Well, here I am again... it has been a while. I finally got to watch all of Gensoumaden Saiyuki, all of Saiyuki Reload, and read the first Gaiden manga. I hope to be better informed now than I was when I wrote "Identity Crisis".
For those of you who are waiting for me to fulfill my promise of a sequel, I have to admit that I am pretty sure by now that there will not be one. However, I might write some companion pieces at some point. I do feel by now that well-written 39 and 58 pairings are more my cup of tea, but that doesn't mean 38 is totally out of the picture for me! ;-)
The other stories I have planned as of now will mostly not have any pairings, just some hints here and there for those who want to read them into it. One story planned will involve a het pairing. However, I still want to write a nice 39 story and am currently scanning through the material again. Let's see whether I can come up with something nice!
DISCLAIMER: Saiyuki and its characters belong to Minekura-sama. I'd like to own them, but I don't, so I'll just borrow them for this little fanfic. Please don't sue me, I don't have anything!
WARNINGS: Massive angst, character death! Will probably be depressing (if I didn't screw up, that is).
Special thanks to Zelgadis55, who is betaing this story for me.
Have Fun!VOID
CHAPTER 1
Bare grey walls – that was all they could see when they made their way through the large entrance hall to the reception desk. A rather gloomy environment for what would most likely turn out to be yet another depressing visit.
The man behind the desk glanced up at them expectantly. He was a new face in these halls, otherwise he would have remembered them from previous occasions.
"We are here to see our friend. Room number 16."
Understanding lit up the reception clerk's face.
"Oh, you are...! May I thank you for what you have done for all of us and express my condolences for your..."
One of the two men cut him of with an abrupt gesture.
"Yeah, thanks. Now let's go, I want to get this over with."
The other man shot the speaker a reprimanding look, but there was sympathy in his voice when he spoke.
"Gojyo, please don't be rude. This is hard for both of us, but he deserves to be visited once in a while until he... gets better."
Then, he turned his attention to the clerk, who was now leading them through the hallways to their destination.
"Please excuse my friend's rudeness. We are not fond of the memories these visits bring up in us."
The man nodded and shortly after that stopped in front of a strong wooden door with the number '16' engraved on a small metal sign on it.
"Here we are, gentlemen," he said. "I must warn you – lately, his fits of rage have become more frequent. He has been known to throw objects at people when they entered his room. I trust that you can subdue him by yourself, should the need arise. I'll leave you now."
And with that, he handed them a key and walked back in the direction from where they had come.
Gojyo sighed.
"Well, Hakkai, you ready to do this?" he asked quietly and with false eagerness.
The other man shook his head sadly.
"I will most likely never be ready for it, but we have to do it. We are still his friends. Let's go."
He put the key into the lock of the door and turned it. The door opened with a slight creaking sound.
The room was as sterile as the rest of the building. No pictures on the wall, no curtains at the windows. There were a simple table, a rickety chair and a bunk. An ashtray on the table was overflowing with ashes and the remains of countless cigarettes. The misty miasma of cold smoke in the air indicated that most of those cigarettes had been smoked in the last day or two.
And in the far corner, next to the window, stood the person they had intended to visit. His face was in the shadow, yet another cigarette glowing between his fingers.
They had always been able to tell when he had looked at them – but the uncomfortable yet strangely reassuring feeling that his gaze always had invoked was long gone.
'Maybe it is better if he stays there.' The thought came unbidden to Hakkai's mind. The piercing, scrutinizing glare had been replaced by dull anger, directed at no one in particular. It was painful to behold. Better for him to stay in the shadows...
Sanzo had been here for over a year now. Twelve months, with Gojyo and him visiting twice every month. They had brought him here when he had nearly strangled a bartender who had been cutting him off further drinks because he had wanted to close for the night. But that had not been the beginning of the matter.
'Ever since we got back home, he has been even more aggressive than usual,' Hakkai remembered. 'We thought he would get over it, that it was just a reaction to his loss...'
How wrong they had been!
They had hoped that this institution would help the monk to subdue his homicidal tendencies. But instead of better, Sanzo had gotten progressively worse. He had physically attacked the people who brought him food and took to his regular "rain brooding" more and more frequently, even if there was no cloud in sight. Up to two months ago, he had still talked to them during their visits, although his words usually consisted of "Go away!" and various epithets. But since then, he had not said a word anymore, neither to him and Gojyo nor to the people who worked here.
Hakkai sat down on the bed, and the kappa made himself as comfortable as possible on the chair, lighting a cigarette. Although the healer knew that it was futile to attempt a conversation, he smiled at the figure in the corner.
