AN: I know, I know, it took way too long to update. I'll stop making excuses and admit I was lazy. I didn't feel like writing, and was on the verge of dropping the fic altogether, when I received an email from a wonderful young lady who has brought back my inspiration. We can all give a big thank-you to Salem Saori, who reminded me that I'm doing this for you guys and gals, not for me. I owe you an end to this fic. So, with that in mind, we will now trudge joyfully towards the ten-chapter goal that I am setting (with more regular updates, sorry everyone)!
ANN: I've heard something about FFN not allowing screenplay format, so this fic will continue in actual sentence format. Sorry if I disappoint.
Chapter VII: Because…Just Because
Falling a long distance onto hard cement ground is rather fun, contrary to what most people seem to believe. The sudden floating feeling of leaving one's stomach miles behind, and the delightful sensation of losing one's lunch at great speeds, are exhilarating experiences. Why else would we have invented roller coasters?
The landing, on the other hand, isn't fun. Unless you're a masochist, in which case it's an absolute joy ride.
Most of us are not masochists. Secera is not a masochist (although sometimes we wonder). And so, Secera was not having fun when she dropped from a very tall building and landed less than gracefully on the pavement below, shouting out "If I'm the author, then who's that writing the story?!"
Ahem. The narrator is narrating this story.
"Then tell me, why am I falling?"
You're being killed off because you took too long to update.
"You can't do that! I'm the author!"
I can do whatever I darn well please. You can't stop me.
No--!"Skliultchp.
Yes, that is the sound that someone makes when hitting pavement at many miles per hour above the safe speed limit.
The entire cast of FFVII was on top of the very tall building, looking down. A few winced, a few lost their lunches (even though they weren't falling), and the silver-haired one laughed in an annoying maniacal way.
The silver haired one then proceeded to send a magic attack at the innocent narrator, who calmly and cooly brought forth a barrier from his materi--hey, where's my materia?
"Oh, good shot," Noted Rufus, gazing at the remains of the narrator, "That guy was beginning to annoy me."
"Now we can finally leave," Tseng said thankfully.
No you can't.
"Eh?" Cid looked around in a surprised manner and the rest of Avalanche, Shinra, and The Other Random FFVII People followed suit. "Who the $# is that?"
Secera has multiple personalities, didn't you know?
A collective groan could be heard. And one "Yay! We get to keep making fanfiction!", which was quickly replaced by a series of violent noises and crashes. And a long scream. And another Skliultchp. Poor Cloud.
Yuffie was in a good mood today (any day with materia is a good day!) and revived Cloud.
The others looked at her suspiciously. So suspiciously, in fact, that she backed away slightly, wondering if she had something on her face. Oh no, did they find out that she had stolen Cid's cookies earlier that day?! Were there secret-telling crumbs around her mouth? She glanced around for an escape route.
"Yuffie," Tifa asked calmly and deliberately, "Where did you get that materia?"
The female ninja sighed in relief. She wasn't caught! She was free! "Umm, I stole it from the narrator?" she hazarded the truth.
Satisfied, the other went back to looking over the edge of the building. All except for Cid, that is.
"Are those cookie crumbs I see?"
"Hey, does anyone else wonder why we're all on the roof?" Red spoke up. Everyone looked around, wondering why they hadn't wondered.
"Not at all."
"Nope."
"Uh-uh."
"What, are you crazy?"
Cait Sith laughed, "We've been inside this crazy world so long that everything strange and weird now seems normal! Bwahahahaha!"
"I think he's finally lost it," whispered Elena to Tseng as Cait Sith leapt off the edge of the roof with a cry of, "See, anything is possible! I can flyyyyahhhhh—"
The Skliultchp resounded loudly, but not quite the same as the previous skliultchps had.
Aeris sighed and revived him, seeing as Yuffie was now running in circles, chased by an angry Cid who was repeatedly yelling a statement in which the only words that weren't profanities were "give", "back", and "cookies".
"It's not nice to call people things like that!" Yuffie shouted back, running for her life.
