Chapter one - The Letters.

It had already started.

Well, possibly anyway. Harry had already spent three of his four weeks
alone in his room. He made sure to contact Tonks or Moony every two
days at least, so as not to disturb the flow he had.

Wake up, shower, feed Hedwig, lay in bed for four hours, do some
homework. Sit and wait.

He was now very good at sitting and waiting. Most of the time he was
wishing he wasn't home. Most of the time he wished he was already back
at Hogwarts. Because when it was quiet, all he could think about was
his Godfather. His guilt washed over him like rain on a dusty plato.
Being alone he had no one to scream to, no one to cry to. Not that he
would let anyone see him cry. He forced his mind back to today, not
the past. Sitting on his desk in front of him was a brand new edition
of The Daily Prophet. He was to scared to read it however. Too scared
knowing what one day, possibly soon, he was going to have to do, to
face, to become.

A hero. He tossed the thought from his mind. He decided, he would read
the paper after breakfast. He put on his glasses and walked down the
stairs.

"Morning Uncle Vernon." Harry tried to sound almost happy.
All he got back was a soft grunt. Ever since he got back from
Hogwarts, his Uncle, well his whole family really, rarely spoke a word
to him.

"What's for breakfast Aunt Petunia?" A small plate of eggs was pushed
in front of him for his answer.

He ate in silence. Only one more week till he could leave, though the
thought of leaving was almost as scary as the thought of staying.
Especially when he realized where he was going to be going. London.
Grimmauld Place. Sirius.

It was one of the few times in his life he wished he wasn't a wizard,
but not the last time he wished the stupid prophecy had never existed.
His life was too much. Everything he ever was and would ever be was
already written out for him in the stars.

He sighed and went to go read the paper. A blond boy was on the front
cover. He didn't want to read further in case of death, but he knew,
he just knew that he had to.

The other side of darkness. Draco Malfoy.

Harry looked at the page astonished. First, Draco had written a what
do you call it, manifesto? And second, he published it. In Harry's
mind, this could not be good.

Everyone thinks that I'm some broken boy. I'm not. As a matter of
fact, I've had a fantastic life. I'm rich, I'm good looking, and I'm a
Slytherin. Harry sat there seething from the start of what was
beginning to look like really bad news. Everyone knows whom my father
follows now, though I've always known and played along. WHAT? Harry's
mind was screaming at him. The truth is, I've never really cared about
He-Who- Must-Not-Be-Named, I just wanted to be in my father's good
graces.

This is my story. The other side of darkness. Though, remember that
being the sexy Slytherin that I am, not all of this will be a
beautiful heart-wrenching tale. Just the boy that is writing it.

Harry couldn't, actually wouldn't read any further. He did not need to
know Draco's detour of the whole situation. To Harry it didn't matter
that Draco was not a deatheater, all Draco's life was still bad deeds
and misgivings. Should one, highly selfish, noble act release him of
all previous misdoings?

No. It shouldn't.

If only Harry Potter had read further. Only if Harry had had a little
foresight would he know what was going to happen to him in a week's
time. If only Harry Potter had realized that it was the Quibbler, and
not The Daily Prophet.

If only Harry James Potter could admit one simple little tiny
insignificant fact.

That Harry James Potter was gay, and though he was not reading the
story that Draco had written, he continued staring at the picture for
a long time afterward.

He looked over to Hedwig. "This is going to be a very dull, last week
Hedwig. My only hope is, it stays that way afterward." Harry could
have sworn he heard his owl hoot in approval.

After a very dull afternoon and a very uneatable dinner, Harry went to
bed. At 5:25 at night. Surprising that a very uneventful day could
drain him of more energy than a month of constant Potions brewing with
Snape. He shut his heart and his mind of all emotion, and quietly went
to sleep.

"It has happened my Lord. All is ready."

"Nothing is ready Wormtail. I am no further along now, than I was a
year ago at this time," the Dark Lord mused stroking his snake
slightly.

"My Lord..." Wormtail quivered, "With all due respect your
greatness... he still doesn't know the power that he yields.. or the
power that you yield."

Voldemort's high cruel laughter was heard. "That is true Wormtail. He
doesn't know that his godfather is still alive. In memory at least."

Harry woke up alert. He always did these days. Just because he stopped
having dreams, well in his mind nightmares, it didn't mean that he
couldn't feel Voldemort's feelings. He decided that Voldemort took
pleasure in causing Harry this pain. He looked at his clock; 3:14 am
was flashing at him. He knew he wouldn't get anymore sleep that night.
Especially with Moony patting around under his widow.

