Lunatic: I'd like to say that in this fic, Raven has a seductive side that likes to have some action now and then else it get restless.
If you don't like Robin/Raven then don't read it. If you don't like the Titans and promiscuous activities then don't read it. I tried my best to keep the lemons nice and subtle, but nonetheless they are there.
Flames are bad, just like drugs.
Don't pester me about updates, I'm one of those people who can only write when inspired and lately I have SO not been.
Oh yeah. This is a one-shot. Critiques (don't in a civil, supportive fashion) are greatly appreciated.
"Do you have a problem, Boy Wonder?"
Robin jerked out of his trance, the glazed look shattering from his face like so many broken mirrors. He blushed profusely upon realizing that he had, once again, been caught staring at Raven. Her accusing violet eyes shunned his presence, and returned to the mysterious pages of her book, unfazed.
How did she do it? Every time he was with her he found himself uncoordinated, distracted…unfocused. It wasn't normal for someone like Robin to be unfocused, and even Beast Boy was beginning to notice his peculiar behavior.
It was all Raven's fault.
Lately it seemed as if every thing she did was a carefully plotted move on some universal chessboard intended solely for her personal pleasure and his personal torment. Every little glance, every turn of a page, was like a quiet innuendo to a thing he couldn't have. He felt like he was always fighting her for something: stepping on each other's toes or getting in each other's way. And yet, after all the yelling had ended, she would always stop at the door and smile.
Because she always won.
"Dude-?"
"I have work to do."
Robin quickly fled the room, the weight from a pair of purple eyes burning on his shoulders. He spent his lifetime fighting criminals and solving mysteries, but Raven seemed to have the trump card on all accounts. He couldn't beat her at anything: games, arguments, even being a friend. And she was one mystery that he felt he might never solve. One minute she was a loving friend and companion, the next a terribly cold enemy. And always there was the flicker of something else, something desperate, in the frozen place behind her eyes.
He hadn't realized he was pacing again. It was a habit he had when he was agitated. The other Titans had complained more than once about his incessant need for motion whenever he was thinking.
"It is a little nauseating to watch."
He spun around, eyes wide, to see Raven leaning casually against the doorframe. His heart fluttered in the slightest inclination of fear before it was quickly stifled by his pride.
"What do you want?" He forced his voice to be sharp and impersonal, responding to the innocent challenge that hid so delicately in the curve of her smile. "I'm busy."
"No you're not. Not yet."
XXXX
When the alarm went off that night, wailing a warning that trouble was brewing in the city, the other Titans were shocked to find that Robin, for once, wasn't the first one there. Each wondered nervously if this was a foreshadowing of more trouble with their theoretical leader. The last time he had managed to make a late appearance to an alarm, he had been the villain. Starfire fearfully wrung her hands.
Suddenly the doors parted and Robin came running into the room, distractedly fastening his cloak around his shoulders. His normally well-styled hair was disturbingly out of place, as if he had just woken up.
"Dude, what did you do? Take a nap?" Cyborg teased playfully, though his human eye critically examined the boy wonder's appearance. Something wasn't right there.
He laughed nervously in reply. "Sorry I'm late. What's the situation?"
Cyborg happened to notice then, that Raven was also missing in action. Ok… He thought suspiciously. "Break in at the city electrical plant. Looks like Dr. Light."
"Him again?" Came a mysteriously suave voice from the door. Raven entered, cool and composed as always. Cyborg shuddered to think about what had last become of Dr. Light at the hands of their petite friend. "Wasn't he locked in an insane asylum?" She remarked calmly.
"Yeah, because you totally-" Beast Boy quickly swallowed his words at the freezing look she gave him.
"I think that's the point. He's not really breaking into the place, according to the report. He's trying to. In theory. He's just… not all there…" Robin's face forced itself into a serious frown as he read the report sent by the police. It wasn't a level Red yet, but the tone of the Chief's request was desperate.
"Let's go."
XXXX
He supposed it had all begun a few weeks before, or maybe even months. Robin and Raven had never really gotten along famously, though they had shared their kind word here and there. She wanted to be left alone; he wanted to be left alone. Therefore they each did the other a favor and let them be alone.
But occasionally someone would get hurt, usually Starfire or Beast Boy, by Raven's harsh attitude and he would feel the inexplicable need to crack down on her behavior. They would get into spats that might last weeks, depending on the severity of the argument. But other than that, the interaction between the two serious thinkers of the group was limited.
He had always assumed that he would be with Starfire, and that, maybe, Raven would be with Beast Boy. It was like the two of them had an odd, unspoken romance. Later, he came to realize that the relationship between the shape shifter and the empath was more sibling rivalry than anything else.
Eventually, he learned that he and Starfire were the same.
