A/n- Thanks all you loyal readers, I love you all to bits! And you rookies new to this fic, YOU are the greatest people ever! Keep on reading!

Disclaimer- I think by NOW you all know I own absolutely nothing, so on with the fic!

Rating- PG-13, though this one will swear a tad more than others.

Chapter Keywords- Romolus, Dark mages, Ministry action, detentions with Snape o_O

NOTE- These next two chapters may be a bit more depressing than some would like, so be prepared. But fear not, the Marauders will keep the humour alive! So bear with me folks, as the plot extends. o_O


Seeing Grey - Part XIII - Loosing Faith



Remus, what's wrong? James asked the minute he made way into Gryffindor Tower. He shoved by, nearly throwing James to the side, and stormed into the dormitories in a whirlwind. With quizzical glances at each other, the three Marauders went after their friend. Hearing the shower running and seeing the trail of clothes in that direction, they all dashed into the bathroom, talking loudly over the waterfall.

What's been going on? You'd better tell us or we're going to keep asking. Sirius said straight off. For a moment nothing happened, then the water went off, and Remus stepped out with a towel about his waist.

You wanna know what's wrong? he asked quietly, eyes red and hsi face a mess. What's been bothering me? The others nodded, Peter biting his lip.


-

Mr. Lupin, please understand I'm not saying that he is gone for good. Dumbledore tried, shaking his head. That was not my implication at all. There is still a strong chance he will come back fine. Dumbledore said, trying to comfort the shattered boy.

A chance? We've taken chances our entire lives, they don't work! A chance isn't going to keep him alive against a pack of bastards! He barely knows magic to begin with! he blurted out, not caring of his language.

Have some faith in him Remus, now if ever.

It's hard to have faith in something you don't believe. he muttered, shutting his red eyes.

-

Remus... Don't worry. James said, wiping the steam off his glasses. Your brother can kick their respective asses, don't worry. Hell, he nearly killed Dias, and he isn't even a werewolf. he pointed out, shrugging.

You don't get it, do you? Remus murmured. Those bastards killed over a hundred people, without taking a scratch. It doesn't matter that they decided to take Romolus with them, they'll kill him! He can't defend himself against them! he shouted, and grabbed his cloak. Without another word, he shoved past his friends and into the school halls, face red and eyes leaky.


I would suggest you give him some space. McGonnagal said, snapping the boys back to attention. She had ben standing at the staircase, and had undoubtedly heard the conversation.

Mr. Lupin is going through a rather difficult time.

We all are now, aren't we? This does rather imply war. James said quietly, letting out a sigh that no one else understood.



You are to scrub this dungeon clean, all of you. Professor Bane said with a nasty smile, waving his hand as he left the dark room. Even though Remus hadn't been involved in the crime of the explosion, he had been pulled along for the ride anyway, same as Severus Snape for other reasons. The five set to work silently for a while, James and the others on the opposite side of the room, Snape right next to Remus.


Lily warned me not to pester you. he said after a moment, digging the toothbrush into the grimy cracks of the floor. I don't know why though. You have been acting a bit odd recently, calling Carlson an ass and such.

My mother died, and now my brother is being held captive by a band of Dark wizards. I think I'm entitled to act a bit off'. Remus snapped in a hoarse voice. Snape blinked, thinking he ws just joking, but frowned deep after a moment.

If it's any compensation my mother was murdered by Dark mages when I was seven. he said after a moment. He swallowed, and pointed a hand at James in the far corner. Potter, his parents were killed by the same person.

He's never said anything about it before.

He never told anyone. I only know because of the Auror... My father hired an Auror to kill my mums murderer. They found a list of victims. he answered in a hushed tone, continuing to scrub to distract himself. I don't think he likes to talk about it, not many would.

Remus muttered. He stopped his working, looked up at the ceiling, and decided to lay down for a few minutes.

They said my brother isn't dead, but I don't know if I believe that. He's a year and half older than I, and barely knows magic at all, compared to adults. I don't see how he could be alive. he pondered aloud, looking at the swirls of paint on the ceiling absently. Snape nodded his head, and for a brief moment, the two enemies shared a common understanding.

But there's always the possibility that he can make it out. And that's something you should set your sights on.



Are you alright young man? A stranger placed a hand on his shoulder, and Remus bucked it off.

he said, sniffling in the cold air, or because he was nearly crying.

You're most certainly not fine. Come on inside, it's warm in there. he said, motioning to the restaurant door.

I said I was fine. he said more boldly, looking up with tired eyes. I have to be on my way anyhow.

If your sure... Wait, where would your parents be? the man realize,d looking around in the empty streets. Before he received an answer, he noticed the small child had dashed off. Sitting down on a mossy rock a while off, out of view, he tore the letter open and sniffed in again.

