"Broken memories"
Chapter four: "To give your heart away"
Disclaimer: I do not own pokémon, I'm just a poor fan with too much imagination…
I decided to repost this chapter after seeing some mistakes in it… (and seeing that no one reviewed… pathetic huh?)
Thank you time:
DaJollyMan: Hey again! Thank you for reviewing this story! Do you like the storyline? I tried to make it as original as possible… Anyway, about the ending… I really don't know what to do… I have already thought of a "tragic" ending (not tragic really… more angsty, dramatic…) but I don't know what to do… I guess I have to decide that later… Well, I hope you like this chapter too!
Amber Myst: Thank you so much! I'm really glad you liked the last chapter (couldn't find a single thing wrong with it?) but I'm sorry to disappoint you, Misty will help Rudy… It is a drama fic after all, right? Let's see what's going to happen and how this is going to end (just a first experience, so I hope you all like it!)…
DigiDestined of Courage: Hi! Well, this fic is an AAML, but Misty will date Rudy… Sorry! If she didn't, this would be like any other fic, and I'm doing my best to make this more unique! Well, I hope you continue to review nonetheless, and like this chapter!
Shipperness: Cliffhanger, I know, I know… Sorry, but I had to leave it in a place where people would be anxious and curious (are you?)… About Rudy… Yeah, I know, it's "a bit" farfetched to say that Rudy has loved Misty for the last ten years and did nothing about it but mourn, but what can I say? I didn't want another cliché story where Rudy would be the bad guy, trying to break Ash and Misty apart… In this fic, there's no such thing as "bad guy", only victims of some circumstances… Everyone has his or her burdens, and everyone suffers, like any human being… About Ash: I'm really sorry I didn't put him in this last chapter, but I thought it was already long enough, so I had to put him in this one… Thank you for always reviewing!
legolas liker: That's right, always working to please my readers… I'm glad you liked this chapter too! Keep reviewing please!
And finally, the story…
Misty punched her pillow once more, letting her anguish run free with her desperate tears…
Help… He needed someone to help him… He needed her help… But who would help her?
Marie had left her completely shattered… Another burden to carry… The life of someone was in her own hands… She was already so fragile, so weak, and now she had to be strong for Rudy too… But where, where would she find the strength she needed to leave her love once again, to leave her feelings, her happiness, to die once again…?
Forget her own feelings and her own heart, only to give life and hope to someone in need… To save someone who lost his will because of her…
She didn't deserve to suffer more… She just wanted to be happy, forget about everything but her love for Ash… She wanted to finally be selfish and make him return to her, only to her… Oh, life was so painful… She was so tired of it all, so weary…
Leave everything behind and be with Ash… Finally have a few seconds of pure, utter bliss, with the only person she had always loved… Finally cry with him, let him know all her fears, all her grief and sorrow… Finally hold him once more, kiss him endlessly, in his face, his cheeks, his hair, his lips… Finally touch his hands one more time, feel his rough, tender skin, his caring fingers in her own, just once more… Finally look into his sincere eyes and feel the warmth they had, to regain the hope she too had lost…
"He already tried to kill himself three times…"
Those words flooded her mind, leaving Misty's heart numb, drowning her in guilt and remorse…
It was her decision…
"I beg you to accept Misty… I can't stand to see Rudy like this… I'm so afraid he might… I… I just ask you to see him one more time Misty… Please…"
"See him just one more time…" Misty chuckled bitterly.
She knew it wasn't true… Although Marie wished it were true, her eyes showed she didn't believe in it… To accept what she was asking, meant to sacrifice her relationship with Ash, the love that she cherished for so long within her heart, the love she hid for so long, afraid of what it meant and could bring… The love that, once found, was her true source of happiness and strength…
"Please Misty, don't tell Ash this… Don't tell anyone… If Rudy finds out that I came to ask for your help he… I really don't know what he would do… The only thing that still manages to keep him alive, is the slim hope of you returning to him… I think the humiliation would be enough to… To kill him Misty…"
Marie cried desperately, pleading for her help… But her tears were nothing compared to Misty's… What pain could be greater than to love and be loved, and even so having to leave the most important person in her life? Ash would hate her… She would have to lie to him, tell him she didn't love him anymore when, instead, she longed even more for him, with each day that passed…
How could she tell such a lie if the sole thought of that ripped her soul apart?
"What's happening Mist?" Ash said in a low tone, looking at her old photo, sitting in his bed.
