Author's notes: I apologize for the delay in getting this chapter out. I made it a long one to make up for it. Thanks again for all the wonderful reviews. This chapter, like the last, is dedicated to the gang at the forums4fans Angel speculation thread.

Summary: Spike explained to Angel why he didn't want to go evil again. Buffy got her first glimpse of Cleveland. Lilah learned Spike is a pain in the … neck. Spike's blackouts increased including forays into pink nail polish and lingerie. We learned Fred is a little kinky. Desperate, Spike asked Angel for help with his problem.

Chapter 4: The Horrors of Spilling the Beans and Doing Paperwork

Everyone was staring at him. Spike sat down on the ottoman, but then bounced up again a moment later and started pacing.

"You sure you want to hear all of it? I mean, I don't think you do, and it likely won't be important."

"We'll be the judge of that, sweet cheeks. Of course you could always sing for me, and that might solve everything," Lorne told him.

"Bloody hell, that's not much of a choice," Spike said with a grimace. By the expectant look on the green demon's face, he had a feeling Lorne knew for the most part which parts would be more important and which wouldn't, but he'd rather hear all the juicy details anyway. Poncy git would probably make him sing to boot.

"I told you that you'd have to tell us everything," Angel reminded him.

"Yeah, yeah," Spike grumped. "Okay where do you want me to start?"

"When you first got the amulet," Wesley said. "Start from there."

Spike gave him a skeptical look. "Okay well, look… you're gonna be sorry you asked this, mate." He directed the last part to Angel.

"I doubt it. Now stop stalling."

Spike tried sitting again. "Okay, well, I first got hold of the amulet when Buffy came back from killing Caleb and kiss…"

"When she came back from meeting with me," Angel interrupted while staring daggers at him.

"Hey! Now, I want to hear the rest of what blondie was gonna say there," Gunn teased.

"No you don't," Angel said.

Spike smirked. Maybe I can make this fun after all, he thought. No, better go for safe. He decided to keep himself in one piece instead and skip the seeing Buffy kissing Angel part for now, since it was obvious Angel hadn't shared with the group. He also decided to distract himself by pacing again.

"Okay, well when Buffy came back, I took the amulet from her for a moment to get a look at it. I could already tell it was powerful. Only overheard some of the story, though, cuz I left once I found out Buffy'd taken care of the baddie." Only a slight fib there, he thought to himself. Stopping almost mid-stride, he leaned against a chair, cleared his throat, and continued. "Heard enough though and wasn't gonna let her take any chances. Told her that I'd wear the amulet for her. Until she said that it was meant for a champion. Wasn't gonna insist then, but she wanted me to have it anyway." He looked down and shook his head, momentarily lost in the memory.

"And you kept it with you the whole time?" Lorne asked. "You were the only one in contact with it after that?"

Spike roused from his musing. "Yeah. It was only with me and well, um, her when she stayed with me." He thought he was going to get away with leaving things there until Gunn perked up at his words.

"Alright, Blondie! Got a little 'just in case the world ends action', huh?"

Ah, hell. "No! No," he repeated more calmly. "It wasn't anything like that." That time, he added in his head. "We just held each other, that's all." He purposely didn't look at Angel, even though he could practically feel him staring holes in the back of his head. He should be gloating about him and Buffy, not looking like a poof, but he needed help, and this was taking long enough as it was without a foray into piss off Angel land. Looking like a sap was a small price to pay to get this over with faster. He smirked despite himself though and readied himself to continue.

"Oh, how romantic. Just like in the movies," Fred suddenly gushed just when Spike thought he was safely out of the woods. "Spending that last uncertain night in the arms of the person you love, all safe and warm, giving each other comfort and strength…"

"I think we get the idea, sugarplum," Lorne interrupted, and Spike mentally thanked him. He might have tried to put a stop to her musings himself, but he had the distracting thought that Fred was somehow imagining the scenario with him in lingerie, and he was just too rattled to do it after that.

"Go ahead, Spike," Lorne encouraged.

