Fandom: Buffy
Category: B/F Femslash
Rating: PG-13ish
Spoilers: MASSIVE. For pretty much the whole series.
Author's Notes: been watching some Season 1 and comparing its lighthearted, mature but funny, determined Buffy with the utter despair, psychosis and tragedy of 5-7. I can't help but think it might have gone better if Buffy had simply made one choice differently. So that's where this came from.
"God, Faith, it was horrible," Buffy said quietly. Faith wrapped an arm around her comfortingly as Giles handed the blonde Slayer a cup of coffee. She accepted it gratefully and took a hasty gulp as her Watcher eyed the strange mirror dubiously. The sun poured in through the windows of the Magic Shop and dripped over the boxes of new magical inventory, flashing off the glass and copper innocently.
"You were staring into that thing for an hour, B."
"Yes, Buffy, it was quite worrisome. I was led to believe that was a simple divination mirror, but it seems there's more to it than that." The Slayer was sipping her coffee more calmly now, though her eyes were still focused on some distant point of space. She nodded slowly. "We can wait for a while if you like, Buffy, but it would help to know what happened."
Faith brought her free hand up and twined her fingers supportively with Buffy's, and spoke gently. "Let's hear it, B."
The older Slayer glanced at the mirror, then Giles. "It was at the bottom of the box. Labeled 'archaic Egyptian' so I took it over to the African pile. As I was putting it down, I just glanced into it, and it sort of sucked me in. I saw my life for the past six years, lived the whole thing, but... it wasn't right. It was like some other dimension, a hell universe where everything had gone wrong. It started back when I was still dating Riley." Faith snorted derisively, and Buffy turned to look at her.
"After the body switch, you ran and I... I didn't follow you. You ended up in Los Angeles, fought Angel, and turned yourself in to the police."
Faith blinked, glancing at Giles. His face was unreadable. She looked back at Buffy.
"We fought Adam without you, but for some reason Spike was still working against us – maybe because you and he hadn't become friends – and messed with all our heads, so it was almost a close thing in the end. Willow cast the spell but it was just me fighting. I think you'd have to be part of it though - maybe it worked on you in prison."
Buffy took another sip of coffee and Faith tried to imagine herself locked in a tiny concrete box all day. She couldn't wrap her head around it.
"Everything went so ugly from there. You weren't there when Riley dumped me, so obviously, this never happened." She held up her hand, intertwined with Faith's. "Then mom died and...." The older Slayer trailed off. Giles took off his glasses and started cleaning them. Faith hugged Buffy a little tighter.
"You never shoved Glory in that fight, she managed to do her brain-suck on Tara. We all ended up on the run, Tara mad and Willow close to it, me having... just completely given up. You remember Spike explaining to us before we fought Glory that slayers die because they give up? This Buffy had given up. She beat Glory, but Tara and Willow never cast the issurus."
"Because Tara was incapacitated and never suggested it," Giles surmised.
"Exactly," Buffy answered, still talking to Faith, almost clinging to her with her eyes. "You weren't there and Tara was out of it and we didn't get to Dawn in time -"
"So you had to throw her in?" Faith gasped, horrified.
"I threw myself in. For some reason it worked, but I died." Her gaze fell. She took a gulp of coffee and was silent for a moment, staring down into the liquid. Giles and Faith shared another look. Finally, she spoke again. "Sunnydale went to hell without any slayers at all, and Willow had to cast some kind of spell to get me back."
"Good for her."
"Except not, because I came back even more psycho-depressed than before. Wherever I ended up, it was better than earth, and I spent the next few months wallowing in self-pity and treating my friends like crap for pulling me out." She glanced sheepishly at Faith for a moment. "I started sleeping with Spike -"
"What?"
"Yeah."
"What about Natasha?"
"You never went and got him for that patrol, so he never met her. She wasn't even in the vision."
"Wow."
"Yeah. Anyway, I was sleeping with Spike, and worse, Willow worked some seriously dark magic to bring me back, and started turning to magic more and more to solve all her problems. She got this horrible addiction to it and Tara left her for a while. We were also shot for finances - you had given up the magic shop when I died and went back to England, and you were still in jail and never got that job as a mechanic. You never called out Willow and Tara for not paying rent, so I worked at Doublemeat Palace." Buffy was freaked, but Faith couldn't help it. The thought of Buffy Summers, witty, determined, somewhat stuck-up savior of the known world flipping burgers was too much, and she started giggling. Buffy smiled and shoved her. "Yeah, laugh it up, Faith.
"Anyway, Cordy didn't come to Xander's wedding, so she didn't tell him off and he just left. He and Anya never managed to get married."
"No one's relationships seem to go very well in this alternate world of yours."
"It gets worse. I went to the three stooges' house alone, and got my ass kicked by that demon."
"You, Spike and me together had trouble with that thing!"
"Yeah. Well, it messed me up really good, and I failed to bring in the wonder boys. So even though Willow and Tara did eventually get back together, Warren showed up with a gun. He shot me and... killed Tara. Willow couldn't bring her back and went nuts with the black magic. Almost destroyed the world, until Xander stopped her."
