A/n- Here's part eighteen, and sorry again these are taking so long!!

Disclaimer- Ha! Nothing. Romolus is mine I guess, but then again, I don't have any fancy copyrights on him....

Rating- PG-13 for now.

Chapter Keywords- Secrets secrets are no fun... And alas, there will actually be a male that shows emotion. Brace yourselves, folks...



Seeing Grey - Part XVIII - Rain




I don't know what to do. Lily muttered, shaking her head.

About James?

Yes! I mean... she paused, biting her lip. The pair were outside by the lake, sitting on a stone bench they had discovered a few months back. It was a common place for Remus to go when he drifted off and needed to think for a good few hours on weekends.

I just... They're threatening me Remus, it's awful. she finally managed to squeak out. It's horrible, all the things they say about me. And him. It's driving me insane.

Surprised you aren't, having been around James so much. Remus chuckled.

I'm sorry I can't offer any help, but thing's aren't going to get better. James is pissed at all of them, for various reasons, and nothing, nothing, is going to get his to stop his war.

Then what am i supposed to do? she grumbled, hanging her head down.



LET ME GO! James shouted, pulling frantically at Sirius and Remus, who were trying to hold him back. Never in his life did Remus meet a challenge against his strength, but now, James was testing him. They held his arms behind him, fighting to keep the enraged Gryffindor at bay.

LET ME GO! I'LL KILL HIM! he bellowed, trying to slip free. Remus tugged him to the ground, and pinned him there.

James, calm down. he said loudly, hitting him across the face.

I'LL KILL THE BASTARD! Alex, just coming from Runes, helped in keeping him down in the halls, and away from the laughing pack of Slytherins.

What's bugging him? he asked, smiling as the struggle went on. Sirius had conjured a sock and shoved it in James' mouth to keep him from shouting, so they could explain the situation.

Lily broke up with him. Sirius said, and James went on a new frenzy to break away with renewed strength.

So why's he after Snape?

He told Lily that James was cheating on her... Once again they had to put their entire effort into keeping James down, and it was a near failure. He lunged forward, but Remus tackled him down by the legs, and pulled him back.

Ah. You sure she wasn't just sick of him?

Nope. Probably the case... Personally I'm convinced he had some illegal charms going on since she stayed with him that long. Sirius said with a grin.

Come on, we gotta get him in the Common Room and make sure the Fat Lady doesn't let him out.

Kicking and screaming the entire way, the three managed to toss him inside, and confine him to a chair.


I'll kill him. I swear to God I'm going to kill him.

Sure ya will. Alex said offhand, trying once more to defeat Remus at chess. A task he had never managed, for the record.

James, to be honest, I think she just needs some space. Remus said quietly.

Chicks are weird, end of conversation. Sirius offered, tinkering with the ever incomplete Marauders Map. A small ripple of Amen' went around the partially full room, all from various Gryffindor boys.

Oh come on James, stop crying over her. It's degrading to the entire male species. Alex said with a small smirk.

Really. You can have any girl you want. They all love you to bits... Next to me of course.

Sirius was immediately hit by a bombardment of pillows, chuckling as he was pelted.

He's right though... Any girl within two years of you would take you up. And hey, Valentines is right around the corner, and Flitwick said there might be another dance. So chipper up, at least you get selection. We're doomed to date the same two girls off and on for the rest of our lives. Alex mumbled, looking at the only two decent-looking Gryffindor fourth years in the corner, giggling like idiots.

I don't want anyone else. James muttered with a sneer. I want Lily back.



Things were not pleasant during the week leading up to the affirmed dance. James had to be stopped on several occasions from assaulting Snape in the presence of Professors, and Remus was forced to have a constant grip on the back of his robes thus resulting. The Slytherins themselves were pleased that the war was at a temporary calm, as the mastermind himself was too preoccupied on a single target to concoct any plans.

Potter, this is pathetic! Romolus snapped at breakfast of the twelfth.

You've turned down sixteen dates! Sixteen! Hell, half of my friends would kill for some of those girls, regardless of age! he tried. James didn't even listen, he was too busy staring across the Great Hall at Lily.

Well, I tried. Romolus said to his brother, shrugging as the mail flooded in. He was surprised to see a letter dropped in his lap, and he tore it open with red cheeks.

Shelly, aye? Remus chuckled as his he nodded, face reaching a new brilliant shade of crimson.

She wants me to stay with her in America over the spring holidays. You're invited too. he added after a long moment, stuffing the letting in his pocket.

Nah, I'm staying here. Everyone else will be gone so I'll have the Gryffindor Tower to myself practically. he said, and frowned. Rom, why do you have that very uncharacteristic gooey look about yourself?

he said, snapping back to reality.






Remus was relieved in slight that no one was bothering him anymore. Snape hadn't given him so much as a sneer, Lily had forgotten his outburst, and James wasn't mad about anything other than Lily. The day before the dance though, he was mad at himself. He had forgotten to find a date.