Moony,

I can't come out for the holiday's this year, I really have to study. I'm sorry, but it cannot be helped little brother. Try to stay out of trouble, and get FAR away from villages on the moon. If you attack anyone else the Ministry is going to get someone after you... Please be careful.

Older and Wiser so stop complaining,

Romolus

Stupid git... You said you'd come back this year. he whined, kicking at the ground. You promised you'd come. Dunno why I even bother hoping for things anymore, you always ruin it. No use praying for something that won't happen.



Breakfast the next morning was rather eventful. The Daily Prophet had done an article on the attack, and it had shaken up many students. But the mail owls had carried more than just news, as one had dropped a thick, important looking envelope into Remus lap.

No one writes me outside of Remus. he noted, eyes bulging. For a minute he believed his brother had somehow escaped, but upon turning it over, he found it to be a letter from the Ministry. He broke the thick black seal with a sunken heart, and read off the militant scrawl.

Mr. R. J.. Lupin,

We regret to inform you that in light of the recent Dark activity in Denmark, we have a few issue's to cross over with you. It has come to the attention of one of our stationed Aurors that your brother, a Mr. R. S. Lupin, has been taken hostage by the Dark supporters. There has been a ransom posted by the individuals in question, though we are unable to meet the demands. Our sources have made it noted that whether or not we meet the demands, there is an extremely large probability that the six hostages will be disposed of regardless.


He shut his eyes tightly, and took in a deep breath. Without bothering to read the rest of the letter, he stood up, and walked to the front of the Head Table in a crooked, almost drunken way.

This came for me. I think you should see it. Remus said quietly, handing the notice over to Dumbledore. He straightened his glasses, and in a curious fashion, began to read. After a few solemn nods a moment later, the Headmaster set it down.

Yes, the Minister had informed me of such late last night. There really isn't anything we can do.

You could pay them the ransom. he said quietly, not meeting Dumbledore's gaze.

It will only be used to fuel further Dark activities, so the Ministry will not do such. Not that they have the money to begin with. he said offhand. With a sigh, he bent forward, and looked Remus in the eyes.

There is nothing any of us can do, else we would have already done so. All that can be done is in the hands of your brother.

That's what worries me. he muttered.



No no no! Mr. Black, you have to concentrate, else you'll never get it done! professor Flitwick said above the commotion of the busy classroom. They were attempting some Charm on minor object manipulation, though Remus had finished it at the very start of class. He sat in the corner, watching his friends fail over and over to perform the charm, to no avail. A few minutes later and Peter had managed to blow himself up again, to the amusement of most.

I don't know what I'm going to do with you, Mr. Pettigrew. Professor Flitwick muttered, frowning at the charcoal-fried boy. Four years and you still manage to destroy yourself, even with simple charms! he said, shaking his head. He sighed in exasperation, and conjured a wet towel for Peter to clean himself up with.

Nice going. Remus muttered. Peter smiled, not because of the incident, but as it was the first non-depressing thing Remus had said in a long while.

Charms is definitely not my forte.

School is not your forte. James said from a few seats back, managing to complete the charm to some extent.

Being intelligent isn't your forte either. Sirius added, giving up all together and leaning back, legs crossed on the desk and hands behind his head. Really Pete, sometimes I wonder if your even capable of-

Sirius, knock it off. someday he's going to kick your ass, you know that ai? James snapped, rolling his eyes. Never mess with the little man.

He's not exactly little. Sirius snorted, poking Peter in his slight gut. A split-second later, they were on the floor, Peter trying to beat the living hell out of Sirius, who was amused by the lack of aim in his friends punches.

Come off it, I was just teasing. Sirius said as Remus easily split them apart, holding Sirius up by the back of his robes.

Remind me to never piss you off, a'right? Geez, you'd kick me right down to hell, wouldn't you? he grinned, trying to wriggle himself free from the werewolf's grasp.

Good idea Sir... Remus, if I ever do make you really really mad, James said, smiling to himself. Give me a minute's head start before you come after me.


You find him, alright? Wait and make sure no one is watching, and give him the letter. And make sure he sends something back. Remus told the owl, stroking the pitch-black feathers gently. Random gave a little hoot, understanding the commands, and flapped her wings importantly. With a final sigh, he tied the letter tightly, and watched as she flew off into the darkening night sky.

You really should stop worrying about him. Lily said from behind, trying to stay serious despite James' tickling. He'll be... James quit that! Oh, he'll be fine Remus, really. I'm sure- James Potter, you quit that right now! she burst out, face flushed and unable to hold back her laughter any longer. Without such as a glance to either, Remus left the two on their own.