Once he had realized that his heart wanted nothing more from Starfire than a friendly smile now and then, he had begun to look at Raven differently. After all, being a hero didn't mean he was exempt from the usual teenage hormones, and Raven wasn't exactly homely. Being the only other female member on the team to occupy his thoughts, it was natural that he would turn to her once Starfire was out of the way.
But how had his innocent considerations turned into this?
XXXX
"Back again! You can't turn off the lights! Don't turn off the lights! You can't! I won't let you!"
A stray bolt of electrical power, generated by Dr, Light's badly repaired suit, shot out at random, sending Beast Boy and Cyborg diving for cover. Cyborg landed in a pile of broken wires, which promptly electrocuted his metal frame.
"AAAAAAH!"
"Cyborg!" Robin managed to hook a bird-a-rang around his friend's body and dragged him from the nest of electrical conduits. Leaving him to pant in relief, Robin swung the bird-a-ran over his head and took aim.
It locked around a metal tower, providing enough height and leverage for him to swing around and aim a kick at the madman's head. Dr. Light took the blow and was sent sprawling, to land at the feet of his worst nightmare. The other Titans gathered themselves from their various, discarded positions to watch in trepidation for Raven's reaction.
She smirked oddly; fingers curled as her hand slowly extended itself from the depths of her cape. Dr. Light began to come around, groaning and holding his head. He glanced upwards in a moment of clarity, to see the shadows gathering themselves around her claw like hand.
"No. No nononononono-"
"Lights out."
XXXX
It started when he tried to get a response from her. He had finally decided, after weeks of sly comments and hopelessly subtle flirtations, that he might as well try a more direct approach. And there the opportunity awaited him, in the form of his absent teammates and her gently bowed head as it quietly read a book.
"Raven?"
Her eyes glanced in his direction, completely unmoved by his appearance.
"What?" She responded flatly.
"Would you like to come do some training with me?"
She seemed to pause, not as if she were considering the offer, but as if she were making an obvious observation: Robin always trained alone.
"No."
He shrugged, smiling amicably as he took a seat beside her on the couch. He had never expected her to accept. "That's alright. I'll just watch some TV."
"Good luck with that." She responded dismissively from behind the spine of her book.
"What's it about?" He asked, after the silence had finally stretched itself beyond recognition. The TV happily blurted an ad for a car that looked suspiciously like the T-Car.
She glanced at him, annoyance coating her face. But something else flickered amusedly in the soft color of her eyes, blurred by the gentle fall of her lashes.
"It's a play about illusions."
He leaned forward precariously to read the title. "The Glass Menagerie?"
"Yes."
"What kind of illusions? Mad Mod type of illusions, or Mumbo Jumbo?" He smirked, making fun of her. She glared at him as she placed a finger between the pages.
"Neither."
"Explain it to me then."
She hesitated, her eyes flickering across his face as she searched for some ulterior motive. Then they narrowed suspiciously as she pulled herself closer to him, their noses barely touching.
"Why don't you explain why you're suddenly so intrigued?"
He felt his body shiver, her voice running cold water over his spine. He let a playful smile soften his face, and was stunned to see it reflected by her soft, gray lips.
"I've always been intrigued, Raven."
Her body was suddenly pressed against his, a strange, exotic scent clouding his senses. A sensual violet color enveloped him, trapping him in a deep, knowing gaze.
"Let me settle your curiosity."
XXX
"Raven stop!"
"Friend, please!"
"I SURRENDER! NO! NOT THE DARKNESS!"
Dr. Light's screams were suddenly lost in a flurry of movement, and Robin got the vague impression that millions of angry birds were coming down on the insane criminal. Robin didn't condone illegal activity, but he also didn't approve of excess violence. Part of him knew, somehow, that they wouldn't want to see what was left when the ravens parted.
"Everyone leave!" His scream tore through the other Titans, their wide eyes turning toward him in shock and confusion. He gestured angrily in the other direction, extending his Bo staff in the other. "NOW!"
Cyborg gathered his wits first and with one last, uncertain glance, he rallied Beast Boy and Starfire and headed toward the Tower. Robin ignored them, running instead toward the mass of darkness that was Raven.
The black cloud of frenzied birds accepted him without aggression and merely swirled lazily above his head. He could hear screams from some distant place; they sent chills threading sinisterly up his spine.
He called her name, searching for the source of the agony. He had to find her; he had to make her stop. "Raven!"
The noise suddenly ceased as Raven's terrifying shape appeared in front of him. Though he knew the villain was already dead, he lashed out with his Bo staff, plunging her into unconsciousness. The darkness instantly vanished and the world returned to its proper reality. Robin stood stunned behind her collapsed body, horror freezing him from the inside.
Eventually the Titans found him in an alley, reliving breakfast, lunch, and the pizza from dinner that night.
XXX
"What the hell happened back there?" Cyborg raged the moment they entered the safety of Titan's Tower. The authorities had questioned them in a similar manner, though with much less aggression. Robin edgily shrugged off his friends' questioning gazes. He had his guesses about what had happened.