"Red?"
"Yeah."
"We are talking about the same Willow, right?"
"Actually, I don't think we are," Giles said speculatively.
"So I guess that long quiet interlude never happened and you didn't make it out to LA?" Faith prodded.
"Nope. The vision didn't show me anything in LA, but I don't think any of the stuff with the Autocor happened. I did find out near the end of the thing that Angel had a son."
"A son."
"Yep."
"See, now you're just making shit up."
Buffy shrugged, and Giles looked over at the mirror. There was no hint of the green glow that had enveloped it and Buffy earlier. Faith demanded, "With who, exactly? This is the Angel who, being rather undead, can't have little Angels? The Angel who, even if he could, has never, ever, begun to get over you? Who even now, despite the fact that he loves me like a sister, is fighting to become human so he can supplant me as your lover?"
"Well you know I'd take him."
"Yeah, yeah, you just wouldn't give me up. You're greedy and we're too tolerant. We've been through this. Tell us more about hell universe."
"Well, Spike went and got a soul, because I rejected him and he wanted me."
Both her listeners winced, and Giles offered, "please don't tell Natasha this story," with a pained look on his face.
"I promise, I'm not making this up. I did get the job as the new high school counselor. But Spike, weak and confused and totally rejected by the group, got caught and tortured by the First, and here's the fun part. That quiet interlude we never had? It never occurred to the two of us (you still being in jail, or something, and me being so busy getting shot and all) to start rounding up the potential slayers. So the Watcher's Council failed to protect most of them and didn't tell us what was up until Giles showed up in town with a bunch of Potentials."
"Wait, Giles showed up? He never left."
"Oh, I forgot to mention. He leaves like six times in hell universe."
Faith looked reproachfully at Giles, who looked like he was about to defend himself. His mouth opened and closed a couple times, then he shook his head.
"So the First was a step ahead of us?" he asked instead.
"Several steps. Spike was still crazy from his soul and so he didn't tell us when the First first showed up. Faith, you were busy in LA - somehow Angel had his soul stolen and you broke out of jail to kick his ass. I think it had something to do with his son."
"This son again, and Angel in LA?"
"He didn't come back here when the First showed up?"
"Nope. Although you did come back, eventually." She looked at Faith.
"So we did finally make up?"
"Not really. It just wasn't important any more to the other me. We certainly didn't get together. The other me was totally despair-chick and the scoobies and Potentials kicked her out of the house and put you in charge."
"And I let them?" Faith irrationally wanted to jump through the mirror and beat her alternate self up.
"Like I said, we didn't really make up. It was sort of an end-of-the-world truce. And the whole thing ended very badly. The First opened the Danthazar before we found out about it, because it was able to capture Spike. It took us until practically the last minute to come up with the 'active all the Potentials' plan."
"Wait, then why were we collecting Potentials in the first place?"
"To keep them safe, or something. I'm not sure. We were just reacting, the whole year. We never had the chance to take the initiative. We managed to find the Scythe eventually, but for some idiot reason we opened the seal on the Hellmouth and nuked Sunnydale."
"What?"
"Like when...." Buffy caught herself, looked away from Faith. "Like graduation. Easier just to torch the place and everyone in it - all the non-coms had run for the hills already."
"But you can't kill the First. What about the awareness spell?"
"Like I said, we were reacting, not acting. The whole 'the First has no power except over people's minds' thing never came up because it had already gotten to Spike and raised an army of uber-vamps and taken out most of the Potentials. It was too late to cut it off at the source like that."
"So we just nuked Sunnydale?"
"Yeah. And then we all split up to look for more Potentials, because the Watcher's Council had been completely obliterated by the First. I went to Rome with Dawn and you and Robin ended up who knows where. Anya died; a lot of the Potentials did too. I ended up sleeping with this freaky Immortal demon. Spike did find his way to LA, but only after sort of dying in the battle with the First. He and Angel came to Rome to fight over me, and we never sent Slayers to help them with the Wolfram and Hart thing. I guess we did manage to close the Hellmouth for good, though, or I wouldn't have gone to Europe."
"So no global slayer force?"
"Probably eventually, I guess. Not during the vision bit."
Buffy seemed much calmer, but Faith could almost feel her drawing inside herself.
"B..." she started, lifting Buffy's eyes to hers by the sheer force of her voice. "You okay?"
"She was just... the other me. There was so much despair in her life. She never had this." Buffy gestured around, at Faith, Giles, the Magic Shop, Sunnydale. Victory. Peace. The things she and Willow and Xander and the gang, and Faith, had worked so hard to earn.
"Well, I guess it's a damn good thing you followed me that afternoon, then," Faith joked, trying to lighten the mood. Buffy didn't smile - she leaned over and brushed Faith's lips with her own, her face serious.
"Faith, I don't need to see the world almost end to know my life could never be this good without you in it."