AN: I love reviews! I'll love you if you review! Imaginary cookies to anyone who leaves a review!

Hey, who else out there is desperately awaiting the release of Advent Children? I know I am!

Disclaimer: I still do not own them.

C8: Because Violence is Not the Answer! (except for when it is the answer…)

Tifa, nose crinkled in disgust, lifted what appeared to be a limp, green, fuzzy, alien life form from the refrigerator shelf.

No, she changed her mind, it didn't look very alive. Try 'limp, green, fuzzy, alien death form' instead.

It began to shake.

Tifa screamed and flung it across the room, realizing too late that it only moved because her hand had been trembling. She watched in horror as the green bit of something smacked into the back of Tseng's head and slid down his back. It flopped onto the floor as he slowly turned around.

"What…was that?"

"Eh heh heh," Tifa gulped, "Fuzzy green dead thing?"

Vincent, who had been calmly engrossed in making a sandwich, opened the refrigerator door. He looked around. "Where'd the spinach go? I was going to use that."

A moment of silence could be heard. Well, not really. Okay, a moment of silence could not be heard as per the fact that it was silent.

"It's probably for the better," Tifa informed him, "It was moldy. You wouldn't have wanted it." She glanced uneasily at Tseng, who was picking flecks of green goo out of his hair with an angry expression.

"And that," declared Rufus, "is why everyone should keep their hair relatively short! Long hair is as inconvenient as it is ridiculous looking!" Not a good idea, considering he was locked in a room with three long-haired people.

Three sets of eyes turned to glare.

"Uh…I was joking, guys. Joking! Can't you take a joke? Ouch! Hey, lemme goooooo!"

Reno and Rude rose from the mounds of wreckage in the hallway like zombies from a grave. The plaster dust gave them a ghostly look. They peered at each other through the settling debris.

Reno was the first to start laughing at his comical-looking associate. "You look like, like, like a ghost!"

"…"

"A really tall ghost!"

"…"

"And bald, too!"

"… …"

"With—" Whatever he had intended to poke fun at was forgotten as the president's shouts rang out through the nearby door. "…Don't worry, prez! I will save you!" He cautiously opened the door and stepped softly into the kitchen. Rude followed, soundlessly shutting the door behind him.

"Don't shut the door!" shouted Tseng, with his foot holding down Rufus by the neck as Tifa taunted the president.

"Rude," Reno admonished, "Why did you shut the door?! Fearless leader said not to!"

Rude shrugged. "Too late…"

"Gah!" shouted Rufus from the floor as Vincent approached with a smirk and a stick of butter, "I take it back, I said I take it back!!!"

Both Reno and Rude were utterly confused, and the zealous fire in Tseng's eyes offered them no explanation. "Oh well," Reno decided. "Looks like fun!" With that, he and Rude joined in the game of rubbing sticks of butter into Rufus's hair.

"Well, wasn't that a nice diversion," Reno commented as the group sat in the middle of the kitchen. All except for Rufus, who was standing before the sink with a hopeless expression on his face as he searched for soap. "So, what ever happened to the battle for domination of the fanfiction?"

"I think that, right now, we need to form an alliance," Tseng commented. "It is vital that we defeat Sephiroth first. Then, when that's done, we can back to beating each other up."

"I concur," Vincent stated as Tifa nodded.

Elena chose that moment to walk through the door. "Hello, everybody!"

"DON'T CLOSE THE—" They were too late.

"Oh, sorry."

"…"

"Hey, what's that writing on the window? Why would anyone write on a window? 'Help me, I'm trapped in the kitchen!'…haha! Someone actually got locked in here?! Hahahaha!"

"…"

"Why are you all looking at me like that?"

Elena soon found herself in the same predicament as Rufus, searching for soap with which to wash the butter from her hair.

At this point of time, the disembodied spirit of Secera was wafting through an air vent on the fourth floor. I just thought that everyone might want to know that interesting fact. It was a very small air vent, for those of you who are curious. It had dust in it. And a dead mouse.

"Any ideas?" Tifa asked. "There has to be a way out of here…"

"Of course," Rufus offered spitefully, "Why don't you jump out the window, hoping that someone sees and gets help."

"We could tie a bunch of sheets together to make a rope," Vincent mused, "and climb out the window…"

"We'd need a whole lot of sheets to get down that far," Tseng argued. "And this is a kitchen. There aren't any sheets."

Reno lightbulbed. "Hey, maybe if we took everyone's clothes and tied them together!"

There was a chorus of "No way!"s.

"Air vent," Rude suggested.

"That might work!" Everyone nodded and began to look around for an air vent.

Cloud was walking through the hallway with a look of profound thoughtfulness on his face. He knew that he had heard voices around here somewhere. Ah! There they were! He opened the door and entered the kitchen, wondering why—

"DON'T SHUT THE DOOR!"

"Oh. Okay." Cloud shut the door.

"WHY THE HELL DID YOU DO THAT?!"

"Do what?"

"YOU SHUT THE DOOR AFTER WE SAID NOT TO!"

"Oh, I thought you said to shut the door. Sorry."

"ARRRRGGGG!!!!!"

"What's the matter? It's only a door. I can open it back up if it's that important…okay, no I can't. Wait a second, does that mean that we're locked in here?"

TO BE CONTINUED IN THE NEXT INSTALLMENT OF BCiI!