"I don't know."
"Come on Robin! We aren't blind and we certainly aren't stupid. Something funny has been going down and I, for one, want to know about it."
"Nothing's going on!" Robin's voice was a shout, which only seemed to anger Cyborg more.
"THE HELL THERE ISN'T!"
"Friends, please!" Starfire stepped between them, fear and unhappiness clouding her usually smiling face. "This is no time for the mean talking! Our friend Raven will need us when she awakens, she may not remember what has occurred, or she may not be in control or-"
"It's ok Star." Beast Boy gently laid a hand on her arm, calming her tirade. She sniffled miserably and sighed.
"Yes. We must control ourselves. I do not believe Robin is involved in Raven's strange behavior." She said, smiling helpfully at her best friend and leader. Robin shivered; suddenly repulsed by his own presence, by the way he had betrayed that friendly smile.
Ashamed by his deception he turned away from them and stalked toward the Med. Lab. As he left he could hear Cyborg muttering a conspiracy with the other two. He felt his time running out.
XXX
Usually he only saw her at night, when it was safe. No one was up at night; no one was there to see him as he crept down the hallway toward the forbidden door. But this time he was unusually desperate.
"Raven? Are you in there?" He tapped softly, knowing without knowing that she could feel his presence. He needn't knock or speak at all.
The door didn't open, yet her voice floated to him through the heavy steel.
"What do you want?"
His face twisted imperceptibly into a smirk. "I think you could guess."
The door sighed as it opened, revealing her cold expression. She pulled him inside, slamming him against the wall as the light outside was cut off. He was enclosed in shadows, a thousand intoxicating mysteries.
"You're breaking the rules." She murmured in his ear. He suppressed a shiver.
"I know. But after you said that you wanted to stop- I couldn't- I needed to talk to you." He hated the sound of pleading in his voice, the childish way it raised an octave in tone, begging her not to let him go.
She tsked lightly, and he could see the silhouette of her face as she turned away from him. Was there a conflict there, hidden beneath the cold of her eyes? Her gaze returned to him, something else creeping darkly in the set of her shoulders as she stood before him.
"What's left to say?"
"Just this."
He took her by the shoulders and pressed his lips against hers, parting the soft gray to explore the sweetness beneath. She let herself be taken, leaning into him and returning his touch. He let his hand slide up her slender neck to her hair, softly toying with the short purple strands that met his fingers.
Suddenly, quietly, she pulled away from him, smiling as if she saw some irony that he did not.
"This is what we can't do Robin."
"But why?"
She hesitated, glancing away from him again. Why did she want this to stop? Was she afraid of the others? Was she afraid of what they might know? He wanted to touch her again, to feel the strength hidden beneath the soft silk of her skin. He wanted to make her feel, to take her past her apathy to places she had never been before.
"The others. They'll find out eventually." She whispered, as if trying to convince herself.
He stepped forward and took both her hands in his. "They won't. We've been too careful." Her eyes, sparkling, returned to him. She wanted to believe him, he could see that, but there was something else holding her back. "Don't leave me Raven."
Her expression settled into a decision, and her smile appeared: a twisted contradiction of a smile.
"Just don't love me."
XXX
The first time he hadn't expected it at all. They had been sneaking in corners, kissing and fondling when time allowed, for weeks. She had told him to meet him in the training hall, the girl's locker room, where there weren't any cameras. She hadn't told him why, but an explanation, he felt, wasn't necessary.
When he got there she was already waiting, calmly reading a book as if she weren't meeting her supposed leader in an act of concealed romance. Was it romance?
She didn't smile when she saw him, but then, neither did he.
"I didn't think you were coming."
"How could I not?"
At this she didn't respond, thinking quietly. She patted the seat beside her, indicating that he take it. After a moment he obeyed, observing her nervously. Was there something she wanted him to do?
Though he was a fearless leader when it came to battle, Robin was not a brave soul in the land of seduction. He wasn't like Bruce, with all his money and dark charisma. As a child he had obsessively devoted his time to training, rather than trivial teenage romance. He knew all the pressure points to knock a man out instantaneously, all the counter attack moves to best utilize forward momentum using the least amount of physical energy possible, all the best detective tricks in the book. But he had no idea how to touch a woman, how to make her knees weaken and her breath come short and soft.
Because of this, he was clumsy and surprised when she straddled his lap in one smooth movement, her breasts level with his face. She gently titled his face up to meet hers, the usually hard line of her mouth softening into an intoxicating kiss. He kissed her uncertainly, carefully, waiting for some trick or snide remark. He'd never suspected that Raven, Raven of all people, would be capable of this.
She entwined her fingers in his, carefully leading his palms to the gentle curve of her hips. The kiss deepened as she linked her arms around his neck, the fabric of her cape concealing them both.