Spike nodded. He was gonna end this quick. Details be damned. He stood up straighter and tried to muster the needed enthusiasm to get this over with. "Okay well, told you that it wasn't really important, because I didn't really feel much of anything concrete until I had it on in the cave anyway. Not at first though. At first it didn't really do anything, so I was just fighting as usual, but something must have activated it. Then it was pretty obvious it was doing something."

"What did it feel like?" Wesley asked.

Oh good, a relevant question for once, Spike thought. Of course the answer brings up memories of things best forgotten, but…  He faced Wesley. "At first, a real annoying vibration, and then it stung a bit. Eventually it was just mind-numbing pain. I was kinda stuck in place with this light shooting out of my body. The light dusted the ubervamps instantly, but it was just burning me up slowly from the inside out."

Angel looked calm now. Spike hoped it wasn't a façade.

"Then what happened?" Lorne asked.

"Buffy tried to get me to go with her, but I couldn't. No time to try really, and I had the feeling that I had to stay in order to end it for good anyhow. The place was collapsing, so she held my hand. That was when the flames I mentioned earlier came in. Not sure how they burned but didn't really leave a mark. She told me goodbye…"

"No she didn't," Angel said, and his tone was certain. "You said you had to convince her to leave."

"Okay, yeah, I did," Spike admitted. Damn, he remembers everything. Forgot I blabbed that earlier, he cursed himself. "But I'm sure what was said has no bearing on this, and I'm not sharing."

"Then you should probably sing," Lorne said. "I got a few impressions earlier, as I said, and you're right about your conversation not having anything to do with your problems now, but…"

"If I don't sing you won't know what does," Spike finished annoyed. "Can't I just hum or something? Had a bad experience last time I sang for people." That was an understatement. He remembered exactly what the last time he sang for someone lead to. At the time it had been what he wanted, but looking back on it now, he saw how much it hurt both him and Buffy. He could have done better for her.

"It can be anything," Lorne told him.

Spike's head went up. "Oh, I know." He cleared his throat and began to sing in a loud voice.

"Did you ever know that you're my hero?

You're everything I wish I could be.

And I can fly higher than an eagle,

'cause you are the wind beneath my wings."

Spike blinked. He had a sudden feeling something was wrong again, because no one was talking. Had he blacked out and stood there like a zombie?

"That was just lovely," Lorne said after a moment.

"What?" Spike asked. His forehead furrowed in confusion, and the feeling in his stomach was sending him warning signals.

"Dude, that was definitely not what I expected," Gunn said with a chuckle.

Angel was staring at him with an amused smirk. Fred had a goofy expression on her face. Okay, he definitely missed something here.

"I sang something, didn't I?" Spike guessed.

Still chuckling, Gunn replied, "You sure did. Don't you remember? You sang the chorus to 'Wind Beneath My Wings.' You made a nice little Bette Midler."

Spike didn't have to fake the look of horror that came over his face. He shook his head. "You're off your bird! There's no way in hell. I would not sing that," he assured them.

"Actually," Lorne said. "You're partially right about that." The demon empath had a strange look on his face. "It wasn't really you."

*********

Buffy sat at the kitchen table of Giles rented apartment with an array of forms in front of her: a rental agreement for a small karate dojo, applications for an identification card, applications for a request to get a new birth certificate to apply for the identification card, an application to replace her social security card, an application to apply for a social security card for Dawn, applications for insurance, and numerous other paperwork buried beneath those. Somehow faced with all of these forms, she began to think that going to kill a few demons sounded preferable. Too bad it was the middle of the day. Sighing, Buffy decided that she needed a diet soda.

On her way to the refrigerator, she turned on Giles' radio. Classical music drifted through the speakers. It was nice, but she didn't need anything relaxing when the forms alone were enough to put her to sleep already, so she started flipping the channels. No one else was here right now; they got to go grocery shopping, the lucky ducks, so she could choose whatever music she wanted. Nothing seemed to hit her at first until she found a light pop station. Buffy smiled. She hadn't heard this song in years. Making her way to the refrigerator, she began to sing.

"Did you ever know that you're my hero…"

*********

"What?" It seemed to be a group effort, because they all asked at once, and they all stared at Lorne.

Well, everyone except Wesley who instead said. "Well, isn't that interesting."