"Your turn to keep watch?"

"Dear me, I thought I was being quiet, " Remus winked.

"Something on your mind?"

"Not really, though I could use some company. Even more so, you need
to go back to sleep."

"Not going to happen with you pattering about." Harry's temper,
despite everything that had happened, was still at the top of its
level these days. "Why do I have to have a guard at my house? I was
told it was protected."

"One can never be too careful, Harry." Remus ducked behind the flower
bush as a car drove by.

"Being that I only rarely have Members here, I think I deserve to know
what's going on."

"Oh Harry, we aren't starting this now. " Remus' tone put an end to
that conversation. "Now, go back to bed. I will see you again
tomorrow. " Remus paused. "Don't worry," he added as an afterthought.

Harry grumbled back to his bed, laying down knowing he would never get
back to sleep. "Oh what is there to worry about? The idea that I'm
going to have to kill someone and that tons of nutters want to murder
me? And I can't see my friends, and my family looks at me as if I'm
constantly carrying an axe.. No, nothing to worry about at all."

"I heard that."

"Bugger all." Harry walked back over to the window. "Am I ever going
to have a normal life Professor?"

"No, I don't think you will. Sorry. Though you should close that
window God forbid Alastor sees it open."

"My scar was prickly again."

"Not going to work Harry."

"I think I may join Voldemort's side."

"Nope, go back to bed."

"I think I'm gay." Harry's tone had gone from playful to serious.

Lupin sighed. "Just be quiet in opening and closing the door, alright?"

He had no answer back, and within minutes Harry was by his side.

"So, you think you might be gay, huh?"

"Yeah...." Harry let it stay open in the air.

"Well, when did you figure that much out?" Lupin asked.

"This afternoon, when I caught myself staring at a picture of a boy
and thinking to myself, 'gee, I want to snog him.'".

"Your inner monologue doesn't really use the phrase 'gee' does it?
Because if it does.. I highly doubt we have a chance of winning..."
Lupin said playfully.

Harry looked over at Lupin darkly. "That wasn't the point."

"I know, but see I can't help you with this problem. Even though you
have probably heard that so many times in your life. Didn't you fancy
Cho though?"

"Well see, that turned up in blind rage... actually...."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"I really don't see a problem with it." Lupin stated matter-of-factly.

"Well let's add on this shall we? The Boy-Who-Lived is gay. I don't
need another ounce of press in my life, and surely you don't think it
will go unnoticed for long? Me walking hand in hand with my, well
maybe one day boyfriend, and the next thing you know I have another
Colin fucking- err sorry Professor- Creevey taking snapshots at
everything I do. I really don't want that."

"See that's the thing Harry, If you live- I'm not saying you won't
live, but there is no point denying that you might not live, which is
a scary thought no matter who you end up with and how many times you
go out on dates- it will always be headline news."

"Dammit."

"Great positive attitude there, Harry."

"Yeah, just thinking that no matter what I will be in the news for
anything, for the rest of my life, makes me queasy. I still don't want
to be gay though."

"How angsty. You above all people should know Harry that your heart
decides whom it loves not you. An almost encouraging thought. "

"Not really, since my whole life is filled with everybody giving me a
destiny. Since I was born, you know."

"At least you know your purpose; most people spend their whole lives
trying to figure out what theirs is."

They sat in silence for a while, until a crimson son rose from the earth.

"I don't like where this is going." Harry said.

"Neither do I. Now get back in your room, I'm going to headquarters.
Just remember what I said okay?" He gave Harry a one-armed hug.

"Fine. Night." Harry quietly walked back to his room. 'I wonder what
he would think if he knew whom it was I wanted to snog?'

"WHAT IN THE BLAZES ARE YOU DOING OUT OF YOUR ROOM AND UP THIS EARLY
IN THE MORNING?" Vernon bellowed. "You might be in danger boy, don't
put the rest of us in it any further." The vein on his forehead turned
a violent shade of purple.

"Oh, are you yelling because I am awake? Or because you looked into my
room, saw no one in there, and was depressed I came back, or wasn't
dead?" Harry said threateningly, an eyebrow raised.

"Don't start with me boy."

"What would ever make you think I would," Harry added walking back up
to his room, slamming his door, already upset about the start of his
day.

He returned to his room, which was flooded with Owls. With a stack of
about 14 letters and presents waiting for him.

Today was also Harry's 16th birthday.