From there he lost all sense of time. One moment the world was filled with a dull roar as his heart pounded, fed with blood heated from passion. The next, quiet moans interrupted the steady drumming, and his hands were sure of themselves as they ran over every curve of her body.
She flung back her cloak and allowed him to see her, her leotard long forgotten. Somehow they had reached the floor, Raven still straddling his lap. He had completely dispensed of his insecurities when her hands had found his erection, doing for him what he had yet to do for her.
Now, he ached inside her, possessively clutching her thighs to steady himself every time she sent through him a wave of pleasure with just a rock of her hips. He was blinded to logical thoughts and physical sensations outside of his body and hers. He could hear the stifled moans clutching to the silence around them, but he had yet to register them as his own. The heat of her skin beneath his fingers enthralled him, pulling him closer to the final impact as a wave crashed over his mind and body, leaving him bare and weak beneath her.
He opened his eyes, gasping, to see her haughty smirk worlds above him. She leaned forward to kiss his lips; her breasts pressed against his chest.
She let her kisses trail down his neck, sending shivers down his naked spine. Unconsciously he wrapped his arms around her and sighed, soothed by her soft presence. He felt, somewhere in the back of his mind, that he had just done something immensely stupid but he refused to acknowledge it. He was still shivering, inside and out, from the sheer force of the sensations she had just impressed upon his body.
From somewhere in their discarded pile of clothes, his timepiece beeped lethargically.
"Two o'clock, time for Cinderella to go home." She pulled away from him, leaving him alone, freezing without her.
He watched her as she silently donned her uniform: the leotard gracefully sliding over her curves, the cloak gratefully drenching her in shadows. She stopped as she fixed the red clasp in place, noticing his watchful gaze. His clothes suddenly leaped at him of their own accord, his cape covering his face.
He let the silky, fireproof material slide from his face, grinning madly at her playfulness. He dressed as quickly as she had, though with much less grace. He felt that he would never match the calm, superior control that she had somehow mastered over her body. She waited for him in the shadows of the door, her eyes burning with suppressed magic and emotion.
"I can take you to your room."
"I know."
There was a sudden, unbidden silence. Each of them waited for the other to end the night, to turn away and say good-bye. His smile faded gradually, watching her in her natural placement of darkness.
She blushed suddenly, and turned away.
"Raven." His fingers twined with hers, his hand, so much bigger than hers, nearly swallowing them whole. "No one has to know. We don't have to let this…get in the way."
She glanced upwards at him, her features composed, the ashamed rouge gone from her cheeks. With a soft, silent hush, the shadows closed around them and he found himself standing alone in the privacy of his room.
XXX
Frustrated and frightened he made his way to the Med. Lab, the images of a dead man's mangled body torturing his mind. He couldn't forget what she had done to him, how badly she had lost control, and yet it was so easy to forgive her. He had to ask himself, was that right?
She was still and silent, bathed in moonlight as the machines beeped and clicked with a melancholy rhythm. He stared down at her peaceful face, and felt a strange pressure suddenly crush him. The world spun with kisses and heated fingers, a blurry hazing of sin; the life he had lived behind everything else, which was a lie.
He remembered every place he had touched her, every stolen kiss in the halls, between training sessions, midnight meetings in abandoned rooms. His fingers absently brushed the hair around her face, remembering the way he had tangled them there when the feeling was too intense. He remembered all the times she had given herself to him, silently sworn herself to him and yet…she had never really offered him anything at all.
He knew, somewhere in him, that these treacherous acts of passion that he had committed against her were his own selfish fantasies enacted. Even if she had presented the opportunities, he had still allowed himself to take them. Had she ever even wanted any of this at all?
Just don't love me.
Did he?
"Robin?"
His cloak shuffled around him as he spun to face the voice, perturbed at being caught off guard. Robin was never caught off guard.
"Look- I ah- I don't really think you're responsible…for…this."
Beast Boy rubbed the back of his head, the perfect picture of discomfort. Robin regarded him for a moment, his own thoughts betraying him. He knew how Beast Boy felt about Raven. He would kill anyone who took advantage of her. What did that make Robin?
"Just don't beat yourself up about this ok?" Beast Boy's hand on his shoulder, Beast Boy's presence so close to his: he felt the guilt tearing at his chest, spilling him out into the dark, sickened shadows around them. The pressure screamed inside him, the desire and the pain calling out to him like so many forbidden pleasures. He had to put his head on the edge of the bed; he had to steady his breathing and count, carefully.
"Robin? Are you ok?" This time the green shape shifter's voice was filled with anxiety. He had never seen the boy wonder falter; he had never seen him vulnerable. Robin's shoulders shook once and then were still.
"I'm fine. Just tired."
"You want me to stay? You don't have to-"
"No. Get some rest. I'll stay with her tonight."
