Title: Secret Agent Man, Chapter 2
Author: soultoast
Rating: PG-13 for mild language. And magical African aye-ayes, with the power to kill a yak from two hundred yards… with MIND bullets!
Spoilers: This will be taking place in the second season.
Pairings: R/S. You've been warned!
Disclaimer: Yeah, I don't own Star Trek. If I did, it would be a hell of a lot weirder. The above aye-ayes would actually feature in several episodes, and that would just be plain silly. If you don't know what an aye-aye is, here is a link for a
Beta: None, except for me self. So all the mistakes are mine.
Author's Note: Okay, sorry for the delay. Also, does anyone know what the names of the shifts are, and how many there are on the ship in a given 24 hour period? Italics indicate thoughts, while "quoted italics" indicate song lyrics, just so you know.
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"There's a man who leads a life of danger,
To everyone he meets he stays a stranger
With every move he makes another chance he takes
Odds are he won't live to see tomorrow."
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Despite Malcolm's abject fear of the water, he was in fact an ideal candidate for the British Royal Navy. Born to a family tradition of order and strict adherence to regulations, Malcolm continued to slavishly follow an inner code of conduct similar to that of the Royal Navy's. Malcolm preferred to exist with a sense of order; to all questions there should be an answer, a resolution to every quest, his eyes capturing every detail and filing it away for future purposes yet unknown.
His alarm blared, jerking him awake. As was the situation every morning, Malcolm's training surged to the forefront and he rolled off his bed, landing in a crouch, the phase pistol from beneath his pillow in hand. One second later, after his eyes had appraised any possible dangers (of which there were, as usual, none), he stood and made his bed. The corners of the bed were tight, just as his father had taught him, Malcolm's phase pistol tucked under the pillow again. Malcolm then went into his small bathroom, where he showered. Fifteen minutes after waking, he was dressed and ready for duty. As he gathered a dozen or so data PADDs into his arms, a blinking light on his computer caught his attention. Juggling the PADDs, he clicked on the 'new message' icon; he smiled, it was a message from Agent Roy. All of the agents had formed strong friendships, primarily due to the fact that they could be completely honest with each other. David Roy had just been assigned to the Paris Data Center, but that was the extent to which he discussed work. The remainder of the letter was about his new apartment and his boyfriend, a cabaret singer named Alan. As usually, David ended the letter with a joke at Malcolm's expense. This time, the last line read "Say hi to Hoshi." Malcolm sighed, a sigh being the only vocal measure of displeasure he allowed himself. Shutting off his computer, he exited he quarters and headed to the mess hall.
Inside the mess, he scanned the room, surreptitiously studying the officer's and crewmen eating, mentally reviewing the security information he had on each of them. Malcolm dropped the PADDs onto a tray before going through the line. He collected his regular Tuesday breakfast of oatmeal, toast, bacon, orange juice, and tea and headed towards his normal, empty seat at the corner table. As per usual, he ate alone, with his back against the wall, a favored vantage point that allowed him to study all who entered the room. Within himself, he knew the truth; wasn't suave or debonair- he saw himself as a loner, and independent defender of Earth. Despite the close friendship that existed between the members of the SIG, their small numbers usually required them to go on missions individually. His life had become filled with long stretches of solitude, interspersed with occasions of friendship. But now he was on Enterprise, continually surrounded by friendly officers and crewmen. Trip, Travis, Hoshi, and even the Captain were making attempts to be his friends. Usually, the brief duration of his missions and standoffish attitude left him in his comfortable zone of isolation. But it wasn't working on Enterprise. He picked up the first PADD and studied some of upgrades Starfleet development had for the torpedo targeting system. The changes to the circuitry appeared in his mind and he visualized the modifications, completely oblivious the new arrival trying to get his attention.
"Mal. Hello, Earth to Mal," Trip said, waving his hand before Malcolm. Trip sighed, Must be the new modifications for his precious torpedoes. Frowning, the engineer considered his possibilities, before choosing a course of action. "Suliban assasins!"
Malcolm lept to his feet, dropping his PADD, eyes wild as he reached for a phaser that he wasn't carrying. Only after his heart rate slowed by two hundred beats per minute did he notice the Southerner.
"Not very humorous, Commander; haven't you ever heard the story about the boy who cried wolf?" Malcolm asked, resuming his seat while glaring at the blonde. Trip shrugged as he took the opposite seat.
"Yeah, yeah; you know what, Loo-tenant, you sound just like my Mother. I been standin' here for two minutes and you didn't even see me," he shot back. Malcolm frowned, upset at his lack of attention/paranoia.
"Really? I didn't even see you there. Must be slipping," he mused, starring into his cup of tea. Trip shook his head.
