Macy's on a weeknight after the mall closes is a kind of weird and desolate place. In the past, it's been one of my favorite times to shop because it's almost completely deserted and you can actually find a salesperson to help you when you need one.
On the other hand, the shoes have been so completely picked over and if you can find one that you like in your size, you can never find it's match.
Neither of those issues were large on my mind at the moment as I dragged PJ past the cosmetics counters and through the hand bag section. I was a lot more worried about the two men that I had seen out in the Food Court.
It's hard to tell what first bothered me about the two men. My years of mall shopping experience combined with an on-going fascination with people watching had triggered an alarm in my head when I saw the two of them. I hadn't, at first, noticed that they looked kind of Polynesian. I think it was the fact that there were two of them.
In my experience, the only time you'll see two men together shopping at the mall is if, one, they're teenage boys looking for teenage girls; two, if it's Christmas Eve and they've only got four hours left before they're both completely screwed; or three: they're gay.
These guys did not look gay or like they were trolling for chicks, and Christmas was still five months off. They had that alert look that I associated with Morelli when he was in cop-mode, or Ranger and the Merry Men when they were in bodyguard mode. Their eyes were scanning everything. And they weren't looking for bargains on designer luggage.
And of course my eyes had a tendency to notice suspicious bulges under men's clothes, but these bulges weren't the interesting below-the-belt kind of bulges. These were scary on-the-hip kind of bulges and I suspected that these guys were carrying some heavy artillery that could give my little .38 snubnose revolver an inferiority complex.
I had reacted instinctively, only wanting to get PJ away from what might be a dangerous situation. Unfortunately, my instincts were right. As we passed through the entry to Macy's, I looked behind me and saw one of them gesture towards us. As they walked quickly in our direction, I saw one touch an earpiece attached to a wire that ran down under his jacket. Whoever they were, there were more than the two that were following us.
The woman behind the counter in Junior Sportswear was counting out her cash drawer and looked up as we ran by. She looked a little puzzled but then shrugged and went back to cashing out.
We were almost to the north street entrance when I stopped short and pulled PJ down behind a rack of jackets. There were two other men stationed at that entrance, one looking into the store, the other watching the street outside. Hunching over, PJ and I backtracked to the back of the Misses department and we plunged into a rack of summer jumpers (50 off and every one of them uglier than sin).
My fingers were shaking but I managed to load my little Smith and Wesson. Chances are whoever these guys were, they were watching all the exits. Our best bet was to sit tight and wait for the cavalry to arrive.
It would have to be the ultimate irony of all creation if I were to die at Macy's.
We sat silently as we watched a pair of men's boots walk slowly by our rack. He stood and shuffled his feet for a moment. Another pair of boots approached and stopped by the first pair. I heard them say something, it sounded a little bit like French. I couldn't understand it, but I felt PJ stiffen next to me. The next thing I knew, the dresses were being pulled back and we were staring into the barrels of two small semi-automatic assault weapons.
All I could think of was when I had been shopping with Lula a couple of weeks ago and telling her that I wouldn't be caught dead in one of these jumpers.
The two men weren't looking at me, their eyes were focused on PJ. I could feel her trembling next to me as they raised their guns.
Two shots rang out. It seemed like time had stopped as they stood staring at us. Then, in slow motion, they fell backwards, beads of red blossoming on their foreheads. They fell to the ground and an eerie silence settled on all of Macy's. It was finally pierced by a woman screaming.
At first I thought it was me that was screaming, but then I saw Ms. Junior Sportswear standing there, looking down at the bodies, screaming bloody murder. Literally. I looked down in my hand and noticed that I had two spent shells in the cylinder. I didn't waste any time trying to figure out how that had happened, I just grabbed PJ's wrist and pulled her to her feet. We ran like hell and I wasn't even aware of which direction we were running.
We ended up near the mall entrance and while I saw a few people running out of Macy's in fear and a couple of stupid people running into Macy's out of curiosity, I didn't see any of the suspicious looking men. PJ and I made a bolt out of the door, back into the Food Court.
The Food Court looked deserted. I knew the next exit was a couple of hundred yards down and to the right so we started toward it. We hadn't run more than a couple of yards when I heard the multiple report of a semi-automatic. I pulled PJ down to the ground and we crawled behind a closed up pretzel cart as the glass storefront of Wicks 'n Sticks shattered behind us.
At this point, all hell broke loose and for the next few seconds, I huddled over PJ, listening to a gunfight that erupted on all sides.
The cavalry had arrived.