Though he looked apprehensive, reluctantly Beast Boy departed. The shadows closed in again, pestering him, hounding him, with all of his mistakes. He had done something unforgivable. He had allowed himself to cross a line. He had placed carnal pleasure above everything else, even her.
How had he not realized until now, that she was the most important thing of all?
XXX
"You understand of course, that no one can ever know."
He laughed and kissed her jaw, slowly working toward the pale gray petals of her lips. "Of course."
"Robin I'm serious."
She held him back, her palms against his shoulders, dark eyes glittering with severe importance. He paused in the force of that decisive gaze, and for a moment, doubted everything.
"Because you know this isn't…"
"It isn't what, Raven?"
"It can never be anything more than this. This is just for fun, just something to do. I can't feel for you, and I won't let you feel for me."
He noted the absence of the word 'love' as if such a word had never existed within her vocabulary. His moral standards begged him to rethink his choice, pleaded that he was doing everything wrong. He shouldn't be doing this; he shouldn't be lying with her on the rounded couch, his fingers intimately familiarizing themselves with her body. He shouldn't, if it didn't mean anything at all. But he suddenly didn't understand why he shouldn't.
"You won't let me?"
"I won't let you." Her voice was firm, demanding. He had nothing to say in response, his words faltering against his conscience and his flaunting love for danger. She wrapped an arm around his neck and pulled him toward her; he could feel her breath hot and sticky against his lips.
"I will not let you."
XXX
"Robin wake up."
He jumped, feeling the hand on his shoulder. It was heavy and metallic, the cold, unfeeling materials that made up Cyborg. Robin spared him a bleary glance, his thoughts muddled and confused by the sudden trip between dreams and reality.
"You're exhausted. Go get some rest, I can monitor her for the rest of the night."
Robin shook his head without thinking. He didn't want to leave her side, ever. He felt he owed it to her to remain vigilant, as if it were his fault that she was here in the first place. Cyborg tsked with annoyance. Robin heard the metallic scrape of a chair being pulled over and was vaguely aware of Cyborg sitting down heavily beside him.
"Look man, I'm…I'm sorry about the way I acted earlier. I might have…jumped to conclusions."
Robin lifted his head from its position on his folded arms, watching his best friend's bashful expression. He knew how much it injured Cyborg's pride to admit he was wrong. He also knew how much it would hurt the biomechanical titan to learn that he was actually right in the first place. Robin dropped his gaze, staring at the white sheets that swathed Raven's mute form. He couldn't stand to face the guilt that waited in Cyborg's humble face.
"It's…it's ok. I know you were just…worried about her." He had to bite his lip from crying out the truth, screaming that it was his fault. He was the reason her powers were out of control. He had to be.
"I still am. She's like a sister to me, man. I thought I was in love with her once…"
Robin's head whipped around in surprise, startled to see the soft expression on the mechanic's face. He felt an ugly jealousy grip his chest, strangling him.
"When?"
Cyborg's eyes flickered from Raven to him, his large, rounded shoulders rising in a shrug. "A few months ago."
He noticed Robin still watching him, a questioning gaze full of the impetuous nature of the detective, and knew that there would be more questions. Sighing, he chose to open up on his own, rather than let Robin be the interrogator.
"She's not like Starfire you know? Starfire, she's hot sure and sweet, but I wouldn't look for that in anyone. She wouldn't hold through the tough times. But Raven…she was always there, calm and unflappable. I felt like she would always be there, ready to cool me off when I got in over my head." The mechanical giant paused, watching the half-demon as she breathed gently into the silver slicked night air. "We tried to have a relationship. It lasted a few weeks before I realized that I'd…gotten in over my head." He chuckled dryly, ironically. "I'd still do anything for her though."
Robin was finding it hard to breath; a heavy pressure was crushing his heart, pounding in his ears with a fervent rage. Someone else had captured her heart; someone else had held her in his arms. Why did he care so much? She had told him not to love her, was this jealousy the reason?
"When did this happen?"
"We broke up the day before her incident with Dr. Light. She still refuses to admit it was the reason she freaked out…" Cyborg turned his eyes suspiciously to Robin, the Boy Wonder who was still watching him with a million questions in his masked face. There was something creeping behind the leader's expression, something violent and ugly.
"Look Robin, I only mention this because…well there had to be some reason for her to have another outburst like this. It's not like her to willingly…ah injure someone else, to lose control. "
"I know." Robin turned away, his self-disgust threatening their precious secrecy.
"Then why don't you tell me what's been going on?" Cyborg pleaded. "The two of you have been acting really strange. Besides, you wouldn't be down here all night if you didn't feel responsible. "
The shadows laughed in his thoughts, turning his eyes to the window where the moon was suddenly obscured in clouds. He felt his face contort with guilt and shame. What had he done?