I think I'll leave you now... Seems as though James wants a quick snog. he muttered. James smiled at him, right before being toppled to the ground by his girlfriend. As he left, he swore he heard something along the lines of Don't touch that' and a long trail of giggling.

Hopeless romantics...


It was well into the night, and Remus rather suspected it had actually turned into day by now. He didn't care one way or the other. with a sigh, he finally sat down after his long walk, finding an open clearing in the Forbidden Forest. Seating himself down on a rock, he looked up at the twinkling stars, wondering if Romolus was doing just the same. Owls hooted in the background, while crickets chirped their solemn song to the creatures of the night. Biting his lip, he threw his cloak to the side, and decided to lay down on the damp grass for a while.

You'd better come back Rom, I swear... he muttered out loud, smiling in memory. He let out a long sigh, and looked up at the large moon.

I don't know what I'll do if you're not alive, really... I always said I lived on my own, but that isnt true. You were there, indirectly, but still there if I needed you. he mused. If your gone I have no where left to go.

A wolf howled from somewhere close by, and Remus turned his head towards the sound. Crinkling his nose, he smelt the creature inhumanly, and let out a little imitation of the cry. The creature jumped from the bushes, and walked over to him hesitantly. It took a few sniffs, let out a little bark, and nuzzled its head against Remus'.

Please come home Rom, please. he said as he shut his eyes, the little wolf climbing on top of him. It lay down there, nudging his chin encouragingly, speaking the language of canine with one of the few humans who understood such.

Get yourself through this.

Do not fear friend, those of same blood to you are sure to be well. the wolf said in its own way, curling up in a ball on his stomach. Kin of yours shall be fine on their own. This I assure you.



Random, come on... Remus muttered as mail arrived the next morning. But as the last of the owls swooped in, he was discourage to find that his was not among them. For three days he wasted away, absent minded in class and unaware of anything. The fourth night he sat outside Hogwarts on the steps, looking up at the sky hopefully.

Remus, you can't do this forever. Lily said, sitting down next to him.

Want to place money on that? he muttered as James and Sirius joined him opposite.

Come on man, stop doing this. Sirius said, shaking his head. You can't just vege out and act dead while you wait. Hell, you might be waiting for the rest of your life... I know it's not an encouraging thought, but it's the truth.

He's right you know. James said quietly, looking up at the shrinking moon.

I don't care about the truth anymore.

That's what scares us Remus, you don't care about anything now. You have to move on, or you'll kill yourself like this. Lily squeaked out.

If he dies I'll have no reason to live anymore.



Lupin, stay here a minute. Carlson said, his voice lacking the icy tone for once. As the class left the room quickly, he stayed behind, dragging himself along up to the desk.

I don't want to hear a word from you for a minute, hear me out. he snapped, looking very intently at the boy. This is war Lupin, alright? Come to terms with it whether you want to or not. I've been through hell and back, and I've got the marks to show it. If you don't stop drawling on the past and worrying over what you cannot control, your going to loose any sense of reality you ever had. Don't dabble over things you have to power over. he said, glaring a bit. Your brother's in a position thousands face, so don't think God's playing punishment on your life. Snap yourself back to reality before it bites you in the ass. he finished, and pointed to the door.

Get out of here, and if I catch you in that Godforsaken pensive persona, you'll be scrubbing Bane's classroom for the rest of your schooling.



For a week more Remus went on living a half-life. Quidditch had started, and his friends were relieved to see it was the one time of the day when he turned back to the old Remus Lupin. He quietly ordered his team through plays, swore when he missed a goal deflect, and cheered when Gryffindor scored. He guided through three wins in his normal self, but as Gryffindor took a break in cycle, he slumped back to depression.

Want to play a game of chess? Alex offered a while later, muddy from a Quidditch math. He had been appointed the new left-wing Chaser as Aaron Orvis had graduated. Remus nodded his head slightly, and waited as the pieces were set up.

Figured out who gave me the broom. Alex said a bit into the match. My uncle Ronnie, he plays for the Vultures. Stupid git forgot the card. he said with a smile that Remus did not return. He's rather dim if you ask me. Mum says he took a few too many Bludgers to the head, but he's always been an idiot to be honest.

Alex tried to get him to talk for quite some time, but the only words Remus would speak were Check' and the occasional Hm.' As they finished their second game, he eventually gave up on conversation and focused on trying to defeat Remus.

Remus muttered after a while, and dragged his legs along up the stairs for the showers.

He needs some help. Alex muttered, Banishing the chessboard to the corner box.

He needs his brother back. James said from across the room.