I hate dances. Remus concluded, letting out a sigh. He had been sipping his punch for half an hour, and was thoroughly bored to hell. He left the Great Hall, wandered about around the lake, and dodged many couples busy with themselves. Bored with that, he loitered back to his stone bench, and found Lily staring off into the depths of the murky water. He sat down next to her oddly, very inept in the subject of social graces.

You alright?

It took her a moment to realize he was there, and she nodded her head slightly.

No you're not, stop lying. What's bothering you, aside from the obvious?

I... I miss my mum. A lot. She moved a few years ago and never came back, I guess she got sick of my father. Reminded me of James in a way. she said lightly, letting out a sigh.

He still likes you.


Back at the owlry window, James watched in a loathing state as Lily moved closer to his friend. He had been watching Lily all night, knowing he couldn't be any closer to her than this. Quite suddenly, he yelled out and scared several owls from their post's.


The moment he set foot in the dorm a while later, he was tackled to the ground by a very possessive raven-haired Potter. It was a first, being in a fight that was an actual struggle. James managed one good blow to his eye until he was shoved up against a bed.

What the hell was that for? Remus snapped, rubbing his face with his free hand. No, never mind. I already know. he said before James erupted into a fit of accusations.

THE HELL'S YOUR PROBLEM?

It was fortunate that Sirius came in right after, bewildered at all the shouting.

Okay, someone fill me in.

HE WAS SNOGGING WITH LILY BY THE LAKE- Remus clamped a sock into his mouth, and bound his hands together to shut him up for a minute.

Not such a wise idea Moony, considering Jamsie here has one hellish temper over that chick. Sirius said, smiling nonetheless.

We were not snogging. Remus snapped, fed up with that topic from last year. James made a clear struggle at this, non-verbally protesting every word of it. We were out talking, she was depressed, I'm always depressed, and yes, we were by the lake. James started struggling again, and Sirius smirked at him.

Pretty funny actually... You know, she may have dumped you for him.

James eyes went wide, and he tried with all his might to tear the rope that bound his hands.

Sirius, don't even! Remus snapped, glancing at James fearfully. Look, we were just talking, alright?

James yelled, managing to wedge the sock free.

Oh shut it. Sirius snapped, looking intently at Remus. So, how far-

We didn't do anything! I didn't do anything, she did!

LYING PIECE OF- Sirius stuffed the sock back in place with a nod.

Look, she was really pissed, alright? I didn't mean to do anything. Honest. I swear on my piece of shit life.

Oh come off it Remus, admit it. Sirius teased. You enjoyed it.

I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING! he snapped, and spun around. Before either of them could do so much as move, and James couldn't anyway, Remus vaulted over the window ledge and dropped from sight. Sirius dashed to the edge, but James grabbed him by the jeans, pulling him to the floor.

We're three floors up! He's probably dead! Sirius cursed, crawling to the window and peering over. James started making muffled noises from his place on the floor, wanting to see what happened. Sirius looked down, expecting to see some splat that used to be a Gryffindor, but found nothing.


They waited for an hour in the Common Room, James pacing and Sirius actually frowning for once in his life. When Remus finally did come through the portal, with a large black eye, he brought two Slytherins with him as well. He had his wand against Snape's back, and was sneering angrily at Lily.

Go on. he snapped to the boy, prodding him in the back with his broken wand.

Do it or I swear to God I'll snap your neck right here.

Severus, just do it, he's really pissed. Lily muttered.

he grumbled, not looking up. Potter, I'm sorry. he said in a very satirical tone, not sincere in the slightest. I lied to Lily and I know you didn't cheat on her. Happy? he snapped, turning to Remus. With a half-satisfied nod, he let his prisoner go, and he raced out of the Common Room.

You too. Remus said, face red and contoured in a scowl very unbefitting the boy. No, forget it. I'll leave it for you to work out. he decided after a second, letting go of her arm and storming up the staircase to the showers. He sat against the wall, listening, as canine hearing was another improvement he had received from the bite.

James, look, I'm sorry. Lily said part way into the argument. It was a very good thing everyone was still out at the dance, as they were bellowing it out at each other.

YOU CHOSE A WEREWOLF OVER ME? James finally shouted, slamming his fist down on a table. Lily took in a breath of air, and Remus heard her scoot her chair back, tip, and crash to the ground. James swore, stammered something, but the sound of racing footsteps echoed through the room covered his words.

Remus said, closing his eyes and sinking back against the shower stall.



Remus can we-

he snapped, slumming back against his bed and pulling the curtains shut.

Come on, we need to tal-

I have nothing to say to you. I don't feel well, so if you'd kindly leave.

Look, I'm sor-

He heard James' footsteps died away. And the door closed. The last of the Gryffindor fourth years had departed for Hogsmeade. Only made better for Romolus, he concluded.

Come on little brother, you've locked yourself up here for over a day. he tried, breaking the spell that was placed over the bed and pulling the curtains aside. He made a face, and shook his head with a tsk.

You look like shit, you know that?

