CHAPTER 4

Draco stared at Ginevra and swore as he looked away. Now above all other times he must let no one discover his love. He leant back in his chair and closed his eyes, reflecting idly on all he had discovered that week. Harry Potter was a complete and utter wanker (He already knew this but it had been reiterated again!) and the Ginevra, his Ginger, had a daughter. Fuck the world was seriously screwed up.

He slowly straightened in his chair and opened his eyes a crack. He surveyed the class, Ginger was Ginevra again. She was sitting daintily in her seat, straight backed, her eyes again far-seeing. She was looking at the detailed notes on the scroll in front of her. The detailed notes written in her messy scrawl.

He heard the clock tick louder and then louder still, warning him dinner was approaching. He stood up and looked at the class hauntily, "You are dismissed, for the moment," he muttered darkly.

Ginevra slowly gathered her things and moved to leave the classroom. Too long had she been forced to maintain this pose under Prof. Malfoy watchful eyes. Too many times she had let him see what lay beneath this facade and now she must be wary of his hungry eyes. He watched for any and every slip up.

"Oi, Gin, you going come down to tea or go back to your room first?" Aiwa asked cheerily. Her red hair was sprawled over her face and wound through her eyelashes but Ginevra could still see that unwanted look of pity in her eyes.

Ginevra tried to look ill, "I think I'll skip tea. I'm feeling a little ill tonight."

Aiwa shook her head. She had an uncanny knack of reading a persons character. As Draco said she would find out sooner or later. "You know I'm here when you are ready to tell me."

"That's if your not with Oliver!" Ginevra giggled but Ginger rebelled in disgust.

Aiwa laughed. "When your ready to talk even Oliver can't get in the way. I went there to Gin," Her eyes misted over for an instant before her face cleared, "Even if I lost respect because of it." She muttered those final words darkly and glared at the closed door of Prof. Malfoy classroom.

"I'm going to go to bed now. G'Night," Ginevra said, ignoring Aiwa's comment about respect.

Aiwa nodded to staring angrily at Prof. Malfoy's door. "Sure, Gin, have a good night, don't let the bed bugs bite," she said with a forced smile, using a muggle saying.

Ginevra nodded and walked slowly towards the Gryffindor Tower. She softly muttered the password and dragged her body up to her room.

The facade was impossible to maintain. It was getting harder and harder all the time. She turned from her room and ran to the bathroom. She knelt quickly in front of a toilet and displayed the contents of her stomach to the bowl. "I can't do this," she muttered between tears, "I can't do this anymore!"

An arm came around her shoulders and gently pulled her up off the cold floor.

Through her tears she could see the green and silver of Slytherin lining a robe of black. "How did you get the password?" she muttered angrily. The mere thought of anyone seeing her like this sent a jolt of fear through her spine.

"It's a benefit of being a Professor," A harsh angry voice muttered.

Anger filled Ginevra as she turned on Prof. Malfoy. "GET-AWAY-FROM- ME," she snarled, "If Harry finds out he'll hurt my baby."

Draco swore and looked at Ginevra. He had loved her from afar for so long and it appeared he was doomed to always love her that way, with a longing that forbade him to move on. He softly wiped the tears from her cheeks and left his hands there for an instant longer than was needed.

Ginevra almost quailed under that look of love and pity and hatred. She knew not what she did to him. "Come on Dray you know we can't do this. We can't win if we do. I'll lose Alantra and when I lose her I lose everything!

She had slumped back to the floor again and gazed up at him with her haunted eyes. Her tears had slowed and but a single, final tear flowed down her cheek.

Dray slowly knelt beside her. Dray moved his head softly closer to her face and kissed the tear away from her cheek, drinking in her scent. She smelt of vanilla and cinnamon, sweet and innocent.

"Dray, please, don't do this. We can't. I'm supposed to love Harry," she whimpered the last part but made no attempt to move away from Draco's kiss.

Draco stopped and moved back. The longing in her eyes confused him almost as much as the feelings in his own heart. He loved her for being herself, for who she was, but she hated her so much for making him love her. She was ever beyond his reach and being in her presence alone was enough of a taste to make him desire this forbidden fruit. "You're right, we can't do this. I can't kiss your cheek. Can I do this instead?"

He leant forward and kissed her softly on the lips.

OOO

I can't believe he'd, that he'd. How could he? I mean look at me. I'm a fucking whore!

Draco's kiss was so soft, so undemanding I almost immediately fell into it. Loving him even if it put all I loved at risk.

