Author's note: I apologize for the delay in this chapter. I promise you this story will be continued and finished. It's just that lately real life wasn't providing me with the necessary comic inspiration. Things should be better now, and the delay shouldn't be so long next time. I hope the wait was worth it.

Thank you to all who reviewed and asked so nicely for this story to continue. Here's a nice long chapter for you all. I just hope you don't expect to learn everything just yet. Well, that would be logical wouldn't it, and I never said this story was logical, now did I?

Summary: Previously – Spike is having a little memory blackout problem, complete with episodes of unSpike-like behavior. Through flashback we are beginning to learn how and why Spike came to be in this situation. This chapter, the history continues.

Chapter 2: The Horrors of Impasse and Bus Travel

Spike stared at the woman in the fitted suit dress, and she stared back. Considering the look of "oh crap" on her face, he was starting to have serious doubts about getting out of this in one piece. Another moment passed uneventfully.

Finally, Spike voiced the first idea that came to him. "Well, we can always keep it to ourselves, pet. Who'd believe a vampire would want a soul anyway?" Okay, even he didn't believe that would work. He never had claimed that his first ideas were good ones.

"You can call me Lilah. And that might have been a passable plan, but they already know."

Spike's brow furrowed. "They weren't aware I had a soul, so how can they know I wanted one?"

"Because you belong to them now. The Senior Partners know everything about those they own. Believe me, I know."

"Had a feeling you weren't quite on Team Good," Spike said.

She laughed lightly. "No, not remotely. And what team are you on, Spike?"

He shrugged. "Not much of a team player. And now… well without the soul, I suppose 'm evil again, but I'd rather help old ladies across the street for all eternity than lift a sodden finger for the ones who made me this way again."

"Even if they made it worth your while?"

Shaking his head, he leveled a determined expression on her. "They could never give me enough. Not in my nature to be in a gilded cage, Lilah."

She raised her eyebrows at him. "And you got that soul then why? I can't think of anything more like a cage for a vampire than that."

Spike smirked. "Different, love. A self-imposed restraint. And only because there was someone worth being restrained for."

"Well, I don't see that someone now." She smiled almost seductively. "Just think of all that warm blood just waiting to be tasted. A few well-chosen victims here and there. The bosses wouldn't mind if you started out slowly."

"Hmm, it always starts out that way, doesn't it? But before you know it, you're bent over the desk and expected to beg for a buggering." He watched her expression change, confirming that his assessment of the situation had been correct. Smirk growing, he started to lace his hands behind his head in triumph, but then thought better of it. He titled his head and sneered instead. "Speaking of which, am I gonna get some clothes anytime soon or what?"

Lilah smirked back at him, her previous ire hidden. "Hmm seems a shame, but…" She reached into her suit jacket and retrieved a small phone and pressed a button on it. "Could we please have some clothes up here?" She snapped it shut and returned it to her pocket. "They'll be here shortly."

"Fine then." He looked at her, trying to gage her mood now. He wasn't able to, but that didn't change his mind. "I'm not gonna do what they want, you know, whatever it is. You can tell them to put me back for all I care."

"One thing you'll learn about the Senior Partners, Spike, is that they don't put anything back once they've taken it. At least not until they're finished with it."

Spike's eyes flashed with anger that he quickly pushed down. Raging at the woman wouldn't do him any good. His instincts told him that he needed to get on her good side. He grinned evilly instead. "Well, guess I'll have to be the cute, little puppy that grows into a hundred pound dog that eats the house and bites you in the arse."

"Something they didn't bargain for?" Lilah asked with amusement.

Smirk still in place, he moved closer to speak in her ear. "Something they'll be begging to give back," he clarified. He backed up, watching her expression turn to one of amused intrigue, and he smiled. Perhaps he might have an ally after all.

*********

Fred smiled nervously, her lab coat engulfing her. Gunn crossed his arms, feigning indifference. Wesley sat quietly, his expression contemplative and concerned. Each one was different, and each one was an important part of his team. They all shared one thing in common at the moment, however; they were looking at him, expecting an answer. Angel wished he had one to give them.

Lorne popped his head in the door, and Angel silently thanked him for the reprieve.

"Hey Angelcakes, do you need me for this meeting? I'm not too helpful on apocalypse fact-finding type ventures."

Angel couldn't help but smile a bit. Lorne's aqua suit was loud even for his wardrobe. The lemon yellow shirt just seemed like overkill. "Got a meeting with a big wig you'd rather not cancel?" he guessed.

"Aw shucks, you got me," Lorne replied. "In my defense, though, I really am not that good with apocalypses. So…" His head suddenly turned. "Hmm, well what have we got coming here? Hey aren't you still dead?"