Nice to see you to. Remus said weakly, rolling over on his back. What am I going to do? Snape knows about me, God knows how... And now Lily does, maybe. James is still pissed. And dammit, I trusted him! he sneered, scrunching his face up and closing his eyes.

Well Lily didn't tell anyone, there would have been quite a lot of commotion and people would've been asking me questions. So we're safe on that part. Romolus assured. And you could just use a nice Memory Charm.

My wand's broken... And you don't know them. I wouldn't do it anyway...

I don't know what to do with you anymore. Romolus concluded with a slight smile. You're going to drag me to hell, I swear... Come on, you should get out today. Or at least find Lily before she goes nuts and tells everyone. She is a chick you know. he grinned, and pulled Remus out of bed.



As expected, he found her sitting on the bench, throwing flat pebbles into the lake and trying to make them skip. Remus skipped one easily, and she turned around.

Can we talk? he asked quietly, not taking a step towards her. She looked up at him, turned away sharply, and made sure she was sitting in the middle of the bench.

Look, we really need-

I don't have anything to discuss with you. she said in a weak voice. Just go away.

Lily, I-



You're afraid of me, aren't you? he asked, putting a hand on her shoulder. She rolled it off, and moved as far away from his touch as possible.

I'm not going to hurt you! You don't have to be af-

Just please go away! She hugged herself, eyes squinted shut. With a sigh, Remus nodded, and took a few steps away from her.

I'm not going to hurt you. I would never hurt you Lily... When you want to talk, I'll be waiting.




He sat in the library alone, doing his Defense homework for a few hours. Lily crept in, quietly sat down across from him, and bit her lip.

Ae you afraid of me? he asked, as she kept moving to keep herself out of his range of touch. She nodded her head, keeping her eyes fixed on the floor.

Because I'm a werewolf huh? he shook his head to himself, and let out a sigh. Were you ever afraid of me before you knew?

she said very quietly, not meeting his gaze.

So you're only afraid because of what I am, because of the label attached?. That doesn't make an ounce of sense, you know that? Very uncharacteristic of you, Lily. he pointed out, and nodded his head. You're scared of what I could do.



Dumbledore can kill an entire classroom of people without any effort. That doesn't mean he will. The only people afraid of Dumbledore deserve the fate he can deliver.

But.... You're a, a werewolf.

Be honest for a minute. Remus said seriosuly, setting his book down. If you had known all along that I was one, would you have ever befriended me? Would you have trusted me, and looked at me as a person?

No... And you're not. You're not a person! Remus cringed, and took a deep breath to calm himself before he did anything he might regret. He was near the point where he wanted to hit something, and he feared she would become the target.

Do you actually think I wanted this fate? Do you have any idea how much I hate waking up every day, because I have to fear the Ministry capturing me? he asked, eyes locked in deadly glare. They'll execute me. On the spot. he paused, and moved his hand across the table. Lily moved away.

You agree with them, don't you? he asked in disbelief. My God, you're no better than a murderer. Remus said quietly, standing up suddenly and making Lily jump in her seat.

Fear me all you want Lily, I'm used to it. My own family disowned me even. My father tried to kill me when I was young. he held up his bangs, showing her the bullet scar. That's why I never came to Hogwarts Lily, I was busy running from the Ministry and their executioners. I lived on the streets since I was nine, so I wouldn't die. They would have killed me without so much as remorse or empathy. Yes, because I'm a werewolf. he snarled, and he noticed she was starting to cry. I was no better than a savage beast, you see.

You don't know what it's like, so don't you dare even be afraid of me. You don't have the right. he said in an icy tone not unlike one Carlson could use on occasion. Gathering his books, he turned away from her.

You're no better than the rest of them. he said. I thought it was horrible, the Slytherin prejudice. I hated all of it, because I've dealt with blind discrimination my entire life. he snapped, angry at the world. It's sad. This time, there was actually truth behind the hate. You're all poor excuses of uman beings... Good bye.





Dear Headmaster,

I find I am no longer able to stay here, as it will only put my peers at risk. Several have found out, and I am certain that it will be public knowledge by the time you read this notice. Many times I have put others in grave danger, and I find the best way to solve this problem is remove myself from it completely.

Thank you for your hospitality and patience, sir. I enjoyed my short stay more than anything in my life. I cannot express in words how thrilled I was to know I at least had one on my side.

If Romolus asks as to where I am, do your best to assure him I will be fine. He should understand.

Thank you again sir, it meant a lot to me.

Remus J. Lupin



Remus set the carefully written parchment down on the Headmasters desk, and with a parting glance to a very irritated Fawkes, left the office. Silently he tread through the halls, carrying his satchel, and his new traveling companion, his broom.

Without looking back, he departed from Hogwarts grounds.








A/n- Aw, isn't he just so cute and insecure? :) Sorry, I'm a wee bit hyper after all that editing. Hope you enjoyed this landmark chapter, more will be coming soon! Promise!

Thank you all my loyal readers you! You're the best :)


Iggie