He was happy. He had forgotten all about his birthday during the past
three weeks, and since it was his birthday he realized that the fourth
week would be over soon. He was, however, unsure where to keep all the
owls until they were ready to start the journey back to their own
homes.

"Hedwig!" His owl hopped over, nipping his fingers. "Did you keep
secrets from me as well?" She hooted happily with a gleam in her large
amber eyes.

"Well no time like the present to open these, huh?" Harry knew that he
should wait a little while, it was only very early, he hadn't eaten,
and what's more, he hadn't been practicing his transfigurations or
charms that was given to him at the end of last term. Harry got a
little more extra work than others did.

He put the presents and the letter in neat little piles, enjoying the
moment. More than his usual four, but then again he had more friends
now.

He opened the first one.

Dear Harry,

I thought I should start by saying I'll be seeing you soon!!! However,
I've been thinking of what to get you. I was sure that you would get
all the books and things that you needed for um, you know what, so I
got you something else.

Love, Hermione and Ron.

"A joint gift?" He looked over at Errol and Pig, Errol nearly passed
out on the floor and Pig looking and hooting excitedly.

He tore through the wrapping paper quickly and quietly so as to not
wake up Dudley. However, what he saw he could hardly contain his
excitement.

Staring back at him on the front cover was a moving picture of
Hermione, Ron and Harry waving silently, about to get on the train at
the end of their first year. Inside, moving pictures of him and the
trio were thrown about with little quotes and sayings. He wondered how
long Hermione had worked on this, because he knew Ron was not as
crafty...

He looked through the photo album quickly- a picture of Lockhart and
himself trying to run out the picture, Ron's idea of a joke, the three
of them in fourth year outside Honeydukes. It was all almost too much.

He put the album down and opened the other package.

Harry,

I hope you have a Merry Birthday dear! See you very soon,

Molly and Arthur.

He opened it to find more pictures just randomly in the box, and
another inside.

P.S. We all pitched in on this one, hope you don't mind.

He saw pictures from everyone, with everyone. He opened the cards to
find birthday greetings from Tonks, Mad-eye, Lupin, Hagrid, Fred and
George, and so many more.

The last card was in a squiggly handwriting that he knew could only be
from one person.

Harry,

Hope you are safe and having a wonderful, albeit sad you aren't with
your friends, birthday. Enclosed is something I think you may want.

Albus

He looked at the last picture.

It was of him and Sirius last year at Christmas. He looked at it for a
moment heartbroken, almost cruelly thinking it was a joke, he knew it
wasn't but he didn't think he was ready for this. He set it down and
picked up the last letter, with a Hogwarts seal on it.

Dear Mr. Potter,

This year enclosed are also your O.W.L. results as well as your school
list. The train for Hogwarts leaves at 11pm from Platform 9 3/4.

Deputy Headmistress Minerva McGonagall

He looked over his list, normal as usual, Advanced Charms, etc. Then
he noticed that he needed the book for potions. Surly he had not
passed that O.W.L with an outstanding.

He blinked several times, looking at the paper. He got an Outstanding
in Potions. He also got an O in Transfiguration, Charms, Care of
Magical Creatures, and Defense Against the Dark Arts.

It was a lie, he knew he didn't do that well, save maybe DADA. Mostly
though he was upset by the Potions.

"OUTSTANDING? What are they playing at? I'm rubbish at Potions, I
could not have been that lucky. Well we did do Polyjuice, but even so,
there isn't a way."

He looked over the list again. Outstanding OWLs in all subjects save
two. Astronomy (well it was really hard to concentrate!) and
Divination, a P which he was grateful for, no more Professor... well
either of them. He supposed with Umbridge gone it was going to be hard
to go to that class anymore. And an E in History of Magic. He picked
up the book list again, still shocked over his OWLs. He mused over
Ron's and Hermione's OWLs, chuckling to himself, and picked up the
picture of his godfather again.

He didn't leave his room that day, he had put everything aside. He
would talk to Dumbledore as quick as he could about his OWL results,
knowing they couldn't be right. He picked up the picture of him and
Sirius and looked at it for the rest of the day. Lightly touching
Sirius' face he sobbed.

He forgot to eat. He forgot to do anything, even change clothes. He
fell asleep sobbing into the picture of him and his godfather. The
silence was worse than 100 people screaming at him. He still felt
responsible that he was gone, and there was nothing that Harry could
do to make himself feel any better. He watched in silence as all the
other owls left, he left unopened parcels alone, (most filled with
sweets and mince pies he learned later on). Hedwig hooted importantly
in her cage, begging for food. That was the only thing he did that
day, feed Hedwig.