"Still dead," Lilah replied. "Now why don't you go on ahead to that meeting? I wouldn't want to keep you." She pushed past him into the meeting room and faced the assembled group.

"Lilah," Wesley said with an incline of his head and a face awash with barely suppressed emotions. Angel felt his heart ache for him.

"Wesley," Lilah replied. "More business to attend to," she added, explaining her presence nonchalantly. She looked back to the door as if expecting someone else to be there.

Lorne remained in the doorway, though, titling his head curiously at something in the hall. "Gotta say there, sweet cheeks, even you make that stuffy outfit look good."

"You gonna let me by, or do I have to move you myself?" someone replied testily. "Bad enough I have to go in there at all, never mind get up close and personal with an Abercrombie and Finch catalogue on acid to do it."

Angel knew that voice. And he knew that attitude. If this was the impending disaster, he'd rather have something, no, anything else.

"Well, someone sure woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning," Lorne remarked.

"You don't know the half of it, you git," Spike replied, growling softly as he pushed by Lorne who, despite Spike's threat, hadn't budged. The vampire gave the demon a subtle shove with his shoulder as he entered the room.

"We have a problem," Lilah announced.

Angel didn't think he'd ever heard such a statement of the obvious.

*********

Something didn't feel right, and it wasn't just that they were in a worn-down motel room somewhere in the middle of nowhere. It was a nagging feeling that something important was happening somewhere: somewhere not here and somewhere that she should be. Buffy looked over at Dawn and smoothed some silken hair away from her sister's face. The feeling left as quickly as it had come, and she decided it must be just everything finally hitting home.

The post avoiding-the-apocalypse euphoria had been very short-lived this time compared to other times, because this victory had cost so much more. Well, she supposed that for those who'd been left, their defeat of Glory hadn't been all that happy either. As she brushed another tear from her cheek, she wondered if they had cried, too. She certainly didn't wish this sadness on them and could no longer blame her friends for bringing her back, for trying to end the hurt.

And what about him? Had he cried when she died? He said he had in that church the day he told her about his soul. And when she'd come back, he'd told her that he relived that night every night until she'd returned, dreaming of how he might have saved her. If she hadn't been so numb then, she might have tried to comfort him. She might have been moved by his confession: one that even coming from a soulless being, had been so filled with emotion. Few others except Angel could make her cry with just his words. The last time had only been a few days ago.

Buffy was suddenly very tired. Carefully lifting the covers, she stretched out on the bed behind Dawn, not even bothering to remove the last few pieces of clothing she had on. She molded herself lightly into her sister's back, taking comfort in the fact that Dawn was still alive. As she waited for sleep to come and her dreams to start, Buffy wondered how she would save Spike tonight.

*********

They all stared at vampire in front of them, trying to assess this new development. Fred looked puzzled. Gunn looked disappointed. Wesley looked like he thought he should recognize the visitor. Lilah looked slightly sheepish. And Spike looked indignant. Angel thought he felt a big, fat headache coming on.

"You all have a problem?" Spike asked, his arms gesturing emphatically as he started to pace. "What about me? I do the right bloody thing for once. Sacrifice myself for the bloody sake of humanity. Burn up from the inside no less, and what happens? I wake up in a white room with Ms. Corporate Evil, here, completely starkers…" Glancing down at the conservative grey slacks and charcoal button-down shirt he wore, he made a disgusted face. "Not that this is much better, mind you." He looked back up and continued his tirade. "Then I find out some evil powers own me, and to top it all off, they took my bleeding soul!"

His face most closely resembling a look of "duh", Gunn asked, "Um, vampire right? Isn't 'no soul' generally a requirement for you guys?"

Spike gave him an annoyed look. "I had one okay? Not for as long as Brood Boy over there, mind you, but I won mine fair and square."

"You won your soul?" Fred asked. "How?"

"Don't ask," Lilah advised.

"Oh, what's the matter?" he asked Lilah, his voice a purr. "Don't like to hear that your new evil toy got a soul on purpose?"

"Well, actually I though we covered this," Lilah said reasonably. "I think the answer was a definitive 'no.'" She then looked somewhat apologetically at Angel. "I'm not sure what happened. He was actually rather reasonable a moment ago."

Angel rolled his eyes. "Yeah, Spike tends to be unpredictable like that. Sometimes something just sets him off."

Spike whirled on him. "Sets me off? Yeah, like Angelus was a picture of sanity. Besides this is your fault." He pointed at him. "You should've warned Buffy better that the amulet was evil. What if she'd used it instead?" His tirade abruptly halted as his expression suddenly turned to concern. He almost deflated before their eyes. "Oh God, Buffy. She made it out, right?" He turned panicked eyes on Angel. "She's okay, right?"