"Hello, Sanzo. How are you today?"
As expected, the monk did not answer. The only sound he emitted was that of teeth grinding against each other.
Gojyo, who had just released another puff of smoke into the stale air of the room looked over to his friend, and although he did not shake his head, the look in his scarlet eyes got the message across. 'Don't. No matter how hard you try, you will only aggravate him', his glance seemed to convey.
They continued to sit in silence for the remainder of the visit. After what seemed like an eternity, somebody knocked on the door. The sign to leave.
When Hakkai and Gojyo left the room, they did not even try to say "Good Bye". It was no use anyway.
---
Outside, the sun shone brightly, mocking their desolate mood with its warming rays. The day of visits was not quite over yet.
They walked down the same roads as they usually did after a visit with Sanzo, both of them silent. When Hakkai stopped in front of the regular flowershop to make a purchase, Gojyo broke the ritual to quietly say,
"Do we really have to go there today, as well?"
A fervent nod as response, followed by, "We made a promise, and I intend to keep it."
And that was the end of the matter.
On the way to their destination, they passed the statue – another reminder of better days. The likenesses of four young men, ready to take on everybody and everything that stood in their way... it seemed to have been decades ago. And the depressing fact that the facial features of one of the four depicted heroes had not been executed quite right, since nobody had been there to pose for it, did nothing to lighten their spirits, either.
Finally, they reached the small cemetery where their other visit would take place. A visit with a small, white gravestone, the place where the body of their lost comrade was resting in eternal peace, while his soul would go on to reincarnate in a new vessel.
There, Hakkai unwrapped the single white rose he had bought, and placed it on the soft earth of the grave.
He had sacrificed his own life to save Sanzo, and possibly Hakkai and Gojyo, as well.
None of them had ever predicted a happy end to their journey. Yet all of the remaining travellers felt the pain of loss, maybe even more so because it had been necessary. And clearly, the one they had expected to heal fastest had taken it the worst.
There had been a happy end for Tougenkyou, but not for those who had saved it.
After a few moments of paying their respects to their friend, Hakkai spoke up. His voice had a strangely rough quality to it.
"Sanzo misses you, Goku. If it is in your power, wherever you are now, please do something to ease his pain."
Unshed tears began to burn in Gojyo's crimson eyes, and it was all he could do to keep them from welling up in his eyes and running down his cheeks. On their journey, he had considered the monkey to be little more than a nuisance, and yet he found that he missed the energetic, always-hungry youth terribly.
Sanzo misses you. The hanyou supposed that was the only explanation for the condition of the monk. The imperturbable priest, quick of temper and pulling the trigger on friend and foe alike when enraged, had lost a person who he had spent years with. A friend, a companion, maybe even something like a son, although their ages differed by only a few years, according to their appearance. Their lives had been in peril numerous times, but Sanzo had probably never seriously thought about the possibility of losing Goku. He had most likely suspected that the boy would somehow always be there. So, Gojyo had to admit, had he.
And now... the monk's aggression had reached a level that was truly frightening to witness. While on their way to Tenjiku, he had been raging quite frequently as well, but never as much as now. The main difference was that a life did not seem to matter to him anymore. If he still had his gun and was provoked enough, he would not bother to make sure that his bullet missed. Fortunately, the wards at the institution had taken the shoureijuu from him when he was admitted.
Then again... there was one instance on their journey west where they had witnessed Sanzo in a mindset virtually identical to the one he now frequently displayed.
The desert castle, the female youkai who had already eaten another Sanzo and obviously did not care that she had supposedly been immortal already... he had beaten her to a pulp. They had seen how he had kicked her into the stomach repeatedly, his violet eyes staring, his face twisted in an insane grin. He did not use his gun to dispose of her, as he had with countless other enemies – he deliberately wanted to cause pain, to maim her before he finally killed her...
And then, Goku had run to him, had told Sanzo to hit him instead, had told him to call him a "stupid ape", but to stop beating up the youkai woman. And the monk had listened and ceased his assault.
But now, there was no Goku anymore to help him out of the rage he was caught in, to provide an outlet for Sanzo to vent the feelings couped up inside of him...
Gojyo started when Hakkai's hand came to rest on his shoulder. It was time to go home.
'Goku... Hakkai is right. Somehow, you and the bouzu completed each other. You lived out what he couldn't, or wouldn't. And although he rarely showed how much he cared for you, now that you're gone, he is in agony. If you can, please help him.'
He gave the white headstone a last solemn nod, and turned around. Their visits were done for today.
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Here you go – Chapter 1 done! There will be three chapters in all to this story (I planned in advance this time). Please drop me a line and tell me what you think!