Smirking slightly, Reno nonchalantly stuck out his foot as the girl ninja sprinted by.
As is expected, she tripped and flew forward through the air, momentum carrying her right over the edge of the roof.
You'd think that Cid, upon seeing Yuffie trip, would have realized that something wasn't right. You'd think he'd have been slightly cautious so that the same fate didn't befall him. Well, you thought right. He did realize that he was in danger of tripping after her.
He was, however, moving to quickly to stop himself or correct his footing. He launched off the roof after Yuffie. Their screams matched pitch.
Cloud, fortunately, was in the wrong place at the wrong time. Fortunately for Yuffie and Cid, that is. Both Avalanche members landed atop the bewildered blond. Yuffie began screaming once more as Cloud's overly spiky hair speared her.
"Four down, only five to go," laughed Rufus from atop the building. Barrett, Tifa, Vincent, Red, and Aeris backed away slightly, fearing for their lives.
Thus began the war.
Chaos broke out as the three groups (those being Avalanche, Shinra, and Sephiroth) leapt forth into battle to claim dominion over the fanfiction.
From the ground, Cloud looked up and thought valiantly 'I must help my friends!' This thought was quickly followed by 'Ouch! What is that weight holding me down? Oh.' "Yuffie, are you hurt? You look like you're in pain. …WHAT HAPPENED TO MY HAIR?!!!" For alas, the spike was squished. Quickly and furtively, Cloud pulled a tube of superglue from subspace and began to reform his mangled hair.
Cid sighed and swore under his breath, wondering why he had agreed to join Avalanche.
Meanwhile, atop the building, all fighting had halted for a moment as everyone turned to flee from the brilliant blast of magic that Sephiroth had conjured. They fought and tripped over each other, Avalanche and Shinra alike, to be first down the small trapdoor that was the only safe way off the roof.
There was, of course, the option of jumping off the roof. But, as has been mentioned before, the ground takes out its pent up anger quite fiercely on people who hit it at high speeds.
Scampering down the hallway to get away from the blast, Tseng, Vincent, Tifa, and Rufus turned quickly into a large room and slammed the steel door. An explosion resounded in the hallway and the shockwave blew the plexiglass right out of the tiny window in the door. They saw someone fly by the window and disappear.
At this point, the four noticed that they were in a kitchen, and one that closely resembled the kitchen of a school cafeteria at that. Tseng went to open the door and peek out into the hallway.
He put his hand on the doorknob and tried to turn it.
It didn't turn.
He tried again, eyebrows creasing in frustration.
"Man, you're an idiot," stated Rufus from behind him. "My top Turk, and you don't even know how to open a door?"
Rufus pushed aside the leader of his elite group and yanked on the doorknob. "Wha—It's locked?"
"Now who's the idiot," Tseng murmured, smirking slightly. Rufus couldn't hear him as he pounded on the door.
"Hmm," Tifa pondered as she looked around for another door or window. There was a small window on the far side of the room, with blue markered letters on it that read 'Help me, I'm trapped in the kitchen!'. "Well, it looks like we're not the first ones to have this happen," she noted.
No one was listening to her. Rufus was still pounding on the door and shouting, while Tseng was attempting unsuccessfully to restrain the wayward president. Vincent was rifling through the contents of one of the cupboards, taking inventory and debating how many days' worth of food there was.
Tifa sighed. "It would almost be better if Sephiroth were here, he could blow a hole in the wall for us," she admitted.
On the roof, Sephiroth raised his arms up in that I-am-powerful-bow-down-before-me-or-die pose that all magic users seemed to love. "I am powerful!" he shouted to no one in particular, "Bow down before me or die!" The effect diminished a bit when he suddenly sneezed.
On the ground, Cloud had a sudden, author-induced inspiration. "Owari," he told Yuffie, Cid, and Cait Sith.
"Wha--?"
"It means 'The End'," explained Cloud intelligently.
Well, there ya go! Tell me what you think; what you like and/or don't like, especially concerning the new format (as opposed to the old screenplay format). I want to do my best to make this enjoyable for all my wonderful readers!