It was difficult to see what was happening without exposing ourselves and I didn't feel that well-protected with just a pretzel cart between us and all that crossfire. Using my elbow, (and wrecking the sleeve of a fabulous black leather jacket that I had just bought at Wilson's Leather... 60 off!), I knocked out the remaining shards of glass on the storefront. I scooped PJ up in my arms and dropped her over the half-wall. Looking back I saw one of the goons aiming his gun, but not towards us. A glance in that direction showed me that Hal was about to get clipped from behind and I didn't even want to think about what might happen if it missed his Kevlar vest. I pushed the pretzel cart as hard as I could toward the sniper and dived over the half-wall without even waiting to see what happened next.
I landed rolling amidst a mélange of shattered glass and scented wax. I saw PJ curled up against the half wall and I crawled over to her. We huddled there, listening to the gunfire. I was sick thinking about Joe and Ranger and the Merry Men out there in the crossfire. I heard PJ sob and I put my arm around her.
"I hate guns!" she sobbed.
"Me too."
"I hate it when people shoot at me."
"Yeah, that sucks big time, doesn't it?"
"Why won't they leave me alone!" PJ was fighting hysteria and I wasn't doing much better.
"I don't know, kiddo. Maybe we need to get them another hobby. Like gardening." Or maybe making license plates.
Gunshots were blasting all around us and I was talking nonsense, anything to keep myself from screaming like a baby. PJ stared at me and I smiled back as best I could.
"Does this happen to you often?" she asked.
"No!" Well, not really. Not that often. "Okay, well, maybe. But never at Macy's."
"Me too." She tried to smile at me. "Never at Macy's."
I gave her a hug and tousled her hair a tad. The gunfire was dying out. I heard men's voices calling back and forth but with the echoes through the now empty mall, I couldn't make out what they were saying.
"Oh my!" exclaimed PJ. "Check out the QGB!"
QGB? QGB was short for Quite Glorious Buns. Where the hell was she looking that she could see QGB? I looked at her and saw that she was looking at the shelf display that still held some diehard candles. The back of the display was mirrored, and although the glass had shattered, you could still look in the reflection and make out what was happening in the mall.
You've got to admire the resiliency of this kid that she could still be scoping out men in the midst of all this terror. Either that, or her hormones. Then again, as I focused on the mirror shards, I saw a very familiar pair of tight faded jeans appear in multiples like a kaleidoscope and I realized I couldn't blame her.
"Oh yeah." I smiled. "QGB, indeed. That is Morelli."
I watched as Morelli walked, his gun drawn, his entire body on alert, towards Ranger, who stood directing the Merry Men with no more than a twitch of his head or a flick of his finger. A third man, an obvious Fed, approached and they spoke a little. They did not look at each other, their eyes were everywhere else. All three were still in code red mode. I dug out my cell phone.
"BB," PJ 's voice was breathless with awe. "Let me get this straight. During the day you work with MRT but at night you go home to QGB?"
I smiled and nodded as I dialed Ranger's cell phone.
"Fuck the throne. I want to be a Burg Babe when I grow up."
This surprised a gurgle of laughter out of me just as Ranger picked up the phone.
Ranger's voice was crisp and curt, but I knew it was from concern. "Where are you?"
"We're directly behind you, holed up in the candle shop."
In the reflection I saw all three men turn to glance in the direction of the shattered storefront. I raised my hand and did a little finger wave.
"The princess with you?"
"Yup, she's fine."
"Are you feeling secure enough there?"
"I've felt safer, but it'll work for the moment."
"Good. Stay down until we have the situation contained."
Morelli was moving to within about ten feet of the storefront, his back to us. He was in cop-mode, reconnoitering the corridor.
"Oh, my!" sighed PJ, her eyes riveted on the mirror.
"Knock it off!" I slapped PJ lightly off the back of her head.
"What is it?" asked Ranger.
"Nothing," I responded. "PJ is just admiring Morelli's...um... jeans."
In the glass I could see Ranger turn and it didn't take him more than a second to figure out what PJ was looking at. He shook his head in disbelief and I was sure he was trying hard not to smile and failing miserably.
A scrap of movement behind him caught my eye. A dark figure that had been lying still on the floor was rising and I saw that it was aiming a gun in our direction.
"GET DOWN! GET DOWN! GET DOWN!" I screamed so loud that I'm sure Ranger could hear me even without the cellphone.
What happened next occurred so quickly that I don't know what happened first. I heard gunshots and in the reflection of the mirror I saw Ranger and Morelli fall to the ground. Then the mirror shattered into tiny splinters, bullets riddling the shelves and the entire unit began to topple down on top of us, showering us with shards of glass.
I threw myself over PJ and felt sharp points stabbing my back and legs. Then something hard struck my head and everything went black.