He wanted to be with her so badly… She hadn't picked the phone yesterday, which was quite strange and left him really worried, keeping him up the whole night… Yes, he had talked to her just a few minutes before, but he felt that something was wrong with her, and when he finally decided to reveal his plans, determined to make her happy in any way he could, she didn't pick up… He knew she was suffering, he noticed that in her voice, when they talked once more on the phone… Maybe she felt lonely? He couldn't blame her if she did… He could only blame himself for that… Him and his damned ambition… But after all those years suffering from the distance between them, all those years when he reached the phone every night, ready to tell her the he was going back, but never dialled her number, all those painful years away from his best friend and, most of all, his childhood love, he was finally so close to his goal…
All this time away from her amazing, fiery hair, from her sweet, honest eyes, from her delicate, perfect figure, only made his love grow even more… Every single day, when he thought he couldn't make it, when the sadness brought tears to his eyes and left him weak, devastated, he would look into her picture, inhale her fading scent once more and it would all be all right… For one more day, for just one more day…
He hated to hear her broken voice telling that everything was ok when it wasn't; it just made him feel like the cruellest person on Earth… He just wanted that her pain was his own… But it already was, because whenever she felt abandoned, he felt like he was dying from a bitter solitude, and if she cried mournful words, he screamed with grief, trying to make her hear him again…
So many times in the phone he would get lost in his own thoughts, remembering the blissful love they had lived for a while, before his dreams took him away from her… And then, he would sense her misery again… Did she feel he was neglecting her? Didn't she understand that when he left Kanto, his family and friends, he also left his heart behind? Didn't she understand that he left his heart with her?
"Should I try to phone her again?" Ash asked his friend Pikachu.
The small pokémon lifted his head lazily and looked at his trainer. Snuggling indolently in his master's lap was one of his favorite hobbies, but he could see that Ash was really worried… So he responded with a slight nod, pushing Ash slightly to the phone, giving him courage to do it.
Ash picked the phone and stared at it blankly for a few moments. Pikachu nudged him softly, rescuing him from his reverie.
"Erm… Oh yeah, sorry buddy…" Ash fell silent once more. A few seconds of heavy silence followed, before he asked sadly:
"Do you really think she still loves me?"
Misty's photo fell to the ground and Pikachu quickly got it, handing to his master again. The little pokémon jumped to Ash's lap once again and reassured him with a simple, yet meaningful look.
Ash gave him a tender smile and pet him gently.
"Because I really love her Pikachu, and I don't want to lose her…" he said in a whisper, while in one hand he had the phone, and the other hold tight the small velvet box he treasured so deeply…
Hours passed in a slow, agonizing pain…
The doubts followed Misty into her uneasy dreams, torturing her already anguished soul and forcing her to make a decision…
What decision? Her heart had chosen long ago what to do… She had to help Rudy; she had to give him what she had stolen: the hope that guided his life, the will that gave him the strengths to go on…
And Ash…
She had to let go of Ash… She had to give up on her love; she had to forget it, bury it in some faraway corner of her heart and prepare for a life of sacrifice and sorrow…
It was her duty… Her duty to suffer and to let Ash suffer too, in order to prevent someone from feeling more pain… Inflict pain and yet, at the same time, bring happiness… How was that possible? Life was indeed strange sometimes…
Let go of it all… Her life, her problems, her love… Everything… No! She wasn't a coward! She would never do that! To end her pain, causing grief to others? Never! She often thought of being selfish as some kind of a privilege she could never have if she wanted Ash to be happy… And she had always refused it, even in her mourning, and in her saddest days… So, once again, she would forget about herself for someone else… For Rudy…
"What…?" Misty asked distractedly, the phone inviting her to leave her problems behind for a few minutes.
She looked at it for a while… It was early in the morning, and no one used to call her at that time of day… But she already knew who was: Ash…
"Please, not now…" she begged tearfully.
But it didn't hear her… It kept ringing anxiously, making Misty gather all the courage she could at that moment and pick it up… It had to end… Right then…
"Hello?"
"Hello?"
Ash so surprised to see that Misty finally answered the phone… He had already given up and was ready to hung up when he heard her voice… She sounded miserable… What was wrong?
"Misty, how are you? I was so worried! I felt you were gloomy yesterday, and when I called later, you didn't answer…"
"I… Huh, I… I had some problems… At the gym…" she lied.
Ash stayed in silence for a few moments. She was lying and he hated lies… Maybe she just didn't want him to know she was sad because of him…
"I know you were really depressed yesterday Misty, and I know I'm probably the cause of it…"
Oh, he was the cause… But now, she was feeling completely wretched, even more than before, and although he wasn't to blame, he was certainly involved… Even more than he knew…
"I… I want to tell you something…" they both said at the same time.
"Please, let me say it first… I know it's not much of a gentleman of me, but I'm sure you'll like to know this…" Ash said nervously, smiling wide.
"I doubt it…" Misty thought dreadfully, but instead she replied "Ok, you first…"
"So… Humm… I- I'm going to Kanto in a few days and I would like to take you with me to America, to see my final match… After that, we could be together, finally…" he ended softly, tightening the hold in the velvet box in his hand.
"What…?" Misty replied shocked, feeling the urge to cry overwhelming her.
No, this couldn't be happening… She didn't deserve this, she didn't deserve this! And what would she tell him now?? That she wanted to break up?? No, that she had to break up?? What should she do?
"Be with him just one more time…" a voice in her head said.
" That's… that's just great Ash! When am I seeing you?" she sad, tears sliding down her cheeks silently.
Just one more time… Be happy just one more time…
Another chapter done!
I hope you like it!
Please review!
Cosmik