:Chapter Five: Sometimes, in the darkness
When she arrived home, Alex made sure the pay phone was working. She called and delivered a pizza to her old house address, just for the helluva it. Then, when she'd finished, she walked up to the rooftop.
Her driving escapades lasted most of the day; at 7:00 she had finished at the cliff. Her killing Pete had taken almost until 7:30; but the carving into his arm took until 8. The rest of the day was a blur of directions and driving and Shep, mixed with memories.
She'd gotten home around 12: 42 in the morning, and spent the night watching the stars. Sitting Indian-style on the rooftop, knowing if she scooted forward she would die, made her feel strangely in control, and she liked that. She had cracked a smile. Sometimes, in the darkness, she would grope around for hours to find her way. Her life had been a lie, and so she hid in the darkness she loathed so much; not because she was "Goth" or anything, but because it was the only place that was really...real. You can lie to yourself all the time; but the one thing you can't lie to yourself about—The one truth in this tangled web of lies—Was your greatest fear. And Alexandra's greatest fear was letting herself become Joanne again and not even realize it.
But it was real.
She wanted it to be real.
She wanted the truth.