"Could you elaborate, mate?" Spike asked Lorne. "What do you mean that it wasn't really me?"

"I didn't see it before, when I caught that glimpse, but now with the singing, and of course it makes sense now. Why I could tell that she meant what she said to you…"

"Lorne, I know you like to give all the details, but we're dying of suspense here," Angel prodded.

"Buffy," Spike almost whispered. The look on his face was one of both awe and confusion. He turned that look on Lorne. "Am I right?"

"Yeah, sweet cheeks, you're right," Lorne told him.

"Right about what?" Gunn asked.

"That's what's been causing his odd behavior," Lorne explained. "He's blacking out, because the piece doesn't belong. It's not his soul."

"It's Buffy's?" Angel asked, horrified as he put the pieces together.

"Just a small part," Lorne clarified. "Not her entire soul, so it's like a part of her essence. I'm not sure how it survived the process that took his own, but…"

"That's amazing," Wesley said. "I don't think I've ever heard of anything like that."

"And that's why I've been blacking out and doing girly, um, weird things," Spike corrected himself.

Lorne nodded. "I'm afraid so."

"But how? And why does it come and go like that?" Spike asked.

"Well, there must be a way it reached you," Wesley said. "Maybe when you clasped hands while the amulet was still active but had finished killing the vampires. And as for why it comes and goes… Is there any common event that causes it to occur?"

After thinking for a moment, Spike still couldn't come up with anything concrete. He shook his head.

"Oh," Fred said, perking up and clearly proud of her thought. "What brought on your singing blackout just now?"

"Nothing," Spike said. "I was just thinking about what happened last time I sang and how I…" He trailed off.

"How you what?" Angel asked.

"How I felt bad about what happened because of it," Spike said. He snorted and shook his head. "I guess it's that bloody simple then."

"Simple as what?" Wesley asked.

"I think about something that makes me feel guilty and out pops a loaner piece of soul. Except that I don't remember what I'm doing while it happens. Maybe cuz it's not mine."

"And somehow you seem to behave like her," Lorne added. "I'm assuming that was a song she liked?"

Spike snorted again. "Yeah, though she tried to deny it. She even wanted it for our sodding wedding."

"Your Wedding?!?" Angel yelled.

"Oh, don't get your knickers in a twist," Spike told him. "It wasn't a real wedding. It was a stupid spell Willow cast on us. Long time ago." He looked at Lorne. "But this explains a lot." He turned back to Angel in hopes of getting his mind off the accidental non-wedding. "The nail polish, the cheese…"

"Buffy always did have a thing for cheese," Angel agreed.

"The lingerie."

"Lingerie?" Angel asked. "What lingerie?"

Oops. He'd said that out loud?

"There was lingerie?" Gunn asked with amusement.

"No, not really," Spike backpedaled. "Just looking." He was glad no one else had a clue about Fred, because her totally goofy smile would have given her away in a moment otherwise.

"I bought some for Cordelia," she lied smoothly then, all trace of her grin gone. "He took an interest. Just a little look-see." A small, non-committal shrug came next.

Spike felt a small smirk creep onto his face. The little bird had hidden talent in deception. Who would've guessed? He would've been amused at that further, but he noticed Angel's expression change into that somewhat constipated look he got when he just put two and two together and came up with a four he was none too pleased with.

Angel turned narrowed eyes on him. "And how do you know Buffy likes lingerie?"

"Well, I figured, cuz, you know, girly stuff and all." The world was totally off kilter when a gal like Fred could lie more convincingly than he could. Oh, he was so buggered.

"Yeah, that makes sense, I guess," Angel said after a moment and in a tone all too smooth. His eyes told Spike something entirely different though: something like so you saw Buffy's lingerie, huh? How'd you like it crammed down your throat while I rip your arms off?

Spike decided he better change the subject quickly. "But yeah – the guilt. Having a piece of Buffy's soul probably explains why I felt bad after I bit that evil guy and why I blacked out and ate cheese afterwards." This seemed to distract Angel for a moment at least, and Spike felt a small sense of relief. That was until the implications of the situation finally hit him. "Wait a mo'." He turned to Lorne. "These blackouts are getting more frequent and sometimes lasting longer rather than going away." He considered how long he must have been out during the little lingerie party with Fred.

