At Home With Holmes and Watson (the sequel)
Starring: the usual things.
Narrated by: Anne Robinson.
One day, Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson were eating scones and drinking tea in Watson's garden. Watson had kind of got the wrong idea about eating scones as he attempted to dunk it in the tea but it kind of didn't work as large pieces of scone just flopped into the tea.
"I say Watson! Surely a qualified brain such as yourself should be aware that it is biscuits that are required in the process of tea dunking and not scones."
"Er-wot?"
Sherlock sighed and carried on sipping his tea. The two of them had not been getting on too well recently. Ever since Holmes had been suspicious that Watson was having an affair with Troy from Midsommer Murders. (Not that Holmes could talk as he really had been giving Barnaby the eye. Well is was a bit more than an eye but we seriously do not want to go into details.)
"Holmes?"
Pause.
"Holmes?"
"What?"
"Why didn't you tell me you were on a case?"
"I beg your pardon?"
"I found a letter in your desk regarding a murder enquiry dated the day before yesterday. It said that it was delighted that you had decided to take on this case over the forthcoming weeks. Why didn't you tell me?"
"Well we have to have some secrets, Watson." Holmes turned to look at Watson's hurt face and couldn't help feeling slightly guilty.
"We haven't been the same recently." Watson observed.
"Look, Watson I am sorry but I couldn't help noticing how you were around Troy when we were in Midsommer. Maybe we shouldn't see so much of each other any more."
"What!? But we go together. You can't have one without the other. We're comedy partners like French and Saunders and the Two Ronnies. We can't possibly go solo. It just wouldn't work."
"Hmm. Maybe we should see how it goes."
Watson looked sheepish. "Would you like me to drive you home? Hang on, have you actually got a home?"
"Er...that's not the issue here Watson. The issue is that you have been betraying me with someone half my age."
"Actually I think Barnaby is a bit older than you."
"BARNABY! I thought it was you and Troy!"
"Er-yes. Troy. Right."
"Actually I think maybe you should take me home."
"Erm-okay."
A few minutes later they were sitting in Watson's carriage. No one was talking. Watson eventually broke the silence by witlessly starting an argument.
"I still don't see why you're breaking up with me."
"Don't you dare make it sound like my fault. You started it! You're the one who had an affair. With my affair no less."
The way they were talking you'd think Barnaby was an international sex symbol wouldn't you?
"There's no need to make it sound that bad."
"I suppose not. It could have been with Troy after all."
" No. I think Troy's still a virgin."
Holmes thought about it. "Er-yeah."
"Well I suppose there is a solution. We could always start a threesome. After all, we're all adults and this is the 18th century."
"WATSON! I thought it was me and me alone!"
"Well it was just a suggestion."
No one spoke for a bit longer.
Just then, Barnaby's car came round the corner. In a moment of indescribable rage, Holmes grabbed the steering wheel and went plunging in the side of the affairs who had caused them both so much pain.
Unfortunately Troy is so used to having someone nearly drive into his car that he managed to avoid it. Holmes also forgot that Barnaby and Troy were policemen with access to handcuffs. (Well obviously I doubt they forgot that they had access to handcuffs but they failed to remember that attempted murder is a crime, which you can get arrested for.)
Barnaby and Troy got out their ID cards and walked menacingly towards the car.
"I'm sorry, officer!" shouted Holmes. "He's really a very good driver!"
The end!