Cyborg saw his expression, and laid a consoling hand on his shoulder. "Whatever it is, I won't blame you. But it's becoming a threat to the team."
Robin stood suddenly, the chair falling over behind him. He hurriedly headed for the door, unable to stand the presence of his friend, or his lover. She had asked him to stop. She knew. She had known that this would happen.
Just don't love me.
He stopped at the door, turning back to face his startled companion.
"I know. I'm going to fix it."
XXX
There were only a few times when they were almost caught. They were usually the instances when Robin couldn't help himself, the times when he pressed her against the wall because his knees were shaking with desire. Someone would come pattering down the hall and they would quickly part, rearranging their disheveled appearances into a semblance of normalcy.
It was times like these when Robin wished he wasn't sworn to secrecy. He would beg her, question her, and pester her with 'why'?
He had understood in the beginning that Raven's private nature simply wouldn't allow a broadcast of her personal pleasures. Later she had used Beast Boy's taunts, Starfire's heartbreak, and even Cyborg's brotherly instincts as excuses.
"Robin we've been through this."
"But I still don't understand. We could just…tell them we're a couple."
"Robin that's exactly the point!"
He stared at her, confused. "It is?"
"We are not a couple."
He watched her as she quietly donned her hood and departed for the door. He felt cold, inside and out, without her arms around him anymore, as if he had suddenly lost something important. But how could he lose something he had never had?
The door clicked shut behind her, leaving him alone in the darkness.
"What are we then?"
XXX
Robin paced his room, the darkness slowly fading as morning approached. There were no hidden love letters, no romantic mementos from his past months with Raven. There was nothing there to indicate that the two of them were having sex whenever their schedules allowed it.
He stopped to stare out the window, the purity of the new day shattered by the sinful remembrances clinging to the shadows of his mind. How had his intentions with her become so confused? When had he lost all of his direction?
He had never expected it to get this far. The past months were a dream, a fast paced experience compressed into the twenty-minute fantasy of a teenage boy. Except that every moment of passion and painful desire, had actually happened. Him and Raven: it had actually happened. And yet…
He had never had her at all.
XXX
"Are you finally ready to talk to me? You've been avoiding me for weeks."
"Who said anything about talking."
She materialized out of the shadows customary to their recent hide out. Her arms had snaked around his neck before he could stop her, her lips pressed desirously against his throat. He felt himself shiver with the longing he had come to be so familiar with. But he couldn't, not today.
"Raven, please."
There was something wrong with her behavior. She had been angry with him, furiously angry, after their argument two weeks before. She had almost lost control.
And now she was suddenly all over him, threading her kisses along his jaw until she could gently take his lower lip into her mouth and playfully suck on it. Her hands were doing an intricate dance over his chest, enticing him to play along. But he couldn't do it. He had to investigate this; he had to know why.
He grabbed her wrists and held her away from him, his grip gentle but firm. "Raven what is going on?"
Her eyes became colder, more familiar in their apathy. The strange lust that she had never shown him before was nearly gone.
"There's nothing going on. You upset me and now I'm trying to forgive you, if you'd let me." She attempted to give him a comforting smile but the effort seemed to pain her. She let the expression drop in exasperation. "Can't we just get this back to where it was before?" Pleading. Raven never pleaded with anyone.
"I-" He never got a chance to answer her. Her eyes glowed a powerful white hardly giving him time to register this fact before he found himself flat on the floor, her hands holding his wrists above his head.
"Raven!" She had always been firm about what she wanted, guiding his hands here and there when he wasn't doing anything for her, but this was a different tactic entirely. This was forceful.
"Robin stop questioning it! Stop trying to make sense of it! Just let it be what it is." And with that she firmly kissed him, parting his lips with a delicate flick of her tongue and exploring the regions beneath.
He hesitated for a moment, her hands sliding down his arms to undo his shirt, before he finally gave in to the soft feeling of her body pressed against his. He avoided removing her cloak, she never took it off during their time together, but he found the zipper to her leotard from memory.
She sighed contentedly as he stripped the black material from her like a second skin, revealing her rounded breasts, the nipples hard to his touch. He was vaguely aware of her as she unclasped his belt, fingering the edge of his pants. A question was repeating over and over again in his mind. She had said to let it be what it was.
But what was it?
XXX
There was nothing he could do until she came to. He couldn't talk to her and he certainly couldn't talk to the others. He was momentarily alone in his predicament.
He had to let her go.
That seemed to be the logical choice. If he let her go, if he never held her again, then things would go back to normal. Except for the memories.
Robin sighed and sat down at the edge of his bed, his head in his hands. How had he let himself do something so stupid? Bruce had always said to him, 'never get involved with a team mate.' Why didn't he just listen?
Because of him, a man was dead and Raven was unconscious in the Med. Lab. Would she hate him when she awoke? Would she care at all?