Angel's mouth fell open. "You don't know?"

"I was burned to a crisp, you git. I didn't see what happened after that."

Angel felt his chest tighten. "I don't know either, Spike. When we felt the building shake, I was afraid for a moment Buffy had failed to stop the apocolypse."

"We didn't fail," Spike said indignantly, his concern replaced just as quickly by momentary ire. "The Slayer was bloody brilliant, Red did some major mojo, I used the amulet, and we pounded them."

"Then why would you think Buffy didn't make it?" He watched Spike's jaw twitch and his expression shift as if he were trying to decide what to say, how much to reveal. "Tell me the truth, Spike."

Sighing, he closed his eyes. "She wouldn't bloody leave at first." He clenched his teeth for a moment then looked at his hand. "The world was falling in around us, but she stayed. Held my hand. They burst into flames, but still she didn't let go. But I couldn't let her die. Not again. My turn this time." He shook his head as if clearing it, and looked at Angel as he warred with his emotions. "So I yelled at her a little, made her get her ass in gear. But it felt like a pretty big implosion, and I burned up soon after, so I don't know if she made it."

"Oh it was a pretty big implosion," Lilah remarked with a smile. "Took the whole sorry town of Sunnydale with it." She titled her head and quirked her mouth. "But the Slayer and most of her goody-goodies made it out fine."

"How do you know that if you didn't even know it was me who was gonna show up instead of Angel?" Spike asked sarcastically.

Something about that statement nagged at Angel. Was Spike saying that the bosses at Wolfram and Hart meant for him to end up soulless? He made a mental note to have a little chat with Lilah in a bit. Noting how she was purposely avoiding looking in his direction, he had a pretty good idea what the answer was going to be.

"Remember that phone call I got on the way here?" Lilah answered Spike.

The vampire glared at her. "But you let me go on like that anyway."

Lilah shrugged. "I have to amuse myself somehow, and I must admit that for a vampire, you are pretty amusing."

Spike looked about ready to lunge for Lilah, and despite how at the moment Angel might actually enjoy seeing that occur, he decided he better intervene. "Spike, save it."

Spike growled a little and looked defiant, but he stayed put.

"Gee, major issues with that one," Lorne remarked. After looking at his watch, he turned his eyes back to the group. "But my meeting awaits, so if someone would fill me in…"

Spike turned a withering glare on the green demon.

Lorne remained unaffected as he looked back. "Oh, and in her own way, she did mean it, you know?"

"She meant what?" Spike began testily before he abruptly stopped and opened his mouth in shock. "How did you…"

Lorne smiled at him and put a finger to his temple. "I could read it from over here, sweet cheeks. You were wearing it on your sleeve. Can't usually read vampires so well, but you're one odd vamp." Lorne shook his horned head and swept down the hallway whistling.

"Who meant what?" Angel asked.

"I'd settle for knowing what the heck's going on here," Gunn remarked.

Angel barely heard him, he was focused on Spike, watching the smile that had come to his face after Lorne's insight. Spike looked at him now with a smirk even more annoying than usual. "You wouldn't want to know, mate, and I don't feel like sharing. Maybe some other day."

Fred cleared her throat. "So there's no impending disaster, then?"

As Angel glared straight at Spike so his meaning wouldn't be lost on the other vampire, he answered Fred. "Well that depends on your definition of disaster."

*********

"This is a disaster," Buffy whined. She pouted at the map spread across the table in front of them.

"Well, now, it's not all that bad," Giles said, his tone reassuring. "If we go along this road, we should eventually make it back to the main highway in a few hours or so."

"A few hours?" Xander complained. "Haven't the people in middle America heard of alternative routes?"

Stuffing a huge bit of pancake into her mouth, Dawn gave him an amused look. "I believe this is an alternative route."

"I'd classify it more as a path or maybe a trail," Xander quipped. "I've seen construction roads less bumpy."

"Well it started out nicely," Dawn said. "Maybe we just took a wrong turn."

Buffy frowned at the map. "Only one wrong turn? How can one wrong turn get us so very lost?"

"Well, it might help if the map was right side up," Giles advised, turning the map in the correct orientation.

"I think Faith and Robin got off easy," Xander remarked.

Buffy shuddered. "Not in my opinion. I hate hospitals."

"Yeah, well, they'll probably get a nice, fast car once the potential's parents pick them up and Principal Wood gets better. Then they'll travel around a bit before meeting us in Cleveland."

"At the rate we're going they'll beat us there," Dawn said around another mouthful of pancake.

