kill Nelson Muntz," it intoned.

"AAAARGH!" screamed Nelson, fleeing with all his might.

----

THE END