That was the fact that stung him the most. He relived every conversation they had ever shared, the few words they had exchanged before and after. He had finally realized that he had taken things too seriously. To her, he was nothing more than entertainment, satisfaction to inner turmoil that she otherwise could not express. But to him, she had become something more.
This never should have happened.
A knock on his door startled him. For a moment he only stared with incomprehension at the sheet of metal, confused as to what the noise was. Then he heard the expectant guest knock again, jolting him from his stupefied state.
"Robin you do not look…well." Starfire's emerald eyes glittered with worry as she looked at him. He sighed, running a hand through his disheveled hair. She was the last person he wanted to see. Her innocence was harsh and stunning compared to his jaded conscience.
"What she means is you look like shit." Beast Boy quipped from behind her. Starfire shot the shape shifter a quelling glance, testament to her expanded knowledge of earth customs and slang.
Robin gave him a sparing glance. "What do you want?"
"We wished to make sure you were…all right and to inform you that friend Raven is arriving."
"…What?"
"She means that she's coming to."
Robin straightened, suddenly interested in the conversation. "She's all right?"
"Yeah. She's been awake for an hour, but Cyborg said we should let you sleep."
"I haven't been sleeping." Robin murmured in passing as he ran from the room to the Med. Lab. He had to see her.
XXX
She was quietly sipping tea, alone at midnight. The nightlight in the corner was tracing her curves in soft gold, betraying her heritage of darkness. She looked like an angel, peacefully contemplating the fate of the universe. His universe.
"You're up late." She murmured suddenly, without turning from the window.
"I could say the same to you."
She spared him a glance, a silent invitation to join her where she watched over the city and the sparkling, star streaked, harbor. He quietly accepted, standing beside her and watching his reflection in the glass. From this position the glow of the nightlight was overpowered by the silver garnish of the moon.
"Any particular reason?" He asked her quietly, protecting the silence of the room.
She shrugged in response, a billow of steam from her mug fogging the window. "I'm usually up late."
"Me too."
"I know."
He turned to her in surprise, having previously thought that his sleepless nights were his own secret. She smiled mysteriously at him and sipped her tea.
"It's not hard to see Robin." She said by way of explanation. "Besides, my powers remember?"
He smiled uncertainly, unused to having his weaknesses known and exposed. His nightmares had been something he guarded with relentless gall, refusing to toss and turn fretfully at night, forcing himself to stay in bed and sleep even when the shadows gathered and shook with his fear. He would often awaken, shaking and pale, having just relived his parents' death, or experienced it himself, or watched as Slade destroyed his friends. There was never a night when he slept peacefully.
"Do you ever see me?"
He glanced at her, startled by her soft voice breaking the silence. "What do you mean?"
"I mean do you see me, in your dreams? Do you ever have nightmares about me?" Her violet eyes watched him expectantly, obscured by oblong shadows as the moonlight shone through her lashes.
He paused, giving the question great thought. He had often seen her die with the others, but never had she been the centerpiece of his worst fears. He shook his head, watching as the light shook and glittered on the water.
"I've seen you die, with everyone else, but nothing other than that."
"That's not what I meant." She whispered softly, almost so that he didn't hear her.
"What did you mean?"
She began to play nervously with her tea, stirring it obsessively as she pondered her response. Her hair curtained her face, concealing her expression. He regarded her patiently, exploring the many mysteries of her appearance. How did she manage to look so fragile and so stubbornly powerful at the same time?
"I…never mind."
A thought hit him, a realization that came with the inspiration of silence. The lapse in the conversation provided him with the concentration as he puzzled over her, wondered at her intentions.
"You thought I would have nightmares about you betraying us? About you're…darker half?"
She turned to smile dryly at him from beneath a soft fall of hair. "Something like that."
He chuckled. "No, never. Even my subconscious trusts you."
Her smile faltered and she turned away, staring thoughtfully at the moonlight. Her eyes were clouded, a fragment of pain, like glass, interrupting the peaceful color of her gaze.
"Did you know the moon affects my powers? They're at their weakest under the full moon." Her voice was soft and vulnerable, and he felt as if there was something he was missing, some point she was trying to make. By telling him this, she was entrusting him with a carefully guarded secret.
He shrugged, watching her. "I would have realized that eventually."
She didn't look at him this time, but the ironic smile returned to her face. "I'm sure you would have."
"It's what I do best."
The night closed in around them, a thoughtful setting for the friendly silence that had crept between them. He felt as if there was something on her mind, some torturous question that she simply couldn't bring herself to ask. He felt edgy in her presence, waiting and watching for something unknown to him. She sighed and turned to the kitchen, her mug empty.
He followed her to the sink, pulled by a sudden curiosity. He felt lonely by the window without her, contemplating all of her idiosyncrasies. She quietly placed the mug in the dishwasher and turned to face him.
"Why do you trust me so much?"