Mr. Potter, I would advise you to pay attention... McGonnagal trailed off, taking a few steps towards the two sniggering boys. She plucked the book from their hands, but before she managed to snag a word from it, Sirius grabbed it back.

It's a Transfiguration book, ma'am. he said with a concealed smile, though he was being honest. He held it up, showing the spine.

Advanced Transfiguration for the Well-Talented'? I quite think not, with the skill you have right now you'd be best studying a third-year book. she said, rolling her eyes and going back to the lesson. Sirius started sniggering a few minutes later, and McGonnagal just ignored their notes to each other. Peering over their shoulders, Remus looked down at the scratch parchment, and smiled very slightly.

Wouldn't it be funny if Peter got stuck as a duck or something?

Or if he turned into something lame like a Flobberworm?

That'd be grand. Peter the Flobberworm... Such a glorious title, eh?

Quite.

Looking over at Peter, frantically copying notes and squinting behind the glasses he rarely wore, he chuckled. He could just imagine James and Sirius, transforming into some magnificent, useful creatures, while Peter flopped around on the ground as a grimy little worm with no purpose other than to, well, flop around.

That is, if they manage to do it at all.' he mused to himself, gazing around absently. Bunch of nutters.... Hell, they're worth living for I guess. Maybe I can stay with them over the summer.'


It was then that Remus lost all faith in life. In a moment's worth of time, he gave up on Romolus, and gave up worrying.



Rom, why'd it take you so long? he asked quietly, helping to carry the bags of things his brother held as he scurried off the Hogwarts Express. with a curious look, he watched as the battered family trunk was pulled off.

Why do you have all your stuff? It's only summer, you always leave it there for when you go back in a week or two. the twelve year old said. Romolus shook his head, and grabbed onto the trunk, pulling it up onto the cart.

I'm not going back next year. he said simply, and Remus smiled.

he snapped, torn between happiness and the truth.

I have to stay with you since mum wont take you back. I wrote to her a few times and I haven't gotten a reply in weeks. So Im dropping out. I worked it out with Dippet, so no trouble... he trailed off, and asked why Remus was frowning.

You can't quit cause of me. I was doing alright on my own anyway.

Look, it isn't a problem. I can study magic on my own, at my own pace. You need me, admit it little bother. You're thin as a rail and you get sick too often for my liking.

But I might be able to go to Hogwarts soon, they're getting a new Headmaster in a bit, right?

Remus, stop kidding yourself. Romolus said quietly, passing through the barrier and out into the busy station.

But you always said to never loose hope, so I'm not. I can keep on wishing that I'll go, and it will happen.

There isn't any point in having faith in something that will never come to be. It's a different thing to pray for something within reach than to waste your thoughts on that. Now come on, lets go get some food... I picked up a few Sickles from some Slytherins on the train while they were asleep.



At dinner one night in mid November, James and Sirius were in the middle of a conversation of worry over Remus when the owl window opened off schedule. They held their breaths as Random flew in, carrying a tiny parcel, and a letter. It landed in front of the werewolf, who hadn't watched for his owl in a long time since giving up. He took the letter, and turned it over to the back as there was no address.

he muttered, tearing away the black wax seal.


Mr. L. J. Lupin,

One of our Aurors on duty in the business of your brothers position found this left behind at an abandoned camp site. The Dark mages in question have advanced further north, and are currently out of our reach. We thought this might be of some effect for you, as we have been unable to decipher anything from it. We are sorry in collection for what has happened, and our prayers are with you. We will do our best to keep you at information as the situation progresses.

Messrs. Alec Gangban and Sir Eldrik von Snids, Ministry Officers of Dark Enforcement, London.


He set the letter down, and took the parcel, a grubby, newspaper-wrapped object. Tearing away the twine that bound it, he frowned, and bit his lip.

What in blazes it is? he wondered aloud.





A/n- Sorry this one took a bit longer than I had thought, I've had a brief spell of writers block. Oh, what a chapter to get stumped on, ai? Well, with all said and done, thanks all of you readers! Contact me if you'd like to chat about anything, or whatnot... AlyssaC7 is my SN and @aol.com for mail. Thankies!

Newbies Alexa Potter and Andi (Leave me an e-mail!!!) and One-winged Butterfly: THANK YOU. All of you guys are simply the best, everyone of you. Thanks for all your time (this thing IS getting a bit lengthy) and the nice reviews. More will come as soon as I get my lazy arse around to it!

Iggie (Who is so sorry she keeps cutting off at cliffhangers!)


Post Script to all readers- Story of a Cat by Lyria Padfoot is a story I HIGHLY recommend to all of you. It's very cute, and I simply love it. Read it now or I shall be forced to track you down and stab you with a spork! Cheers, and g'day!