"Yeah, it might be time we contact the big guns in the magic department," Lorne agreed.

"You mean Willow," Fred asked.

"That's exactly who I mean, sugar," Lorne said.

*********

"I can do this. I can do this," Buffy kept repeating to herself. Yeah, well how come after getting through half the pile of paperwork - though funny it didn't look any smaller - she wanted more than ever to go strangle something? No, strangling was too quick; she wanted to pretend it was that snobby bank clerk who she called on the phone to ask a question about her loan application, and who again insinuated she had little to no chance of getting the loan. She wanted to pretend the demon was him and then pound his bespectacled face a couple dozen times. Maybe she could find a nice vampire that looked like him. Taking a breath to calm herself, because such thoughts were not normal, well unless you were a psychopath anyway, she wondered why Dawn and the gang weren't back from the grocery store yet. She could really use a huge bowl of ice cream right now. With hot fudge. And whip cream and nuts. And… okay now she really was going crazy. Was a normal life really this much of a pain in the ass?

She heard the front door to the Giles' apartment open and the gang come bustling in, arms filled with groceries. "Did you get ice cream?" she asked hopefully.

Dawn made one of those disappointed teen faces. "We wanted to, but Giles said his freezer was full of enough, and I quote 'Bloody American junkfood' already."

Willow looked sheepish. "We couldn't give up the hot pockets."

"Well, of course not," Giles' said sarcastically. "Nor could we give up the frozen pizza or the tater tots or the frozen waffles that really taste nothing like waffles by the way…"

"Well Giles we don't always have time to fix real ones. It's nice to have the option."

"And speaking of options, how's the apartment hunting going?" Giles asked, turning his attention to her.  "You did get a chance to look over the brochures, correct? It might be nice if I actually got to live in this apartment rather than play keeper of the asylum."

"Those potato thingies really are colors like blue and green, Giles," Dawn protested. "I wasn't talking crazy."

"Not in my oven they're not," Giles told her before looking expectantly at Buffy again.

After glancing at the pile of brochures she'd picked up from various apartment buildings around the city, Buffy pouted in what she hoped was both an adorable and sympathy-inducing manner. She really had meant to get to them this afternoon. "I got the insurance applications done," she added hopefully.

"Oh good," Willow said as she continued putting groceries away. "Because we're really going to need insurance if Kennedy's going to be training potentials. What about the dojo?" she asked expectantly.

"Oh look, the sun's about to go down. I better make my way to the bus stop if I'm ever going to make the cemetery by sundown," Buffy announced, as she practically bounced out of her chair. "Gotta patrol."

"But there's a cemetery just a half mile to the south," Dawn pointed out less than helpfully. "You can make it there in a matter of minutes on foot."

"I think I did that one yesterday," Buffy fibbed. "Besides the one on the outskirts of town is much bigger, and lots and lots of fresh graves, or so I've heard." She grabbed her light coat and started stuffing stakes in the pockets. Almost there, she thought eyeing the door.

"What about dinner?" Dawn asked.

"Put some in the fridge for me okay. I'll be back soon, really soon." Fat chance, she though to herself. Wait until they find that I haven't even looked at the dojo rental form yet.

Giles was examining the table full of papers now. "Buffy, it doesn't look like you've even touched the apartment brochures."

"I'll get it when I get back," she promised, her hand finally reaching the door knob. She practically sprinted through the door.

"You forgot your key," she heard Giles yell to her retreating back.

All the better reason not to come home before dawn, Buffy thought. As she walked briskly down the street, leaving the apartment building behind her, she realized that she'd never been so anxious to get to a cemetery.

*********

"No!"

Everyone turned to look at Spike. Most of them showed confusion at his outburst, but Wesley was the one to ask.

"But I thought you wanted help with this problem? I think Willow would be the perfect solution. She helped us quite successfully recently with retrieving Angel's soul."

"I'd rather she not know. I'd rather Buffy not know." Spike mumbled the last part, but Angel heard it clearly enough.