He stood, dumbfounded in front of her. "Why?"
"You've seen what I can do. You know what I'm capable of. You know what could happen if I ever falter, if I ever go wrong. Why trust me?"
"What would I gain from not trusting you?"
She paused, uncertain. He smiled his most charming smile, enjoying her sudden indecision. Decisive, instructing Raven suddenly caught off guard. She shrugged, the folds of her cape rippling with shadow.
"Nothing."
"Exactly."
XXX
The hesitant knock on the doorframe seemed to echo with imminent doom. His heart ached, his morals and his desires tangling themselves into oblivion somewhere inside. He didn't want to do this. But he never should have fallen in love with her.
If you could only see the way she loves me
Then maybe you would understand
Why I feel this way about our love
And what I must do
If you could only see how blue her eyes can be when she says
When she says she loves me
"Raven?"
She was sitting propped in bed, staring at the morning sun outside. At his knock she turned to the door, looking naked and silly without her cape. She had never been more naked to him than she was now, completely bare of her best protection. She smiled vaguely at his appearance and waved him inside.
His footsteps echoed as he approached and he nearly fell into the chair beside her, his knees were shaking so bad. He cleared his throat, uncertain.
"I uh…I want to apologize. For…for hitting you."
She shrugged. "You did what you had to."
"Raven…" He nervously twirled the edge of his cape, a terrible anxiety and uncertainty taking away all of his leader-like tendencies. He felt vulnerable beneath her violet gaze. "What does this mean for us?"
Her gaze hardened imperceptibly. Her hair flew around her face as she turned back to the window and its picturesque backdrop. "Nothing. Nothing changes."
"Raven, something has to."
"No. No it doesn't."
"This is obviously affecting you. It's doing things to you. I can't…I can't let it happen again if this is the result." His voice got stronger as he went on, his resolve aiding his progress. No matter what he would always be a man of duty, and his duty was to the people of Jump City. He had to do this. He had to.
"Robin is this about what happened with Dr. Light or is it about you?"
Well you got your reasons
And you got your lies
And you got your manipulations
They cut me down to size
He glanced up from his lap, shocked. She was looking at him again, her eyes hard and angry.
"What do you mean?"
"I told you not to love me Robin. This was exactly why."
"Raven I'm only doing this out of concern for the people of this city. You obviously can't control yourself when this is happening, therefore it needs to stop." He didn't know why he was suddenly so angry with her, but the heat had already crept into his voice, defensive and hard. She matched him glare for glare, making him sit straighter as his pride suddenly became involved.
"I'm not the one who's not in control. I've always been in control Robin. I never forced you to do this, any of it. You're the one who couldn't help himself."
Sayin' you love but you don't
You give your love but you won't
If you could only see the way she loves me
Then maybe you would understand
Why I feel this way about our love
And what I must do
If you could only see how blue her eyes can be when she says
When she says she loves me
His anger boiled over, the condescending tone in her voice grating through him like the bitterest of betrayals. He was really nothing to her and the hurt made him furious. He wasn't angry with her. He was angry with himself.
"Then what the hell was last night? Why don't you explain how you killed a man if you were completely in control!"
Seems the road less traveled
Show's happiness unraveled
And you got to take a little dirt
To keep what you love
That's what you gotta do
Sayin' you love but you don't
You give your love but you won't
You're stretching out your arms to something that's just not there
Sayin' you love where you stand
Give your heart when you can
Her hard gaze froze, stinging with refused tears as she quickly turned away from him. Her hands gripped the bed covers, tightened into small gray fists. He felt his anger ebb with sympathy for her, and the guilt that must be tormenting her heart. Raven was many things, but she wasn't a killer.
"You're right." She said at last, when the silence had stretched beyond its limits. "We can't do this anymore." Her eyes met his, glittering with soft tears. "You aren't the only one who was taking things too seriously."
If you could only see the way she loves me
Then maybe you would understand
Why I feel this way about our love
And what I must do
If you could only see how blue her eyes can be when she says
When she says she loves me
He stared at her, stunned by the revelation that he meant more to her than just desire. Finally, he stood and wrapped his arms around her, comforting her. She leaned into his shoulder, the tears silently soaking through his cape. As he gently stroked her hair, he realized that it wasn't good-bye anymore. This wasn't the stop to all things. She wasn't taking anything away.
She was finally giving him everything.
Sayin' you love but you don't
You give your love but you won't
Sayin' you love where you stand
Give your heart when you can
If you could only see the way she loves me
Then maybe you would understand
Why I feel this way about or love
And what I must do
If you could only see how blue her eyes can be when she says
When she says she loves me
Lunatic: Well yes there you have it. I've been working on this for a while, while I waited for my inspiration to return for 'Everything You Want.' So this is just a little…filler thing for you all.
I don't own the Titans and I don't own "If You Could Only See" by Tonic.