Because Cloud is Intelligent!
Written by Secera and the FFVII characters
Standard disclaimer applies.
Note of the Authoress: This chapter's a bit longer. Hope you enjoy! Please review or I'll start going through withdrawal and won't be able to write anymore!
All: AHH!!
Cid: What the @#&% are we doing back here again?!
Secera: We're writing again!
Cloud: Yeah!
Rufus: No!
Secera: Stop whining, think POSITIVE thoughts.
Rufus: Maybe sometime during this I'll get the chance to hurt you ^_^.
Sephiroth: Or kill you, that would make this torture worth enduring.
Secera: Stop that.
Reno: What? You told us to be positive!
Barret: I must agree.
Secera: Grrrr…anyway, we're changing a few things.
Yuffie: We are?
Secera: I want to add interest to this, so…we're acting it out! Or rather, you are acting it out!
Rufus: No way!
Cid: Not going to happen.
*General complaining can be heard*
Cloud, Aeris: This'll be fun!
Tifa: How can you say that?
Secera: I said to THINK POSITIVE THOUGHTS!!
Vincent: Do I get to be narrator again?
Secera: Nope. Tseng does!
Tseng: Huh?
Secera: Be happy; you don't have to act when you're narrator.
Tseng: Sure.
…
…
… …
Secera: So start!
Tseng: Oh. One day, there was
Cait Sith: Why is it always 'One day, there was…' or 'One day, this happened…' etc? Why can't we be creative?
Tseng: There was once a
Tifa: That's still boring.
Secera: Cait Sith and Reno, you help him. You three can be co-narrators.
Reno (sarcastically): Fun.
Cait Sith: ^_^ In a far away land by the name of Genkishima lived an intelligent blonde
Tseng: 'Intelligent blonde'? How ironic.
Rufus: Wait a minute! Why does Strife always get to be the main character?
Cait Sith: He isn't. You're blonde too, aren't you?
Elena: Me too!
Cid: I'd say something as well, but I don't think I want to be the main character.
Reno: Anyway, there lived an intelligent blonde called Rufus. *smirk*
Rufus: .
Tseng: One day, he decided to go for a walk.
Rufus: *walks* Yay.
Cait Sith: On the way, he met up with a beautiful blonde
Cloud: ^_^
Cait Sith: named Elena.
Cloud: -_- *sighs*
Tseng: The two hit it off quite well, and became close friends.
Reno: Intimate friends.
Elena: Eeargg
Rufus: Hey!
Tseng: But, little did Rufus know, Elena was working for a secret organization called
Cait Sith: Wal-Mart.
Elena: Wal-Mart?
Reno: Uh-huh! The evil Wal-Mart people had hired Elena to seduce the not-so-intelligent Rufus ShinRa so that they could get all his money!
Rufus: Hey!
Tseng: Aren't they supposed to be acting this out?
Secera: Yes. Get at it.
*Rufus and Elena chat for a while*
Reno: I said intimate friends.
Tseng: Let's just get on with the story.
Cait Sith: Right. So, the leader of the secret organization called Wal-Mart, who was also an intelligent blonde
Cloud:^_^
Cait Sith: was called Cid.
Cid: Yeah! Wal-Mart rocks!!
Reno: After Rufus and Elena were happily married
*Wedding bells ring in the background as the two walk up the aisle. The Avalanche members are seated in chairs as the audience and Sephiroth is posing as the priest/minister/whateveryoucall'im*
Rufus: I refuse!
Elena: You refuse? That's my line!
Sephiroth: *skipping over all the reading and other stuff* You may now kill the bride.
Elena: Kill?! Oh well, I guess that's preferable to…yechk.
Rufus: If you weren't one of my elites…
Sephiroth: Oh, my mistake. I thought it said kill. Ahem. You may
Tseng: Let's just get on with the story!
Cait Sith: After they were happily married, Cid and his Wal-Mart minions went to assassinate Mr. ShinRa.
*Avalanche creeps through the jungles of Genkishima towards Rufus' new house*
Yuffie: Ouch! Something bit me!
Random Poisonous Snake: *slithers away*
Yuffie: You aren't getting away! *Attacks it with shuriken*
Random Poisonous Snake: X_X
Reno: So they journeyed through the jungles of Genkishima in search of Rufus, who they were trying to assassinate.
Aeris: I think we're lost.
Cloud: No, we're not! I'm sure we're going the right way. After all, I'm intelligent!
Barret: We'd better be going the right way, for your sake.
Yuffie: I feel funny…
Vincent: You look funny, too.
Yuffie: Hey! I'm serious, I think I'm gonna be sick…
Barret: Turn the other way. No, not towards me! The other way!
Aeris: *takes out 'heal' materia*
Yuffie: Materia!! Gimme!!!
Tifa: I think she's all better now.
Red: I must agree. Amazing, isn't it?
Yuffie: *stroking materia lovingly and mumbling intimacies*
Reno: Eventually, they all came to the house of Rufus
Tseng: and climbed in the window.
Cait Sith: They ended up in the kitchen.
Cloud, Barret: Food! *All raid the refrigerator*
Tseng: Rufus heard something in the kitchen and decided to investigate.
Reno: He stumbled into the kitchen wearing
Rufus: the usual white trenchcoats and such.
Reno: No fun.
Rufus: Too bad. *Walks into kitchen and sees the Avalanche members raiding his refrigerator*
Cait Sith: A fight broke out.
Cloud: FOOD FIGHT!!!
*All start throwing food at each other*
Tifa: OWW! Hey! No frozen food allowed!!
Cid: Heh heh, mashed potatoes…
Red: No fair, I can't throw stuff!
Barret: Too bad. *Rubs green Jell-O into Red's fur*
Cloud: Ewww…something really old and moldy. *Throws at Yuffie, who is happily stuffing her face with everything that lands within reach*
Yuffie: Ack! What was that?! I think I'm gonna be sick…
Tseng: Eventually, Rufus is forced to retreat.
Rufus: *gladly complies and locks himself in the bathroom where no one can get to him*
Yuffie: Hey! Let me in!! I'm gonna be sick all over your carpet if you don't!
Reno: However, much to Avalanche's surprise, Rufus has an army of his own! *Rude, Scarlet, Hojo, and Sephiroth appear out of nowhere*
Sephiroth: All right!! Who got mashed potatoes in my hair?!!
Cid: eep!
Cait Sith: The fight eventually ends in a stalemate, and everyone lives happily ever after.
Yuffie: Let me in to the bathroom!
Secera: The End.
Yuffie: Open the door!!!
Secera: Owari!!
Yuffie: oh, sorry…
Secera: That's all. Except that you should review. We all love reviews!
Hojo: I don't.
Secera: Shut up, Hojo!! Anyone whose opinion counts loves reviews! They make us feel inspired and want to write more. And they relieve my withdrawal symptoms so I can write more!
Vincent: They do?
Secera: Yes! Owari! And arigatou!!