"I'd thought you'd be glad for the chance to see Buffy," Angel said a little petulantly.

"Well, you thought wrong mate. I wouldn't."

"I don't understand," Fred said. "It seemed from what you said that you had…"

"That was before," Spike interrupted, his voice tinged with anger. He closed his eyes and inhaled as if trying to calm himself. "I had a soul then," he explained, his tone clipped like someone who was trying to explain something without losing his patience. "This one's not mine. It doesn't count, and when it goes back to her, I'll be soulless again."

"Spike…" Angel began.

"I'm not going to talk about this anymore!" He clenched his fists and unclenched them. "Just please, isn't there any way you can try to help me without them first? Big evil law firm here. Endless resources. There must be something."

Angel had a feeling he was missing part of the story: an important part. "Spike, what aren't you telling us? Whatever it is, you'll have to tell us eventually, because it's more than likely Buffy's going to have to find out about this. What if something's wrong with her because she's missing this part of her soul?"

Worry flashed into Spike's expression then, and he worked his jaw a moment. "There were some bad things that happened, before… Things on both our parts…" He looked away and shook his head slightly. "That changed afterwards, but as I am now, there'd be too much of a reminder."

"I'm sure we can work it out…" Angel began, but as he watched Spike he knew it was too late. His body language had changed.

"I've got to patrol," Spike said in a voice that didn't sound like his at all. He checked his newly acquired duster for a stake.

"Wait!" Angel said. "I'll come with you." He was glad for the fact that the sun had recently set. "We'll take a drive to one of the bigger cemeteries."

Spike shrugged. "Well, if you really wanna come, okay." He smiled. "Just don't get in my way. I wouldn't want to accidentally stake you."

Angel couldn't help a grin. If not for the sincerity, that statement could have come from either one of them.

*********

They'd tried for a month to help Spike with no luck. Angel never did find out why Spike was so against Buffy finding out, because any attempt at broaching the subject had usually resulted in a change. Whatever had happened, it must have been bad, because he definitely felt guilty about it. Angel also knew that whatever it was, Buffy must have forgiven him, or she never would have told him that Spike was in her heart. Angel decided that was good enough for him right now. Once he lost the piece of soul, then he might have to reconsider.

The changes brought on by the piece of soul similarly made Lilah's job nearly impossible.  After Spike found out about the cause, it made it all the more likely to happen whenever Lilah tried to get him to do anything even remotely evil. Although Angel often thought he was faking in her case. She couldn't recognize what Buffy's behavior was supposed to look like, but it gave Spike a good excuse when he killed demons instead of who he was supposed to be killing. Then he'd innocently pretend he didn't remember. Angel almost bought it himself, until he heard Spike snickering one night in another room as Lilah recounted once again how his "stupid progeny" as she often referred to him now, once again screwed up.

The charade was starting to unravel though, Angel was sure, because he could feel it in the air. The Senior Partners were beginning to wise up. He needed to restore Spike and figure out some way to get him out of this mess and far away from here. It was time to get in contact with Willow. And Buffy. Angel thought it best if Fred made first contact through Willow. The two of them had kept in contact via the internet. Angel poked his head in the research lab.

"Fred?"

Fred looked up from her most recent project. She tilted her head and smiled shyly. "You're ready for me to get in touch with Willow," she said.

Angel smiled back. "How did you guess?"

"Well, I figured you'd want more help after the most recent incident." She quirked her mouth. "I mean, the Viper always was your favorite."

"What?" Angel asked. "Did something happen to my car?"

"Oh, um, you didn't hear?" Fred said with a little worry.

"Fred?" Angel prompted.

Fred wrinkled her nose and titled her head sideways. "Well, I guess Buffy's not too good of a driver… At least it can be fixed," she added cheerily. "Well eventually."

Angel's face fell. "My favorite car," he lamented as he imagined all sorts of horrible damage. Then he plastered on a fake smile. "Fred, get Willow on the phone. Now." If they didn't get Spike some help soon, Angel just might kill him before the Senior Partners got a chance.

*********

TBC

Next chapter: We return to the present and things really get twisted.