It was so different from Harry. He didn't search entrance into my mouth as Harry would have. Probably because he knows I just threw up and that 'he' wouldn't enjoy it.

I pull back almost angrily and then mentally slap myself for doing that. He'll slap me or hit me and just pull me back again. I close my eyes waiting for the ensuing blow that I know must be coming.

I wait and after about two minutes I fearfully open my eyes. Dray sitting away from me looking at the wall in confusion and anger and sadness.

I hate myself for doing this to him. How do I always manage to destroy all that is good in this world?

Dray turns to look at me and I see the self loathing in his eyes. He looks like Harry after the first fight. "Dray I'm so sorry," I mutter sadly. I know not what else to say to him.

Dray just nods. He gets up off the floor as if to leave. "You know I love you?"

I look at him in confusion. Already my life is seriously confused and then he has to go and throw that into the mixture! What am I going to fucking do? I love Harry. Well I'm supposed to love Harry? I used to love Harry? This is all to confusing.

Beneath it all I felt an intense longing to be back in his arms and have his mouth softly back down on mine but I feared what would happen to Draco if I did. Every man I loved and screwed ended up evil. Tom and Harry both trying to destroy me when they discovered I was to blame. I couldn't stand Dray hating me. It would destroy me.

I'm a strong witch. I have to be as I've survived this long.

I take one final, longing look at Dray and slowly stand and leave the bathroom. I can feel Dray's eyes boring into my back but I can't turn to tell him my answer to those three words. If I do I lose Alantra. I can't tell him the answer all I can do is hope he believes the opposite and no longer haunts me, hunts me looking for his answers.

I feel the tears on my cheeks and over my lips wiping away all traces of Drays lips. I don't know whether this is a good thing. The removal of the phantom lips of Dray's may only serve to remover these feelings I have.

Maybe if I keep these thoughts to myself than I can use them in the bad times with Harry. Use them to cover me like a protective blanket from all the evil he is willing to cause.

I feel, quite suddenly, completely exhausted. The last ounce of energy leaves my body and I sunk to the floor. I had not even the energy to crawl up the stairs. I sat there and stared angrily at the stairs that refused to be scaled.

"Gawd, Ginger, You can't keep on like this, completely exhausting yourself," Prof. Malfoy shook his head up as he picked me. He carried me carefully up the stairs and placed me on the bed.

My eyes grew heavier by the moment until they closed themselves.

"I love you, Ginger," I hear someone mutter quietly before sleep engulfs me completely.

OOO

Aiwa snarled as she saw Prof. Malfoy. "Isn't it a bit to late to be making bedroom calls Prof.?"

Draco looked at Aiwa in absolute disgust. "And you of course would know 'all' the acceptable times to be making private bedroom calls with elder men."

Aiwa shied away from Draco in anger. "You think I had a fucking choice on whether I wanted to screw your bloody father!" she screamed, outraged. It never stopped between them. Tit for Tat they'd claw each other to death given the chance.

Draco sneered. "Of course you fucking did. Your not like poor Ginger up there! She had to screw that bloody prick Voldemort!" He yelled at her in anger. She'd apologised over and over to him but it didn't matter. She had slept with his father. His girlfriend who wouldn't even sleep with him had willingly given her virginity to her father, making up some lame excuse about how it was for the wizarding world.

"Didn't have to? Who the fuck told you that? You father was the one making all the plans. Voldemort had the idea your father made it a reality. Yeah Ginny killed Voldemort. I'm the one that told Dumbledore their plans. Told him when, where and how many of them would strike. Oh yeah I really had a fucking choice!" She screamed at him. Tears were freely flowing down her face and she could hear other Gryffindors coming down stairs to see what was happening.

"You could of said no. You knew he was my father," Draco said wistfully. "You knew I wouldn't like the idea of my girlfriend screwing my dad." Draco shook his head before moving to walk away.

"Draco you knew as well as I did that we weren't working out and everyone knew your father found me appealing. Our relationship or the lives of thousands," Aiwa's eyes flashed with heated rage and hatred aimed only at herself. "You think I enjoyed sleeping with your father. I lost my virginity to that monster."

Draco looked at Aiwa and saw the look of self loathing. He would never forgive her. No matter what the reason, she had slept with his father. She had screwed his father and his father had rubbed it into his face the whole time it was happening. She was a whore. He looked at her as if she was a loathed disease, a Death Eater "I won't forgive you. Now get out of my way."

"You would rather Ginevra had slept with him?" she asked as she stepped out of his way. She turned her face away from him wishing him not to see the tears streaming down her face. The fact that Draco had lost respect for her hit her hard.