He went to sleep as unhappy and upset as he woke up. He forgot to do
his Occulmency. The only comfort he took in that was that there mostly
was no need for it that night anyway. He was lucky, he knew that now.
He should do it every night no matter what, last night he was just too
wrecked. And he knew if that ever happened again, he might not be so
lucky.

The rest of the week was quiet, he hardly left his room to eat, and
the Dursleys where more than happy to allow that. On the last night,
he went on a run before it was dark. It was by far the longest night
of his life. He was sure Tonks, maybe even Moody would have been there
by now.

He gave up waiting, went back to his room and went to bed. What was
one more day, week, unknowing. That was all his life was anyway.
Waiting and unknowing.

Just as his head hit the pillow, there was a soft rap at his window.
He put his glasses on bemoaning having to get back up.

"Who ever this is better not be here to kill me. I'm not in any mood
for any epic battle for my life tonight." he said still groggy.

"Harry wake up you great prat," said the voice, throwing rocks at his window.

"RON!" Harry half yelled seeing his best friend. "How did you, why are
you? I'm coming down."

"Nah, Harry get packed, now. Alright?" Ron half yelled back.

"Why? I haven't seen you in ages!"

"I'm here to "collect" you! It's been four weeks in ten minutes. So
get your stuff together! Then we can chat." Ron said matter-of-factly.

"Would it surprise you that for the first time in my life, I've
actually already packed?"

"Yes, it would." Ron laughed a bit. "But really, hurry, I don't want
to be here for very long!"

"Did a member of the guard come with you?"

"You'll see, now come on!"

Harry rushed to get all of his stuff with him. Dragging his trunk,
Hedwig, and all the other random things he could think of, he walked
quietly down the stairs. He made sure that his photo albums where in
the trunk, and all the pictures, even if they were not in the album.

"BYE UNCLE VERNON AND AUNT PETUNIA SEE YOU NEXT SUMMER."

He got a few small grunts in reply and ran out the door and hugged his
best friend.

"Where are we going and how do we get there?"

"My aren't you a bit forceful, five more minutes that is all you have
to wait," Ron said grinning.

"Hey, thanks for the present, it was really great."

"It was all Hermione's idea, thank her really, she got all of us into it."

"I knew you weren't smart enough to think that up," Harry said
grinning this time.

"Oh how I have missed you Harry. Any epic struggles for your life this summer?"

"Not yet, but the summer is still young."

It was almost odd to Harry that they were talking about his impending
doom as a causal conversation, but thus was Ron.

"Oh Harry grab onto the paper, we have but a minute!" Ron sounded excited.

"Portkey?!?! Oh damn." Harry's face fell a little.
"Well you don't have time to pout 3.... 2.... 1..."

Harry felt that unmistakable pull behind his stomach, and it was worse
because he didn't know where he was going to land. He did land better
this time, only a soft thud of his and Ron's feet were heard. It was
completely pitch black inside where ever he was.

"SURPRISE!" Roared the crowd.

Mrs. and Mr. Weasley were there, so was Hermione, Lupin, Tonks,
Shacklebolt, Dung, the Twins, so many other people he didn't know, and
Percy.

"Happy birthday Harry." Percy shock his hand, as pompous as ever.

Harry grinned in spite of himself, he was actually grinning that Percy
never changed, not that he was happy to see him.

"Great to see you too!" said Percy a little too excited.

Harry looked around the room, a little taken aback. It was bright and
cheery, like a proper English kitchen, but he knew he wasn't at the
Burrow, at least.

"Um, it's great to see all of you, but um, where are we?" Harry asked
sheepishly as Hermione came up to hug him.

"Oh of course you don't know! Harry this is now the Order's
Headquarters, still in London, but this is where people stay now, only
official business takes place over, um, there at um, Sirius' place
now."

Harry ignored the last part, he felt it best not to dwell and possibly
start randomly crying.

"Okay, but who's house is this?" He asked as the next person came to
shake his hand, a man he didn't know, dressed to the nines.

"Oh it's my house. I'm Felix Felicis." He smiled broadly.

"Nice house."

Mrs. Weasley came running over, "Oh Harry dear, I'm so happy you're
all right, and now your are home, and I'm awful for not introducing
you! This is Felix, Mr. Felicis, to you. Our new Minister of Magic."

End of chapter one! So what does everyone think?

-Nataliefly

(Don't worry, there will be slash.)