The diner door swung open, the bell above it chiming furiously as Willow rushed in followed closely by Kennedy. "Sorry we're a little late guys. We were kinda tired. Slept in late."

"Mm hmm," Dawn mumbled sarcastically.

Buffy kicked her under the table.

"Ow! Sister abuse."

Buffy ignored her. "Oh good. Willow, can you help us find exactly where we are? You know, a locator spell or something?"

"Oh, for Willow, that should be easy," Kennedy said, looking at Willow with total confidence.

"Um sure," Willow agreed. "Let me see the map." She slid into the plastic covered booth beside Giles and smoothed out the map. Closing her eyes, she chanted a few words then opened them again. A small greenish light appeared momentarily over a point on the map.

Buffy smiled. "Oh, so that's where we… Um Willow…"

"Fire!" Xander yelled as flames started to eat their road map. He dumped his orange juice on the spreading flames.

"Oh wait! Ohh, you should have beat them out," Buffy complained. "Now look at our map. It not only has a huge hole, it's all sticky."

"Sorry," Willow said sheepishly. "Guess I still don't know my own strength."

"I guess we need another map," Giles said with a sigh. "There was a gas station about thirty miles back."

"Bet that hospital's not looking so bad now, huh?" Xander asked.

"Last one in the bus is a rotten egg," Dawn announced as she squirmed her way past Buffy and bounded out of the diner.

Buffy hit her forehead on the table, narrowly missing the spilled orange juice. "This is a disaster," she whined, sadly aware that no one was left to hear her.

*********

Spike hated this. Angel was the last person he wanted to ask for help, but unfortunately, he didn't trust anyone else right now. Besides, perhaps he could manage to get a few amusing digs in at the same time. Angel would still feel obligated to help, that being his gig and all. Personally, he didn't know how Angel could put up with it. Being the hero sure wasn't all it was cracked up to be.

Even Angel, however, seemed to have his limits for patience. "Okay, Spike, enough with the pacing. What do you want, and why did you insist on kicking everyone else out and talking only with me of all people?"

"You think I like talking to you about this? I'd rather be with Buffy, thank you very much, but I have this feeling that I'm not going very far away from here. Who are these 'Senior Partners' anyway?"

"I'm not sure," Angel answered. "I only know that they aren't the good guys."

"Yeah, well neither am I anymore apparently," Spike muttered. He stopped mid-pace. "I can't do this!" He didn't even try to keep the desperation out of his voice.

Angel rolled his eyes. "What's the problem now?" he asked as if he thought Spike was being overdramatic.

His eyes narrowed. "I don't have my soul anymore, you Neanderthal. They want me to be Evil. How am I…" He closed his eyes and took a loud breath. The words he uttered were softer than his deep breath would have implied. "Do you know how long it's been?"

"Since what Spike?"

Spike looked at him. "Since I killed someone. Killed a human."

Angel stared at him, his expression suddenly very serious. "How long have you had your soul?"

"Almost a year," Spike replied. "But it's been much longer than that." He pointed to the back of his head. "The Slayer's old boyfriend, Mr. Meat and Potatoes, was part of a government operation. They put a chip in my head. I couldn't bite anyone. If I tried to hurt a human, I'd get a paralyzing electric shock."

"And this kept you from killing people?" Angel asked skeptically. "You didn't get some other vampire to do it?"

"Well, once, but that was Drusilla, and I sent her away, and that was the only time, because Buffy wouldn't have liked that. And before that, well, what would have been the point? When I found out I could kill demons, at least that I could do myself." Spike shook his head. "And when I found out it didn't work on Buffy, it didn't matter, because I didn't want to bite her anyway by then. And then I got the soul…"

"Well shouldn't the chip still work?" Angel asked.

Spike looked down a moment. "Um, it's gone."

Angel sighed. "I should have known. You got it removed."

Spike gave him a dirty look. "No. That was Buffy's decision. I was in no shape to make that particular choice at the time, but hell… How can I restrain myself without it?"

Angel just stared at him. "Seems to me you should be happy it's gone."

"You don't get it, do you?" Spike asked. "She believes in me, or at least she did when I got the soul. Hell, even before that, because she said I fought my nature to get it. If I kill someone now…" He turned and punched his fist into the wall.

"She'll blame herself for getting your chip out and having faith in you," Angel finished for him. He almost sounded sympathetic.

Spike looked at his now bleeding hand, his eyes locked on the blood. "But that Little Ms. Evil isn't gonna let up on me, is she? Eventually I'm gonna cave in." He looked up again pleadingly at Angel, warring with himself with equal parts needing his grandsire or wanting to pound him. "Angel, what am I going to do?"

TBC

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