Speech Does Not Convey The Spirit

Words cannot express things; Speech does not convey the spirit. Swayed by words, one is lost; Blocked by phrases, one is bewildered. - Mumon

Lister woke up naturally around 5pm and was annoyed to find that Rimmer had not woken him like he had asked. He was rather hoping that nothing had changed between them, but he realised that that was hopeless now. A moment (several moments to be perfectly honest) of bad judgement had given them both a fun evening, but also an awkward air around them which was brutally evident when Lister found Rimmer in the medibay re-bandaging his hand. The moment he sensed Lister in the room, he froze in mid-wrap and the bandage reel dropped to the floor out of his slackened grip.

"Alright?" Lister asked, trying to sound casual, despite having chugged four pints of bitter before having the guts to find Rimmer for 'the talk'.

"Fine."

"Rimmer, I want to t-"

"Lister, it was just... one of those things. We've been cooped up in space alone for too long. That's why I hit you when you were a git and that's why... it happened. It's perfectly scientific. Prisoners do it and this is a lot like prison. Alone with people you can't stand and can't escape from and no women about. We were just bored and frustrated."

Lister picked up the bandage that had rolled towards his feet and handed it back to Rimmer, adding as he did so, "You sound frustrated right now." Rimmer shuffled away, uncomfortable with Lister's suggestive tone. "C'mon Rimmer, I'm bored," he hinted, more sober than he cared to confess. He wanted to blame anything later on alcohol.

"You really are a sweet talker, Lister. Has it ever occurred to you I may be busy" Rimmer growled and started up some work on the computer from the previous day.

"Are you planning on labelling your underwear by colour using the hue table on Paintshop?"

"Don't be stupid, Lister, all my underwear is white. It's your pants that have a varying degree of hue. Mostly greys and yellows." Rimmer pushed himself away from the computer knowing there was no way he was going to get any work done with Lister pestering him all day. "I'm going to go to bed," he said and then added when he saw Lister's eyes light up, "for SLEEP." Lister seemed disappointed but followed him anyway.

"We won't get caught. The Cat's having his main snooze and Kryten is washing my socks."

"A gruelling and never-ending task, I'm sure."

"Yeah, so, why not?"

"Because I'm tired and because you know my only mission in life is to make you miserable," Rimmer shrugged haughtily.

Lister smiled to himself wickedly and said, "Well, that's true. Nothing you ever do for me makes me happy."

"What's that supposed to mean?!"

"Nothing," he replied and went into their room. He clambered up into his bunk and lay on his back with his head resting on his folded arms. He grinned at Rimmer's expression of hatred.

"Come on, what do you mean?"

"Nuthin'. Good night, Rimmer."

"It's only 11pm. You normally settle down for tea now. Look, I'll do it but only if..." Rimmer grinned. "Only if you take a shower first."

"You saying I've got BO or sumthin'?"

"No, fortunately your pores leak curry, so that's all anyone ever smells around you. But it wouldn't hurt you to be clean."

"You're just doing this to be a smeg."

"I can assure you, Lister, that soap is not as dangerous and evil as you may think it is. Just don't get it near your urethra. You survived last night's encounter with Mr Shower, didn't you? Now, as the highest ranking technician I order you to take a shower."

"I'm not getting in the shower. You can't order me about even if you are the highest ranking on ship. Your little medals mean nothing out here." Rimmer hauled Lister out of his bunk and prodded and poked him towards the bathroom. "Ow, stop it!" he yelped and struggled playfully. Rimmer shoved him into the shower cubicle and switched on the water. "Hey, I've still got me kecks on."

"Well take them off, then," said Rimmer as he reached down for Lister's shirt and lifted it over his head. Lister knew exactly where he was going with this and pulled him into the shower with him. "Lister!! There's not enough room, you idiot!"

"Then we'll have to stay very close together," Lister whispered against Rimmer's ear sending a shiver down his body. He wasn't sure how Lister had suddenly gotten the upper hand in this scenario but he gasped as Lister jumped out of the sprays path and turned the water on him cold and then back to hot. Rimmer shivered again and pressed against Lister and warmed up again swiftly against his skin coupled with the hot water pouring over their heads and down their chests and legs.

Lister chuckled at his half-hearted prank and reached around Rimmer's trembling back to run his hands up beneath his soaked shirt. Rimmer had already started on the cuff and bottom buttons and the shirt lifted freely from his back, though parts stubbornly clung with water against his skin. Rimmer impatiently fiddled with the last button and threw his shirt aside (a tiny voice in his head told him to pick it up and fold it neatly. Rimmer told the voice to smeg off). Lister caught some water in the palm of his hand and slicked back Rimmer's hair.

"Doesn't it ever go straight?" he said and smiled as the hairs defiantly sprang back, curled bigger and better than before.