"See, that's what I can't figure out about you, Mal. You are the best security officer in all of Starfleet, but half the time you're either clueless or you're paranoid." Trip leaned towards the Brit, glancing about the room before whispering. "When was the last time you got laid, Mal?"
Choking indignantly on his tea, Malcolm stared at his friend with a mixture of shock and anger.
"That is none of you business!" he whispered, outraged. "Besides, that isn't the problem, Trip."
Trip raised an eyebrow as he waited for further elaboration. Malcolm sighed.
"Fine. Alright, if you must know, I feel too safe, I'm too relaxed."
"Safe? I scare you and you get ready to shoot my-."
"Good morning Commander, Lieutenant." The two indignant officers looked up to see Travis, standing with a full tray and a grin on his face. "Mind if I join you?"
"No, not at all Ensign. It would be wonderful to have some intelligent company," Malcolm replied, smirking in Trip's direction. Trip shook his head as he turned to Travis, starting a new conversation.
"So, did you hear about this new planet we found?"
"New planet?" Malcolm shouted. "Why in the bloody hell wasn't I informed? As security officer, it's my duty to ensure the safety of this ship-."
"It's uninhabited, Mal. Not a single soul on there, except for the animals," Trip explained. Malcolm nodded, although he was still a bit upset. Seeing that Malcolm wasn't going to get bitchy again, he continued. "Apparently, the planted has a wide variety of animal life, so Phlox wants to go study it. We have decided to make it a camping trip."
"A camping trip? That sounds great," Travis grinned.
"Yeah, the Cap'n thought that it would just be a few of us…." Trip's voice faded from Malcolm's mind as the doors opened to reveal Hoshi. Malcolm returned his gaze to the PADD before him, while frequently casting surreptitious glance at her swaying body through his eyelashes. He stifled a sigh, this one a sigh of longing. He was an agent, damnit! He knew fifty-three ways to kill a man in hand to hand combat, he could cause a warp core breach in five minutes and hack into High Priority Starfleet missives, but he couldn't even talk to a bloody woman!
"So, what do you think Malcolm?" Trip's drawl drew Malcolm out of his mental drooling. Panicked that they might have seen him watching Hoshi, he stared hard at the data PADD.
"Yeah, sure, sounds wonderful," he muttered disinterestedly.
"That's great! I'll tell the Cap'n! The five of us camping, what could be more fun?" Malcolm's head jerked up.
"I'm going camping?"
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The excitement on the Shuttlepod One was nearly palpable. It was five pm and Archer, Trip, Travis, and Dr. Phlox discussed the entertainment possibilities of the next 28 hours, their voices buzzing. Malcolm was, unsurprisingly, scared. He was afraid of revealing something about himself, or even worse, just doing something plain stupid, like whispering Hoshi's name in his sleep. As far as he knew (having reviewed audio recordings of himself sleeping,) he didn't say it, but he was scared that it would happen given the frequency with which he dreamed of her. There was one where she somehow appeared outside his room in a towel, fresh and wet from a shower. Then there was one where she stopped the turbolift and threw herself at him, but his favorite was the one where they were outside, in the sunlight, and she was-
"Damnit Mal, how can you be doing work at a time like this?"
Malcolm's head snapped up to meet Trip's good humored glare, one of his hands shooting up to check his chin and make sure that he wasn't drooling.
"Sorry, just don't want to fall behind Commander." Trip rolled his eyes as Archer spoke up.
"Malcolm we already discussed this: no ranks for the next day, okay? We're just here to relax."
"Well Capt-er, Jon, you may be here to have fun, but the Doctor is here for research, and I'm here to make sure you're safe."
"On the contrary, Lieutenant- Malcolm, I am quite eager to participate in this male bonding experience. It should be quite fascinating," Phlox explained.
"We're coming up on the clearing, Sirs," Travis announced. Malcolm looked down at his lap and placed the PADD into his bag. They were all dressed in casual clothing, under orders from the Captain. After the young pilot landed the shuttlepod, they exited, gazing in awe at the nature around them. Phlox immediately started his scans. Around them towered massive trees with dark grey bark, most over twenty meters tall. They had long, hanging branches, rather like those of a willow tree, only the leaves were a dark blue. As they trudged on towards the small clearing, Phlox would point out varying creatures. When they arrived at the clearing, Malcolm started pitching the tent. As he organized the campsite, he suddenly noticed something- he was the only one organizing anything. Frowning, he looked at the center of the campsite, where Archer, Trip, and Travis sat, talking and passing around a large, grey water bottle. Travis took a sip, then grimaced.
"What in the hell are you drinking?!"
Phlox smiled from behind a shrubbery- this was going to be an interesting night.
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Author's note: the song lyrics used are from "Secret Agent Man," most famously performed by Johnny Rivers, written by P.F. Sloan and S. Barri. I heard this song used in the first Austin Powers Movie.