He grabbed her and pushed her into the wall. "You leave her out of this you hear me!" He snarled as he pulled her close to his face. He turned and stormed out of the room.

She shook her head and watched as the tears slicked off her face and slowly drip, turning to blood before they reached the floor. "We all bare our own scars," she said wistfully wiping a bloodied tear from her face.

She shook her head once more as if to clean out the murky cloud that was forever now in her thoughts. She wiped the final tears from her face and walked slowly up the stairs to Ginevra's room to see how her friend was doing.

Ginevra was sitting on her bed. She held a small muggle photograph in her hands.

"Gin?" Aiwa asked softly, "You 'kay?"

Ginny looked up at Aiwa and sighed. "It's not fair is it. It burns you, kills you eventually."

"Come on, Gin, We both survived. Both doing okay. And you've always got Aly to hold onto."

Ginevra looked at Awai is shook. "How could you… How did you?" she started and then stopped unsure of what she was trying to say.

Aiwa sniffled softly, still recovering from Draco's harsh comments. "When Lucius…" she started, "Well when I and Lucius, that is when Lucius and me…" She tried a different tact unable to pronounce what she wanted to say, "Gin you know Lucius was capable of Legilimency."

Ginevra nodded. "Yeah, Draco told me. That's why I learnt Occlumency." She wondered where Aiwa was going with this. How could Aiwa know about her daughter?

"Well when Lucius broke me, stole my virginity," she stopped and looked at Ginny, "He didn't really steal my virginity, did he Gin. I gave it to him. My body for my country, a hooker with a cause." Her chest heaved with an internal sob, tears flooded down her cheeks.

Ginny stood up and walked across to Aiwa, enveloping her in a warm hug, "Aiwa come on, you're not a hooker, you did what you had to same as me. We saved the world. How many lives did you save. You saved Hogwarts, The Ministry of Magic. Hell you're the one that got me out of there after Voldemort died," Gin bit the inside of her lip. She was again strong and perfect, saying all the right things, ignoring her pain, saving her friend.

Aiwa sniffled again. "This is stupid I'm stronger than this," she wiped away a bloody tear, "I'm meant to be making you feel better," she heaved once more and got herself back under control. "I know because a piece of Lucius is in me now," she shuddered at this statement as if the thought disgusted her," I am extremely capable of Legilimency now, and with my close friends, well mostly just you and Oliver, I can dream your thoughts it's weird. It's not on purpose or anything," she sighed.

Ginny looked at her friend and smiled. "Aiwa, it's okay. I trust you. I was going to tell you in any case."

Aiwa looked Ginevra in the eyes. "You swear? You must be so glad Harry is there to take care of her. I'ld hate to have to leave my baby on her own."

OOO

She understands that I have a child but can't see the way things are between me and Harry.

I inwardly seethe while remaining calm on the outside. Aiwa just wants someone to have the happy ever after she feels she isn't capable of now. She just happened to plan mine with Harry.

"Yeah he's great with her," I mutter in the happiest tone I can provide. I suppose it's true. Aly seems to really love Harry and he her. Maybe there is something wrong with me that makes it impossible for Harry to love me.

Aiwa smiled again. I was her hope of a future and at that instance I didn't have the courage to take it away from her.

"I can't believe you and Harry actually have a child," her smile broadened, "It's exactly like we imagined as kids. True love."

I swallow the bile that rises in my throat. True love? How can Aiwa see so much yet understand so little. I can't take this hope from her but can I? I can't tell her the truth even now. I want to pour my heart out to her. Tell her every little detail of my miserable life but how would that be fair. It would bring her down, rip her apart. "Yeah, True Love, Harry's perfect," I sigh wistfully. I know Aiwa probably sees that sigh as me missing Harry not a sigh of horror of what my life has become.

"It's beautiful, Gin. Perfect," she looks at me with such need, "You're so different from me. Stronger. I just play, you, you're real," tears again flood down her cheeks.

I feel guilty. Why can't I cry as freely as her. Is there truly something lacking in me? Is that why Harry…? I shake my head. "Come on you'll find true love one day. Look at Oliver, He must be the only boy ever capable of putting up with your little spats."

She smiles, "Thanks Gin. You're always there. I don't know what I would do without you."

I bite back the sigh, the pain that wants to be etched upon my features. "Friends forever Aiwa."

Her face is lit by hope, the tears stem and then stop completely, "Yeah Gin Forever and Always. I spose I better let you get some sleep."

I smile… Maybe there is hope…