C9: Because Elena Has a Bubblegum Fetish!

In which Secera mutilates the characters (figuratively), is mutilated by a fan (I have fans? I have fans!), and discovers that one can, in fact, stuff a moogle into an air vent; it's just not very easy.

Nonstandard disclaimer applies! The standard one applies too, in case you were wondering.

"Yes! I found one!" Elena's eyes radiated sudden joy.

"Where?" Reno asked, "I don't see an air vent here."

"No, not an air vent, silly! A piece of bubble gum! Isn't that great? In fact, there might be enough here for everyone to have a piece."

The sound of sighing could be heard a mile away. Secera, floating through the air ducts in her spiritual form, was blown backwards by the sudden gust of air. Too bad there was a ventilation fan behind her. Too bad ghosts can't scream.

Back in the industrial kitchen, eight fictional characters—Ahem—eight very real people continued their scavenging for a means of escape. Or, in Elena's case, blew pink bubbles that popped all over her face and left her fellow Turks incapacitated with laughter as she indignantly tried to wash her face.

"Here! I think there's an air vent behind this dishwasher!" Cloud exclaimed proudly.

"You're right!" Tifa looked over. "Help me move the dishwasher so we can get to it." She began to pull at the stubborn appliance with the aid of Cloud. "No good…it won't move. I think it's attached to something."

Cloud peered into the inch of space behind the dishwasher. "Yeah, there's a pipe or something back here. Just a minute." He pulled out his sword from subspace and sliced the dishwasher from the wall.

Water began to trickle into the room from the fractured pipe.

"Uh-oh…"

"You idiot!"

"How was I supposed to know that would happen?!"

"Isn't it obvious? It's a pipe, therefore, it carries water!"

"Oh……really?"

Meanwhile, water continued to spurt from the pipe, forcing a larger and larger crack until it was just about ready to—never mind, it already blew. A spraying gush of liquid managed to catch Yuffie smack in the face, blasting her back out into the hallway. The door slammed shut after her.

"Nice way to greet someone," Yuffie complained before she slumped to the floor, unconscious.

"Noooo! Yuffie!" Cloud exclaimed, running over to the locked door and pounding on it with his fists. "Are you out there? Can you here me? Let us out! Or, at least let me out! Pleeeeease? I love you, Yuffie; did I ever tell you that?"

"Does anyone else think that he's gone overboard?" Tifa asked, slightly irritated.

The silence was filled with a sudden pop and a yelp from Elena, followed by a cry of "My hair!" from Rufus and many running footsteps as he chased Elena in circles around Tseng, pulling at the pink wad of chewing gum on his head. Thinking that no one would notice, Tseng stuck out his foot.

Two Shinra members landed facedown in a heap on the floor.

At this point, we will note that the floor is covered in about an inch of water.

Cid was walking innocently down a random hallway. His feet sloshed on the carpet as he passed by a staircase, whistling cheerfully all the while. He was very happy. That damn moogle had been bothering him again with it's incessant cheerfully following him and its overbearing round pinkishness. That wasn't why he was happy, though. The happiness came from what he had done to solve his problem.

The moogle was, at this point, stuffed in an air vent, quite non-cheerful and unable to follow him. In fact, the annoying thing wasn't even round or pink anymore! It was now cubic and a lovely shade of purplish-red! Yes, Cid was very proud of his problem-solving abilities, even if he had made Cait Sith mad at him.

He looked down at his feet in sudden wonderment of the origin of the sloshing noise. Strangely enough, the carpet was wet. In fact, the entire staircase seemed to be evolving into a waterfall. How odd.

"Well, I'm not going first."

"Neither am I!"

"What, are you afraid?"

"Ever heard of ventilation fans? They'll slice you to tiny slices!"

"Oh, stop being ridiculous," Tifa admonished, "Your head is hard enough to withstand any ventilation fan."

"Really? You think so?" Cloud asked. "…Okay, I'll go first if you all insist."

"We insist," chorused the group, eyeing the air vent suspiciously.

"Okay, I'm going."

"…"

"Just give me a moment to plan how I'm going to do this."

"…"

"I'm on my way, really!"

Several eyebrows raised.

"See? I'm taking my first step. Trying to take a step, that is…darn foot won't move…"

As one, the Shinra and Avalanche members grabbed Cloud and shoved him into the air vent.

The screaming stopped a minute later and was replaced by coughing. "It's…dusty in here!" Cloud shouted so the others could here him. "It kind of slopes downward! I can't see very well! I'm going around a turn!"

"Sounds safe enough," Reno commented, crawling into the vent after Cloud. The others nodded and followed.

Cid topped the flight of stairs and found the origin of the waterfall, along with an unconscious ninja girl. "Haha, serves you right for stealing my cookies!" Turning away from Yuffie, he opened the door to the kitchen.

A jet of water caught him dead center and knocked him back against the wall next to Yuffie, on which he hit his head and fell, unconscious. The door slammed shut.

Sephiroth chose this moment to make his way down the hallway, where he came upon the two unconscious bodies lying in a heap on the floor. He looked over suspiciously at the door across the hallway from them. Being an intelligent being, unlike someone, he surmised that opening the door would not be a wise idea.

So he blasted a hole in the wall instead.

To be continued in (perhaps) the final installment…

AN: Thank you for reviewing! I love you guys! …No, not like that. Geez.