A/N: I really, really, REALLY didn't like the ending to the book version of "The Princess Bride", so I decided to write my own. I agree with Goldman, that it should have ended differently, and so I will end it MY way. I didn't read the first chapter of Buttercup's Baby, so if it's in there, then don't tell me. Please, please don't tell me. I like to think that this is the ending. You don't have to, it's my imagination. The beginning is taken directly out of the book, and is italicized.
The four great horses seemed almost to fly toward the Florin Channel.
"It appears to me as if we're doomed, then," Buttercup said.
Westley looked at her. "Doomed, madam?"
"To be together. Until one of us dies."
"I've done that already, and I haven't the slightest intention of ever doing it again," Westley said.
Buttercup looked at him. "Don't we sort of have to sometime?"
"Not if we promise to outlive each other, and I make that promise now."
Buttercup looked at him. "Oh my Westley, so do I."
From behind them suddenly, closer than they imagined, they could hear the roar of Humperdinck: "Stop them! Cut them off!"
They were, admittedly, startled, but there was no reason for worry; they were on the fastest horses in the kingdom, and the lead was already theirs.
"I say we start riding," Inigo suggested, though he sounded weaker than before.
"I second the motion," Westley grinned, and with his newfound strength started his white off at a gallop. Inigo, Fezzik, and Buttercup were close behind.
They rode happily for some time, keeping just out of reach of the Prince and his soldiers (numbering thirty) for quite a while, but suddenly the galloping behind them got louder.
"Faster!" Westley screamed.
Plaster, thought Fezzik, lightly kicking his white stallion.
They sped on, constantly getting further away from Humperdinck's clutches...
The galloping got softer...
The Prince's shouts got quieter...
And soon, the four companions had left them in the dust.
They reached the Channel.
And the Revenge wasn't there.
"Inconceivable!" Westley cried.
"That's my saying!" Inigo protested.
"Actually, it was Vizzini's," Fezzik pointed out.
"Vizzini's dead," Inigo said simply.
"Was Vizzini that horrible man who tried to kill my Westley?" Buttercup asked.
Fezzik scratched the back of his head sheepishly, and Inigo finally said, "We were the other horrible men who tried to kill...your Westley."
"Well, no matter. You saved me and my Westley, so you've earned my forgiveness."
"Thank you, Lady!" Fezzik said, grinning happily.
"So where are we – "Inigo began, but faltered and fell forward over the horse's head, groaning. He had lost too much blood, and the Prince's company was riding ever closer.
"Inigo!" Fezzik cried.
Buttercup wordlessly slipped from her saddle.
"What are you doing, my darling?" Westley asked sweetly.
Buttercup ignored him and ripped a long strip of fabric from the train of her wedding gown.
"Darling?" Westley asked a little more forcefully.
Still ignoring him, she went over to Inigo's horse, wrapping the fabric around her hand. She pulled another strip off of her skirt, lifted the edge of Inigo's shirt, and pressed the wrapped fabric against the wound. She winced a little at the blood, but it had to be done.
"Buttercup, we can tend Inigo's wounds later!" Westley cried, not gentle any longer.
Resolutely, she wrapped the unwound strip of fabric around Inigo's waist and knotted it tightly. The blood flow had already lessened a great deal. She patted his shirt back into place, and looked up at him. "There," she said. "That should help."
The Spaniard said nothing, but his eyes beneath his tangled dark hair held enough thanks as he sucked in ragged breaths.
"You're welcome," Buttercup nodded. She turned to Westley, looking greatly annoyed. "If I hadn't tended to his wounds now, he'd have died. And I know how we can escape the Prince, as well."
"And how would that be, Lady?" Fezzik asked.
"We will leave the horses here, so that it looks like we've either tried to swim across the channel, or have left on foot. We shall do the latter. We will hide in the forest until the coast is clear. Then, we can take a boat to Guilder and stay there. Humperdinck won't realize we're gone until it's too late."
"That," Westley began, "is the single worst plan I've heard of yet."
Buttercup glared at him.
"But I've thought of nothing, my sweet, so we shall follow it," he added quickly.
Fezzik lifted Inigo from his saddle and carried him, while Westley took Buttercup's hand. They ran in the direction of the forest, legs pumping with extreme force, desperately trying to reach the foliage in time. Seconds after they reached the shelter of the trees, Humperdinck and his soldiers rode past, an agonizingly long procession. Westley and Buttercup held each other tightly for fear of discovery.
"I did it," Inigo whispered, leaning against Fezzik for support. "I avenged Domingo. I avenged my father. I've finally done it."
"Yes, my friend, you have," the giant replied.
"I'm proud of it, as well," the Spaniard continued. "Is that wrong?"
"No, I don't think it is," Fezzik said.
"Well, then, I believe you, because when you do think, you're usually right," Inigo smiled.
When the Prince's company had passed, however, Westley and Buttercup were back to praising and spouting vows of everlasting love.
"Please, I beg of you, quit your senseless squawking!" Inigo exclaimed. Fezzik quickly hushed him.
The two lovebirds looked at each other. Even though a vicious prince was pursuing them, and their homeland had now become enemy territory, and their friend lay wounded, they knew things would get better. Because they looked out from the trees and saw floating in the channel...
The Revenge.
Humperdinck, seeing this also, turned his horse around as fast as possible, but not before he'd grabbed the reins of the whites and hauled them off behind him. His soldiers thought of the same thing. The Florinese royal guard fled in terror as the pirates left the ship, shouting and making war cries. Westley grinned. "I told you they'd come."
"No, you didn't," Buttercup argued.
"Well, I knew they would, anyway."
The pirates overtook most of the soldiers and Westley's first mate defeated Humperdinck in a swordfight, costing the Prince his life. Westley regretted that he had not been the one to defeat the evil prince, but was content that their days of running were over. Yellin became the new King of Florin when the old died, and he was a surprisingly good ruler. Meanwhile, Westley (or the Dread Pirate Roberts), Buttercup, Fezzik, and Inigo sailed away with the pirate crew as the sun came up reddish-gold on the horizon.
And they all lived happily ever after.
A/N: Like I said, this is my version of things. I don't care if you think it's stupid, I like it better than the way Morgenstern ended it. I understand that life can't always end happily, but that's what stories are for, right? He totally ruined it, and I wanted to fix it. The world's not fair, life's not fair, and that's not the way the world works, I know. But when the world's the way it is, the easiest way to keep hanging on is to escape. My escape is reading, because in books most people have happy endings, and I can rejoice in their triumphs. To me, they're real. I need these books, or I'd lose it. So when my books start sounding like real life, what am I going to do? Well, I've gotta fix it. And I believe I have.
P.S. – Please review, and no, I don't accept flames!