"Shut up," Rimmer growled and his distemper was soothed away by an array of kisses from Lister as he fumbled awkwardly with Rimmer's belt. Why did Rimmer dress so elaborately? All Lister need was a top and bottom that didn't have too many holes. Rimmer had buttons and belts and buckles and all sorts.

Lister snorted with laughter as he realised they both still had their shoes on. He knocked his off using the side of the shower and Rimmer found he could do the same as he had just untied his shoelaces and was about to put his slippers on when Lister had made the "happy" comment that had bothered him. Now Lister could bother Rimmer all he liked, for nothing was going to convince him to go back to his work. He was determined to prove he was happy-inducing.

Lister's boxers found their way to the floor and they relished their first sight of clean water in months. Rimmer pushed Lister against the wall and Lister squeaked in shock at the coldness of the tiles. The steam from their skin and breath soon warmed the walls up and Rimmer grasped at Lister's thighs and arse drawing their groins closer as if he wouldn't be satisfied until they were merged into one being. Lister obliged by pushing down Rimmer's pants and massaging his buttocks gently.

His kisses moved lower and lower and Rimmer grabbed his shoulders in fear. "Don't! I don't think I could last with that."

"Showers are meant to be quick, eh? Don't want to be using up the weekly quota of water in one day, do we?" Lister jokingly reassured him.

"But I don't th- ...Alright, you've changed my mind," Rimmer groaned and gripped the tiles as he felt Lister's tongue and lips move further down than they'd been before. Lister certainly knew what he was doing having received both good and bad blow-jobs in his time. Rimmer had never had one, even during his once-in-a-lifetime sex experience with a woman - Yvonne McGruder seeming too light-headed at the time to concentrate on that kind of task.

Lister was making his first time an exceptional one as he experimented slowly, trying to remember the tricks and trades women had used on him. Teeth, he'd quickly and painfully learned as a teenager, were only to be used by experts who knew what they were doing and the best way to utilise them was to wrap his lips around them and keep them out of the way. It made the suction all the more thrilling. And he wasn't even going to attempt deep-throating for the time being. Rimmer seemed perfectly satisfied by his attempts now and he could save the fancier things for another time.

Rimmer's face jerked upwards as he tried not to yell out and the water gushed into his mouth and nostrils and he snorted in discomfort which was difficult to do as his mind was currently elsewhere. Remembering that he couldn't breathe water wasn't at the forefront of his mind right then and Lister thought he'd done something wrong when he heard Rimmer's gurgling yelp.

Rimmer clutched his shoulder silently urging him on and Lister's tongue found its way to his head again. He yelped again, but learning from his mistakes he kept his head down and bit into his fist.

"Shush, Kryten's not far off."

"Kryten can join in for all I bloody care, just don't stop," whispered Rimmer, hoarsely. Lister carried on and found his hand snaking down towards his own erection and he began to stroke it fiercely to keep up. Lister was finding great difficulty in keeping the different rhythms. It was rather like playing the drums, or patting ones head and rubbing the tummy at the same time. His hands became confused and Rimmer felt the change straight away. It didn't affect him in the slightest and he felt himself coming.

He pushed Lister away and disposed of his semen into the harsh spray of water and down the drain. He sank down, fatigued, onto the cramped floor-space. Lister concentrated on his own release. Realising what was going on, Rimmer wearily coaxed himself and Lister up off the floor and gripped him in his own hands.

Lister protested, "But-"

"I don't mind, just returning the favour." Lister nodded and Rimmer pushed him against the wall again kissing and nibbling any skin he could find. His left hand pumped Lister steadily and his right dug its fingers into Lister's arse cheek. Lister moaned and met Rimmer's kisses and bites with relish. Rimmer ducked his head down as if to start on Lister but at the last moment he drew back and shook his head.

"Some other time?" Lister asked and pulled him back by his arms. Rimmer nodded ashamedly. He was such a coward. Afraid he wouldn't be good enough as usual. Lister's earlier comment had gotten to him more than they usually did. Lister squeezed Rimmer's hand gently and placed it back on his dick and moved it up to the tip. Rimmer circled his thumb over the top and was thrilled by Lister's reaction.

Well, I suppose I can do something right, he thought and ran his tongue over Lister's lip. Lister reciprocated the kiss in spite of his dizzying head. The heat and steam made the air thick and warm and breathing was difficult enough what with the water and Rimmer's prodigy hands.

He came suddenly on himself and the hot fluid soon washed away from their sticky, united chests and they fell together exhausted on the floor. It was cramped and uncomfortable, but they managed with Lister sat with his legs brought up to his chest and Rimmer in a similar position next and opposite to him, but with his head and arms hanging over Lister's legs.

Lister reached up and smacked the shower button which turned off the water, and kicked the door open, not caring if Kryten walked by. "Tomorrow," Rimmer said as he gulped in the dry, cold air blowing in from the doorway. "I promise tomorrow." Lister didn't really hear him and snoozed contentedly in his dream state until the cold drove them both out to find warm clothing.